


And We Meet Again

by Moreorlez



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Canon Divergence, Clarke Griffin/Lexa Smut, Clexa, Clexa is Endgame, Consensual Underage Sex, F/F, First Time, Fluff, Loss of Virginity, Original Character(s), Reincarnation, Smut, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Stubborn Clarke, flirty lexa, general Octavia, thirsty clarke, virgin lexa, wanheda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-07-24 08:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 111,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7501410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moreorlez/pseuds/Moreorlez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not even time or death could tear apart two soul mates that were meant to be together.<br/>Clarke and Lexa reunite sixteen years later under unconventional circumstances.<br/>Reincarnation. Clexa Canon- Divergence fic. Multi-chapter.<br/>What if Lexa came back reincarnated in a sixteen year old girl? how would Clarke take it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Clexa Multi-chapter fic. Comments and suggestions are welcomed.

 

 

“You know that I don’t believe in that crap,” Octavia comments from her place next to Clarke’s throne “but if she’s half as skilled as the rumors are saying, I absolutely want her as my second; I’m in need of a good warrior that can challenge me and gimme something to look forward to, since everything else around here is so damn boring.”

 

 

Clarke replies with a mixture of humming and grunting; she’s too lost in thought to really pay attention to what her friend is saying. The rumors have been ongoing as the competition of the young warriors approached and it had managed to unsettle her a bit, making her question many things that in the past she would’ve considered ridiculous or impossible, igniting a little spark of hope. But still she tried not to let it get to her; after all, rumors are rumors until proven otherwise.

 

 

The doors of the throne room suddenly open, cutting into Clarke’s reveries.

 

 

“Everything is set Wanheda” Indra informs “we should get going so the competition can begin.”

 

 

With a nod, Clarke rises from her throne and marches to her destination, accompanied by Indra and Octavia by her side and followed by two guards.

 

 

….

 

 

“Welcome to the Fifth Young Warriors competition, where each year the best young fighters of each village have the chance to be trained here in Polis by the General herself and perhaps have the opportunity to become the future general of the Commander’s army,” Indra enunciates with a strong and firm voice on the platform- just in front of the arena- where Clarke, Octavia and the rest of the guests from the thirteen clans are already sitting. “May the best and deserving warrior win.” She finalizes by signaling with her hand for the event to initiate.

 

 

The people who had gathered in the arena start cheering with excitement.

 

 

The warriors of two villages are summoned into the arena which begins the first combat of the day.

 

 

All seems to be running smoothly until the sixth combat. It is when these two villages are called and the warriors approach the arena that murmurs and gasps can be heard amongst the crowd.

 

 

This gathers Clarke’s attention, who leans in to take a better look at the two teen combatants approaching.

 

 

The boy and girl stand right in front of the platform, both look up to pay their respect to the authorities.

 

 

“Holy fuck” Octavia exclaims in shock.

 

 

The ever stoic Indra's jaw slackens and her eyes are bulging.

 

 

The guests on the platform look just as surprised as the two women.

 

 

But not so with Clarke. She just straightens up in her seat with a hard expression on her features.

 

 

The girl who is causing all the commotion is tall, slim, with long wavy brown hair –tied in a ponytail- and has piercing green eyes that light up her young face; not exactly the vivid image of Lexa but the resemblance is there-especially for those who knew her. 

 

 

“Wanheda” the girl makes eye contact with Clarke briefly before bowing solemnly “General, counselor.” She does the same to Octavia and then Indra. And just like that she and the boy move to the center of the arena to initiate their confrontation.

 

 

To everyone’s surprise and delight, the combat doesn’t last very long. The young girl defeats the boy in four swift moves of her blade; and that same display of skill is shown throughout her subsequent battles.

 

 

While her guests couldn’t stop talking about what they were witnessing, Clarke remained impassive without saying one word.

 

 

As expected and among cheers and chants the brunette girl is proclaimed the champion of the competition after beating every single opponent. 

 

 

It was customary to invite the victorious young warrior onto the platform to publicly receive the sword of the commander’s army; given by Clarke herself. But on this occasion Clarke requested Octavia to do the honors instead which the general complied without an argument.

 

 

After the protocol ceremony, the girl was whisked away to what would be her chambers for the remainder of her training, to get her ready for the celebratory meal at the commander’s tower.

 

 

….

 

 

“It is such an honor to be here sharing this table with you Wanheda. So nice of you to recognize my daughter’s ability with such a grandiose meal” the girl’s mother voices with appreciation.

 

 

“We want to thank you for giving our kid an opportunity to grow as a warrior. She’s a good one Wanheda, you won’t be disappointed, we are very proud of her” the father adds with a sly bow of his head, then ruffles his daughter’s hair.

 

 

Clarke can only watch in fascination at the interaction of this family, how they occasionally hold hands, the way they tend to their other kid – a little boy - and how they silently verify their daughter’s feelings _‘They seem like a happy family’_ Clarke concluded before replying “it is my pleasure to celebrate the future and always give talented people a chance.” She then turns her attention to the girl to address her personally for the first time “and what’s your name champion?”

 

 

The girl stops eating at once, placing her fork next to her plate. She cleans her mouth off and lifts her head to answer her commander’s query. “My name is Lexa”

 

 

Loud gasps and the clattering of tableware take possession of the room.

 

 

Lexa’s parents exchange gazes then the woman starts speaking. “We named her after the mighty commander. I was pregnant when she died tragically. I always admired her bravery and strength, her constant search of peace; she was such a wonderful human being. I was so devastated by her demise that when I finally gave birth and was blessed with a little girl I knew I had to name her after the commander, in hopes she would grace my daughter with her virtues.” She then faces Lexa caressing her cheek “and I’m forever grateful she did.”

 

 

The story earns the murmurs of the people at the table. Not even Indra and Octavia can resist succumbing to the coincidences; both having a silent conversation with their eyes.

 

 

Not knowing what to do with the commotion that was caused, the woman carries on. “I’m glad you continued with such a noble mission Wanheda and I’m full of joy at the fact you succeeded in uniting our clans. You gave us the peace the mighty commander always fought for; I’m sure that wherever she is, she’s very proud of you.”

 

 

“She certainly is,” Lexa remarks with her chin up, gazing intently at Clarke.

 

 

Now the room turns silent.

 

 

Nobody could put a finger on it, nobody had been able to prove it, but word had spread that Wanheda had been in love with commander Lexa and it was that love that ultimately led her to save the world with such dedication and determination.

 

 

The tension becomes too much for Clarke to bear; but most importantly the green eyes staring back at her are becoming too much to endure.

 

 

“Excuse me.” Clarke stands up abruptly and leaves the banquet hall quickly.

 

 

Only then does the room fill up with noise and voices discussing the unexpected turn of events.

 

 

Clarke doesn’t stop walking until she reaches the nearest bathroom in the tower. When she enters she immediately splashes water on her face. Her heart is pounding in her chest, she’s feeling slightly dizzy. She is mad at herself for letting something as ridiculous as this to affect her. _‘Don’t be stupid, it’s not real; it can’t be, it’s impossible’_ Clarke repeats like a mantra in her head. And it’s working, it is certainly calming her down enough to convince herself that she can’t let her emotions take possession of her, especially ones based on false hope. She takes a deep breath, almost feeling reassured, when all of a sudden a shiver runs down her spine. There’s no need for her to turn around, she knows exactly who is standing behind her; her heart and soul know who the person is, but her mind refuses to admit it. Denial is her best ally at the moment. Clarke doesn’t move a muscle, doesn’t say a thing even when the sound of a familiar voice resonates like a sweet melody in her ears.

 

 

“And we meet again, Clarke.” 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke in a cat-and-mouse game, but for how long?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far? hit me with your comments!

 

 

 

“And we meet again, Clarke.”   

 

 

A shaky breath escapes Clarke's body at the mere mention of her name coming in that tone of voice. She closes her eyes in an attempt to regain composure before turning around.  As she does Clarke makes sure she’s portraying her most powerful scowl, the one reserved for those who have managed to irritate her. “Wanheda” she enunciates the word loudly and clear; directing her eyes straight at Lexa’s face. 

 

 

“Pardon?” Lexa lifts a brow teasingly.

 

 

“It’s Wanheda for you, warrior.” Clarke lifts her chin, fire in her eyes.

 

 

“Ah” Lexa has to conceal the smirk that threatens to graze her features “my apologies Wanheda.” She bows her head and quickly looks up, not wanting to miss a second of Clarke’s presence.

 

 

“How did you get in here? How did you evade the guards? You are not allowed inside these premises,” Clarke interrogates with a harsh tone.

 

 

“Well, you know the secret passage close to the hallway that leads to…”

 

 

“Stop!” Clarke interrupts Lexa’s explanation holding a hand up high. Letting her finish the story would’ve meant admitting something she really didn’t want to do. She then takes a single step forward in a menacing posture. “I don’t want a repeat of this behavior warrior or I’ll make sure the general is informed about this incident so she can proceed in giving you the proper punishment; do I make myself clear?” Her words leave no room for arguments.

 

 

“As water Wanheda” Lexa replies, never taking her eyes away from the blonde.

 

 

Giving Lexa a once over and clearly annoyed Clarke storms out of the room.

 

 

Lexa turns just in time to take a last glance at the retreating form of Clarke. She sighs longingly and leans her back against the nearest wall “Clarke” she whispers into the surrounding silence. With eyes closed she smiles with the realization she finally was close to her love, even if she wasn’t so receptive. Lexa was expecting this reaction from the blonde and she was more than willing to wait a little longer to gain Clarke back again. This was just the beginning for her. And what a beginning!

 

 

….

 

 

The following week Clarke avoided Lexa like the plague; even changing her regular routine of practicing with the young warriors to ensure she didn't cross paths with the teen. She tried with all her might to keep herself occupied with little tasks in order to have something else to think about rather than the girl. It’s not like she would be able to get away with it forever but she needed a little more time to get used of the idea and move on; or at least that was her plan and she was adamant to stick to it. She only hoped her plan would work.

 

 

….

 

 

Meanwhile, Lexa remained focused on her training under the vigilant eyes of Octavia. She adapted fairly quickly to the changes and new techniques to the point that she caught up with the most advanced young warriors making it easy to beat them.

 

 

“OK that’s it” Octavia interjects after one fight was over. “Lexa!” she calls earning the immediate attention of the girl “you’re with me.”

 

 

A chorus of “ohs” echoes among the fighters who immediately get ready to witness what they believe would be a great combat.

 

 

Lexa obediently gets into position to face her trainer.

 

 

The fight mainly consisted of Octavia attacking hard and Lexa deflecting the swipes of the sword as much as she could. She was really impressed by Octavia’s skill, making it pretty clear how she became the general.  Even though Lexa had previous knowledge in mind to put up a fair fight, she was disadvantaged due to a lack of practice which by now Octavia had surpassed thoroughly. That’s how a couple of Octavia’s strikes scratched the skin on her arms. Lexa was beginning to lose patience; she couldn’t find a way to strike back no matter how fast or good she was. Suddenly in a moment of inspiration she delivered a particularly solid hit with her sword, forcing Octavia to step back and in that microsecond of distraction she took the opportunity of sending a punch directly into Octavia’s right cheekbone.

 

 

The gasps elicited by the other warriors are followed by complete silence.

 

 

Octavia is frozen in place with incredulity written on her face.

 

 

Lexa is cautiously still holding her sword up not knowing what the response of the general will be.

 

 

Moments later and to everyone’s puzzlement Octavia starts laughing loudly.

 

 

“FUCKING FINALLY!” she screams throwing her hands in the air.

 

 

The teens exchange looks but nobody dares to say a word, not even Lexa who is just as confused as them.

 

 

When her mirth is over Octavia puts a hand on Lexa’s shoulder and states firmly “from now on you’ll fight against me.”

 

 

With a nod Lexa confirms her understanding.

 

 

“OK, now go to the clinic and have those wounds checked out” Octavia commands the girl, then she directs her attention back to the other warriors “alright who's next?”

 

 

…

 

 

“… and after you apply the ointment you carefully wrap it around like this” Clarke explains as she finishes bandaging the cut of the hand of a grounder. “Now we just have to wait for a similar cut for you to practice on OK?  Don’t worry I’ll be watching you.”

 

 

The boy soon-to-be healer nods eagerly while Clarke pats the back of the bandaged grounder to let him know he is free to go.

 

 

The students gather around Clarke bombarding her with questions related to different types of treatments. After all, it is not every day they have Wanheda personally instructing them.

 

 

“Sword cuts!” a girl exclaims from the entrance.

 

 

“Let them in” Clarke orders then signals for the young healer to grab the items he'll need for the procedure. When Clarke faces the door to address the person they will be tending to, she is momentarily stunned. Staring back at her, to her utter mortification, is no one other than Lexa; sporting an amused sneer. Clarke immediately has the urge to flee from the room, but she knows it's not an option since it would seem too obvious; besides she did promise the student to help him with his first patient. She feels trapped and the realization makes her blood boil with anger –or what she perceives to be anger-but either way she accepts her destiny and allows Lexa to approach her and the student healer.

 

 

“Take a seat please.” The student ushers Lexa into a chair and begins his work. He follows every single step of Clarke’s lesson carefully glancing at his commander from time to time to obtain her approval.

 

 

Clarke moves nearer to the boy to closely observe his technique; always careful not to look at Lexa’s face, as she knows she will find an irritating smirk.

 

 

“Wanheda” the boy calls out once he is finished “is this OK?”

 

 

 Instinctively Clarke moves her hand to verify the pressure on the bandage but stops before she makes actual contact with Lexa’s arm. “Umm, it seems to be fine yeah; good job.” She offers a tight smile to the student who is too excited to notice it. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction of the students who are paying attention to Lexa’s newly bandaged arms; Clarke disappears.

 

 

...

 

 

Finding momentary solace in the storage room of the clinic, Clarke begins to organize the supplies on their respective shelves.

 

 

“I’m starting to believe you’re avoiding me Cla- Wanheda.”

 

 

All of the sudden, the voice of Lexa takes Clarke by surprise almost making her drop the small box she is holding. She jerks her head in the direction of the girl “what the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me now? What did I warn you about this behavior?” Clarke spats with no hint of patience.

 

 

“I thought you said I wasn’t allowed in the tower, I didn’t know you meant the clinic too” Lexa counters mockingly.

 

 

Clarke is at the verge of exploding. “This is unacceptable warrior, you are crossing too many lines; you must show respect for your commander.”

 

 

“I do respect you Clarke; more than you can imagine” Lexa states, taking a step toward Clarke.

 

 

“What are you doing?!” Clarke questions in alarm “Stop right there!”

 

 

Lexa keeps advancing forcing Clarke backwards.

 

 

“Stop or I’ll call the guards” Clarke warns trying to remain composed.

 

 

“Then call them” Lexa continues forward until she has Clarke backed against the shelf.

 

 

They are face to face. Clarke seems petrified, Lexa daring.

 

 

Clarke gulps nervously at the closeness; her hands clutching instinctively at the edges of the shelf for dear life. She shivers when warm breath hits her lips.

 

 

“Weren’t you gonna call your guards hmm?” Lexa murmurs glancing from Clarke’s eyes to her lips. She doesn’t know how she is still talking when she has Clarke this near; able to smell her scent, losing herself in the blue of the eyes that haunted her since she was old enough to understand who she was, and those lips! The sweet flavor of them still engraved in her mind. 

 

 

The tension is so thick between them, both breathing heavily, eyes locked onto each other’s; neither of them moving.

 

 

It crosses Lexa’s mind to lean just a bit and finally connect her lips with Clarke’s; it wouldn’t take much really, just a bit of movement of her head and…

 

 

“Broken bone!” 

 

 

Both are startled by the shouting of the healer student in the distance.

 

 

“I-I gotta go” Clarke moves past Lexa exiting the storage room in a rush.

 

 

When Lexa reacts, it’s too late; Clarke is already gone. She groans in frustration at the missed opportunity. She knows it will be difficult to have another chance like this since evidently Clarke will be more careful in the subsequent days. Sighing with resignation Lexa leaves the clinic already planning what else she can do to see Clarke once again.

 

 

….

 

 

The next day, already immersed in her training routine; Lexa is still trying to come up with ideas or excuses to have another private one on one time with Clarke. Her efforts prove to be futile though; her mind seems to come up with none and is beginning to infuriate her. _‘There must be a way’_ she attempts not wanting to feel discouraged _‘maybe if I… or if…’_

 

“Look who’s gracing us with her presence” Octavia voices with a hint of sarcasm “welcome back Wanheda.”

 

 

Lexa cranes her neck and searches with her eyes for the person she has been longing to see. And there she is: Clarke.

 

 

The blonde is approaching the practice area dressed fully in intimidating combat armor. She chances a glance in Lexa’s direction briefly before nearing Octavia to start a conversation.

 

 

Lexa can’t help a giant smile from adorning her face. Clarke is here and with her the opportunity to reconnect with her love... even if it’s at a slow pace at first. _‘Oh this is gonna be interesting.’_

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have another one-on-one... it just doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos are the only way for me to know if you really like the fic so keep them coming!

 

 

 

Lexa, from the other side of the training field, observes with rapturous attention how Octavia and Clarke talk animatedly for a few minutes, until Octavia points to the group of new warriors causing Clarke to roll her eyes. She watches as the blonde marches toward them to begin her own practice session.  

 

 

It really didn’t help her concentration at all to be a witness to Clarke’s warm-up routine, which allowed her to take in Clarke’s firm statuesque form and body.

 

 

Even in her mid-thirties Clarke managed to be in great shape; her flexibility was surprising and the new curves hugging her figure only added to Lexa’s inconvenient arousal. Sadly her lustful appreciation was abruptly interrupted by a hard smack on her head.

 

 

“Mind on the opponent, not the gutter” Octavia chastises, positioning herself in front of Lexa to start their first confrontation of the day.

 

 

Being the good warrior she was, Lexa succeeded at paying attention only to her mentor for the duration of their combat training.

 

 

“Alright, that was good” Octavia puts a halt to the fight. She looks to the side, where Clarke is still dueling and calls out “hey Wanheda, time to loosen up those rusty joints” she challenges, swinging her sword playfully.

 

 

Clarke signals her young foe to step aside. Then she turns in Octavia’s direction and says “OK, but not with you.” Clarke points her sword at Octavia’s side “her.”

 

 

Lexa’s jaw drops, completely taken aback by the request.

 

 

Octavia raises her brows.

 

 

“I wanna assess how much the champion has learned” Clarke elaborates stepping into the area that will serve as the battlefield.

 

 

The teen warriors gather around quietly in order not to disturb their commander.

 

 

“As you wish” Octavia puts her sword away and with a movement of her head orders Lexa to go.

 

 

Clutching at her sword nervously, Lexa walks toward Clarke; all traces of bravado and boldness gone. Of all the things she imagined doing with Clarke, having an armed combat wasn’t one of them. Either way she mentally prepares for the confrontation as she adopts the rehearsed position. 

 

 

“OK, let’s see what you got” with that and without preamble Clarke launches into action.

 

 

It is purely by instinct that Lexa reacts and protects herself from the strike. Her mind is blank with shock, she still can’t believe this is happening; the only thing she’s aware of at the moment is the sound of Clarke’s sword swooshing in her ears. And before she actually knows what’s going on, her sword hits the floor with a loud clack and the tip of Clarke’s is poking at her throat.

 

 

 The silence surrounding the combatants is suddenly filled with whistles and cheers.

 

 

“It seems you still need to work on your focus warrior” Clarke comments with a sneer as she swings her sword skillfully and places it back in her scabbard.

 

 

Lexa stays rooted in place, astonished.

 

 

Among chants of the young warriors, Clarke leaves the scene swimmingly.

 

 

Lexa’s eyes follow dumbly the retreating figure of the blonde until a hand on her shoulder brings her back to reality.

 

 

“You heard the commander; go practice on your concentration.” Octavia pushes Lexa toward the training dummies at the far side of the training area.

 

 

Defeated and embarrassed Lexa sighs, dragging her feet to her destination to fulfill her punishment.

 

 

…

 

 

Two hours later than usual and with an excruciating pain in her arms, Lexa starts eating her late lunch in the empty dining hall. It’s barely been a couple of minutes when she hears the voice of a woman speaking in trigedasleng not far from where she is sitting.

 

 

“…you have to eat. No, not later, now; go, go.”

 

 

Curiously Lexa peeks up at the entrance only to see the exact moment Clarke is practically being shoved inside the dining hall.

 

 

Upon noticing the girl, Clarke’s eyes open wide but she quickly recovers, adopting a poised exterior and walking over to take a seat on the other side of the large table.

 

 

Lexa’s heart soars with happiness; having no doubt that her destiny is to be with this woman, if even chance is an accomplice for their encounters. However, she decides to take a more subtle approach this time not wanting to take the moments they have together for granted. So Lexa inhales, gathers some courage and clears her throat which gets Clarke’s attention. When Clarke looks at her she begins, “I’m glad you decided to come and train with us Wanheda; you really kicked my ass out there” she chuckles in an attempt to sound friendly and to break the ice.

 

 

“I always train with the general and her apprentices, warrior; there’s nothing new there.” When she only receives a smirk from Lexa, she hurries to explain, “I-I’ve just been really busy these past days.” Clarke tries in vain to justify her absence.

 

 

“Of course” Lexa supplies evidently not believing one word. She is about to continue her teasing when the girl attending the hall enters.

 

 

“Wanheda!” the good looking brunette exclaims in excitement.

 

 

“Sava” Clarke greets with seriousness.

 

 

“I didn’t know you were coming for lunch today; I would’ve prepared something especially for you” Sava says chirpily while placing the cutlery in front of the blonde.

 

 

“That-that won’t be necessary thank you” Clarke squirms in her seat uneasily.

 

 

The exchange doesn’t go unnoticed by Lexa.  This girl acts way too comfortable around Clarke, with familiarity even; and Lexa doesn’t like this at all, not one bit.

 

 

It is then Sava takes notice of Clarke’s strange behavior “are you OK?” She asks worriedly, putting a hand on top of Clarke’s.

 

 

“Oh uh, yeah I’m fine” Clarke responds, discreetly removing her hand from under the girl’s.

 

 

“hmm you look tense,” Sava stands behind Clarke and begins massaging her shoulders “you just work too much Wanheda.”

 

 

Clarke jerks at the contact; she instinctively glances at Lexa’s face but rapidly turns away.

 

 

Lexa is doing all she can to contain the anger that is bubbling deep within her. She knows it’s not right, not at the moment; no matter how brazen this girl is being with Clarke… her Clarke.

 

 

“Sava; I…” Clarke tries to free herself from Sava’s touch when suddenly the girl offers.

 

 

“If you want I can go to your chamber later tonight for one of those special massages you like so much.”

 

 

She doesn’t know if it is the glint in the girl’s eyes when she said the words or what the insinuation evidently implied but that’s all Lexa can tolerate. She stands up abruptly slapping the table in the process making the other two women jolt in surprise. “Excuse me” she mumbles before stomping out the hall.

 

 

Clarke can only watch helplessly as the brunette leaves; suppressing the urge to stop her. At that mere thought, she curses herself internally refusing to accept this teenage girl has such tremendous influence with her emotions. ‘ _God damn it.’_

 

“What’s wrong with her?” Sava questions all of a sudden. 

 

 

“Sava just…” Clarke lets out a long sigh of frustration “just serve me my food please.”

 

 

Taking in the change in Clarke’s mood, Sava replies with no hint of mischievousness in her tone “right away Wanheda.”

 

 

…

 

 

Alone in her room, Lexa laments her reaction in the dining hall. She used to be good at controlling her temper but now with Clarke so close to her but at the same time so distant in a way; it is really hard to keep her feelings at bay. _‘You can’t keep acting like this in front of Clarke; she took the first step at contacting you by going to the training session, don’t blow it, don’t scare her away!’_ Lexa scolds herself firmly. She feels like a complete idiot, like a stupid impulsive teenager ready to screw up her life _‘you are a teenager, moron.’_ Lexa remembers angrily.

She’s relieved that tomorrow is her day off and that will give her enough time to organize her emotions; surely by the next day of practice she will be back on track with her plans to get closer to Clarke. _‘I’m almost there, I can’t lose you; I won’t lose you. I swear on the stars that brought you to me once, I will make you love me again and this time I won’t let you go, ever.’_

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke have a *little* moment. An unexpected guest in Polis. A not so joyous "party".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil longer chapter this time (see how your comments and kudos work? lol)

 

 

 

Having woken up early out of habit, Lexa decides to take a walk around Polis and try to clear her head and relax.

 

She finds fascinating all the changes the city has gone through since Clarke became the commander. Polis has expanded noticeably and the progress is evident; she’s very pleased at the knowledge that her people are enjoying a better life; the life of peace that she always wanted.

 

Her little trip is going without incident so far but it could be more entertaining if it wasn’t for the occasional person –mostly older one’s- that stare at her either in awe or with a little smile here and there. So before it becomes uncomfortable she heads to the field where the commander’s army trains regularly.

 

Upon arriving, Lexa climbs a small hill which gives her a perfect view of the area. It really blows her away to watch the large brigades from the different clans, all practicing and sharing their different skills; all united. It brings bittersweet memories into Lexa’s mind; but she shakes them away hastily “that’s not your life anymore, live the here and now” she reminds herself and concentrates on relishing the sight as the young warrior she is and nothing more. Some minutes into her observation, Lexa sees someone she recognizes in the distance.

 

Indra turns her head –probably sensing someone is watching her- inadvertently making eye contact with Lexa.

 

Both stare at each other intensely for several seconds.

 

Lexa nods her head and hopes Indra notices; and apparently she does since Indra responds with the same gesture.

 

With a contented smile; Lexa walks down the hill to continue her exploration.

 

…

 

Indra and Octavia are getting ready to go back to the tower after discussing various strategies and formations for the army.

 

 “So I’m thinking about asking Lexa to be my second,” Octavia casually starts the conversation.

 

Indra stops what she’s doing and takes a moment to consider her words before replying “I don’t think that’s wise.”

 

Octavia glares at her former mentor demanding an explanation, which she supplies without hesitancy.

 

“Being your second means she would have to fight by your side in case of war or going on a quest, therefore putting her life at risk.”

 

“And?” Octavia inquires. “She’s a warrior Indra, she’s supposed to be ready for a risk like that.” 

 

“Well…” Indra sighs “She’s not any warrior.”

 

Octavia huffs, rolling her eyes “whatever.” She’s about to step out of the room when Indra makes a suggestion.

 

“Perhaps you should ask Clarke about the subject; hear what she has to say about it.”

 

That causes Octavia to spin around and glower at the other woman; not liking the hint of sarcasm she perceived in her voice “maybe I will” she responds in kind before departing. 

 

….

 

As she had anticipated Lexa felt much better the next day at her training session. She remained focused the whole time, even though Clarke was there. Lexa wanted so badly to approach the blonde and talk to her or at least apologize for her outburst the other day, but she didn’t get the chance and unfortunately Clarke didn’t challenge her to a duel this time. But as it happens, an opportunity arose.

 

“OK, we are headed for the hills now; everybody go grab your horses” Octavia orders. She then turns to Clarke, “you didn’t bring your horse.”

 

“Yeah I forgot it was horse day” Clarke cringes guiltily “but I can go back to the stables quickly and…”

 

“I’ll bring your horse!” Lexa offers suddenly.

 

Both women stare at her, not realizing she had been there the whole time.

 

Lexa waits eagerly for Clarke’s consent; if she didn’t have the opportunity to talk to her at least she can offer to be of some assistance.

 

Octavia switches glances between Lexa and Clarke.

 

Noticing she’s taking too long to answer, Clarke replies “OK; thank you” she succeeds at delivering the words with no apparent hesitation.

 

With a sly smile of triumph Lexa runs to the stables.

 

…

 

“Hey” Lexa calls for one of the girls in charge of the stable, a brunette who is currently brushing a horse.

 

“Yes?” the girl replies not taking her eyes away from the animal.

 

“Wanheda needs her horse” Lexa states firmly.

 

At that the brush falls out of the girl’s hands “Wa-Wanheda! Right, of course” she turns frantically as she hurries inside the stable.

 

That causes Lexa to arc a brow in confusion. She observes how, after a minute or so, the brunette leads out, what could only be described as the most beautiful horse she ever laid eyes on.

Two other girls bring out the saddle and the three of them together groom the horse as fast as humanly possible.

 

When they finish, the brunette starts to lead the magnificent animal towards Lexa, then one of the girls teases “yeah give Wanheda something other to mount on” at that the two girls begin to laugh loudly making their friend a laughingstock of their joke.

 

Lexa feels the rage bubbling up inside her soul; her fists firmly at her sides trying to contain the impulse to lash out at the mortified brunette in front of her. But, in an enormous display of self-control, she receives the horse from the girl and leaves before she does something she may regret.

 

…

 

When she returns, the sole vision of Clarke standing up, lost in thought is enough to make her anger go away. Lexa approaches slowly and has to suppress a smile when Clarke spins toward her. She wants to say something or start a light conversation but Octavia is close by already on her horse and waiting for them; so she settles for a simple acknowledgment “here you go” Lexa hands the reins of the horse to Clarke.

 

“Thanks” Clarke makes a sly movement of her head in acceptance as she takes the reins.

 

Instead of just letting go, Lexa purposely lets her hand linger so the back of it rubs against Clarke’s.

 

At the contact Clarke’s arm twitches and she unintentionally connects her eyes with Lexa’s.

 

It only lasts a few seconds but both of them feel it strongly.

 

Frightened by the intimacy of the situation Clarke moves away and rapidly mounts her horse and rides in the direction of the hills.

 

“Hurry up!” Octavia commands Lexa as she follows Clarke’s path.

 

Lexa is left there alone, staring at her hand; opening and closing it repeatedly, still feeling some sort of electricity running through it. Before she goes for her horse, she wonders if Clarke felt the same.

 

…

 

“Clarke” Indra calls out for the second time.

 

“Yes” Clarke shakes her head slightly facing Indra.

 

“Is there something wrong with your hand?”

 

“What?”

 

“You’ve been staring at it the whole time” Indra points with her chin at Clarke’s hand that had settled to one side of the throne.

 

Automatically, Clarke takes her hand with the other giving it a hard squeeze as she replies “uh yeah, an incident with the um- horse.” It’s her lame explanation.

 

Indra grunts unconvinced, but doesn’t make any more inquiries “you should have it checked” she advices.

 

The doors of the throne room open suddenly.

 

“Wanheda” a messenger bows and enters the room “King Roan is on his way to Polis with his entourage.”

 

Clarke and Indra glance at each other and seem to communicate something with their eyes.

 

“OK, go tell the servants to make the arrangements” Clarke orders with finality.

 

“Yes Wanheda” the messenger bows again and leaves to do as he was told.

 

“What the hell does he want?” Clarke questions.

 

“I don’t know but we better be careful” Indra warns never one to like the man.

 

…

 

“Wanheda!” Roan greets Clarke with a bow upon entering the throne room accompanied by his counselors and guards.

 

“Welcome King Roan. To what do I owe the honor of your presence?” Clarke doesn’t waste any time with pleasantries.

 

“Oh, well first of all I wanted to apologize personally for not being able to attend the Young Warriors competition; unfortunately I was still on my adventure trip and it was impossible to make it on time.”

 

“Of course, you are now an explorer of the new world,” Clarke supplies barely hiding her sarcasm.

 

“Yes, exactly that!” Roan remarks with his annoying smirk. “And before I started another journey I thought it was time to pay you a visit and … perhaps get to know the champion.”

 

Indra turns to Clarke with an “I knew he was up to something” look.

 

“I heard so many great things about her; I’m very interested in seeing her in action” he adds nonchalantly.

 

Analyzing his body language and making a quick decision Clarke responds “I don’t see any problem with that.” She ignores the glare she’s receiving from Indra as she continues, “tomorrow you can join me at the young warriors practice session and see first-hand the progress and skill of the champion.”

 

“Excellent” Roan claps his hands “I’m looking forward to it.”

 

…

 

As promised Clarke and Roan arrive at the training area; each with their respective entourages. They all stay at a respectable distance observing the teen combatants.

 

Roan and the rest of his people pay special attention to Lexa who is – as usual- sparring with Octavia. It doesn’t take long for them to start whispering and pointing in Lexa’s general direction, marveling in her abilities.

 

“I want to have a word with her.” Roan presents his request to Clarke.

 

Clarke eyes him suspiciously but relents anyway “alright.” She nods at him and makes a gesture with her hand for Indra to let Octavia know.

 

Reluctantly Indra walks over to Octavia and Lexa.

 

After a brief chat, Octavia moves away, beckoning with her hand for Roan to approach.

 

He begins to walk, followed closely by Clarke. When he is a few steps away from Lexa he greets “it’s a pleasure to finally meet you champion.”

 

“King Roan” Lexa bows respectfully.

 

“Your technique is impressive warrior… and very familiar.”

 

Lexa straightens her posture, chin up.

 

Roan scans her carefully, from her body to her face where he stops for a moment, then comments “I would gladly engage in battle with you but I’m afraid I can only let one Lexa humiliate me once in a lifetime.”

 

Everyone in the ice nation entourage burst into laughter.

 

Lexa looks down trying to suppress her own laugh.

 

Indra, Octavia and the rest of Clarke’s entourage remain stern.

 

For her part Clarke doesn’t find anything funny in the reference; on the contrary it only brings back horrible memories of the time she had to watch with her heart in her throat, how Lexa almost died at the hands of Roan; and how either way, after all they went through, she lost her.  But before she can dwell too much on her thoughts, she spots Roan invading Lexa’s personal space. Her body tenses with sudden alarm.

 

Indra’s hand flies to the grip of her sword as the man advances.

 

Separated by mere centimeters, Roan takes Lexa by the back of the neck and inspects her eyes carefully. He then leans in, whispering so Lexa is the only one able to hear him. “Maybe in another life,” Roan pulls away winking at her.

 

A sly nod is all Lexa can muster.  

 

Both Clarke and Indra release the breath they didn’t know they were holding when Roan lets go of Lexa.

 

“General!” Roan turns his attention to Octavia “would you do me the honor of dueling with me?”

 

Octavia smirks already removing her sword from its sheath. “It would be my pleasure.”

 

…

 

Lexa knows she shouldn’t be doing this but she just can’t help herself; after all, only a selected few are invited to King Roan’s banquette. That’s how, by evading the guards and security cameras, Lexa sneaks inside the banquet hall. She skillfully hides behind a pillar, next to the window that will serve as her escape later on.

 

The first thing her eyes take in is how beautiful Clarke looks in her dress; just like she did that night at the summit. Her throat goes dry at the vision, craving the body that once was hers. Lexa also notices with surprise that Clarke’s arms are now covered in tattoos; she can’t really make out the forms and shapes of them but she definitely likes them on Clarke. She giggles at the irony that it is now she who doesn't have a single tattoo.

 

Lexa keeps on watching the celebrations; how Clarke converses with the king and other guests, how she drinks slowly from her cup or any movement she makes for that matter. She’s just fascinated by Clarke’s new stand as a commander; so mature, so sure of herself… so sexy. And when she thought she couldn’t be more attracted to Clarke, the blonde starts laughing loudly. Her heart skips a beat at the sound; Lexa had never heard Clarke laugh before and being witness to such a display of magnificence and content, warms her soul.

 

Drinks and conversations keep coming and going when all of a sudden a very inebriated Roan stands up and declares in a loud voice “hey hey hey, not so fast! Before we end this celebration I want to give you a present; you know I never come empty handed Wanheda,” he laughs making a movement with his hand.

 

One of his servants opens the door allowing two gorgeous girls inside the room.

 

Lexa gulps not liking where this is going.

 

“C’mon Wanheda, go ahead; pick the one you like the most.” 

 

 The girls, dressed in transparent night gowns, kneel in front of Clarke, waiting for her decision.

 

Clarke gazes at them while an internal battle takes place in her mind. On one hand she’s not really in the mood for a lover this particular night, she would much rather be alone in her room or simply sleeping. But on the other hand, being alone would mean thinking about Le… about the teenage warrior that has completely turned her life upside down. She’s honestly exhausted from it, she doesn’t know what else to do to stop it; and the last straw was to stupidly keep staring at the hand the girl barely brushed against while handing her the reins. _‘You can’t keep thinking about this girl; you must make it stop’_ Clarke tries to convince herself as she attempts to make up her mind.

 

“Please don’t do it; please, please don’t choose any of them” Lexa murmurs clutching at her chest.

 

Finally Clarke comes to a conclusion. She rises from her throne glancing from one girl to the other; then she extends her right hand to one of them.

 

Lexa gasps, her hand flying to her mouth.

 

Once the girl holds the hand offered, Clarke extends her left one for the other girl to take.

 

At that moment Lexa feels her whole world crumble; her stomach begins twisting with nausea, she can’t take it anymore. She rushes out from her hiding place.

 

“Woo hoo!”  Roan screams with hands in the air “Wanheda, Wanheda!”

 

His chants are mimicked by the rest of the guests, and they keep resonating while Clarke takes both girls to her bedroom.

 

…

 

The air hits Lexa’s face allowing her to breathe, once she’s out of the tower. She leans against a wall resisting the impulse to cry. Images of Titus come into her mind; screaming at her to not cry, not to show weakness, that she must be strong, that she must hide her emotions. All the pain, all the suffering she went through, concealed under war paint, under the pretenses of being a ruthless commander; but still hurting just the same.

 

“NO!” she yells desperately and in that instant the memories of Titus are quickly replaced by images of her mother picking her up tenderly from the floor when she was five years old. She remembers how her mother held her tightly as she cried trying to soothe the pain with soft caresses. Also she envisions her father consoling her after a class with the sky people where she failed to understand anything about technology. “It’s alright my little one, let it out. Next class will be much better you’ll see” he said while caressing her head.

 

_‘How can love or feelings be weaknesses when I have been surrounded by them all this life and have made me happy so many times, while being strong and keeping it all to myself only made me miserable in my previous life?’_

Encouraged by the affection of her parents and their constant reminder that she must be herself; she allows the tears to roll down from her eyes freely. “Clarke, why?” Lexa lets her body fall to the ground and break into heart wrenching sobs.

 

…

 

It’s almost dawn but Clarke hasn’t been able to sleep a wink- not even with the previous activities she engaged in hours before.

 

There, still with both girls sleeping by her side, Clarke feels like utter shit. She can’t understand why she feels like she did something she shouldn’t have, like she made a mistake. This is definitely not the first time Clarke has done something like this; she’s single and doesn’t owe anyone an explanation of her actions, but still there’s a nagging sensation in her chest bugging her.

 

“Ugh” she rolls on her other side trying to find comfort but it’s useless. And to top it off she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the young brunette; and every day that passes by convinces her that no matter what she does she won’t be able to. _‘Why are you doing this to yourself? She’s just a girl, a good warrior that looks like someone you knew; she’s not Le…’_ She can’t even bring herself to mention the name without causing turmoil in her heart. She thinks and thinks urging her mind to come up with a solution to her predicament _‘if you can’t make it stop, at least you can try to overcome it. That’s it! Maybe it is just a stupid crush you need to face and perhaps while you are getting to know the girl, you will realize how different she is from… her; and you may forget it. There you go! So now all you have to do is to deal with this warrior and you’ll see how the spell vanishes; perfect!’_ Feeling hopeful and more optimistic Clarke closes her eyes sure that this time she will achieve some much needed sleep.

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally have a tête-à-tête. Someone makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy with the response on my last chapter!! Keep it coming to encourage me to write more for you :D

 

 

 

It was both a relief and a nightmare for Lexa, the fact that Clarke didn’t make an appearance at the training session the following morning. Relief because she wasn’t sure she could handle seeing Clarke that day, probably still smelling like those girls. And a nightmare because despite everything, her heart still craved Clarke and needs to be near her. It is contradictory and complicated but Lexa loves Clarke and wants to be with her; nothing and no one is going to get in their way. But for now what she wishes the most is time alone to calm down.

 

She wasn’t so lucky the next day as Clarke arrived on time to train with the rest of the young warriors. Lexa attempted to stay away from the blonde but of course that was the day Clarke chose to challenge her to a duel. 

 

It wasn’t the most ideal situation but Lexa figured it would be a good way to get rid of some of the tension and somehow vent the resentment she had toward Clarke.

 

Lexa is the first to attack, swinging her sword with all her might. Clarke is surprised at the new found aggressiveness but she responds in kind. Despite her best efforts and the anger that accumulated inside of her, the duel ends quickly with Lexa’s sword on the floor.

 

“Wow!” Clarke chuckles “that was very good warrior.” She sounds genuinely impressed.

 

“Thank you Wanheda.” Lexa’s response is bland, her expression neutral.

 

“I think you…” Clarke’s words are cut short when Lexa interjects again.

 

“Permission to go practice on my focus,” Lexa directs her request to Octavia.

 

“Oh” Octavia is confused for a second “but that’s not necessary Lexa, you’re doing great.”

 

Lexa’s jaw clenches, she glances sideways towards Clarke. “I don’t want to sound disrespectful general but I disagree.”

 

Octavia furrows her brows reading something else in her apprentice's demeanor.

 

Clarke shifts her weight from one foot to the other suddenly feeling uncomfortable, but not knowing why.

 

“Um, OK if that’s what you want.” Octavia finally allows the girl to go.

 

 Lexa bows her head and trots away without bothering to look back, leaving the two older women perplexed.

 

…

 

It is almost twilight when Lexa arrives at the dining hall; she would have preferred to continue practicing but the need for food won out. She is halfway in finishing her meal when a person, she definitely was not expecting, enters the large room.

 

“Isn’t it a little late for lunch warrior.” Clarke slowly approaches Lexa, sitting down in front of her.

 

Lexa’s nostrils flare annoyingly, “late practice session” is her simple explanation as she continues eating.

 

“Of course” Clarke nods “but you shouldn’t push yourself too much, you know?  Your progress has been incredible these past weeks; I think you are allowed to take it easy.”

 

“I don’t think I can do that right now” Lexa states pushing her dishes aside. “Now if you excuse me I’m really tired.” She stands up, gives a quick bow and withdraws to the hallway.

 

“OK, good… night” Clarke says basically to herself.

 

…

 

Two days have passed, but Lexa's same attitude has continued during practice; only this time Clarke was observing her every move; which attracts Octavia’s attention.

 

In more than one occasion Octavia caught Clarke staring at the girl from a distance, which she found very intriguing. She was adamant on learning more about it in time.

 

“OK everybody, the instructor is here; you know what to do!” Octavia directs her trainees who immediately gather around the tables already set up “Lexa!” she calls next.

 

Clarke grabs her gun and holster from her knapsack.

 

“I’m gonna teach you the basics about how to handle a gun so you are able to join the lesson with the rest OK?” Octavia explains.

 

Lexa nods hesitatingly.

 

“OK first you have to…”

 

Octavia’s words become a combination of indistinguishable sounds that doesn’t mean a thing to Lexa, whose body is overcome by sudden fear.

 

Having fixed the harness on her holster, Clarke looks up and notices the panic on Lexa’s face. 

 

“Now you try it.” Octavia hands the gun to Lexa.

 

“Uh, I…” Lexa stares at the weapon with terror; instinctively her hand flies to the lower part of her chest.

 

Clarke steps closer, not believing her eyes.

 

“Lexa?” Octavia finally sees the state of the teen.

  
  
“Can-can I be excused?” Lexa asks pleadingly, desperate to find a way out. 

 

“The practice is not over yet and you still need to…”

 

“Octavia!”

 

Clarke’s voice is harsh; causing Octavia to glare at her friend who sends a very nasty look her way.

 

“Alright,” Octavia grants Lexa's wish, knowing not to argue with Clarke when she’s pissed, “go.”

 

Wasting no time, Lexa sprints away from the training field.

 

“What the hell was that?” Octavia inquiries.

 

“I don’t know she’s probably just scared of guns” Clarke shrugs throwing one quick glance in Lexa’s direction while walking to the tables.

 

Octavia rolls her eyes “that’s not what I was talking about.”

 

Her words fall on deaf ears since Clarke continues walking without paying her any mind.

_“This is all very strange; so, so strange.”_

 

…

 

Later, having done some investigation of her own, Octavia goes to Clarke’s room to have a final assessment on a theory.

 

“Yes?” Clarke acknowledges her friend. She is working at her desk, reading the letters received from the different clans.

 

“I wanted to talk to you about Lexa” Octavia comes straight to the point.

 

If the topic surprises her, Clarke doesn’t show it “what about her?” She replies still scanning the papers.

 

“Well, forgetting about the little incident with the gun, I think she’s a great warrior and probably the only one who can keep up with my level of training so; I want to make her my second.”

 

And there it is; the same reaction Indra had when she mentioned the possibility of making Lexa her second; the stopping what she’s doing, the thinking.

 

Octavia waits patiently for an answer.

 

“I don’t think so,” Clarke remarks now turning to face Octavia.

 

“And why is that?” Octavia demands almost challengingly.

 

“Because she just started training with you Octavia.” Clarke stands up and makes her way to the window but continues speaking “there’s a lot still she needs to learn.”

 

At that Octavia pushes a little “but you’ve seen her fight; she’s ready to have a real encounter Clarke.”

 

Clarke sighs “Maybe, but making her your second would immediately put her on the front line in any battle, at your side; that would be like a death sentence.”

 

“So you care about her.” Octavia makes it sound like an accusation.

 

“Of course I care about her!” Clarke’s reply seems as natural as any other “she’s young and has a very loving family that is waiting to see her soon. Besides as you just stated she’s a great warrior; do you really want to risk the life of a promising soldier that could easily become the future general? Wouldn’t it be better to keep her here in Polis under supervision and constant training so she can be useful when we really need her?”

 

Octavia’s face twists with a mixture of a smile and a scowl. Sometimes she forgets why Clarke was chosen the commander of the thirteen clans in the first place. _‘So fucking clever.’_ She chuckles to herself “you’re right; I have to admit you have a point there.” Octavia stares at Clarke for a few seconds, trying to find something in her face, in her body language.

 

Clarke holds her gaze intrepidly.

 

When she is satisfied, Octavia makes her excuses. “Well, I see you are busy; I better get going. I’ll see you tomorrow” saying that she retreats from Clarke’s bedroom.

 

The second the door is closed Clarke groans with frustration “fuck!” she slaps at a set of ornaments that were sitting on top of a shelf.

 

So now not only she has to worry about having the young warrior constantly on her mind but also she has to be careful around Octavia. “ _Can this get a little more fucked up?”_

 

….

 

After finishing her training for the day, Lexa and her fellow warriors went to lunch at the dining hall. She wasn’t exactly a social butterfly but she enjoyed and preferred the company of people her own age since almost all adults over thirty in Polis kept staring at her. And the fact that Clarke has missed the last three sessions due to important commitments, was a welcomed break from the drama.  So the teens were there having a fun time and staying longer than necessary just because they could. Eventually one by one they started to leave the hall and Lexa who was talking animatedly with two other warriors; barely reached the threshold when she saw her companions stop abruptly.

 

“Wanheda.” Both youngsters bow their heads.

 

Lexa’s previously good mood crashes down at the vision of the blonde.

 

“Hey!” Clarke greets with a small smile. She then focuses her attention to Lexa. “I want to have a word with you.” 

 

The two young warriors leave the two women alone and scurry out of the building.

 

Making sure they are gone, Clarke faces Lexa “how are you doing?” She asks kindly.

 

 “I’m great, thank you for asking” Lexa utters with sarcasm.

 

Clarke notices the defensiveness in her tone but doesn’t know what to do about it. “Um, is there something bothering you?”

 

Lexa huffs crossing her arms “why do you want to know?”

 

“Well…”

 

“Is this really necessary? Can I go now?” Lexa interrupts what Clarke was about to comment.

 

To say Clarke is taken aback by the reaction would be an understatement. She chuckles in incredulity.

 

“What?!” Lexa doesn’t take the silent judgment very well. 

 

“I don’t get it.” Clarke begins explaining clearly annoyed “you’ve been pretty forward with me since you came here; bordering on being disrespectful and all of the sudden you don’t want to talk to me anymore?”

 

It gives Lexa a bit of satisfaction to realize Clarke did notice her rejection; but either way she’s still hurt and has no desire to partake in any way with the blonde. “What is it that you want from me Wanheda?” She enunciates the tittle carefully.

 

“I don’t know, just talk to you, get to know you better; have a conversation or whatever” Clarke tries not to lose her cool.

 

For her part, Lexa is about to lose hers. “So you want to talk to me?”

 

“Yes!” Clarke admits thinking they are finally getting somewhere.

 

“Fine, let’s talk.” Lexa uncrosses her arms angrily “can I start?”

 

“Go ahead!” Clarke nods optimistically.

 

“Good” Lexa clears her throat. “Are you sleeping with half of Polis?” She lets out with bitterness.  

 

Clarke’s mouth drops and her eyes bulge open in shock “What did you just say?” She needs confirmation.

 

Lexa’s conscious is telling her to apologize immediately and run away from Clarke’s presence before it is too late, before she ruins it; but there’s something else; something aching in her chest, something raw and uninhibited that forces her to continue. “I asked if you are sleeping with half of Polis”

 

“How dare you speak to me that way?” Clarke is visibly offended by the implications of the question. 

 

Lexa can’t take it any longer. “I saw you at Roan’s banquet when you left with those two girls.”

 

Clarke’s face flushes at the reprimand. She wants to believe it is only rage that is causing it but deep down she knows there’s something else and she hates to feel this way. “It is none of your business who I sleep with warrior; and what were you doing there anyway?” She attempts to regain control of the situation.

 

But Lexa is far from being in control. “Is that how you’ve been dealing with your loneliness Clarke? Bedding the girl from the dining hall? The one from the stables?” She continues the scolding.

 

“What the…” Clarke can’t even finish the question; she’s shaking with fury… and shame. She swallows the anger, in favor of issuing a threat. “That’s it! I’m calling the general.”

 

Lexa closes her eyes, feeling the opportunity of letting it all out slip away. _‘You can’t miss this chance, it’s now or never.’_ She opens her eyes and takes a deep calming breath; then ignoring the danger in Clarke’s tone, proceeds to offer “if that’s what you are looking for, what you need, I can give it to you.”

 

All the rage Clarke was feeling at that moment morphs into astonishment at hearing those words.

 

 “I’m at your service for whatever you want, even if it’s for only that” Lexa’s lips tremble as she adds in a soft voice “my body is yours Clarke.”

 

Clarke can’t believe what she just heard but most importantly she can’t believe the sudden guilt that’s engulfing her being. She’s left disconcerted with nothing to say; fear crippling deep within her. She can’t stand looking at the girl in the face anymore; so taking one final glance at her, Clarke starts walking away. She takes a few steps forward when suddenly she is spun around forcefully and before she can even react, Lexa’s lips are on hers.

 

If it lasted five seconds or an eternity, neither of them knew; it’s like time stood still, just them melting into the kiss.

 

When it eventually ends, both are left breathless.

 

While they are still struggling for air Lexa takes the opportunity to nuzzle against Clarke’s nose sweetly.

 

 A shaky breath escapes Clarke at the familiar gesture; she feels her heart ache with longing, it is too much for her. She places her hand on Lexa’s chest slowly pushing away “I’m sorry, I can’t” she lets out weakly.

 

“You’re not ready?” Lexa supplies timidly, understanding.

 

Clarke closes her eyes and means to take her hand away from Lexa’s chest, when Lexa stops her by placing a hand on top of hers.

 

“You can take me away from Polis if you want, send me back to my village, but tell me, who’s gonna take me away from your heart and mind?”

 

The question lingers in the air like a knife cutting into Clarke’s soul.

 

Hurried steps can be heard approaching their location.

 

Clarke and Lexa jump away from each other just as Octavia appears.

 

“What’s going on here?” Octavia’s query is full of hostility.

 

Both remain silent still astounded by the events.

 

Octavia didn’t need an answer to know exactly what happened between them; but for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

 

“Nothing uh…” Clarke finally reacts “That will be all warrior you uh- you’re dismissed” she directs Lexa without looking at her.

 

Playing her part Lexa nods and bows “Wanheda, general” and with that she departs from the hallway.

 

Clarke; not trusting she will be able to deal with Octavia and her interrogation at the moment, searches for a way out. “I um, I gotta find Indra” she escapes without minding if her friend notices anything.

 

Octavia notices, but doesn’t care. She has other things to worry about “ _She’s… no, no she can’t be; there’s no way, impossible!”_  She’s really struggling to come to terms with her realization. Octavia refuses to believe this girl is in fact Lexa; she wants to convince herself they are just coincidences, stupid grounder beliefs that make no sense. Yet the evidence has been there from the very beginning; that’s when it hits her. “ _Oh my God; how did I not see it! The amazing skills that came so naturally to her, like she’s always known them, the physical appearance, her weird obsession with Clarke, the gun shot… ugh fuck!”_ She slams her body against the wall frustrated. Rage starts rising in her as she processes the truth “ _Fuck she’s Lexa… She’s fucking Lexa.”_

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke take a break from each other. Octavia deals with her anger toward Lexa.

 

 

 

It was like going back to square one. Lexa knew it had been a risky move, that it could make or break the closeness she established with Clarke but it was all or nothing and she decided to go for it, consequences and all, no regrets. She hasn’t seen Clarke in several days and quite frankly she was OK with that; because this time she needed to be alone to process the gravity of the situation and think through it with a clear mind.

 

The only problem now was Octavia, who has been oddly curt with her, less communicative and always observing her to the point of making her feel very uncomfortable.

 

Octavia even stopped training with Lexa; choosing instead to bring in soldiers from the various clans to duel with her. That was a big red flag for Lexa but there was nothing she could do about it, other than wait for whatever comes her way.

 

…

 

Clarke is sitting at her desk, deep in thought as she has been doing every night since Lexa kissed her. She knows it is really ridiculous at this point to be hiding –yet again- from the young brunette, but she doesn’t know what else to do; she wasn’t even sure how she would respond if she saw her again. “ _Slap her or may be_ … Arggg!” Clarke groans at the image her mind conjures up; she officially has given up.

 

She, the great Wanheda who made ashes out of three hundred warriors of the commander’s army, who destroyed the mount weather men with only one hand, who got in and out of The City of Light carrying the chip without being a nightblood, who saved the world from exploding and uniting the thirteen clans in the process, the one who humiliated the rebels trying to stop her from becoming the new commander. That powerful woman almost Godlike to many; has no clue what to do in regards to a teenage girl that came and turned her world upside down.

 

“What do I do?” Clarke mumbles to herself, looking down at the picture beneath her hand; the one she procured from a mount weather man; the only picture she has of Lexa. She caresses the flat surface, tracing the contours of Lexa’s face delicately. “What do I do?” Emotions threaten to pour from her eyes when a beeping sound causes her to come out of her deep contemplation.

 

“Oh great,” Clarke exhales knowing exactly who was making the call. She feels tempted to ignore it but Clarke is sure if she does it this time, she may have a not so welcomed –at least not now- visitor soon. So Clarke rises and walks over to her nightstand, taking the picture with her. She gives it a last yearning look before placing it inside a small metal chest and putting it away in the drawer. Then she makes her way to the communication system installed in her room, takes a seat and sighs before accepting the call.

 

“Hey honey!”  Those are the first words from Abby as soon as her image appears on the monitor.

 

“Hi mom,” Clarke greets with a weak smile.

 

“It’s been almost two months since our last talk Clarke; is it really that much of a bother to let your mother know you’re still alive?” Abby chastises half-jokingly.

 

Clarke chuckles “well mom, I’ve been a little busy here being the commander. Running the world   is not as easy as Beyoncé made it seem, you know?” She adds trying to keep the atmosphere light.

 

“Uh huh” Abby nods with a tight smile. She looks pensive for a second contemplating her next words until she settles for asking “are you OK?”

 

“Yes mom I’m fine.” Clarke doesn’t even try to look convincing.

 

“You don’t look fine.” Abby states the obvious.

 

Clarke begins to get exasperated “I’m just tired mom that’s all.”

 

Again Abby appears to be holding back something but ultimately decides to say something else. “If you like I can come and visit you there; keep you company for a while?” Her tone is hopeful.

 

“What! No, no!” Clarke exclaims earning Abby’s glare and a slight hint of hurt on her face. “I mean you don’t need to do that, I’ve told you I’m really busy; we would barely see each other anyways.” She attempts to sound believable this time. “Besides I’m sure you have your own heavy work load right? Didn’t you have those workshops for healers in the villages? They really need those, mom.”

 

“hmm” Even if she hates to admit it, Clarke was absolutely right, Abby still has a lot to do “yeah I know” she concedes despite the words stuck in her throat, thoughts on her mind that she can’t bring herself to share. So she chooses to make the most of the time she has with her daughter. “Well then lets catch up with each other now that we are here.”

 

“Right” Clarke sighs with relief; surely she can do that “how’s everything at Arkadia?”

 

…

 

With each passing day Octavia is finding it more and more difficult to be around Lexa; more so now that the anniversary of Lincoln's death is so close. Learning about Lexa’s real identity just as the date approaches is definitely not the best thing that could have happened to her. Lately she has been going to bed dreaming about the man, about the love they never really got to enjoy thoroughly, about the way he was killed by the hands of a sick man gone crazy, thanks to the savage grounders… led by Lexa. She felt disgusted and enraged just remembering her face; her insufferable air of superiority, her ever present need to impose her will. And now she could see that reflected in this younger version of Lexa; probably not as evident, but it was still there. Octavia couldn’t stand being near her so she focused on dealing with the other warriors, letting Lexa train with soldiers of the army every session so she didn’t lose  any practice time. It has been working so far, or at least it did work in keeping her distracted until Lexa decided to confront her.

 

“General.”

 

Octavia’s hairs in the back of her neck stand up upon hearing the voice _‘does she really have to have the same fucking annoying tone?’_ Suddenly all young Lexa does seems exactly the same as what Lexa the commander used to do and it bothers Octavia to no end “yes?” She doesn’t even turn to acknowledge the girl.

 

“I know it is probably part of your strategy to pair me with other soldiers to test my skills, but I honestly feel it’s more fitting for me to duel with you” Lexa states firmly.

 

“So you’re questioning my choices as your trainer and general? Do you think you know better than me?” Octavia finally faces Lexa with irritation clearly written on her features.

 

“Oh no, no of course not general,” Lexa hurries to explain. “I just really think you’re the only one who is qualified to give me the appropriate level of combat training.”

 

Octavia’s smirk is anything but friendly “So you wanna fight me?” 

 

“Yes! ma’am” Lexa confirms with sincerity.

 

Octavia gives her a once over before turning to the side “Warrior!” she calls the man she invited for the day “you can go back to the army’s practice now”

 

The soldier bows his head and obediently walks off the field.

 

“OK then,” Octavia focuses solely on Lexa, taking her sword out of the sheath “your wish is my command.”

 

Lexa finds it odd the way Octavia is using the reference, either way she grabs her own sword preparing for the confrontation; and it’s a good thing she does because the next thing she knows Octavia’s sword is on top of hers landing a hard strike.

 

Octavia continues to attack Lexa with fast and solid blows giving no break to the teen. “Oh c’mon Lexa, you’re better than this” she punctuates her inciting words with a scratch on Lexa’s arm. “I’m sure you still have something inside of you…” she scratches the other arm “that’s begging to be… released” Octavia cuts open Lexa’s jacket.

 

With the contact Lexa jumps feeling how a part of her skin was injured. Octavia was never characterized as being particularly gentle with her during a duel but right now she is being unnecessarily brusque for it to be a training exercise and its beginning to make Lexa anxious.

 

“Don’t be shy; show me that savage side you definitely have there somewhere.” Octavia continues to provoke, now rounding Lexa who tries not to lose sight of her mentor; holding up her sword defensively.

 

“Or is it that maybe you need a dagger?”  Octavia speaks through gritted teeth. “You know, to rip open some innocent’s skin to satisfy your own sense of justice.”

 

And that’s when Lexa realizes Octavia knows exactly who she really is.  She’s left dumbstruck in front of the other brunette.

 

“Is that what you want, huh? Justice?” Octavia contends. “Then have some justice!” Saying that, she slits Lexa’s hand with the tip of her sword.

 

“Argh!” this time Lexa can’t help exclaim in pain, letting her sword fall and holding onto her wounded hand.

 

By this point all the young warriors have stopped their regular routine, silently observing the battle; but neither of them daring to get any closer.

 

“No swords? Fine!” Octavia throws hers down “how about some spears? I heard you’re really good with them.” She walks over to where the trainees keep the spears and grabs two. “Maybe you can give me a lesson or two,” she tosses one to Lexa.

 

Lexa barely manages to catch the object with her good hand. She gulps putting her hands in front of her. “Octavia please, listen to me” she begs.

 

Octavia grabs the spear with both her hands and shouts in anger “It’s fucking general for you bitch!” With that she uses the shaft of the spear to smack Lexa across her face.

 

Lexa’s lower lip begins to bleed as she tries to recover from the blow.

 

“C’mon, attack me big warrior.” Octavia hits Lexa’s stomach with the bottom of the shaft.

 

Struggling for air, Lexa does her best to deflect Octavia’s next strikes but it’s in vain, she is bashed all over.

 

Finally Octavia whacks Lexa’s spear out of her hand and kicks Lexa in the torso, sending her flying to the ground. 

 

Numbed by the pain, Lexa cannot do anything else but lay there helplessly.

 

“Not feeling so brave right now huh?” Octavia approaches Lexa, looking down at her “tell me, how does it feel to be the inexperienced teenager now?” Saying that she lifts her spear, aiming it at Lexa’s head, muttering to herself “jus drein jus daun.”

 

“ENOUGH!”

 

The command causes Octavia’s head to spin, finding Indra advancing quickly towards her.

 

Already near, the first thing Indra does is to verify Lexa’s condition. When she has made sure she’s still conscious and in no imminent danger, she addresses the young warriors “the practice for today is over, you’re free to go!”

 

All of them leave at once.

 

Then Indra directs her attention to Octavia “put that thing down” she orders; but as she finds resistance, she reiterates forcefully this time “I said put that damn thing down!”

 

With chest heaving and eyes blood red with contained fury, Octavia reluctantly obeys.

 

“Now I want you to go somewhere quiet, far away from here to get yourself together; and don’t come back until you have calmed down.” Lastly Indra warns “and don’t you dare hurt anyone else.”

 

Octavia’s jaw clenches but she doesn’t refute the older woman. She glares down at Lexa’s face with spite before walking away.

 

Once she is sure Octavia is gone, Indra extends her hand to Lexa.

 

Feeling slightly more alert, Lexa takes the hand offered and slowly stands up with Indra’s help.

 

“Are you OK?” Indra questions, scanning the girl’s injured body with concern.

 

“Yeah, yeah… I will be” Lexa comments evidently in pain but with a positive attitude, “I’m a warrior remember?” She smirks.

 

Indra shakes her head staring at Lexa with incredulous eyes.

 

At that moment Lexa takes notice of Indra’s body language: she is standing there like she wants to say something; her hands are restless at her sides.  Knowing the woman could be too proud and reserved, Lexa takes initiative and steps forward wrapping her arms around Indra in a solid embrace.

 

Indra allows the girl to hug her with no resistance. She places her hands carefully on Lexa’s back as not to hurt her beaten body. When the reality of what is going on finally hits her, she exhales with relief.

 

They embrace for a few moments until eventually Indra pulls away.

 

 “You’re back” Indra marvels. 

 

“I’m back” Lexa reassures Indra with a smile on her face.

 

“The spirits saw fit to bring you back to us so you could witness the peace you worked so hard to obtain.” Indra offers with a smile of her own.

 

Lexa shakes her head. “It was Clarke who did that Indra.”

 

“But you started it,” Indra argues, “you were the one who united the clans first with that same purpose,” her demeanor changes as some recollections come to her. “I should have trusted you more; I should have had more faith in you instead of doubting your vision. I’m sorry,” she laments.

 

“Hey, Hey!” Lexa places a hand on Indra’s shoulder, “that’s in the past; we shouldn’t care about what happened before. What’s important now is that you believed in Clarke and helped her to achieve the peace we are enjoying at the moment; lets focus on keeping it that way OK?” She squeezes a bit for good measure.

 

“OK.” Indra nods rapidly trying to rid herself of the guilt and emotion that has overcome her. 

 

“Good.” Lexa steps back to give the woman some space but a sudden sharp pain in her ribs causes her to bend over; her hand clutching at the aching area.

 

“Oh, hold on to me; I’ll take you to the clinic.” Indra wraps her arm around Lexa's hip and makes Lexa put her arm around her neck for support as she helps her walk slowly to the clinic.

 

…

 

Clarke paces nervously in the throne room, having a private debate with herself _‘you can’t run away from her forever; I mean it was only a kiss. Yeah, well she offered something else too but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it, nor do you have to push her away. If she brings the topic up again just politely refuse her offer; she will eventually get the message that you don’t want anything from her, at least not in that way and she will move on; and everything will go back to normal again.’_ She stops abruptly and rolls her eyes, _‘yeah right!’_

 

It is pretty clear that whatever is happening between the two of them is not going to suddenly disappear; on the contrary it is bound to grow with every word or look they share. And there is absolutely nothing either of them can do to avoid it.

 

With that final thought Clarke comes to a conclusion, _‘fuck it! Just go and see how the practice session is going and let life take its course.’_ She starts walking to her destination.

 

She is about to reach the exit of the tower when she sees a few young warriors making their way inside.

 

“Wanheda!” they all exclaim surprised, instantly looking down in fear.

 

 “What are you doing here so early?” Clarke demands seriously, after all it wouldn’t be the first time some of the teens have avoided the training sessions to wander around Polis.

 

“We- we were dismissed Wanheda,” one girl dares to answer.

 

“What? Why?” Clarke is really intrigued; Octavia would never cancel a training session unless something important prevented her to continue.

 

Due to the silence of all of his peers the sky boy ventures to explain to his commander. “Um, there was an incident with the general; well the general and … Lexa.”

 

It takes Clarke exactly three seconds to put two and two together. _‘Lincoln!’_ When she does, her face pales at that exact instant; a horrible sense of dread settles in her heart. Forgetting all about the trainees; she sprints away from the building.

_‘Octavia what did you do, what did you fucking do.’_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so, I'll be taking a lil break to try and finish my series "Free me" (I totally recommend you check it out) and well, I will take the time also to think carefully about what I want in the next chapter. All I can say about it is that 7 is my favorite number :P  
> If you have questions, comments or just want to say hi find me on tumblr as moreolrez :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds out about Lexa's condition … and a little more than that. Octavia faces the consequences of her actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I’m back with a new chapter :D, my lucky 7! I really hope you enjoy it so 7 can continue to be my favorite number lol. I’ll be anxiously awaiting for your comments. ;)  
> Shout out to Roxy50 for the beta (and for tolerating me :P) thank you buddy!!!

 

 

 

 

Clarke didn’t bother to go to the training area; she went directly to the clinic, her heart feeling like it was going to stop beating at any moment; panic-stricken. There, she was informed Lexa had been brought in by Indra; but she was soon discharged after receiving the appropriate care. Again Clarke runs out, this time heading to the young warrior’s dormitory.

 

Upon arriving, Clarke stops briefly a few meters away from the dormitory, she notices the presence of not only one but three guards stationed at the front door. _‘That is Indra’s strategy of protection in case of a threat’_ and she can only think of one reason why Indra would consider Lexa to be in imminent danger. _‘Fucking Octavia.’_ Clarke’s hands close into fists at her sides, her anger boiling at the mere thought of the general. She fiercely walks toward the entrance.

 

“Wanheda” The guards bow.

 

Clarke passes by them, quickly entering the building and climbing the stairs that lead to one of the largest rooms in the dormitory; the ones reserved for the champions and nightbloods. She reaches for the doorknob and opens it without preamble.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa, who is sitting on the bed with her back leaning against the headboard, exclaims surprised.

 

“Oh my God!” Clarke’s hand flies up to her mouth at seeing Lexa in the state she is in.

 

Lexa’s face is swollen with bruises, hands and arms covered with bandages and blood stains on her sleeveless top.

 

“How dare she…” Clarke mutters through gritted teeth.

 

“Hey, it’s OK don’t worry.” Lexa gets up with the intention of walking towards Clarke.

 

“No, no don’t move!” Clarke rushes to Lexa and slowly forces her to sit back down again “stay there.”

 

“I’m fine Clarke; it’s just…”

 

“Why didn’t Indra stay with you? Why isn't she here helping you change; taking care of you?!” Clarke complains angrily.

 

“I don’t need anyone to help me Clarke; I’m more than capable to look after myself.” Lexa protests, her pride affected.

 

“What did the healers say? Did the doctor see you? What did they give you?” Clarke continues to ignore Lexa’s objections, instead looking at the ointments and medication on the nightstand.

 

Lexa sighs defeated, realizing there’s no point in arguing with the blonde. “They said I needed to rest and come back in a couple days for a checkup, that’s all.”

 

“Just that!” Clarke utters skeptically. “Ugh! Let me see,” without thinking she clutches at Lexa’s chin to take a closer look at the bruises.

 

It takes considerable effort from Lexa not to gasp at the contact. She settles for closing her eyes and bask in Clarke’s touch.

 

“I don’t know…” Clarke lets out in thought. “I’ll send someone tomorrow to check on you again.”

 

Lexa’s lips curl involuntarily into a small smile. “You care about me,” she can’t help commenting, watching how Clarke worries about her.  

 

The sentence causes Clarke to snap out of her protective mood, becoming aware of what she is doing. She immediately releases Lexa’s chin like it was burning. “Uh um…” Clarke steps back, nervously. “Yeah I – I mean you’re the champion and…” the excuses don’t come easily to her no matter how hard she tries “anyways I hope you feel better soon.” She gives up on trying and begins her retreat. “I have to… I’ve got things to do” with that she turns to leave the room.

 

“Clarke, wait!” Lexa rises abruptly extending her arm out, but the brusque movement sends a jolt of pain throughout her injured side. “Ow,” she leans over; one hand holding her ribs the other supporting her weight on the bed.

 

“Shit.” Clarke strides toward Lexa “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” she helps Lexa back down onto the bed, “it’s OK shh” she soothes delicately caressing Lexa’s side.

 

Lexa inhales and exhales waiting for the pain to subside. It takes a little while for her to calm down enough to notice how close Clarke is.

 

“Better?” Clarke asks full of concern, her hand still on Lexa.

 

“Yeah…much better,” Lexa croaks staring at Clarke’s face intently.

 

When her eyes connect with Lexa’s Clarke looks down and pulls away.

 

“Don’t,” Lexa grabs Clarke's upper arms to prevent her from leaving. Then, forgetting all about her aches, she stands up so they can face each other. “Look at me.”

 

Clarke tries urgently to detach herself from Lexa’s grasp but only causes Lexa to hold onto her even tighter.

 

“Please Clarke, look at me” Lexa demands sweetly.

 

And that’s exactly what Clarke has been avoiding since the first time she laid eyes on this girl; to look deeply into her eyes, up this close, this intimately; because she knew the moment she did, the moment she really stared into her soul, she would be lost. Either way, swallowing a knot in her throat, Clarke faces Lexa making a last attempt to appear unaffected.

 

Lexa sighs at the intensity of their gazes interlocked. This is the moment she has been waiting for years; this is the time to get the truth out into the open. So taking a deep breath of courage she mouths in the most assertive way she can muster “it’s me.”

 

Clarke tenses up noticeably at the words; her face contorts into something that she wants to mask as rage.

 

At the lack of words, Lexa reiterates using her name this time “I’m Lexa.”

 

“No!” Clarke interjects forcefully, still not willing to accept what she’s hearing.

 

Despite the objection, Lexa goes on. “I know that you have known since you saw me that day at the Young Warriors competition, I saw it in your eyes Clarke; you know.”

 

“Shut up!” Clarke attempts to push Lexa away “you’re not her, stop it.” The desperation and anguish are now evident in her features. 

 

But Lexa remains calm and collected adding slowly “Do you know why you haven’t found anyone else? Why you stayed alone all these years? Hmm?” She squeezes Clarke’s arms for emphasis. “Cause your soul knew I was coming back, cause you knew you had to wait for me. You are bound to me Clarke.”

 

Clarke shakes her head, her eyes welling up with tears. She’s so tired of fighting “you can’t…you’re not…” her voice cracks, not nearly as firm as it was moments earlier.

 

It pains Lexa to witness the inner conflict in Clarke; she can only imagine all the suffering she went through that time apart. _‘At least I knew I was going to see her again, I had that hope, I just had to wait; but she thought she had lost me forever’_ and that is what makes her try to console her distressed love. “You don’t have to deny this to your heart anymore Clarke, don’t do this to yourself; I’m here, I came back for you,” Lexa brings Clarke closer to her body.

 

“No, no please don’t say that, don’t say it,” Clarke can’t take it any longer, she can feel herself  giving up, her knees bending “please…don’t” she crumples on the floor.

 

“Oh Clarke” Lexa kneels in front of the blonde, taking her into her arms.

 

“I can’t do this, please; I can’t” Clarke howls breaking down. 

 

“Shhh,” Lexa embraces Clarke securely “Everything is gonna be fine, I’m not going anywhere” she reassures with conviction.

 

Despite the heavy mood surrounding them both, Lexa feels relieved at having the woman she loves finally in her arms. She rubs her back soothingly, sighing when Clarke leans her head on her shoulder and puts her arms around her neck.

 

Clarke cries for a good while feeling how the pressure in her chest, that has been present for sixteen years, has loosened up a bit. And if she’s honest with herself, the smell of the girl’s hair and skin penetrating her nostrils is comforting her.

 

Lexa remains in the same position in silence, waiting patiently for Clarke to calm down.

 

After a moment, crying a little less Clarke leans back staring at Lexa with incredulity “How…” She can’t bring herself to complete the question, but she really needs to know.

 

Even with puffy eyes and nose dripping, Lexa thinks Clarke never looked so beautiful. Her heart warms at the notion Clarke is acknowledging her for who she really is _‘finally.’_ She quickly comes out of her momentary trance to answer the query “I don’t know” she supplies honestly.

 

Clarke’s brows furrow with confusion in a way Lexa finds adorable. She wants to kiss the wrinkles away but judging by how Clarke is looking at her she knows the blonde is expecting an explanation.

 

“One day I woke up and I just knew; I must have been four or five years old. Since then all I could think about was your face, I would say your name just to feel it on my lips; I would sleep every night fantasizing about this moment, of having you here with me” Lexa smiles timidly.

 

“Fuck this is just…” Clarke closes her eyes taking a long breath. Her heart knows it is true, Lexa’s eyes tell her it is true; but still her mind can’t seem to catch up with it. “This can’t be, you can’t…” She glances back at Lexa’s face, her lips trembling.

 

“I know this is hard to understand; it was difficult for me too.” Lexa strokes Clarke’s cheek with the back of her hand “but we can do this Clarke, we can get through this.”

 

Clarke says nothing, the only thing betraying the hopefulness in her soul is the sparkle in her blue eyes.

 

And both can feel it; the pull on their heartstrings that is forcing them together like a magnet. They lean in slowly at the same time, eager to connect their lips and give into the magic spell they are currently in.

 

But a sudden knock on the door brings them back to reality.

 

“Clarke?” Indra’s voice penetrates the room.

 

“Uh” Clarke clears her throat and replies as steady as she can “just a minute.” She stands up and helps Lexa do the same.

 

Lexa curses internally the interruption but does her best not to show her disappointment. Clarke is still in a sensitive state of mind, she doesn’t want to risk the blonde to back away from their progress.

 

Clarke tries to regain some composure before addressing Lexa. “I have to go” she starts searching for the appropriate words in their current situation “but I will come back soon; we need to talk.”

 

“Yeah I know” Lexa nods making sure her eyes convey she understands completely how Clarke is feeling and thinking.

 

“OK.” Clarke nods back gulping; and in a great display of will power she begins to move away. Once she reaches the door she turns around to remind Lexa, “Tomorrow I am arranging to have a doctor here to examine you thoroughly; be ready to cooperate.”

 

Lexa is about to argue but just one glare from the older woman is enough to shush her up.

 

“I’ll see you later,” Clarke promises suddenly in an awkward and shy manner.

 

“I’ll be waiting” Lexa confirms confidently.

 

They give each other one longing glance before Clarke disappears behind the door.

 

Now alone in her bedroom once again, Lexa is left completely numb. She gapes at the wall for a while contemplating the events. _‘She was worried; she came to see me cause she was worried about me. Clarke loves me, she still loves me!’_ She runs both her hands over her face; a huge grin adorning her features at the revelation. “She loves me” Lexa murmurs to herself if only to confirm the veracity of the statement. All of a sudden she squeals with happiness, letting her body fall onto the bed “She loves me, she loves ... ow!”

 

…

 

Clarke feels the oxygen return to her lungs after she has crossed the hallway adjacent to Lexa’s room; it is all so unexpected that she can’t really process it just yet. She runs a hand through her hair in an attempt to relax, when she takes notice of Indra’s presence at her side. Her face adopts a harden expression immediately “tower.” It’s all she says before walking away not bothering to check if Indra is following or not.

 

…

 

After closing the doors of the throne room and making sure the guards have left the premises, Clarke finally acknowledges Indra. “Why didn’t you tell me about it as soon as it happened,” her tone is harsh and accusatory.

 

“The girl needed my immediate attention, it was an emergency” Indra responds serenely.

 

 “Why didn’t you send a messenger then?”

 

“It was a very delicate matter Clarke; I wanted to discuss it with you personally.”

 

“Why didn’t you stay with her, tending her?!”

 

“Because I had to look for you; besides you saw her yourself; she can deal just fine for the time being.”

 

Clarke huffs. Suddenly, as if remembering something else she inquires “where the fuck is she?”

 

Indra knows exactly who she is referring to, no need to say the name “I sent her away to cool down.”

 

“Bring her to me now” it is a command not a request.

 

“I’m not doing that.”

 

“I said bring her to me, I’m gonna fucking kill her!” Clarke slams the war table forcefully.

 

“Clarke,” Indra sighs clearly prepared for this reaction “you’re not killing anyone.”

 

“Didn’t you see the state she’s in? She could have killed her Indra! She could have and… I don’t know what… ugh!” Clarke holds her head in exasperation. “I’m gonna kill that bitch.”

 

Indra waits a few seconds before continuing “she wasn’t gonna kill Lexa.”

 

“How do you know? How can you be so sure?!” Clarke begins losing her temper.

 

“Because I trained that girl; I know what she’s capable of” Indra counteracts. “She may be wild and impulsive but she knows better than to kill an innocent; I taught her that.”

 

“Really?” Clarke snarls “is that why you had three guards posted at the dormitory huh? Cause Octavia is such a trustworthy warrior?”

 

“That was a warning for Octavia to be aware I was watching her. I was sure she wouldn’t threaten the girl’s life but I couldn’t be certain she wouldn’t come back to bicker like all you sky people like to do when you feel particularly feisty,” Indra states barely holding the _‘like you’re doing now’_ from her tongue. She focuses instead on the other person involved “Lexa has to rest and heal; the last thing she needs is someone to upset her.”

 

It sounds reasonable but Clarke is too out of it to see it. “I don’t fucking care Indra, just bring the fucking bitch here right now.”

 

“Clarke…” Indra gets near the enraged blonde, trying to get her attention.

 

“I swear to God I’m gonna…”

 

“Clarke!” Indra shakes Clarke’s shoulders effectively getting her out of her fuming trance. Then looking directly into her eyes, she utters in a low voice “Lexa is back.”

 

Clarke lets the words sink in for a second; like what happened minutes ago was not real; like she has just confirmed the genuineness of it all. “She’s back” she whispers, her eyes open wide in sudden realization.

 

Indra beams “our girl is back.”

 

A surge of emotions invade Clarke once again; but this time they are full of optimism and joy. Her eyes fill up with tears she doesn’t feel like holding back anymore. “She’s here” she mumbles before throwing herself into Indra’s arms.

 

The woman returns the sentiment, allowing Clarke to let it all out; as she indulges in some sappiness herself. 

 

 …

 

The sun has barely risen, showing its firsts rays but Indra and Clarke are already organizing the last details of the matters at hand; apparently reaching a mutual agreement. 

 

“I want Roda to prepare her a special meal; something soft and nutritious to help in her recovery,” Clarke states.

 

“Consider it done.” Indra assures. “The guards have orders to let me know when she is awake so we can have it sent to her.”

 

“Good. And, Indra?”

 

“Yes?”

 

Clarke hesitates a second but either way she places her request. “Make sure they don’t send Sava with the food… please?” She cringes with guilt.

 

Indra eyes her, not understanding at first what the problem is but soon she gets it “ah” she clears he throat “that can be arranged.”

 

“Thank you,” Clarke sighs relieved that she doesn’t have to explain. Then an idea occurs to her “you know what? I’ll take the food myself, that way we can…”

 

“No, you won’t” Indra’s tone sounds definitive. 

 

“What do you mean I won’t” Clarke questions alarmingly.

 

As usual Indra responds with utmost tranquility. “You won’t because you still need to process this whole situation, think with a clear mind and truly accept it; actually you both have to. The difference is that besides all the emotional turmoil, Lexa also has to heal, and you going in and out distracting her will only delay the process and certainly can’t be good for her health.”

 

“But…” Clarke wants to contest the arguments but she knows Indra is right. “Fine” she concedes, not before asking “for how long?”

 

“Give it two days.”

                                                                                                            

“Two days!” The duration sounds scandalous to Clarke. She doesn’t get to refute though; someone they have been expecting makes her appearance.

 

“You sent for me?” Octavia announces her presence arrogantly. 

 

Catching her tone Clarke turns to Octavia with a scowl. She sends a sidelong glance in Indra’s direction, receiving a sly nod in reassurance from the woman.

 

As if on cue, the guards close the doors behind them.

 

Clarke then walks over to her throne; sitting imposingly. She waits for Indra to take her position at her right before starting to speak.

 

“Yes” Clarke fixes her gaze on Octavia “I was informed about the incident yesterday morning. Your behavior was unworthy of the general of the commander’s army Octavia.”

 

Octavia glares at Indra briefly before scoffing “Whatever.”

 

Clenching her jaw at the insolence Octavia is showing, Clarke continues “I discussed this issue with the counselor and I saw it appropriate to give you a reprimand.”

 

“You what?” Octavia glances at Clarke stunned, her previous daring attitude forgotten.

 

Satisfied to have earned Octavia’s total attention Clarke proclaims, “You are relieved of your general duties for one month, effective immediately. You’ll be sent to Arkadia for the entire duration of your punishment.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me!? A month?!  ” Octavia exclaims in disbelief.

 

“Do you want it to be two?” Clarke threatens “Maybe that way you’ll see I am not joking here.”

 

“Are you letting her do this?” Octavia faces Indra, expecting a response.

 

“I’m the one who recommended it.” Indra supplies with authority.

 

Octavia glowers indignantly at both women. “Fuck that, I’m not doing it, I’m not going anywhere,” she challenges.

 

Having enough of Octavia’s arrogance, Clarke rises from her throne menacingly “I’m not asking you Octavia, it is an order!”

 

The temperamental brunette shakes her head flabbergasted and furious “Are you pulling your commander card on me?”

 

“Octavia,” Clarke inhales, evidently controlling her temper “I’m trying really hard here to see this as the commander, cause God knows if I do it as Clarke …” Clarke’s hand moves dangerously close to the gun attached to her hip.

 

The warning sounds pretty serious and Octavia gets the message.

 

“Of course.” Octavia lets out through gritted teeth, “all this show is because of her right? Everything revolves around her. Alive, dead or resuscitated; she always finds a way to fuck with your mind, doesn’t she? Always that bitch!”

 

“Watch your mouth!” Clarke shouts, taking two firm steps forward, finger pointing at Octavia.

 

“I will never get it Clarke; how could you...”

 

“Enough!” Clarke demands, “I can’t do this right now Octavia; I can’t stand seeing your face without wanting to smash it against the wall,” she takes a deep breath and carries on “just go and hang out with your brother, with the kids! And take all that time to think about how wrong you are! She is not the one to blame; she didn’t do anything to Lincoln!”

 

“Don’t!” Octavia cries out “don’t you dare.”

 

Realizing things are getting out of control, Indra intervenes. “OK, stop; both of you. This is not the right time,” when Clarke turns her back on them in an attempt to calm down; Indra extends her hand to Octavia “gimme your sword.”

 

“What?”

 

“Your erratic behavior and disrespect makes you unfit to carry the sword of the Commander’s Army.  It will be returned to you only when you prove you’re deserving of it, like you did the day you became the General.”

 

Octavia can’t hide how much those words affected her. Shaking with rage and sorrow she slowly takes her sword out of its scabbard. She holds it for a few seconds, and then unwillingly gives it to Indra. “You don’t understand” she accuses, her voice trembling.

 

Clarke spins around, “that I don’t understand? You more than anyone knows I understand what you’re going through!” She raises her voice. “The loves of our lives were taken away from us in the most nonsensical ways at the hands of two crazy men who thought they knew better than anyone. Have you forgotten? We have both cried and suffered the same Octavia!  How can you even imply such a thing? I do understand!”

 

“Well,” Octavia starts restraining the tears that threaten to fall down her face and gives Clarke a look full of bitterness “not anymore,” with that she turns around  and stomps out of the throne room.

 

Even with the fury still coursing through her veins, Clarke feels sorry for her friend. She only hopes this month away from Polis –and close to her loved ones- will make Octavia learn how to react differently and recognize her wrong doings. But there was nothing else she could do.

 

“She will come around. She just needs time.” Indra places a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “You did good commander,” she gives her a reassuring pat.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke whispers not really sure about the statement.

 

Sensing Clarke needs some time alone Indra makes her excuses “I better go and get ready for the training session with the youngsters. You should go try to get some rest; I’ll come back later to inform you about what the doctor had to say regarding Lexa’s condition.”

 

“OK. Thank you,” Clarke nods with genuine gratitude for the help she’s receiving in this confusing situation.

 

Indra then leaves the room.

 

The quietness that surrounds the area only brings Clarke thoughts of Lexa. She goes onto the balcony, her eyes immediately searching for the building where the girl rests. _‘How can it be?’ S_ he wonders in silence. _‘This is not happening, it’s crazy.’_ Clarke then looks up at the sky, and feels her chest constricting. Out of the blue a throaty laugh escapes her mouth, “Oh My God!” She bursts into a fit of laughter that lasts a few minutes. Suddenly the laughter morphs into sobs and she falls on her knees “thank you… thank you,” Clarke clutches at her chest with one hand and with the other she covers her mouth, thanking divinities and spirits she doesn’t really believe in. “Oh my God, thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa’s first actual talk. Octavia confides in a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we take a little breath with this “just chilling” chapter. Don’t forget to tell me what you think :D

 

 

 

 

Lexa anxiously awaits for Clarke's arrival at any moment. Indra had promised after two days she would be able to see the blonde, and well forty eight hours have never passed so slowly for Lexa.  It’s almost lunch time and the woman still hasn’t made an appearance; Lexa is getting restless.

 

Minutes later there’s a soft knock on the door.

 

“Come in!” Lexa calls out nervously; watching with anticipation for the door to open.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Ah, Esiry,” Lexa’s face falls after noticing the girl at the entrance.

 

“Woah don’t look so happy to see me.” Esiry the only nightblood among the young warriors, chuckles.

 

“Um, sorry.” Lexa apologizes ashamed “I was just… expecting someone else.” She tries to sound casual.

 

“It’s OK.” Esiry closes the door behind her and takes a few a steps inside. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Well…” Lexa shifts rearranging her body. “Like the general beat the shit out of me.”

 

The girls stare at each other before bursting into laughter.

 

“No seriously,” Esiry says already settling down, “what was that all about? The general wasn’t at the training session today. People are worried, they are wondering what’s going on.”

 

“She didn’t?” When Lexa receives an affirmation she makes a mental note to ask Clarke about Octavia. Then she responds calmly. “She had a bad day and I happened to be in the way, that’s all,” Lexa justifies with a shrug.

 

Esiry walks over to the end of the bed. “There are rumors floating around about it, you know?” The question comes across with a hint of intrigue.

 

 “I know.” Lexa exhales very aware –and tired- of those rumors.

 

“Hmm” Esiry narrows her eyes, mulling over something in her mind.

 

Lexa observes her curiously.

 

Coming to a decision Esiry, sits down in a chair next to Lexa’s bed. “Lexa.” She leans in to be as close to Lexa as possible and whispers into her ear softly as if it is a secret “is it true?”

 

Lexa is taken aback by the question; she wasn’t expecting Esiry to be so forward about the subject. She takes into consideration the good nature of this girl; her honesty, her discipline and her humbleness despite being a nightblood. Lexa concludes Esiry can be trusted. She eyes the girl solemnly and replies with a firm assertion “yes.”

 

Esiry’s mouth opens in shock “are you serious?” She asks for confirmation “cause if you’re joking Lexa I…”

 

Lexa nods in such a self-assured way that it left no room for doubt; and it shows.

 

“You… you are the previous commander; Lexa of the woods clan? … no way!” Esiry lets out staring at Lexa in awe.

 

The high pitched sound Esiry emits next has Lexa cringing, but she waits patiently for the girl to come down from her astonishment.

 

“This is so cool!” Esiry comments with excitement “but… how did it happen?”

 

“I have no idea, it just did.” It’s the only answer Lexa can offer.

 

“Oh” Esiry gets lost in thought for a few seconds “wait, do you think it is a nightblood thing?”

 

It gets Lexa thinking; she never really considered that one. She had firmly believed that she had been the reincarnation of Becca, the first commander, in her previous life; but now she was just a regular person with red blood flowing through her veins and had thought there was no connection anymore. So she shares exactly what’s on her mind, “It never occurred to me.”

 

“What if because we were supposed to carry on the responsibility of leading our people and potentially dying at the Conclave, we nightbloods, were given a second chance as everyone else to be free to live a normal life?” Esiry states her theory fervently.

 

“Um… could be,” Lexa doesn’t really know but the idea sounds definitely interesting. Thoughts of Aden and the other young nightbloods under her care inevitably cross her mind _‘maybe’_ she wishes in silence. Luckily her companion’s enthusiasm doesn’t allow her to dwell too much on it.

 

 “That means I could come back just like you. Well, I don’t have the burden of dying trying to become the commander anymore thanks to Wanheda, but wouldn’t it be cool?” Esiry shakes Lexa’s leg.

“Yeah!” Lexa replies letting her imagination flow, “and you could make your grand entrance at the Young Warrior’s competition!”

 

“Yes!” Esiry chirps taking Lexa’s hand, “and if you’re still alive I would look for you, so I can say ‘I told you I would be back!”

 

“Please do that!” Lexa agrees, clasping Esiry’s fingers “and maybe we could create a club for re-reincarnated former nightbloods!”

 

They both giggle, leaning toward each other conspiratorially.

 

The door opens suddenly.

 

Clarke, who entered the room in a rush, freezes at the vision of the girls. She takes in the proximity of the two of them and their joined hands; an uncomfortable feeling settles into her gut instantly. “Uh, sorry I didn’t mean to…” she utters automatically, ready to back away.

 

“Commander!” Esiry rises at once.

 

 “No Clarke, please” Lexa calls out, this time she avoids moving from her sitting position. 

 

The begging tone in Lexa’s voice makes Clarke stop dead in her tracks; she lifts her head, searching Lexa’s face. 

 

“I’ve been waiting for you,” Lexa supplies softly.

 

Both of them immerse in a deep gaze.

 

Esiry stands still, switching glances from Clarke to Lexa, Lexa to Clarke until something deep down inside of her clicks, “oh wow uh…” she panics looking briefly at Lexa “I have to um… lunch” Esiry awkwardly walks to the exit.

 

Clarke moves to the side to let the girl pass.

 

“Wanheda,” Esiry bows before crossing the threshold.

 

“Esiry” Clarke has to stop herself from the scowling that she instinctively wants to direct at the girl.

 

Esiry closes the door, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone.

 

All of a sudden the room is filled with tension.

 

Before the silence becomes uncomfortable Clarke begins “Um…how are you?” She walks timidly toward Lexa’s bed.

 

“I’m good; well no, actually I’m great now that you’re here,” Lexa grins flirtatiously.

 

Clarke looks down blushing.

 

The ice has been broken.

 

Less insecure, Clarke sits in the chair vacated by Esiry. She observes Lexa for a few seconds.

 

Lexa allows the quiet admiration with ease.

 

Then Clarke chuckles.

 

“What?” Lexa smiles.

 

“I’m sorry this is…” Clarke shakes her head “surreal” she completes; and adds “I still can’t… it seems like…” she chuckles again unable to find the words to describe what she’s feeling.

 

“I know Clarke.” Lexa looks at Clarke with empathy; straight into her eyes. 

 

And there, in those green orbs, Clarke can see without a doubt this teenage girl is Lexa; as ludicrous as it may seem, she is Lexa –her Lexa. _‘Back off Clarke, she’s not yours.’_ Clearing her throat Clarke attempts to dismiss certain inopportune thoughts, instead focusing on starting a real conversation. “The doctor said you’re healing pretty well; with the medication and rest you should be fine.”

 

“Good!” Lexa exclaims, “cause being able to walk only to the bathroom has gotten boring.”

 

“Well you’ll be under observation for a week; after that we’ll see.” Clarke lets her know by glaring at her that leaving the room was not an option and there was no point arguing about it.

 

“Ugh fine!” Lexa rolls her eyes displeased, crossing her arms.

 

With Lexa’s little tantrum, Clarke has to suppress a smile; she can’t believe this girl could be so different yet, almost the same as the Lexa she had known.

 

“Oh by the way,” Lexa remembers something. “Esiry told me Octavia didn’t show up for the session today; what happened?” Lexa didn’t want to speculate so she probes casually. 

 

Clarke's face hardens hearing the name of the general. “She was sent to Arkadia, and will remain there for an established period of time,” she mouths making her dislike evident.

 

“Is it because of the duel?”  Lexa disputes “It was just a misunderstanding Clarke, you shouldn’t… ”

 

“That was not a duel, she attacked you!” Clarke interjects elevating her voice, “her actions were unacceptable regardless if it was you or another warrior. She got exactly what she deserved, if not less.” She takes a deep breath to help herself not to lose her cool. “Now I would much appreciate it if you don’t question my decisions in the future; understood?”

 

Lexa squirms in place, not exactly in fear, “yes Wanheda” she replies submissively, finding it very arousing this imposing side of Clarke.

 

“I’m sorry I…” Clarke runs a hand through her hair wincing at how she sounded, “I just… you don’t have to call me that… please don’t call me that.”

 

Still a little turned on, Lexa only manages to move her head in acknowledgment but doesn’t say anything.

 

The tension in the room returns and Clarke feels guilty for causing it. She finds it ridiculous how easy it was to get back to that place where she and Lexa had authority issues. _‘Being the commander does give you some kind of instinctive stubbornness after all.’_ Not wanting to ruin the moment she continues the exchange. 

 

“So, you don’t really know how it happened huh?” She questions tentatively, sure that Lexa will know what she’s referring to.

 

And Lexa does. “Yeah I just … I just knew that’s all.”

 

“OK” Clarke nods pensively. She needs to know more “and do you like, remember… everything?”

 

Lexa considers it for a second before answering “Almost all; some memories are blurry or somewhat incomplete but in general I remember almost everything,” she supplies. Then her tone changes to one of teasing, “but among all those memories, there’s one that particularly stands out” she finishes with a tiny lopsided grin on her face.

 

It’s inevitable; the images invade Clarke’s mind like a movie replaying in front of her eyes. Lexa naked underneath her, moaning in pleasure at the ministrations she is providing; whispering words in trigedasleng before Lexa crashes into the abyss scratching her back.

 

“OK!” Clarke stands up abruptly blinking the images away “it’s getting late, I gotta…”

 

“You’re leaving already?” Lexa pronounces with dread “don’t go please.”

 

“Oh no, no,” Clarke hurries to clarify. “I'll just tell the guards to let the kitchen know they can bring the food now.”

 

“Oh, OK.” Lexa relaxes a bit, “and… you’re gonna eat with me?” She tries her luck.

 

Clarke can’t help but grin at that “of course.”

 

…

 

Bellamy is getting ready to go back to work after a delightful lunch with his family when there’s a knock on his door. He opens it, intrigued as to who could be there at this hour. “O!” He lets out surprised, immediately embracing his sister.

 

“Yeah, yeah” Octavia gives Bellamy a quick hug and goes inside the cottage.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asks keeping to himself the ‘we were not expecting you until next week’ comment.

 

“Forced vacation” Octavia shrugs dismissively.

 

“Forced vacation? But…”

 

“Octavia!” Myrreh, Bellamy’s wife, enters the living room carrying a toddler in her arms.

 

“Hey Myr.” Octavia approaches the woman embracing her as well as she can with the bundle in the middle. “Max,” she kisses the boy’s forehead.

 

Maximus squeals recognizing his aunt.

 

“Aunty Octavia!”  A four year old girl runs and jumps into Octavia’s arms.

 

“Oh here’s my favorite warrior!” Octavia carries little Aurora easily.

 

“Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat” Myrreh offers willingly.

 

“Yeah sounds good; but first” she puts the girl down “go grab your sword and your brother’s; we are going sparring, my future general, OK?”

 

Aurora screeches, running to her bedroom; coming back seconds later with two small wooden swords Octavia got for them in Polis. “Here!” She shows the objects proudly to her aunt.

 

“Excellent, warrior!” Octavia praises, “Now…” she takes Maximus from her sister in-law's hands, “if you excuse us we are going out to do some training. We’ll see ya in a bit,” with that she walks outside, pushing gently on her niece’s back with one hand and with the other carrying her nephew.

 

The couple watches them leave.

 

“Something is wrong with her; I better go talk to her.” Bellamy makes a move but his wife grabs him by the arm.

 

“Not now Bell” Myrreh states, “let her play with the kids and forget whatever is troubling her. If she wants to talk, she’ll talk.”

 

Bellamy's shoulders sag feeling powerless, “OK” he concedes reluctantly; his mind still wondering if it’s only because of Lincoln that Octavia is there or something else.

 

…

 

As it turns out, just like Indra had informed her, Lexa has quite the appetite. Clarke watches fascinated by how Lexa chows down on her food with gusto; beaming occasionally in her direction. Clarke’s heart soars with affection realizing Lexa is now a happy girl, nothing at all like the somber commander with sad eyes that she used to be. “Tell me about your family,” the words escape her mouth before she can stop them.

 

Lexa’s eyes shine with joy, “Oh my family!” She puts down the plate that was in her hand before excitedly starting, “well you met them already; I live with mom, dad and Adam, he’s turning six this year.”

 

“Adam?” Clarke questions with a brow lifted; the name sounding similar to another she knew.

 

“Yeah” Lexa looks down, “they let me name him; and I thought it would be nice if…” she trails off with melancholy.

 

“That’s really nice actually.” Clarke puts a hand on Lexa’s reassuringly.

 

Having Clarke’s hand on hers, really comforts Lexa so she continues “um dad works in construction and mom makes clothes; they are very hard working and loving,” she sighs deeply in recollection. “I don’t remember my parents from my previous life you know? I was taken really young from my village to train and …” her voice trembles. “I couldn’t have asked for better parents in this life.”

 

Lexa’s admission makes Clarke feel emotional herself, “you deserve it” she assures giving a light squeeze to Lexa’s hand “don’t you ever doubt it.”

 

“OK” Lexa nods rapidly trying to change the mood, “and what about your family? Your life at the ark?”

 

That’s when Clarke realizes just how little they know about each other.

 

They never really had the time to talk, like they are doing now; they had more important things to worry about. Everything went by so fast around them in the past; from how they met until the moment they had no other choice than to succumb to their feelings.

 

It is beyond Clarke how all that happened in such a short amount of time; and how she lost it all just as fast, but now life was giving her another chance. She’s not sure who to thank or what she did to deserve something like this but the love of her life is back and she’ll make sure every minute together counts; she wants to know every single detail of Lexa’s previous life and the current one and to share her own tumultuous life events with her . _‘There’s still time.’_

 

…

 

Sitting in front of a small campfire –next to the hut Bellamy built for her- Octavia reminisces about the incident that brought her back to Arkadia. She holds a cup in her hands, sipping its contents slowly, looking around.

 

Everybody had tried to persuade her to let go of that tiny space that she had claimed for herself; a place that holds nothing but horrible memories. They said it wasn’t healthy, that she was just torturing herself; but she stubbornly refused to give it up, insisting it makes her feel closer to Lincoln. Octavia knows there are other things and places that could easily remind her of him but for some reason she just can’t dismiss this area. Sometimes she even questions her own sanity and why she does this to herself.

 

Light steps can be heard approaching.

 

“Hey” Raven greets standing not too far from the campfire.

 

“Ray-ray!” Octavia welcomes, beckoning her friend to sit with her.

 

Raven gladly accepts the invitation. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” She puts her arm around Octavia.

 

“I was gonna do it… tomorrow,” Octavia replies finishing the last of her drink.

 

“Well, too bad I found you first.” Raven shakes Octavia jokingly and adds, “What brought you here earlier than planned; I mean we weren’t expecting you till next week,” she openly addresses what Bellamy didn’t dare to.

 

“Forced vacation.” Octavia repeats the same excuse she told her brother; filling another cup with alcohol.

 

“I see,” Raven nods; she waits for Octavia to finish filling the cup and takes it away from her, sipping from it immediately. She shudders at the taste of the liquor and then comments “so are you gonna tell me why you’re really here or do I have to get you drunk for you to spill it? You know I’ll get it out of you one way or another,” Raven shrugs in her typical confident way.

 

Octavia groans rolling her eyes. She grabs the bottle and drinks directly from it; she exhales loudly and deeply before throwing a question at her, “have you heard the rumors?”

 

Raven snorts “who hasn’t!” She throws up her hand as if displaying a headline “Commander Lexa came back from the dead, reincarnated in a sixteen year-old girl,” she chuckles to herself.

 

Octavia lets out a long sigh. “Well it’s true.”

 

At that Raven laughs out loud “right!” But when Octavia doesn’t join her in the chortle she turns to the side, staring at her friend, who is portraying a dead serious expression.

 

“Get outa here!” Raven exclaims astonished receiving only silence, “no fucking way man, you gotta be kidding me; please tell me you’re kidding.”

 

Octavia takes another swig from the bottle. “Nope.”

 

“Shit… shit, shit, shit!” Raven doesn’t know what to think “but how, when…”

 

“Dunno. Wanna hear the best part?” Octavia snorts, “I beat the crap out of her.”

 

“You what?!” Raven feels like her mind is going to explode, “why the fuck would you do that!”

 

“Cause I’m an idiot, that’s why.” The first traces of regret can be heard in Octavia’s words.

 

“Oh my God! That’s why you’re here! Clarke found out and…”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Octavia!” Raven punches her friend on the arm, “how is it that you’re still alive!”

 

“I have to thank that to Indra I suppose.” Octavia hesitates for a second but adds either way “she was about to put a bullet in my head you know?”

 

Raven’s neck cranes at this, her eyes bugging out. 

 

“At least she thought about it, I can tell you that.” Octavia then chuckles bitterly. “Wouldn’t it have been romantically ironic?”

 

“Hey, hey” Raven envelopes Octavia in her arms “don’t you even joke about it,” she kisses her forehead.

 

Octavia relaxes, feeling solace in her friend’s embrace; glad that she could vent about this subject at least with one person without them thinking she’s insane.

 

After a moment of quietness Raven can’t help remark “this is crazy O; a reincarnated Lexa? Damn!”

 

“I know” Octavia agrees still struggling with the revelation herself.

 

A minute later or so, Raven leans back to face Octavia “What were you thinking you idiot; she’s a kid; you’re the freaking general” she chastises lightly.

 

At that Octavia points out with a surprising lack of humor “She’s not gonna be a kid for too long in Clarke’s hands.”

 

Raven has to contain her laughter at the observation “please don’t say that to Clarke.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

…

 

“Oh wow I-I’m so sorry Clarke,” Lexa laments after hearing how and why Clarke’s father was floated out to space.

 

“Yeah I’m sorry too.” Clarke tries to sound unaffected but she guesses she’s not fooling Lexa.

 

Lexa opens her mouth to offer some words of comfort but a knock at the door interrupts her.

 

“Clarke.” Indra calls, “you have to get ready for the meeting.”

 

“Thank you! I’ll be out in a sec,” it’s Clarke’s response. She chuckles when she notices the pout on Lexa’s lips. _‘So fucking adorable.’_  

 

“Will you come back soon?” Lexa inquires hopefully.

 

“As soon as I can.” Clarke promises with a smile.

 

“OK” Lexa utters before affirming, “I had a great time Clarke.”

 

“Me too.” Clarke is about to stand up when Lexa suddenly takes her hand and gives it a kiss.

 

“Take care,” Lexa whispers letting go of Clarke’s hand.

 

Clarke wants to kick herself for the nervous laugh that escaped her lips “um, you too.” She walks slowly to the door, stopping briefly to wave at Lexa before leaving the room.

 

With Clarke out of sight, Lexa leans her head against the headboard; portraying a dopey smile on her face. “Oh Clarke, Clarke!” She murmurs with eyes closed, feeling butterflies in her stomach; dreaming already of the things they would talk about when they see each other again.

 

…

 

Once she’s out of Lexa's room, Clarke sighs feeling like a lovesick teenager. _‘What are you doing to me,_ ’ she laughs to herself at the absurdity of the situation, _‘but gosh it feels so good’_.  Her moment of rapture is cut short when she watches Esiry coming out of the bathroom and entering her own room… just two doors down from Lexa’s. Clarke’s jaw tenses, bombarded with unpleasant thoughts. _‘What if when I leave she… are they…?’_ Clarke looks up grunting _‘that’s none of your business anyway Clarke; she’s free, she can do whatever she wants… with whomever she wants’_ she's thinking but she’s not convinced “damn it” she begins walking out of the building. _‘For now you’ll have to settle for being in her company and no more; if something else is to happen, time will tell.’_ With that idea in mind she tries not to dwell too much on Lexa’s choice of partner … or fuck buddy. “Ugh.” She shakes her head willing her mind to think about something other than Lexa and Esiry and the things they may or may not be doing; feeling very tempted to send a guard to Lexa’s bedroom door.

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa fluff part 1. Octavia’s angst (just a little).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? Life is too short to take it seriously so here comes some Clexa acting like cute little dorks! Isn’t that what we all need sometimes? And if you behave and offer some awaited comments I may add more cuteness in the next chapter, deal?

 

 

 

 

The next day, Esiry barely knocks on Lexa’s door before letting herself in.

 

“Whoa, I could have been changing!” Lexa reprimands the other girl. 

 

“Sorry, sorry” Esiry sprints toward Lexa and sits down on the chair, asking without preamble “so those rumors were also true?”

 

“Oh” Lexa suddenly becomes shy knowing exactly what Esiry is talking about. She leaves the book she was reading on her nightstand.

 

 Esiry stares at her expectantly.

 

“Well…” Lexa scratches the back of her neck “yeah kind of…” once again Lexa finds herself cringing at Esiry’s girly screech “argh seriously Esiry stop doing that!”

 

“I’m sorry but this is so cool!” Esiry stops her excited rant to ask another question in a more quiet tone, “and have you and Wanheda…” she wiggles her eye brows to signal what she means.

 

“Uh um…” Lexa flushes at the intimate topic. She doesn’t really know why she’s so willing to disclose all this to Esiry but deep down she feels the need to share it with someone. And that’s exactly what she does next. “In my previous life… once.”

 

 This time, Esiry covers her mouth to muffle the sound that bothers Lexa. “Oh wow Lexa; you’re so lucky,” she slaps Lexa’s arm playfully, “Wanheda is like really hot.”

 

Lexa gives Esiry a nasty look.

 

“What! She IS!”

 

“OK yeah she is,” Lexa admits with a dreamy smile.

 

“You’re gonna tell me right?” Esiry throws another query.

 

“Tell you what?”

 

Esiry sighs. “When you do it!”

 

“What!” Lexa replies horrified. “No Esiry, how…” she shakes her head as she feels her face becoming hot with embarrassment.

 

“Oh c’mon Lexa; pretty please!” Esiry shakes Lexa’s arm, “you know you want to.” She displays a playful grin.

 

Lexa opens her mouth to reject the request but decides against it at the last second. She bites her lip in thought for a moment and finally responds “I-I’ll think about it.”

 

“Yay!” Esiry claps “that’s all I need,” she declares triumphantly.

 

 “Yeah,yeah; now please leave, Clarke could be here any minute” Lexa pushes the girl.

 

“Oh right!” Esiry walks quickly to the door, but before exiting she turns to face Lexa one last time. “Good luck!” She winks and with that she’s gone.

 

…

 

For the subsequent week Clarke has been showing up at Lexa’s room to have lunch with her. They would talk for a couple hours - sometimes more if they were lucky - about every detail of their lives and a little more; until Clarke would be summoned by Indra or a messenger to remind her of the need to fulfill her obligations. With each passing day they felt more comfortable with each other, Lexa occasionally flirting or holding Clarke’s hand causing the blonde to become a bashful mess. It became difficult to say goodbye but at the same time they were both left with an internal satisfaction knowing they were taking the right steps in getting to know one another better and moving forward with whatever destiny has planned for them.

 

…

 

One day, after Clarke had just departed; Esiry’s curiosity got the better of her, and instead of waiting for the next day before lunch as she usually did, she entered Lexa's bedroom.

 

“And?!” Esiry immediately interrogates.

 

Lexa exhales amused and exasperated at the same time, “no Esiry nothing has happened yet.”

 

“Ugh! Lexa c’mon you should be doing something by now!” Esiry reproaches.

 

“Maybe I will soon,” Lexa remarks with a smirk.

 

Esiry’s eyes open wide with interest “why, what’s gonna happen soon?”

 

“Well…” Lexa plays it cool and assumes a confident posture “finally tomorrow I’m able to go out and take a walk to see how I’m doing… and Clarke offered to join me.”

 

“Yes!” Esiry walks over and sits down at the edge of the bed, “you can finally make your move.”

 

“I don’t know” Lexa looks down doubtfully but the smile on her face betrays her pseudo pessimism.

 

“Awww, I bet you’re gonna be all like…” Esiry wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck and using a mocking tone declares “Oh Clarke I love you, you’re so pretty.” She accompanies the words with kissing sounds close to Lexa’s face.

 

“Argh stop!” Lexa pretends to be mad by pulling onto Esiry’s arms but laughing just the same.

 

At that moment the door bursts open.

 

“Hey, I think I forgot my…”

 

Both Lexa and Esiry freeze on the spot.

 

For the second time in a week Clarke is witness to a scene she would’ve rather been spared from: Esiry and Lexa wrapped in what looks like a very intense make out session. Her stomach twists, her chest tightens with a sudden need to scream; but in an impressive display of practiced self-control Clarke swallows the anger within her and completes her previous statement “… coat.”

 

In shock Lexa and Esiry still haven't moved from their current positions.

 

Clarke walks over to retrieve her coat. She yanks it off the hanger and holds on to it unnecessarily tight. Clarke doesn’t know why she does this; but her eyes inevitably search once again for the teens, who are in the exact same circumstances she found them in. She wants to say something, make some excuse to force Esiry to leave Lexa’s room or at the very least let them know of her disapproval; but obviously she can’t. So lifting her chin and portraying her most impassive expression; Clarke leaves. The only evidence of her masked fury is how she slams the door shut.

 

The loud bang causes Lexa and Esiry to finally react and detach from each other.

 

“Jok!” Lexa runs both hands over her face in frustration.

 

Esiry remains sitting in silence; her mind invaded by all sorts of different thoughts. After a while she speaks. “Lexa?”

 

“Yes?” Lexa responds pinching the bridge of her nose, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on.

 

“Um,” Esiry gulps before asking her question. “Would you visit me when Wanheda puts me in the same condition the general put you in?”

 

…

 

If the guards weren’t there to open the doors of the throne room, Clarke probably would’ve kicked them open. She storms in, walking directly to her throne but doesn’t sit down. Clarke just stands in front of it until she throws her coat against the wall with force, letting out a loud growl at the same time. _‘She’s young; of course she would be looking for someone her age to…argh!’_ She paces around while holding her head, _‘but she’s here for you, because you are meant to be. Life brought her back to you for a reason, don’t you go and screw it all up with insecurities.’_ Clarke reasons with herself _‘just let her have her fun, she will come to you when she’s ready; all for you.’_ Finally reaching a conclusion Clarke decides not to allow this impasse to ruin their growing closeness. She takes a deep breath to try and put the topic aside, preparing herself for her next meeting.

 

…

 

Lexa spent most of the previous afternoon and night thinking about Clarke and what she saw. At the beginning she felt mortified but the more she analyzed the situation Lexa came to realize it wasn’t really that big of a deal; she could only hope for Clarke to see it the same way and try to enjoy the day they have ahead.

 

…

 

Standing in front of Lexa’s door the next morning, Clarke reaches for the knob but the fear of finding something she didn’t want to see, stops her and instead she knocks on the flat surface.

 

“Come in!” Lexa yells.

 

Clarke makes her way inside cautiously; already prepared for whatever may come. “Good morning.” She greets.

 

“Good morning.” Lexa greets back offering a smile, but rapidly goes back to the task at hand. “I’m almost done, just give me a minute.” She continues tying her boots. 

 

“Sure,” Clarke looks around the room, pretending to inspect the ornaments as she speaks casually “so… you and Esiry huh?”

 

At that Lexa halts, but almost immediately resumes her activities saying nothing.

 

“She’s a good girl, a nice warrior too; you chose right.” Even knowing how pathetic she sounds, Clarke just can’t help herself.

 

Finishing with her boots Lexa raises from the bed and exhales. “There’s nothing going on between me and Esiry, Clarke.”

 

“You don’t have to explain anything, really.” Clarke interjects with a hand up “it’s none of my business.”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes irritated, but assures either way, “if there were something happening with her or anyone, I would tell you Clarke; I want to believe my parents raised me to be a decent woman.” When Clarke only offers silence Lexa supplies as a reason, “besides she’s more into guys you know?”

 

Clarke huffs. “So what? I was into guys too.” She toys with a figurine on Lexa’s desk.

 

Lexa would’ve laughed at the way Clarke was behaving, if it wasn’t for the memories it brought back. Wanheda, like she has gotten to know her in this new life, was not the woman in front of her; in her place is Clarke of the sky people, the teenager Lexa met among the chaos of war. The stubborn young blonde who despite the suffering she went through –despite the pain Lexa herself caused her- still had kindness and courage in those beautiful blue eyes. Her heart bursts with love for this woman, at the same time she feels honored to be able to witness Clarke with her walls down, vulnerable; whether it’s intentional or not she guesses not many have the privilege of seeing this side of Wanheda.

 

Still there’s always a place for some teasing.

 

“You’re jealous” Lexa states, not bothering to hide her mischievous smile.

 

“What? No! I’m…” Clarke’s first instinct is to deny the allegations but she knows there’s no point; even if she wanted to, she can’t lie to Lexa. So forgetting any pretense, Clarke faces the brunette before making an admission “well… it’s not like I have the right to be, huh.”

 

 The words are so full of resignation and defeat that Lexa’s previous impish attitude drops; in its place she resolves to refute Clarke’s statement seriously. “You have every right to be.” Lexa stares at Clarke’s face and then moves closer until she’s in front of the blonde, never breaking eye contact “I told you already Clarke; I’m yours” with that she leans in to Clarke’s left cheek, planting a firm lingering kiss.

 

Lexa’s lips on her skin leave Clarke stupefied with a tingling sensation all over her body. Fears, insecurities and jealousy are momentarily forgotten with that simple demonstration of affection. And she’s so into it, that it takes her a few more seconds to realize she’s alone.  “Shit!” Clarke sprints out of the room shaking her head, trying to get out of the sweet trance she is in.

 

…

 

Raven, with bags under her eyes and ready to pass out at any moment, glances at the sleeping form of Octavia in her arms on the bed. It has been absolute hell for two days with Octavia just crying inconsolably and Raven holding her tight; like she has been doing for the past fifteen years.

 

Octavia was reluctant to let anyone other than Raven to be with her in these difficult times –not even Bellamy. Myrreh, who Octavia respected as a warrior and also as a trustworthy friend, joined them ten years ago. Octavia found some sort of comfort in allowing a grounder to participate in her mourning.

 

Raven and Myrreh were there the previous day accompanying Octavia in her annual anniversary death ritual.

 

As any other year, Octavia would let Myrreh pray to the spirits in trigedasleng for Lincoln; always asking them to let him be close to her. Octavia would then pray herself, with the words directed at Lincoln personally, hoping that wherever he was he would listen. After that, all Octavia did was stumble on the ground and cry until she lost her voice or she fell unconscious out of exhaustion.

 

And that’s exactly the condition she’s in now; finally sleeping. As soon as Raven noticed the woman drifting off, she glanced at Myrreh letting her know silently she could go back to her family.

 

It was a terrible thing to watch the usually harsh and sassy general transformed into this hopeless woman. But there was nothing else they could do, Octavia was the one who chose this path, they could only offer their solidarity and empathy through her pain.

 

Raven observes her friend quietly, swallowing the lump in her throat so she doesn’t disturb Octavia’s sleep with her sobs. She kisses the brunette’s head, softly cuddling her before finally allowing sleep to take over her tired body.

 

…

 

As soon as Myrreh enters her home, Bellamy is standing in front of her.

 

“How is she?” Bellamy asks evidently concerned.

 

“You know,” Myrreh shrugs sadly.

 

“Yeah,” Bellamy lowers his gaze showing some sadness himself.

 

They both embrace, soothing each other.

 

“Where are the kids?” Myrreh inquiries as she pulls away and walks into her bedroom, with Bellamy not far behind.

 

“They are still sleeping.”

 

“Good; I’m going to get some sleep before they wake up.”

 

“Oh don’t worry about that,” Bellamy says. “I’m staying today,” he assures sympathetically. 

 

Myrreh’s shoulders droop with relief letting out a short moan “aren’t you the best?” She leans in to peck her husband’s lips. She then moves to the bathroom to wash her face and get rid of her dirty clothes.

 

“And…” Bellamy starts hesitatingly “did she tell you why she came earlier?”

 

Myrreh pauses at the question, already knowing how this is going to end. “Yes” she confirms resuming her activities.

 

“OK.” Bellamy nods staring at her expectantly. When Myrreh remains quiet he pressures, “what happened?”

 

Exhaling loudly Myrreh answers “I can’t tell you that.”

 

Bellamy looks at her confused. “What do you mean you can’t tell me?”

 

“I meant exactly that, I can’t tell you because she asked me not to.”

 

“Myrreh,” Bellamy pronounces the name clearly annoyed “I’m her brother; it’s my right to know what’s going on with her.”

 

“Then go ask her yourself,” it is Myrreh’s simple reply. She passes by Bellamy going to the closet to retrieve her sleeping gown.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bellamy can’t believe what he’s hearing, “she can tell you whatever she wants about me, but I’m your husband Myrreh; we are supposed to share everything.”

 

“I do share everything with you Bellamy; everything related to me, not everyone else’s life.” Myrreh retorts, feeling some annoyance herself. “Octavia is my friend and she confided in me with something very delicate; I’m not about to betray her trust because of your curiosity.”

 

“Curiosity?” Bellamy utters indignantly, “this is not curiosity; I need to know what is wrong with my sister and you have to tell me; we are bound together Myrreh, you owe loyalty to me.”

 

Myrreh’s face immediately hardens, something in the words sets her off, “my loyalty is with my commander only,” Myreeh recites the vow she has engraved in her mind. A vow she had repeated countless times; first combating along with Lexa’s army in days of war and later under Clarke’s orders.

 

Now Bellamy is furious “with your commander? What the hell are you talking about; we are a family Myrreh.”

 

“You are my family and I love you but my loyalty lies with the commander of the thirteen clans and in combat with the general of the commander’s army; the two women who are willing to die for me and my people,” Myrreh counteracts firmly.

 

“I am willing to die for you too!” Bellamy all but yells, “I fought in the war to save your people, remember? To save the world!”

 

“Yeah, because your people were also at stake; but tell me, would you die for my people now? For the ones in my village, my family? Hmm?” Myrreh challenges taking a step forward, “because I bet you my own blood that Wanheda and the general would surely do it without a second thought.”

 

Bellamy can’t find anything to say to refute the arguments.

 

“Now if you excuse me I’m going to bed; I’m really tired and I need the rest. We can continue this later if you still want to discuss loyalties.” With that Myrreh lays down on the bed turning her back on her husband.

 

Without anything else to add Bellamy exits their bedroom, determined more than ever to find out the truth about Octavia’s early arrival.

 

…

 

The walk Clarke and Lexa took went without incident. Clarke had decided to go to the forest instead of the city per se to avoid any unwanted attention. They spent the whole time talking as usual, but now surrounded by nature which made the whole experience far more relaxing.

 

Clarke discovered on this little trip that Lexa loved flowers since she couldn’t pass by any of them without wanting to examine them closely and smell them; important information that Clarke made sure to remember later.

 

When Lexa started showing traces of weariness Clarke practically forced her to return by threatening not to go with her on the next excursion.

 

Already at her door; Lexa remains in the threshold smiling “I really had fun on our date Clarke,” she remarks cheekily.

 

That causes Clarke to laugh. “Don’t be a smart ass; that wasn’t a date.”

 

“Oh it wasn’t?” Lexa feigns ignorance, “then we better do something to change that.” She flirtatiously smirks at the blonde.

 

“Ah and how exactly are you planning on doing it?” Clarke can’t help replying with a brow lifted, teasingly.  

 

“Well…” Lexa pretends to consider. “How about I take you on a real date.”

 

“A real date?” Clarke tries to sound poised but deep inside she’s getting all mushy at the prospect.

 

“Yes, a date” Lexa confirms confidently, “tomorrow, lunch time.”

 

Clarke chuckles to mask her nervousness “O-OK; sounds good to me” but she fails.

 

“Great!” Lexa’s impish grin makes its presence, “can’t wait.” With that she leans in just like she did earlier, kissing Clarke’s cheek once again.

 

She should have been ready for it by now, after all this was the second time, but still the kiss has the same effect on Clarke.

 

“Have a good day commander,” Lexa whispers biting her lip before going inside her room, and closing the door.

 

“Yeah good… day.” Clarke mumbles to herself standing dumbfounded in the hallway; so distracted by the emotion taking over her; that she didn’t notice how Lexa used her title to address her –a thing which normally would’ve bothered her. _‘A date? Are you really going on a date with Lexa?’_ Clarke wonders. _‘Wow this is amazing, so fucking amazing’_ astounded and with a dopey smile on her face, Clarke returns to the tower; expectations and anxiety surfacing in her being at this so unexpected but gladly welcomed date. 

 

…

 

Behind the door Lexa shrieks happily already planning what she will do for this date. _‘I guess I’m gonna need Indra’s help for this one’_ she concludes, moving  over to her bed and spreading herself on it; her last thought before drifting to sleep is how close she is to tasting Clarke’s lips once again.

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa fluff part 2, the dates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised here you have not only one but two Clexa dates! I guess my muse was in a good mood since this chapter turned out longer than usual (or maybe it was your comments? :P) Either way I can only hope you continue to enjoy my fic and keep me company during this fantasy journey :D

 

 

 

 

 

From the start, Lexa knew she wanted this date to be simple; just her and Clarke in a pleasant place where they would be free of any tension, talking like two people wanting something more than a friendship and not just catching up. Earlier this morning, when Indra brought her breakfast she took the opportunity to ask the woman a favor, which she reluctantly agreed.

 

Now, already dressed in her best pants and jacket -ones her mother made especially for her-Lexa waits for Indra to deliver the items she requested. Fortunately she didn’t have to wait long.

 

“You got everything?” Lexa asks excitedly, opening the door wide.

 

“Yes I guess so.” Indra places the basket on the desk and watches impassively as Lexa inspects the contents.

 

With a big smile on her face, Lexa turns to Indra and without any warning she embraces her.

 

The woman rolls her eyes holding Lexa with one arm. “I’m too old for this.” She mumbles begrudgingly.

 

“Thank you so much Indra,” Lexa expresses with immense gratitude.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Indra lets out dismissively. Feeling awkward with the whole situation she excuses herself. “So um, I’ll leave you to it,” reaching for the door knob she warns “don’t keep her too long we have things to work on.”            

 

“Oh sure, no problem.” Lexa assures conscious of Clarke’s responsibilities. “And thanks again.”

 

Indra grunts trying to appear uninterested. Once she is on the other side of the door though, she smiles to herself, content to see Lexa and Clarke happy for once.

 

…           

 

Lexa planned to pick up Clarke at the tower herself, believing it would be more appropriate but Clarke objected, saying it was best if she waited for her; so here she was, Lexa outside the dorm anxiously expecting Clarke's arrival.

 

Clarke arrives ten minutes later. She finds it odd to see Lexa at the entrance of the dormitory instead of at her room and carrying a basket.

 

“Hey!” Lexa waves approaching the blonde.

 

“Hey um…” Clarke greets looking down at the object in Lexa’s hand. “What’s that?”

 

“Something I arranged for our date” Lexa announces mischievously.

 

“Oh!” Clarke exclaims momentarily surprised. She knows they are going on a date, but the mention of the actual word brings butterflies to her stomach. “Um; let me…” She attempts to reach out for the basket but Lexa moves it away from her.

 

“Uh uh!” Lexa chastises, “I’m taking this with me.”

 

“But your arm and ribs” Clarke reasons. “It looks kinda heavy; I can…”

 

“I’m OK Clarke,” Lexa sighs irritated. “I invited you on this date, but you wouldn’t even let me meet you at the tower!” She complains. “At least let me have this moment to feel I’m actually in charge here.”

 

Clarke wants to argue because she’s concerned for Lexa’s well-being, but she has to admit that Lexa has a good point. “Fine,” she agrees unconvinced “but if it starts hurting or you feel tired…”

 

“I’ll tell you, I promise” Lexa compromises.

 

“Good.” With the new agreement Clarke proceeds with the reason why they are both here. “So where are we going?”

 

Putting aside the little impasse, Lexa returns to her teasing mood. “This way,” she signals the path to be taken with her head.

 

Clarke follows eagerly.

 

…

 

During a good twenty minute walk, where more than once Clarke tried in vain to convince Lexa to let her carry the basket, they finally arrived at their destination.

 

It was in the dense part of the forest; where the trees and heavy vegetation barely allowed a person to pass.

 

“And, here we are” Lexa announces joyfully, stopping in the middle of it all.

 

“Um,” Clarke looks around, curiously and a little skeptical “are we staying here?”

 

That’s when Lexa offers a broad smile. “No, more like here.” She shoves over some plants near a particularly large tree and instantly a stairway can be seen.

 

Clarke observes how Lexa passes the bushes and starts walking down the stairway. She has no other choice but to do the same. Clarke doesn’t have to take too many steps down to notice what is behind the mystery of Lexa’s spot. “Oh wow,” she can’t help expel at the vision in front of her eyes.

 

A small lake surrounded by beautiful plants and colorful flowers, some of them glowing bioluminescence.

 

The vision brings a mixture of emotions and memories to Clarke’s mind, threatening to ruin her optimistic mood _. ‘That’s in the past; live the here and now, with her’_ a voice deep inside seems to be telling her, and Clarke chooses to listen to it. “This is beautiful,” she says loud enough for Lexa to hear.

 

“It is” Lexa confirms admiring the view, “this was my private hiding place whenever I needed to find myself, to think and make important decisions.” She loses herself a few seconds in her own recollections but quickly continues. “I was glad to find it intact after all these years.” Lexa turns to Clarke with a sweet grin, “now I want to share it with you. I want to make this place a happy hidden spot, fill it with good memories and positivity; our happy hidden spot.” She emphasizes the last sentence assertively.

 

It makes Clarke very happy to be part of this fresh beginning in Lexa’s new life; in being a key factor in these new good memories Lexa is talking about; something she could have never imagined happening. Sometimes it still strikes her as surreal or a dream to be in this situation, in front of the woman she loved and lost so fast and easy. She had been thinking about it since the rumors started, then when she saw her in person she still resisted in believing in it, but after countless nights of processing and finally accepting it, Clarke simply stopped wondering if it’s real or not and decided to just let herself go. She’s not scared anymore, she wants to live this, to jump off the cliff and claim what destiny is screaming for her to take; Lexa will be hers and this time for good. They are taking the first step here; all she has to do now is to follow Lexa’s lead.

 

 “I would love that.” The words sound more like a promise on Clarke’s lips.

 

And Lexa gets the message. “Shall we begin?” With that, Lexa extends her hand and takes Clarke to the edge of the lake to officially start the date.

 

...

 

Now sitting comfortably on a blanket near the shore, they eat the various snacks and fruits Lexa brought, among laughter and casual conversation.

 

“Did you date a lot back in the ark?” Lexa question's with genuine interest.

 

“Not really.” Clarke shrugs, “I mean they were not serious dates or anything, just an excuse to go around the ark and make out I guess,” she completes with a chuckle.

 

“Right.” Lexa thinks for a second before asking her next query “and… is this a serious date?” One of her brows lifts in a playful manner.

 

“Um” Clarke’s cheeks suddenly become a rosy complexion at the question. “Yeah that-that would be accurate yeah,” then feeling completely at ease in Lexa’s company, she confesses “my first serious date to be exact.”

 

The confession really amazes Lexa; it is something she wasn’t expecting at all. It is really nice to know that despite being older and more experienced than her, she still can be part of some of Clarke’s firsts.

 

Because of Lexa’s lack of reply, Clarke fills the void, “and you? Have you dated a lot?”

 

That works into bringing Lexa back to the talk. “No.” The answer is immediate “when I was the commander I really didn’t have the time or well Titus wouldn’t let me,” she admits with some resentment. “I kind of broke some of his rules by seeing Costia; we had a couple of dates or so but after she…” Lexa can't finish the sentence. “I didn’t feel like doing that anymore,” she ends looking down.

 

Clarke takes her hand and is about to say something reassuring, but Lexa starts speaking again.

 

“Well, that is until I met you,” she opens up in return for Clarke’s admission, “since that moment I begun to consider it again.”

 

It’s Clarke’s turn to be amazed “Really?” When Lexa nods, she can’t help being curious and wants to know more details and to change the mood, “and what did you have in mind back then?”

 

Lexa is the one blushing now, “oh I don’t know… taking you around Polis, showing you my favorite places, have you trying our food... something like that,” she finishes playing with Clarke’s fingers.

 

“Sounds nice.” Clarke refrains from teasing, finding flustered Lexa too adorable.

 

Then, in an attempt to move the focus of the conversation onto her, Lexa continues with her questioning, “And what do sky people do on a serious date?”

 

“Oh.” Clarke stops momentarily to consider this one, “currently we don’t have many options, it would have been just like a grounder date, but back in the day one of the options was dinner and dancing.”

 

“Dinner and dancing?” Of course Lexa knows what dinner and dancing means but she can’t imagine both of them together in the conceptual sense of a couple’s date.

 

Clarke opens her mouth to explain but decides against it; instead a smirk adorns her face. “I’ll show you.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“If you really wanna know how a sky person used to date, then you’ll have to experience it for yourself,” Clarke states nonchalantly.

 

 “Uh so you’re asking me on a second date?” Lexa needs confirmation on what she thinks Clarke is implying.

 

“That’s right!” Clarke confirms confidently. “It will have to be on a weekend, as it is customary; I will let you know later of the exact day, after clearing away some things.”

 

“OK.” Lexa can’t hide her excitement as she laces her fingers with Clarke’s.

 

“OK.” 

 

They remain in contented silence; admiring they joined fingers. Suddenly both look at each other at the same time sensing a deep connection. It seems like the right moment, it feels like a good moment; but neither of them can make the last move to kiss the other.

 

And those same occasions were repeated throughout the rest of their date; while standing near the shoreline, while admiring a flower or when they bumped into each other while climbing their way back up the stairway.

 

Even now in front of Lexa’s room door, with blue and green irises interlocked. They both want to, they really want to lean in and taste each other’s lips but somehow they just simply won’t take the first step.

 

Clearing her throat to get back to reality, Clarke makes her farewells. “So… I really had fun on our date.” She remarks naughtily, repeating the words Lexa used the previous day.

 

Lexa sniggers but doesn’t tease back, “me too,” she makes sure to stare into Clarke’s eyes, despite how the blonde avoids hers. 

 

“I probably won’t be able to come tomorrow for lunch, I have a meeting with some ambassadors and also I want to organize my activities to have an entire day cleared for our date,” Clarke explains showing longing in her features.

 

“Of course.” Lexa accepts the explanation with no hint of annoyance, showing in its place some expectation, “you have to tell me when our date will be.”

 

“Yeah I will, don’t you worry about it,” Clark assures and before losing her courage she leans into Lexa’s cheek and plants a short kiss, again imitating Lexa’s actions the previous afternoon. “Take care.” With that she turns away and leaves like a frightened girl who just did something forbidden.

 

Lexa follows Clarke with her eyes until she disappears behind a wall. She leans on the door frame, smiling stupidly until someone pulls at her arm.

 

“Inside! you’re gonna tell me everything!” Esiry forces Lexa inside the room finding no resistance in doing so.

 

…

 

Very late that night and after taking a hot shower, Clarke enters her bedroom ready to revise some work before going to sleep. She has to make a conscious effort to concentrate though, since thoughts of Lexa won’t stop popping into her mind, bringing a sly grin to her lips.

 

The communication system starts beeping.

 

Clarke sobers up immediately. The only person who could be calling at this time would be her mother, but she is sure Abby is not currently in Arkadia; which means it may be an emergency. She hurries to answer, a bit concerned; waiting for the image to clear on the monitor.

 

“Sup commander!”

 

“Raven.” Clarke sighs with relief, noticing the smiling face of her friend. “You kinda scared me you know?” She admonishes.

 

“Sorry, I was just waiting for everybody to be asleep” Raven explains.

 

“Right.” Clarke responds but then something else comes into her mind. Even though she’s still very mad at the woman, Clarke needs to know. “How’s Octavia?”

 

Raven exhales, assuming a serious expression. “Better. Not better-better but she’s holding up.”

 

“Good.” Clarke looks down in thought.

 

“And you? How are you?”

 

Raven’s question comes with more than just concern; Clarke can tell “I’m doing fine.” She gets a little tense when she realizes Raven is observing her weirdly. “And how’s everything at the Ark?” She tries to divert the attention.

 

“Hmm,” completely ignoring the query, Raven comments with fake confusion, “I notice you are a bit different, I don’t know maybe… radiant?”

 

“Radiant?” Clarke chuckles nervously. “I’ve been sleeping well and things are not that bad around here; so maybe that’s it.”

 

“No,” Raven dismisses. “I think it’s something else…” she makes an intriguing pause, then completes her sentence with a brow lifted “or someone else?”

 

The last sentence threatens to break her usual stern attitude –especially because that ‘someone’ is brought back again into her head. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Clarke’s voice comes out deep and firm.

 

Raven snorts “you’re smiling,” she teases.

 

“I’m not smiling!” Clarke exclaims frustrated.

 

“You are; with your eyes.”

 

At that Clarke opens her mouth but words fail her, she can’t find a way to refute the statement.

 

Having her exactly where she wanted, Raven delivers the final blow. “Are you sure your new found radiance has nothing to do with a certain previous commander now turned into a reincarnated teenager?” She doesn’t bother to hide the knowing smirk from her face.

 

“Wha…” Clarke is blown away by the question. She stares at the screen with eyes bugging out with incredulity “She-she told you?”

 

“Of course she told me, I’m her best friend!” Raven lets out almost offended.

 

Clarke shakes her head confused “and… you believed her?”

 

Raven scoffs “please Clarke; after the reapers, night bloods, the chip, being possessed by Alie and the freaking city of light nothing can really surprise me.”

 

She may not be surprised, but Clarke certainly is. “I’m sorry I just…” Clarke chuckles “this whole thing makes no sense to me yet and it is hard to believe that you…”

 

“I know,” Raven offers “it’s fucking crazy huh?”

 

Clarke only nods astonished.

 

Taking pity on the state of her friend, Raven speaks. “Look Clarke I called you because I was worried about you, OK. I can’t begin to imagine how this thing is fucking with your mind or how you must be feeling. We don’t have to talk about this now, but I wanna let you know that you can talk to me about it; I’m here for you.”

 

The sincerity in Raven’s words make Clarke feel at ease, “thank you Raven; I appreciate that.” Clarke’s lips quirk up involuntarily.

 

“It’s nothing really,” Raven shrugs. She contemplates her next words before telling Clarke, “You know, it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you smile like that”

 

Just then Clarke notices she’s smiling. She laughs self-consciously.

 

“It’s nice to see you like this Clarke; regardless of the reason. You deserve it.”

 

It takes all Clarke’s will power not to start crying at such a caring comment. She bites her lip to contain her emotions.

 

 Raven knows how difficult it is for Clarke to show her emotional side now that she is the commander; she’s conscious of this being a very rare moment and she is grateful she still maintains a special place in Clarke’s heart to allow her to see her like this. “Just promise me something,” she adds earning Clarke’s full attention “promise me that you’re gonna be careful but not too much; that you will enjoy every single minute you have with her and…” Raven gets closer to the camera “promise me that you are gonna be happy.”

 

That is definitely something Clarke can compromise with. “I promise.”

 

…

 

“Wow, that sounds so romantic” Esiry sighs staring up at the ceiling while laying next to Lexa on the bed.

 

“I know.” Lexa can’t erase the ear to ear grin from her face.

 

“Ugh, I can’t believe I won’t be here for your second date,” Esiry laments.

 

“Why?”

 

“On Friday I will be with the Boat clan, you know my meeting with Luna.”

 

“Oh the Nightblood training right; sorry.” Lexa shows sympathy for her friend.

 

  “It’s OK,” Esiry exhales resigned. Suddenly she turns to the side and faces Lexa, “promise me that you’re going to let me know how it went, when I return; every single detail; write it down if you must!” The teen demands.

 

 _‘Like if I’m going to forget it’_ Lexa thinks as she replies “I promise.”

 

…

 

Clarke chose Saturday for their second date. She told Lexa she would pick her up after sunset; and Lexa dutifully prepared for it.

 

When the knock on the door finally comes, Lexa rushes to answer it.

 

“he…” The greeting gets stuck in Lexa’s throat; the first thing her eyes land on is an enormous bouquet of flowers that cover Clarke’s face entirely.

 

“Hey there.” Clarke lowers the bouquet a bit so she can face the brunette. “For you,” she hands the flowers to a very stunned Lexa.

 

“Oh wow Clarke.” Lexa takes the bouquet carefully, admiring the diversity of colors, “they are beautiful” she utters amazed.

 

“You should put them in a vase before we go,” Clarke advises with a delightful beam.

 

“Yeah of course.” Lexa spins around and looks at the vase on her shelf, noticing how small it is. Her shoulders sag in disappointment.

 

“I think this will do.”

 

Lexa turns to Clarke once again and takes in the large vase at Clarke’s feet.

 

“This one already has water in it.”

 

To say Lexa is impressed is an understatement, “you thought of everything” she says more to herself.

 

But Clarke heard her.

 

“Well, I’m the commander aren’t I?” Clarke announces smugly.  She then picks up the vase and helps Lexa with the bouquet.

 

Finally putting the vase in the perfect spot, Lexa gives the flowers one last sniff before facing Clarke. “Ready.”

 

“Lets go.” Clarke leads the way to the tower.

 

They walk side by side silently, stealing glances at each other; doing their best not to look like two lovestruck idiots. 

 

…

 

The chosen location, a room in the tower usually reserved for guests that Clarke arranged to have prepared for the occasion.

 

“Here we are.” Clarke opens the door carefully, making sure Lexa enters first.

 

Lexa scans the room and the decorations: flowers strategically placed, a single table near the balcony -which has the curtains opened-and a device that she has gotten to know as a speaker on a desk.

 

“I hope you’re hungry.” Clarke walks over to the table immediately offering a chair to Lexa.

 

“I-I am.” Lexa stutters with a sudden nervousness she wasn’t feeling before. She moves closer and sits down. 

 

Clarke proceeds to uncover the plates on the table, which happen to contain Lexa’s favorite food.

 

Lexa gasps, “how did you know?” She has to ask because among all the things they discussed before, favorite food was never a main topic.

 

“Well,” Clarke explains as she pours drinks into their glasses, “lets just say some previous servants gave me a hand.”

 

“Oh.” It’s all Lexa lets out; her mouth already watering in anticipation. She is momentarily distracted from the meal, observing Clarke lighting a single candle on the table and finally sitting down in front of her.

 

“Lets make a toast.” Clarke lifts her glass and waits for Lexa to do the same. “For new beginnings!” She states with confidence.

 

“To us!” Lexa complements just as assertively. 

 

They tip their glasses and sip the contents; each one with different expectations of what the night lays ahead.

 

…

 

“And when do you think I can continue my training?” Lexa questions before putting the last bite of food into her mouth.

 

“Not sure; I’ll have to review that with the doctor,” Clarke guarantees as she cleans her lips with a napkin.

 

“OK.”

 

Clarke hesitates only for a second, when something she’s been mulling over comes to her. “Hey um…” When she gets Lexa's attention she continues. “Why didn’t you find me sooner?” She doesn’t want to sound resentful or appear hurt, but she imagines Lexa can read the ‘why you left me suffering for so long’ look on her face.

 

Lexa puffs, her own face showing a clear ‘where do I begin’ on her features. She ultimately chooses the main reason. “If you had a hard time accepting me as I am now; I can’t imagine how you would have taken it if I came to you when I was ten years old.”

 

As painful as it was to endure that time alone, Clarke knows she has to accept the fact that what Lexa is telling her makes sense. “Yeah I guess you’re right.”

 

Completely wrapped up in the topic Lexa adds, “I really needed you to take me seriously you know. To see me as a grown up… as a woman.” She glances at Clarke but quickly looks down blushing furiously.

 

Situations like this is when Clarke is thankful for all the strict training she went through at the hands of Indra, for now she’s able to hold back the ‘Oh, I do see you as a woman you don’t have to worry about that’ from leaving her mouth. “Hmm” it’s the only sound she emits, taking her glass and sipping from it to avoid elaborating on the subject.

 

“Do you like it?” Lexa moves on with a query of her own.

 

“What?”

 

“I mean being the commander; do you like it?”

 

It is certainly an interesting question Clarke has pondered herself many times. “I do,” she admits but expounds “it’s been challenging, especially at the beginning.”

 

“The rebels,” Lexa complements.

 

“Yeah, the rebels,” Clarke affirms “but even then I doubt it was as complicated as you had it back in the day. I’m glad we were able to rearrange things and create another type of civilization.”

 

Lexa nods prompting Clarke to continue if she wanted too.

 

“But I gotta say, even in the worst of times, something good came out of it.”

 

“Like what?” Lexa shows interest.

 

“Like the time I was escaping from the ones wanting to kill me, that was when I met Roda my personal servant.  She’s a lady from the desert clan.” She enlightens. “She helped me and kept me hidden for a long while; protecting me only as a mother could.” A kind expression appears on Clarke’s face, “during that period of time we got to know each other well, telling our stories and all. She lost all of her family years ago and was living as a nomad, without a real reason to live, just surviving.”

 

“That’s really sad,” Lexa comments knowing exactly how the woman must have felt.

 

“And well when I came back and things had settled down; I invited her to work for me and fortunately she accepted.” Clarke ends in a positive note.

 

“It's nice to hear that you have people you can trust Clarke; that you’re not alone here.” Lexa expresses sincerely; having experienced herself how difficult it could be to find someone like that; especially when you are in such a high position.

 

“Yeah I’m very lucky.”

 

The conversation flows naturally for a couple hours more, until Clarke makes a suggestion.

 

 “Would you like to see the view from the balcony?” She stands up inviting the young brunette to do the same.

 

“Yes please!” Lexa accepts the invitation without hesitation.

 

They both move to the balcony, gladly feeling the coolness of the night breeze.

 

“Woah!” Lexa blurts out appreciating the sight. “I almost forgot how amazing it looks from here.” She gets closer to the edge. “Polis looks enormous now; gorgeous.”

 

“Yeah, gorgeous.” Clarke whispers, not exactly talking about the city, but rather Lexa’s face.

 

Lexa inhales contently. In the past, glancing at the city of Polis used to cause pressure in her chest from the weight of being the Commander, being responsible for the lives of her people and the uncertainty of not knowing if she would be able to keep them save, or if she would succeed in bringing them the peace they urgently needed. But now she’s free from that duty, now she’s just a girl living her own life with only one mission: to stay with Clarke. “Thank you,” she murmurs turning to Clarke.

 

“For what?” Clarke is taken aback by the unexpected phrase.

 

“This,” Lexa points down at the city. “You made this possible Clarke; you brought us peace, you made us grow, you saved us. Thank you,” Lexa hopes her eyes can convey her gratitude.

 

Clarke gets closer to Lexa “No, thank you. You started this, I just finished it.” She takes Lexa’s hand, “you gave me the strength to continue; without the constant reminder of your words and work I wouldn’t have been able to do it.”

 

Lexa squeezes Clarke’s hand in silent acknowledgment; like two leaders proud of their efforts and achievements.

 

Without having to say it out loud, both are grateful to be here together. They don’t know how, they don’t know why, but here they are ready to embark on the journey life denied them sixteen years ago; a second chance Clarke and Lexa are ready to take at any cost.

 

The mood is starting to get very intense; Clarke can feel it; so she decides to change it with something a little more light. “Come with me.” She pulls sweetly on Lexa’s hand, bringing her back inside. Without letting go, she walks over to the speaker and presses a few buttons.

 

A second later, music surrounds the whole room.

 

“We had the dinner, now we have the dancing.” With that Clarke places her hands on Lexa's hips and begins swaying them both to the soft melody of the music.

 

Lexa is unable to say anything; she’s mesmerized by how wonderful everything is at the moment. She places her arms around Clarke’s neck, letting the blonde take control over her body; at the same time, trying to follow the movements as best as she can.

 

The soft instrumental music plays along as the two move together, attempting to find a rhythm not only for their bodies but also their souls.

 

As the time passes Clarke feels more daring, testing some moves, even twirling Lexa around making her giggle.

 

A moment of existentialism strikes Clarke; making her wonder how is it that life stole all those years next to Lexa, making her miserable; but almost immediately realizing that it may not have  been the right time, maybe things probably wouldn’t have been the same, that she wouldn’t be the same. _‘This is the right time.’_ Her mind seems to be telling her ‘ _life was preparing you for this moment. There’s no war or imminent death to worry about, just you and her; that’s the only thing you have to care about, you and her,’_ with that last thought Clarke focuses on enjoying the dance and the girl in her arms.

 

When weariness begins invading their bodies and after verifying the lateness of the evening, Clarke puts a stop to their fun.

 

“Oh Clarke, c’mon!” Lexa argues. 

 

“It’s getting late, you are still in recovery; if you really want to get back to your training any time soon, you need to take care of yourself.”

 

As usual, Lexa has no argument against Clarke’s assertion. She just pouts resigned and obediently gets ready to return to her room.

 

As they walk back to the dorm, Clarke itches to take hold of Lexa’s hand, but she refrains in fear of drawing attention to themselves. _‘Not yet.’_

In a similar position they were in yesterday, under the threshold of Lexa’s bedroom door, they prepare to say goodnight.

 

“So that was a sky people date huh?” Lexa starts flirtatiously playing with Clarke’s jacket collar.

 

“You can say that.” Clarke responds in kind, supporting one of her arms on the wall.

 

“And is there a chance we will have a repeat any time soon?” Lexa suggests without shyness.

 

“Maybe; if you behave,” Clarke remarks self-assuredly.

 

Lexa chuckles enjoying this playful Clarke; but before they have to part ways she states “everything was perfect Clarke; the flowers, the date… you.” She fixes her eyes on Clarke’s.

 

“I,” Clarke gulps forcing her mouth to expel what she has on her mind. “I can think of something that would make everything even more perfect.” She bites her lip nervously, but doesn’t dare to do anything else.

 

“Me too.” Unable to hold back the tension anymore, Lexa pulls at Clarke’s collar with both hands bringing her face close to hers and connecting their lips in a long awaited kiss.

 

Clarke knows she should be embarrassed about the tiny moan that escaped her lips at the contact but right now she couldn’t care less.

 

Their lips move slowly at first, savoring everything they have to give; they probe, they taste, they tease. This is nothing like the unexpected kiss in the tower which was full of desperation and uncertainty; this kiss has desire, excitement, passion, love.

 

Liking it so much, Lexa deepens the kiss; smirking at the way Clarke moans again, eagerly responding to the force of it.

 

When Clarke feels her body reacting to the kiss in more than just joyfulness she pulls away reluctantly, leaning her forehead against Lexa’s.

 

Lexa lets out a sigh catching her breath.

 

“Told you it would be perfect.” Clarke murmurs; her breath still raging.

 

“Yeah.” Lexa expels just as breathless.

 

A little more calm, Clarke finally detaches from Lexa’s body, “we definitely will have a repeat” she promises, offering a sly grin.

 

“I can’t wait” Lexa beams happily.

 

“I’ll see you soon,” Clarke says without taking her eyes off the brunette.

 

All Lexa can do is nod.

 

They both lean in at the same time, their lips joining again in a tenderer kiss.

 

With a final peck, Clarke moves away.

 

Lexa’s hand caresses Clarke’s cheek for a few seconds. “Take care,” she tells Clarke as her farewell.

 

“I will,” _‘for you’_ having said that Clarke steps back giving Lexa a last yearning glance before departing.

 

Having already closed the door, Lexa leans against it; her body buzzing with delight. Her second date with Clarke turned out better than expected and she can hardly wait for the next one so she can see – and kiss- her favorite blonde. She looks at her bed with mischievousness in her eyes. Even though she really likes the girl, Lexa is relieved Esiry is not currently in the dorm, because what she’s about to do, needs to be done now… and without any interruptions. 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa naughty fluff (things are escalating)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some wanted more fluff (and me too honestly) and I deliver! We are little by little moving to the Clexxxa part of this fic lol so lets see how it goes.  
> I also wanna thank the ones who take the time to leave comments/kudos; I’ll have you know that your kind words (and our love for Clexa) are my motivation to continue writing this fic.

 

 

   

 

Unfortunately for both of them, “soon” didn’t happen as soon as they had hoped.

 

Indra informed Lexa that Clarke had to postpone their date as she received an urgent message early in the morning regarding the reservoir that required her attention; and immediately afterwards, a messenger came with the news that a Nightblood had been born and Clarke needed to see the child and perform the liberation ritual.

 

So Lexa took the opportunity to relax by taking short walks and just meditate on everything that transpired between her and Clarke in the past few weeks and what she could do to make it even better;  while fully aware the whole time she was being followed.

 

…

 

Clarke gets ready to start the ritual inside the tent that had already been set up when she arrived. Usually a day like this would fill her with utmost sadness reminding her of the Nightblood she loved; and it was upon this memory that she decided to initiate this ceremony so she could symbolically free the innocent children from the same fate Lexa was forced to endure.

 

But today things are different; today Clarke is overjoyed, full of optimism for the future and counting the hours, when once again she would be back with her girl.

 

 _‘My girl.’_ She thinks to herself with a little smile but then it morphs into a frown when she remembers something, ‘she isn’t actually my girl yet.’ Clarke makes a mental note to rectify that as soon as possible. With all set up, she moves to the exit, signaling the chief of the village that she’s ready to begin.

 

The woman nods at Clarke and walks ahead of her.

 

Clarke strolls to the designated location, her mind already prepared for the occasion.

 

“Rise for your commander!” The chief orders the people seated near the podium.

 

They all stand up dutifully.

 

Clarke climbs the podium and everyone bends to their knees in front of her. She looks around immediately spotting Luna with the handful of Nightbloods –including Esiry and Luna’s son.

 

After a few seconds, Clarke makes a motion with her hands to indicate they can all stand up again and take a seat.

 

“It is my honor to welcome a new member of this special class that is the Nightbloods. I am glad you’re all here to witness the new beginning of this being's life, a life that will be his and only his to care for.” Clarke faces the chief “bring him to me.”

 

The woman then beckons a couple who approach, carrying the baby.

 

They bow respectfully; the mother handing the child to Clarke.

 

“What is his name?” Clarke asks, rocking the baby softly.

 

The couple stare at each other, having an apparent silent conversation until the woman nods and the husband replies “His name is Eskai.”

 

Clarke’s brow rises with surprise; she gazes at the couple confused.

 

“We thought that…” The wife explains timidly “as you came from the sky and saved us and gave us peace that it means The Sky is good and we want our kid to be good and safe so, Eskai”

 

It comforts Clarke to know that a place she associates with restriction and death could also mean hope for others; and she has no intention of making them stop believing in that. Clarke looks down at the baby with a covert grin “Eskai” she repeats in a whisper before clearing her throat and speaking to the child loudly, gathering the attention of the attendees. “There was a time when your kind was brought to this earth carrying a responsibility, a sole purpose in life; to lead our people and make sure they survived the hard conditions our ancestors left for us to deal with. To achieve this purpose they had to shed the blood of your brothers and sisters in an unnecessary demonstration of strength and bravery that we already know you possess deep within you, most times resulting in losing their own short lives in the process. But currently you are born into a different world, a world that through war and tears is finally at peace. You no longer have the burden of our lives on your shoulders; you are free to choose your own destiny as one of us without any pressure or obligation.” At that moment Clarke extends one arm to the side, with the palm up; barely flinching when the chief of the village pricks her finger with a needle. “Once your blood and mine were united in one of several steps to save our people,” She makes a small circle on the baby’s forehead with the blood from her finger. “Now I offer you mine as a promise that you will never have to shed yours again; unless you decide to do it willingly.”

 

At that Esiry lifts her chin, feeling proud of having chosen to be a warrior.

 

“The duty of protecting your life and our people’s lives is now on me; and in the future on the one’s we choose democratically.” Clarke then lifts the bundle in her arms reciting the solemn assertion she knows by heart. “I Clarke of the Sky people, Commander of the thirteen clans declare you, Eskai of the Broadleaf clan, a free soul that forever will be respected as the special being you are.”

 

The crowd erupts in jubilation.

 

 Among the commotion, Luna approaches Clarke.

 

Upon noticing the brunette Clarke offers a smile, handing the already fussy child to her. She then faces the parents of Eskai and directs, “I want you to go with Luna now; she will explain to you the options you have regarding his education and the appropriate ways to remind him of his gifted nature. And don’t worry; Eskai is in very good hands.”

 

…

 

Normally Clarke would partake minimally in the celebrations following the ceremony, occasionally sharing a toast or sampling some of the foods that were prepared for the occasion, otherwise she would retreat to her tent to wait for the appropriate time to leave the village entirely.  Today however, she was too elated to think about leaving the place. Yes, she was dying to see Lexa, but she also had a need to somehow celebrate having the love of her life back again and this was the perfect excuse. So here she is, surrounded by the villagers, drinking and eating happily; telling them about her quests.  

 

They all knew most of those things but to hear it actually from the mouth of the commander herself is another experience entirely.

 

With night now upon them, most of the people had retreated to their cottages, leaving Clarke and Luna in front of the bonfire catching up with what they have been up to. 

 

Happy because of the liquor they consumed but not enough to be drunk, they make small talk; with a quiet Esiry who joined them a few minutes earlier.

 

The girl observes with fascination the serene demeanor her commander is portraying, how she talks calmly and with amusement and a sincere smile on her face; nothing at all like the woman she had gotten to know – and fear- some years ago. Esiry doesn’t need to guess too much to realize the reason behind this change; and she smirks to herself with complicity at being part of this secret. She also decides that she’s going to bring something up before she has to go back to the Boat clan.

 

…

 

Tired and giddy Clarke is about to enter her tent to get some well-deserved shut-eye when she hears Esiry calling her.

 

“Wanheda.”

 

  “Yes?” Clarke stares at Esiry expectantly trying to appear as sober as she can.

 

It seemed like a good idea at first, now that Clarke looks approachable and in a good mood; but Esiry is having second thoughts. “Um...” She starts cautiously.

 

“Is there something wrong?” Clarke questions with concern.

 

“Oh no, no I just…” Esiry responds, making up her mind. “I just wanted to say I’m happy for you… and Lexa.” She pauses, gauging Clarke’s reaction. Not noticing anything bad, she continues “you’re a great commander who sacrificed a lot for us and I think you really deserve this; you deserve all the happiness in the world Wanheda.”

 

It is involuntary, the way Clarke’s lips curl up slightly. Esiry’s best wishes for her and Lexa come like a breath of fresh air in her agitated life; just like Raven’s words the other day. _‘Deserve.’_ She doesn’t really know if she is deserving of any of this, but she’s not going to start questioning her fate now; if this is what destiny has prepared her for, so be it. “Thank you Esiry.” Clarke accepts the praise with a short nod, and then just because she can, she adds teasingly “you’re not trying to steal my girl are you?” She lifts a brow in mock challenge.

 

All color drains from Esiry’s face. “NO, of-of course not Wanheda! I don’t like her that way, I would- I would never do such a thing; we are friends, only friends,” she assures horrified.

 

“Good!” Clarke does a great job at not showing her taunt, “because you would certainly make fair competition,” she gives Esiry a quick appreciative once over before entering her tent; leaving an open mouthed Esiry petrified at the entrance.

 

…

 

The trip back to Polis was a long one; more so when some villagers stopped her to tend to certain issues they had; requests that Clarke could not deny. She ended up arriving back at midnight, leaving her no option than to go straight to her room instead of going to Lexa’s dorm as she had previously planned.

 

At the tower entrance she was received by Indra who quickly updated her on the five days she was absent. They chatted briefly, agreeing to meet early in the morning to go deeper into detail about everything that happened while she was away.

 

Clarke reaches the elevator and is about to climb in when she hears a hushed voice calling her.

 

“Clarke.”

 

Alerted, Clarke follows the sound that came from a pillar a few steps away; finding Lexa behind it.

 

“Hey!” The brunette greets with a grin.

 

“Hey!” Clarke is delighted but startled nonetheless. “What are you doing here?”

 

Lexa pulls Clarke by the hand so the two of them are behind the big pillar. “Oh well, I just missed you.” She shrugs timidly playing with Clarke’s fingers.                        

                                                                                                    

“Yeah, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to see you sooner.” Clarke cringes guiltily and attempts to justify her absence, “it’s been one hell of a week and I thought you’d be already sleeping and…”

 

“Shhh, no Clarke I understand” Lexa interrupts the rant. “You are the commander now; you have responsibilities to fulfill.”

 

“I know right?” Clarke chortles “the commander; isn’t that crazy?” She remarks with sudden incredulity.

 

At that Lexa turns serious. “No it’s not; it makes perfect sense to me. I always trusted you would go far, that you would achieve great things; and I wasn’t wrong.” She invades Clarke's personal space and adds, “you haven’t been given this title thoughtlessly; you’ve earned it rightfully with your sweat and blood.” Lexa then takes hold of Clarke's chin and tenderly tilts her face so she can look straight into her eyes. “You are the best commander we’ve ever had Clarke, don’t you ever doubt it.”

 

And just like that, commander or not, Clarke is dismantled into a pile of feelings for the girl in front of her; and the best part is she completely believes every word that came out of Lexa’s mouth. “Gosh you’re perfect.” Clarke mumbles enamored, lunging for Lexa's lips.

 

The hot attack is certainly unexpected to Lexa, but not unwelcomed; after a few seconds she responds to the kiss with the same eagerness Clarke is displaying.

 

It doesn’t take long for it to turn into a full on make out session.

 

Clarke holds Lexa’s face with both of her hands to control the kiss at her will.

 

Lexa doesn’t offer resistance; her hands have a firm hold on Clarke’s hips but they don’t remain there very long. She finds her way inside Clarke’s jacket, caressing the skin on her lower back.

 

A sharp intake of breath is the only thing Clarke lets out as a reaction to the touch. She’s really enjoying the kisses and the caresses but she reminds herself that she can’t lose control ‘take it easy, it’s too soon.’ So with a lot of effort she disconnects the kiss taking a step back to create distance.

 

“Whoa what…” Lexa questions disoriented.

 

“It’s late, we both need to rest.” Clarke supplies as an excuse using her commander stand.

 

Even with the pretense of being firm, Lexa could see right through Clarke, having an idea why she didn’t want to go any further; and she found it very chivalrous. “OK” Lexa agrees but she needs to know, “will I see you later?”

 

“Yeah for sure; I’m going to have a busy day but I’ll make time, I promise.” Clarke gets closer once again with the intention of giving Lexa a goodbye kiss but the brunette puts a finger over her lips.

 

“Uh-uh, not so fast; I wanna know something,” she warns removing her finger and crossing her arms. “Did you really think I wasn’t gonna notice those guards following me around?” Her tone is demanding.

 

Clarke chuckles with just a little bit of culpability. “It occurred to me, but of course I wasn’t gonna get away with it huh.” She tries not to make it sound like a big deal.

 

Lexa exhales. “Clarke I don’t think it is actually necessary; everything here in Polis is going well.  Seriously, I’m doing fine!”

 

“I know, I know; it’s just…” Clarke explains, stroking Lexa’s cheek “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” she gulps with some fear in her eyes.

 

There’s no need for her to elaborate; Lexa gets Clarke’s anxiety completely; either way she has an argument of her own. “It’s OK for you to have your reservations Clarke, but I’m not used to being escorted around anymore. In my previous life I was always under the watchful eyes of somebody and it was really tiring; in this life however, I was born free, only under my parents’ care and that’s great! You have no idea how liberating that is to me Clarke; I need this, please.”

 

The blonde is not going to give up easily. “I do understand what you mean but it would make me feel better if I knew you are protected,” Clarke counteracts.

 

“I…” Lexa really doesn’t want to start a fight so she tries negotiating instead. “How about if they stay with me but only until I’m fully healed?”

 

Clarke considers the offer and also takes into account Lexa’s previous arguments before making her final decision. “OK,” she relents but has a requirement. “On one condition. They will protect you, discretely; while I’m not in Polis.”

 

Lexa knows better than to push her luck with the stubborn Sky woman, “fine!” She agrees reluctantly not looking pleased.

 

Not able to see Lexa like this, Clarke demands sweetly, “can I get my goodnight kiss now?”

 

“Ugh whatever.” Lexa pretends to be annoyed but can’t hide the tiny smirk from her lips.

 

That’s all it takes for Clarke to lean in once again and kiss Lexa.

 

The kiss is short and tender but enough to satisfy their souls. They part this time without a fuss.

 

“Until later.” Lexa smiles contently sliding her palm all the length of Clarke’s arm before letting go completely and walking away.

 

“Yeah.” Clarke can’t take her eyes off Lexa’s body as she retreats; deciding that she will be taking a bath rather than a shower before bed. 

 

…

 

In her defense, Clarke really made a concerted effort to see Lexa earlier, but there was simply too much to be done and she had no other choice than to hope to finish them as fast as humanly possible. It was already night when her duties were finally completed; she urgently rushed over to the dorm, only to find a note taped onto the door of Lexa’s room with the word ‘roof’ on it.  Curiously, Clarke finds herself climbing up the stairs that lead to the roof of the dormitory. Once there, she encounters Lexa laying on a blanket and staring up at the stars.

 

Lexa doesn’t acknowledge the blonde; she just pats the vacant space next to her for Clarke to join her; which she does readily.

 

They remain quiet, staring up at the stars for a while.

 

Eventually Lexa breaks the silence to share a remembrance. “Sometimes when thinking about you became too much and I got desperate to see you; I would lay down on the grass and look up at the sky remembering you came from there.” She smiles to herself, “and that moment it was consolation enough.” Lexa reaches for the blonde’s hand and holds her as they continue to bask in the vast infinite space of the sky and stars.

 

At some point they both turn on their sides and continue talking about adventures in their childhood and things they used to imagine and dream about.

 

Lexa is the first to feel the coolness of the night. “We should get inside” she recommends as she is about to let go of Clarke’s hand but the blonde holds on to hers tightly. Immediately, Lexa glances at Clarke worryingly.

 

With green eyes staring intently at her, Clarke opens her mouth “Lexa…” the name of her love is the first thing to come out in a way that can only be described as solemn. She feels her heart beginning to beat faster at the realization this is the first time she’s about to make this query; and despite how intimidating it may seem she needs to say it out loud. And so she does, “will you be my girlfriend?”

 

Nothing in this world could have prepared Lexa for the emotions that invaded her heart at the simple yet meaningful question. Her face illuminates brilliantly with shiny irises; never more sure of the answer in her life. “Yes.” She squeezes Clarke’s hand in hers.

 

Both giggle contently at the perfection of it all.

 

“Say it again,” Lexa requests softly.

 

“Huh?”

 

“My name, say it again.” When Clarke eyes her still puzzled, she adds “since we met this is the very first time I have ever heard you say my name out loud.”

 

Doing a fast recollection, Clarke realizes it is true and finds it odd. Why would she have done that? She’s not entirely sure but it could be just saying it out loud would have made it more real, more tangible. _‘But what more tangible can this get? Does it matter the how or if it is logical? You have her here with you, the woman of your life; your girlfriend,’_ she decides not to question herself anymore just feel, “Lexa” she says again, like a prayer.

 

Lexa bites her lips and dips her head to peck Clarke’s. “Again.”

 

Clarke laughs blissfully like she doesn’t ever remember being. “Lexa,” she’s rewarded with another short kiss “Lexa. Lexa. Lexa.”

 

And the little kisses keep coming, pampering her with affection.

 

…

 

As the gentlewoman she is; Clarke accompanies Lexa to her room, meaning to say her farewells, but Lexa is having none of that.

 

“You’re not going anywhere.” Lexa drags Clarke inside by her jacket.

 

“Lexa…” this time the name is said as a warning. “Indra is gonna kill me if I’m not there to do a review of tomorrow’s activities.”

 

“Five minutes please.” Lexa pushes Clarke against the wall.

 

The action leaves Clarke speechless.

 

“You’ve been so busy lately, and you did promise me another date.” Lexa seductively supports her body on Clarke’s, “c’mon five minutes; for your girlfriend,” she whispers while blowing softly into the blonde’s ear.

 

Clarke swallows a knot in her throat.

 

“Or maybe ten…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be taking another break to think carefully about certain details I want to add to this fic (and maybe finish my other ones :/) I promise to come back as soon as I can ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get hot and steamy between Clarke and Lexa. Octavia and Bellamy have a revealing conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll make sure thirteen is not an unlucky number anymore (especially for us Clexas) … cause someone is gonna get lucky in the next chapter :P 
> 
> Ps. if you like this chapter leave a comment :D

 

 

 

_“Yeah, uh yeah; right there!” Clarke demands among raging breaths as Lexa’s fingers push in and out of her. She can’t believe how close she is; but feeling Lexa’s weight on top of her, the labored panting in her ear and the soft but firm way Lexa is taking her is enough to send Clarke to the very edge of the abyss of pleasure. She feels her muscles contracting, the waves already starting to spread when Lexa moans her name “ugh Klark” and it’s so sultry and sensual that Clarke has no other choice than to let go._

 

Clarke throws her head back; the force of the orgasm her fingers caused is now washing over every nerve ending in her body. After a few glorious seconds of bliss she giggles with eyes shut, allowing her body to relax in the still warm water in the bathtub.

 

She, who was faced with the most life threatening challenges in her quest to save the world, considers it a great achievement the fact that she escaped Lexa’s room after only fifteen minutes of delicious kisses against the wall. Clarke is thankful that Lexa, for some strange reason, really didn't touch her much as her hands were on the wall the whole time; and well Clarke herself didn’t dare move her hands from Lexa’s waist. But oh she wanted to!! So before succumbing to her deepest desires she fled, frustrated and aroused.

 

Having found some release, Clarke basks in the aftermath of her self-loving until she becomes aware of something: it is the first time she successfully touched herself -with the help of the memory -without feeling miserable afterward.

 

Usually when Clarke was alone and desire rose; she would immediately bring to mind the first and only time she and Lexa were intimate, in fact that was the only thing that made her reach climax. Unfortunately, after going through it, or even during it, she would be consumed with guilt and melancholy leaving her crying for hours or simply going out and finding the first attractive girl that crossed her path to rid her of the sexual frustration and to try and forget about her love.                          

 

It is quite a surprise for Clarke to feel contentment after such activity; and she marvels knowing that all of this is because of Lexa. She realizes that during those sixteen years she had been dead inside, that in a way she has been reincarnated too with the return of the girl. _‘Oh My God’_ Her eyes begin to sting with unshed tears – like it was a regular occurrence under these circumstances- but this time, those are tears of elation. Without anything to repress her anymore, she lets them fall freely.                

 

…

 

After discussing with the doctor, healer and Indra; Clarke finally decided Lexa could continue her training, provided she follows certain precautions of course.

 

Luckily Indra already had a plan.

 

“You’re going to exercise first; some warm ups, run a bit and see how your body responds.”

 

“Right.” Lexa nods understandingly.

 

“No lifting anything and no dueling until we are sure you can endure the effort,” Indra warns as they walk side by side to the training field.

 

“Got it.”

 

“And remember, at the first sign of pain or fatigue…”

 

“I’ll let you know” Lexa affirms.

 

“Good.” Indra nods curtly, internally happy that despite all the years and the new physical appearance, Lexa is still the same disciplined girl she got to know and respect. “Now go meet your fellow warriors before we start.”

 

Lexa obediently strides toward the other young warriors who receive her with enthusiasm.

 

…

 

After practice, Lexa headed to the tower to meet Clarke for lunch as they had previously arranged.

 

Clarke was at the entrance of the tower right on time. When Lexa arrived, she led her to a small room usually used for private meetings.

 

There Lexa could see the table already set with the appetizing meal ready to be consumed.

 

“And, how was your day?” Clarke starts chatting as they walk to the table, then she’s abruptly stopped by Lexa.

 

“Better now that I’m with you.” Lexa pulls Clarke unceremoniously toward her body, kissing her forcefully.

 

The previous night had been perfect for Lexa; a mini date so to speak, Clarke asking her to be her girlfriend, and the hot make out session that followed, all perfect. She doesn’t know exactly why she held back from enjoying Clarke’s curves at that moment; but Lexa is sure as hell going to take advantage of every opportunity she has from now on.

 

How is it that she ended up in the same situation in less than twenty four hours? Clarke has no idea, but here she is with Lexa’s mouth devouring hers. She moves both of them a bit, so she can lean against the table before losing her balance. And good thing Clarke did, because what Lexa does next makes her knees buckle.

 

Comfortable in this new position, Lexa's hands are free to wander around. She starts caressing Clarke’s thighs, progressively getting higher, running her palms up tortuously slow on Clarke’s sides until she reaches the supple bosoms.

 

Clarke gasps in Lexa’s mouth swallowing the groan Lexa expelled herself; all her self-control is slowly vanishing as her young girlfriend feels her up mercilessly. Her hands itch wanting to roam around too, to feel Lexa’s body but the girl’s voice distracts her.

 

“I’m so hungry Clarke,” Lexa croaks in Clarke’s ear while squishing both her breasts.

 

“Fuck,” Clarke’s whole body twitches from the touch and those words. Clarke is desperate, she’s about to place her hands on a more provocative part of Lexa’s anatomy when the teen detaches suddenly.

 

“We should eat,” Lexa comments still breathless but managing to sound coherent.

 

For her part Clarke can’t speak, let alone be coherent. She watches numbingly as Lexa takes a seat and starts happily munching on her food, like nothing had transpired.

 

“wha…bu…” Clarke begins to regain her composure, not sure what just happened. But then she notices Lexa trying to conceal a smirk while eating. She immediately guesses what Lexa is up to, _‘so she wants to tease me; or maybe punishing me for yesterday.’_ Clarke shakes her head in disbelief _'two can play this game’_ she ends devilishly, joining her girl at the table.

 

…

 

“You haven’t nailed her yet?!!” Raven all but yells through the speakers.

 

“Jesus!” Clarke pinches the bridge of her nose; regretting ever answering Raven’s nosy questions about her sexual life. “Can you be a little more vulgar?”

 

“Yeah whatever; don’t change the subject.” Raven rebukes undeterred, “are you telling me you haven’t done the dirty deed with little Lexa?” Her face showing her skepticism. 

 

Clark groans embarrassed, “no Raven we haven’t… slept together no,” she doesn’t dare look at the camera.

 

“OK now; wow! I thought I could believe anything but that…” Raven scoffs with raised eyebrows “… that I can’t believe.”

 

“So you believe she’s reincarnated but you can’t believe we haven’t had sex; right.” Clarke rolls her eyes making a last effort to divert the attention.

 

“Sorry Clarky but it’s kinda hard to believe that you, the great Wanheda who can get any girl into bed hasn’t still…”

 

“She’s not any girl Raven OK?!” Clarke suddenly spats, surprising even herself. 

 

 Raven, after coming out of her shock, chuckles “you’ve got it bad for her don’t you?” Her tone is soft, free from any sarcasm or mockery.

 

Clarke’s face flushes at the accuracy of the statement. She could dismiss the comment, deny it if she wanted to, but oh how she needs to express what was on her mind, tell someone about the delightful starting of a relationship with the woman –girl- she loves. Clarke could barely hold it in; she was tired of doing it. “I- I don’t know Raven I just…” she can’t find the right words to clearly convey her feelings but she tries. “I’ve never felt like this before, I never had the chance to be with someone this way you know? Taking it slow, really cherishing every single moment we have together; being… girlfriends.” She finalizes, very aware at how exposed she’s sounding.

 

“Damn Clarke!” Raven exclaims “that was so fucking romantic.” Then not wanting to scare Clarke with the intimacy of her admission she jokes, “I’m so incredibly attracted to you right now,” she wiggles her eyebrows.

 

“Shut up!” Clarke chastises with a smile on her face.

 

Raven refrains from pointing out it has been a long time since they had a conversation like this, a girl talk; instead she decides joining in her friend’s excitement. “No Clark seriously this is great; you wanting the whole girlfriend experience and that but…” She gets into one of her infamous adviser moods, “remember that the girlfriend experience also includes some naughtiness.” She sticks out her tongue playfully.

 

Clarke’s attention perks up at this.

 

“Yeah you know, this is all new to the both of you so just go and have fun, experiment a bit,” Raven recommends in all seriousness now “you don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow so live a little, let yourself go!”

 

And that’s exactly what Clarke does the following three days; let herself go. Even when she had demanding responsibilities she would find a way to meet Lexa for at least a few minutes to make out and tease each other like the new couple they were.

 

…

 

“YEAH YOU GOT HER GIRL! THE LEFT, LEFT!” Raven cheers from her place at the side of the improvised training field where Myrreh and Octavia are engrossed in an intense sparring session.

 

“Fuck!” Octavia cusses when Myrreh’s sword scratches her left side, “thank you fucking much Raven,” she reproaches her friend taking a step back to verify the damage.

 

Myrreh smirks, assuming a resting position.

 

“For being a mother and wife you’re doing great Myr” Octavia praises, finally back to her usual sarcastic self.

 

“Once a warrior always a warrior General,” Myrreh responds feeling proud of her accomplishment.

 

“Yeah, yeah whatever; lets see how you do now.” Octavia once again lifts her sword, rounding Myrreh  “and you keep your mouth shut!” She points in Raven’s direction without taking her eyes away from her opponent.

 

Raven shrugs unapologetically and continues to witness the interesting confrontation.

 

…

 

Octavia is carefully placing her clothes inside her knapsack, when she hears someone entering her hut. “What can I do for you Bellamy,” she sighs with hostility in her tone.

 

Bellamy doesn’t say anything for a moment; he just stares at his sister, contemplating his words as not to agitate her, in favor of getting the information he wants. Making up his mind, he observes as calmly as he can. “So, I heard you were punished?”

 

It doesn’t surprise Octavia that her brother found out about the reason she was in Arkadia; after all he does have contacts inside Polis, _‘they took long enough’_ she thinks with relief;  either way she makes a mental note to investigate who the big-mouthed people are and have them placed under observation. What would really surprise her though is if he knew the reason why she was reprimanded; but she is certain none of her young warriors would be gossiping outside their group. “Nice to know you don’t respect my privacy” she accuses, looking back at Bellamy.

 

“O,” Bellamy attempts to justify his actions. “I was worried about you, you know that; but you wouldn’t talk to me. You left me no choice!”

 

Octavia rolls her eyes “of course.”

 

“I…” Bellamy decides to ignore Octavia’s sarcastic remark choosing to go straight to the reason that brought him there in the first place. “May I know why Clarke made such a drastic decision? I mean it must have been important, she cares about you,” he tries tentatively.

 

“Why the question? Your rats failed to get that little piece of information?” She chuckles bitterly.

 

Bellamy is about to justify himself again, when Octavia continues.

 

“Well, if you must know, I beat the shit out of one of my apprentices,” feelings of remorse crawl deep within Octavia’s being at her own disclosure.

 

 “You what? Why?” Bellamy is genuinely confused, he knows Octavia and that sounds very unlike her.

 

Octavia looks to the side, gulping the sudden unpleasantness from her throat. “Cause sometimes we make stupid choices; like venting over some oblivious teenager…” then with venom in her words she completes “… or killing three hundred innocent people.”

 

It has the desired effect; Bellamy’s face contorts in shock, hurt and disgust at himself.

 

And it’s the guilt that prevents him from objecting and also the fact he is very aware that Octavia’s words are a provocation; so he lets it slide. “Yes we do,” Bellamy concedes looking down ashamed but quickly carries on. “But of the two of us you’re the most prudent; you must’ve had a very serious reason to do what you did Octavia, and I really want to know” he presses on.

 

“What’s the point? You wouldn’t believe me anyway.” Octavia glares at him before resuming her packing.

 

Bellamy seems not to get what she means for a second but it soon dawns on him, “Wait, is this about that Lexa girl? Don’t tell me you fell for that bullshit,” he notes condescendingly.

 

“Told ya.” Octavia doesn’t bother to be angry or offended; she already knew what his reaction would be.

 

“Octavia you can’t be serious, Reincarnation? Please! That’s a tale from the grounders and their weird spiritual nonsense. You can’t possibly believe in that crap!” Bellamy stops when something else comes to his mind, “does Clarke?”

 

With a long exasperated sigh Octavia dismisses her brother’s alarm. “It doesn’t really matter if I believe in those things or not, you can’t argue with facts and I know what I saw.”

 

“This is ridiculous,” Bellamy mutters under his breath.

 

“Well now you know why I didn’t want to tell you shit!” Octavia snarls tired of playing nice. “And frankly Bellamy I don’t have any desire to keep talking about this with you of all people, so please leave.”

 

Bellamy opens his mouth to argue but he changes his mind at the last second, aware that he probably will lose this battle with his sister; but not before warning her “this is not over; we will discuss this before you go back to Polis.”

 

Never one to be intimidated Octavia counteracts “sure, but next time we’ll do it in front of Myrreh; you know so we have a better input about weird spiritual nonsense and shit,” she ends with a sardonic smile.

 

And that’s all Bellamy needs for him to know the topic won’t be brought up again. Finally, giving a glance of defeat to his sister he retreats from the hut; already planning to contact the other person who will be very interested in the new found information.

 

…

 

Clarke is near the balcony of the throne room; she is fixing herself up for the meeting with Lexa in a little while and wants to look her best. She has already gotten rid of the guards in order to have the necessary privacy and ‘quality time’ she wants with her girl to enjoy the few minutes they get to share. Clarke’s mind begins to fill with inappropriate images when Lexa appears out of the blue behind her.

 

“I found you commander,” she whispers in Clarke’s ear, holding onto her hips.

 

After the initial surprise, Clarke manages to go along with the game. “What seems to be the matter warrior” she rasps, craning her neck to see Lexa’s face.

 

“I’m very sorry to interrupt your busy schedule but I’m conducting a search for illegal paraphernalia…” Lexa, still holding onto Clarke, moves her to the side, away from the doors of the balcony and continues “… and I need to make sure you’re not in possession of any of these items.”

 

With a smirk on her face Clarke responds knowing full well where this is going. “Oh of course! I’m always willing to ensure the security of the tower and collaborate with the authorities.”  Having said that she supports herself by placing her hands on the wall, sticking her butt out and spreading her legs apart just enough to tease her girl.

 

Lexa has to contain a groan in order to remain in character “thanks for your co-operation” she lets out, wasting no time in frisking the blonde. First she starts by roaming her hands over Clarke’s contours; with soft but firm grips.

 

Clarke has to bite her lip to prevent a moan from escaping her throat; finding it extremely arousing the way Lexa is groping her with no inhibition.

 

Lexa moves her hands to the front of Clarke; grasping her chest and grunting in satisfaction as soon as she feels the soft mounds.

 

The action certainly gets Clarke worked up, her nipples harden instantly when fingers grace them playfully. She instinctively pushes her ass back toward Lexa’s body in a desperate search for more contact.

 

Gasping in response, Lexa looks down watching how Clarke’s bottom rubs against her center. _'Oh jok'_ Lexa is losing it by the second. She wants nothing more than to grab Clarke and...

 

Clarke can’t take it anymore. _‘Fuck self-control’_ throwing caution to the wind, she turns around and pulls Lexa against her own body crashing their mouths together in a desperate kiss.

 

Lexa is beyond thinking at this point; her desires are the ones guiding her movements. She leans forward, her body pinning Clarke’s against the wall.

 

And the blonde is not complaining; on the contrary she uses this new arrangement to her advantage. Clarke reaches clumsily under Lexa’s jacket in search of skin; once she found it she moans, stroking smooth flesh. Not having enough she adds her tongue into the mix, teasing Lexa’s tongue with it.

 

The combination of Clarke’s touch and her tongue in her mouth ignites Lexa into a state of pure lust. She moves her hands down to Clarke’s behind, clutching her firm cheeks. Then on an impulse, Lexa shoves her thigh in between Clarke’s legs to start a fast grinding motion.

 

This unexpected turn of events has Clarke going wild. Lost in the sensation, she gets a hold of Lexa’s neck with one hand while she sinks the other in brown hair; scraping her nails in Lexa’s scalp sensually. Everything is going way too fast but is also really, really good and she wants Lexa to feel the same, so Clarke pushes her leg up effectively adding pressure to Lexa’s center.

 

Both moan and grunt with heavy breaths, sucking lips, breathing in each other’s open mouths; thrusting unrelentingly.

 

Clarke’s thigh suddenly hits Lexa in the right spot; causing the brunette to let out a particularly loud groan. She feels a familiar coil in her belly which threatens to expand all over her muscles. Her insisting grinding stops abruptly when she recognizes the signs _. ‘Oh no, was I about to…’_ she pulls away from Clarke’s body utterly ashamed and panting like a maniac.

 

In a very similar state with eyes barely open and still in a daze; Clarke attempts to ask Lexa why she stopped, but her mind can’t come up with something; so she stands there gazing at her young love quietly.

 

“Um, I-I gotta…” Lexa stutters nervously, looking for a way out “rest, pra-practice. Tomorrow, early.” Not even sure of what she just said, Lexa sprints out of the room.

 

The sound of the doors closing is what brings Clarke back to her senses. When everything that just transpired comes back to her, she shakes her head and once again leans her back against the wall with a long exhale. _‘Did I just really dry hump in the middle of the throne room?’_ She laughs out loud, a hand covering her reddened face. Clarke doesn’t remember the last time she did something like that; probably back in the ark when she was a horny teenager having her first sexual encounters. _‘Horny teenager, right.’_ She rolls her eyes _‘that’s exactly what Lexa is at the moment.’_ She bites her lip fantasizing about the things she would love to do with Lexa… to Lexa. _‘You better start planning when to take this to the next level, before you have to explain an embarrassing wrist sprain to a healer.’_

 

…

 

Lexa enters the closest bathroom in the tower and splashes water on her face. _‘Damn it Lexa, you almost made a fool of yourself in front of Clarke,’_ she chastises herself completely mortified. That was the first time she did something like that; and the first time “it” almost happens to her in that way. _‘What’s wrong with me? I used to be good at controlling these sensations in the past. Ugh fucking teenage hormones!’_ She laments looking at the cubicles at the back of the room, where the showers are located. Lexa is tempted to get rid of her clothes right there and then and let the cold water cool down her hot skin _‘no clothes… Clarke with no clothes ugh.’_ She realizes it's a bad idea to take a shower there with Clarke being so close. _‘I better go to the dorm and take a long bath in my own bathroom, where no one will bother me…’_ With the bright prospect in mind –among other things- Lexa sprints to her destination eager to put out with her own hands the inferno that Clarke started up inside her.

 

…

 

Even with Indra constantly warning her not to overdo it, Lexa did a lot of exercises the next morning during her training, if only to help distract herself from thoughts of the blonde woman and the feel of her.

 

When the session for that day is over, Lexa -not as worn out as she would have liked to be - starts organizing her next activities that hopefully will help her keep Clarke out of her head for the rest of the day. She is still embarrassed about the incident last night and she wants to avoid the blonde for a while so she can gather her bearings and preferably not wanting to jump her the second they meet. _‘I can probably practice those meditation exercises to control my libido that Titus taught me,_ ’ she recalls as a desperate measure. _‘Yes that sounds good. And maybe the next time things go further than kissing I can...’_ Lexa’s thoughts come to a standstill when she looks up and eyes the object of her desires approaching the training field.

 

“Hi!” Clarke greets, once she’s near Lexa.

 

Luckily Lexa doesn’t have to worry about jumping Clarke bones right now, since she is way too uncomfortable remembering the previous events. “Clarke” she gulps before speaking, “I’m sorry I left you like that yesterday; it’s just that I… and we were…” 

 

“Hey, it’s OK” Clarke interjects sweetly “I understand. Don’t worry about it.” When Lexa seems to accept her reassurance she moves closer, having something in mind. “So, tomorrow is your free day huh?” Clarke tries to sound as casual as possible.

 

“Um yeah; but I don’t really know why since I barely came back,” Lexa chuckles awkwardly.

 

Clarke wavers for a second. She seems to consider what she’s about to say, but ultimately deciding to go for it. “I was thinking uh, later today, after my meetings are over, we could hang out and…” She locks her eyes on Lexa’s “… maybe spend the night together.”

 

Any other time, Lexa would have looked embarrassingly shocked and frighten by the prospect but currently she’s not in the right state of mind to properly react like she should. _‘Is Clarke blushing?’_ It’s all she can gather from the woman in front of her.

 

Clarke is fidgeting, her face hot; waiting for Lexa’s response.

 

Lexa stares at her with amazement; she has never witnessed Clarke so insecure and tense in her life –or the other. _‘So beautiful, so human’_ she concludes. Then realizing she hasn’t said anything yet she opens her mouth and utters a simple monosyllable “OK.”

 

Clarke’s shoulders sag, visibly relaxing. “Great!” She grins, pleased with the outcome but almost immediately her face adopts a mischievous gaze. “Then I guess…I’ll see you later?” Clarke reaches for Lexa’s lapels and fixes them provocatively slow.

 

“Uh Yeah, um totally” Lexa replies dumbly glancing at Clarke’s lips.

 

“OK. See ya soon,” Clarke winks patting Lexa’s fixed collar and moving away; making sure her hips sway suggestively as she walks.

 

Ogling Clarke’s retreating form Lexa finally reacts. _‘Whoa, are we gonna…’_ she swallows anxiously. At least she doesn’t have to worry about controlling her longings anymore, but new doubts arise. _‘What am I gonna wear? How should I…’_ fortunately an idea strikes her, _‘Herbal bath! That way I can relax and also smell good!_ ’ Lexa gradually feels confident about the situation. _‘I should go and find the right flowers and herbs… and maybe some sky people’s perfume.’_ She saunters to the market mentally preparing for what is coming next.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not take a break for the next chapter; it all depends on my muse, everyone's comments and life.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke finally reconnect intimately. Clexa-sexa and feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m back from my break (life and stuff) I gotta confess this chapter was a lil hard to write; I hope I did it justice and I hope you guys can see number 13 in another light after this. As usual I’ll be patiently waiting (not so much) for your comments so I can feel motivated for the next chapters. Enjoy!

 

 

 

If she has to admit it, then Lexa is feeling a little nervous on what is going to transpire in a few minutes but confident at the same time. After initially panicking when Clarke made the proposition, Lexa quickly sorted out everything she needed for the occasion and is now sure she can go along with it, without hesitation.

 

Lexa was quite happy with the pleasing aroma her body acquired thanks to the long herbal bath she took and the perfume she purchased at the Sky People shop. _‘Hope Clarke likes it’_. Once fully relaxed –after the bath- choosing the outfit for the evening was easy. _‘There you are,’_ Lexa smirked as she took a hold of the elegant nightgown her mother demanded she pack “just in case,” the day they traveled to Polis for the competition. _‘I bet this wasn't what mom had in mind when she made me bring it’_ she snorted to herself. As good as Lexa looked in it, she decided not to wear it over to the tower. _‘I better change in one of the bathrooms once I get there’._

 

Checking herself in the mirror Lexa finishes the final touch ups to her appearance. She looks over to the side and smiles when her eyes land on the little note Clarke elegantly sent by messenger, indicating the time and place where they would meet.

 

“This meeting is taking far longer than expected; sorry there won’t be time for us to hang out, but I definitely expect you at  10:30 pm in my room, I’m sure you know where it is. Don’t worry about the guards, I gave specific orders to let you in and allow you to move about as you please in the tower. I can’t wait to see you, don’t take long. Xoxoxo Clarke.”

 

 Lexa had no idea how romantic and cute Clarke could be and she fell in love that much more with her. _‘Oh Clarke.’_ She closes her eyes and mentally emboldens herself before going to Clarke’s bedroom. _‘OK, you've waited twelve years for this; you’ve already done it before with her so there’s nothing to fear. Let your instincts take over and enjoy the opportunity to finally unite your body with Clarke once again; nothing can go wrong.’_

 

…

 

Clarke checks for the umpteenth time that everything looks immaculate; from her bed to the surroundings in the room.  She walks over to the mirror and looks at herself. _‘Will she remember?’_ Clarke wonders flattening the sides of her nightgown. It’s obviously not the same one she wore the day Lexa came to see her after defeating Roan, but it is the same color and she hopes Lexa sees the meaning behind it; well that is if she doesn’t get distracted by the revealing cleavage this one has.

 

 _‘Curtains open to let the moonlight in, flowers, candles. Fuck’_ Clarke curses, noticing she is scrutinizing her room again. She can’t for the love of God comprehend why she’s so damn nervous; they’ve done this before once -technically twice- besides she’s supposed to be the experienced one, the mature one. _‘What’s wrong with you?! Ugh’_ Clarke exhales frustrated, resolute to cut the crap, _‘Clarke Griffin you have to pull yourself together; make Lexa feel safe with you and that she can trust you completely. Be a good girlfriend, a selfless lover and most of all, remember not to lose control.’_

 

A soft knock announces the arrival of the expected girl.

 

 _‘This is it.’_ Clarke breaths out the uncertainty from her system and with a firm loving voice she calls “Come in!”

 

Lexa makes her way into the room slowly, looking down at first and closing the door behind her. When she finally lifts her gaze, she takes in the soft illumination of the room; candles being the only source of light, giving the space a slight romantic atmosphere _‘This looks familiar’_ her brain seems to tell her. Having noticed Clarke to the side, Lexa turns to face her and their eyes meet. 

 

Whatever pleasantries or words they meant to exchange get stuck in their throats at the vision of one another. 

 

Clarke is left speechless, stricken by the beauty of Lexa. Her plans of surprising the girl with her attire were ruined on the spot, since Lexa is the one who is taking her back to memory land. Clarke licks her lips, skimming Lexa’s body up and down. _‘How the fuck did I resist taking her that day and let her go while wearing that sexy gown; I was such an idiot.’_

 

For her part Lexa is having a hard time forming rational thoughts; she doesn’t notice or even cares that her eyes are glued to Clarke’s cleavage. Sure, Clarke’s whole self is fine looking but Lexa’s hormone induced brain is paying more attention to the blonde’s generous breasts.

 

Apparently Clarke doesn’t seem to mind; what’s more, she too is busy eyeing one of Lexa’s legs that is currently exposed thanks to the split at the side of her dress.

 

Both remain silent, rooted to their spots, checking each other out, mesmerized.

 

It doesn’t last that way for too long though.

 

Clarke, like on autopilot, sprints toward Lexa, pushes her hard against the door and kisses her hungrily. 

 

Lexa is taken aback by the roughness but quickly recovers and responds likewise to the unexpected kiss.

 

One of Clarke’s hands searches for Lexa’s thigh, touching and clutching in desperation, the other holds onto Lexa’s nape and pulls her closer to her mouth to deepen the kiss. Driven by her desires, Clarke begins to rediscover Lexa’s body with her fingers running over the thin fabric.

 

Lexa, feeling her core tighten up with need, wants to do the same and feel Clarke up, but she just can’t move; everything she had evoked the previous hours, the things she imagined  doing once she was alone with Clarke, have simply disappeared . Her lips are moving on their own accord, guided by the blonde’s mouth but the rest of her limbs are unresponsive.

 

“I wanna see you… all of you,” Clarke whispers lifting off Lexa’s gown and throwing it carelessly onto the floor. “Oh fuck,” she can’t help express, finally able to see more of Lexa’s skin. Without reservations, Clarke goes straight to Lexa’s small breasts groping and prodding; grunting in approval by the feel of them.

 

The brunette, now in underwear, can only gasp at the intrusion, still unable to reach for her woman.

 

Satisfied momentarily with the new access to Lexa’s body; Clarke takes a step back, giving her girl a lustful filled glance before peeling her own gown off.

 

Lexa feels her heart thumping, watching Clarke clad only in a sexy pair of panties that she has never seen before; the bosom she craved so much for, now in full view. And it gets worse as Clarke steps closer.

 

When Clarke is directly in front of Lexa, she leans in and inhales the scent behind Lexa’s ear. “You smell so good” she murmurs, roaming her hands over Lexa’s contours, free from any constraints. Wanting to taste the soft flesh of her soon to be lover, Clarke sucks Lexa’s neck with gusto, emitting sounds of delight in the process.

 

With Clarke technically naked, her now hard nipples rubbing torturously good in the right places, her hands taking her to another level of excitement and the moans she’s exuding now, becomes too much for Lexa.  Her head becomes heavy with dizziness; she is unable to breathe properly. When her chest starts heaving and her muscles tense up is when she feels Clarke pulling away from her.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke, coming out of her sexual trance, questions Lexa with concern, scanning the girl’s face. Realizing Lexa is struggling for air, she points out “shit, you’re hyperventilating!” She grabs Lexa by the arms and gets her to sit up in bed.

 

Lexa places a trembling hand on her chest, she chokes attempting to speak. She’s scared; not understanding what’s going on with her.

 

“Hey, I’m here it’s OK just breathe.” Clarke crouches in front of her, placing her hands on Lexa’s thighs, this time reassuringly “do it slowly, in and out” she goes into healer’s mode; demonstrating how she’s supposed to do it. “That’s right. You’re doing great.”

 

Eventually with Clarke’s help, Lexa’s breathing evens out.

 

“Better?” Clarke looks up at her girl with worry.

 

Nodding Lexa confirms she is indeed feeling better, inhaling and exhaling without any trouble.

 

Clarke sighs relieved.  She pats Lexa’s legs soothingly, settling into a comfortable silence.

 

However, this quiet time brings lots of questions, even some uneasiness in her.

 

“Clarke” Lexa manages already having calmed down. “I’m sorry about that” she gulps. “I-I have no idea what happened to me I just, I don’t know kinda shut down or something and…”

 

“Have you done this before?” Clarke asks, all of a sudden “I mean, with…” she signals with her head at Lexa’s form.

 

“Uh um” Lexa hesitates but wants to respond anyway “No. Not in this body no” she lowers her head in shame, face flushed.

 

“OK… wow.” Clarke lets her forehead drop on Lexa’s knee; the news overwhelming her a bit. Five seconds ago she was worried sick for Lexa; now she can feel her skin burning with renewed desire. _‘She’s a virgin, a freaking virgin.’_ Clarke can’t believe the realization is arousing her. _‘You’re gonna be the first one to have her, to touch her intimately; she’s gonna be yours, only yours._ ’ She stands up abruptly; being close to the girl is becoming much too tempting and she doesn’t want to do something stupid.

 

Lexa can only watch helplessly as Clarke paces around like a caged lioness, a semi-nude lioness.

 

 _‘Calm down Clarke, you can’t go thinking like this; yes she is a virgin, yes she’s willing to give herself to you and you do what? Jump her bones like a freaking teenage boy with a hard on causing her performance anxiety? Well done!’_ Clarke runs both her hands over her face, invaded by feelings of guilt. _‘She’s probably in no condition to do anything so back off, just cuddle or something… maybe next time,’_ a sort of whimper escapes her lips involuntarily. 

 

The blonde’s demeanor is causing Lexa to feel bad, thinking she has upset her woman. It is quite a contradicting sensation; to be turned on and sorry at the same time. But then again being in love with Clarke has never been easy. “Clarke?” She calls tentatively. 

 

“Yes?” Clarke faces Lexa, trying to mask her disappointment.

 

“Just give me a moment and we will start over, OK?”

 

It is with Lexa’s expression that Clarke notices that she misunderstood her reaction. “Hey, Lexa.” She crouches once again taking Lexa’s hands in hers. “Listen, this thing that happened to you it’s perfectly normal; I came on too strong and I’m sorry.” She apologizes and then assures “we don’t have to do anything; we can just lay in bed, talk; I don’t know whatever you want.”

 

“No, you have nothing to apologize for,” Lexa argues. “I want this Clarke; I do,” she falters briefly and then leans forward questioning in a lower voice, “don’t you?”

 

Clarke grunts, throwing her head back collecting herself before replying. “God, yes of course I want this!” she expresses not bothering to hide her excitement. “but I don’t wanna rush you if you’re not ready,” her face showing how genuine she is being.

 

“I am ready Clarke,” Lexa confirms but also admits “I guess I’m a little scared or something; maybe we could… take it slow?” She cringes hoping Clarke understands her insecurities, even if she doesn’t herself.

 

“Yeah slow; right, we can do that!” The offer sounds reasonable to Clarke. “Promise me that you are going to tell me if anything is bothering you or you want to stop.” When she receives a nod, she kisses Lexa’s hands and remains with them in her grasp as she rises “c’mon get into bed.”

 

Lexa scoots backwards until she’s in the middle of the bed. 

 

Clarke climbs in next, joining Lexa. She lies on her side, prompting her girlfriend to do the same.

 

With both facing each other; Clarke extends her hand, caressing Lexa’s face.

 

Lexa closes her eyes, basking in the softness of Clarke's touch.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Clarke murmurs staring at her girl already enchanted by her presence.

 

“So are you.”

 

They stay that way for a moment gazing into each other eyes, silently communicating their love and trust. Clarke is the first to lean in; connecting their lips in a soft kiss that she hopes conveys her sentiments.

 

As expected, the kisses soon transform into an enjoyable make out session that lasts for a good while.

 

It is not apparent, but Clarke is in control the whole time, paying special attention to every change on Lexa’s part, ready to stop if the brunette starts feeling uncomfortable. So far she seems to be OK, causing Clarke to relax and enjoy the encounter a little more.

 

Some minutes into it, Lexa’s hands get adventurous stroking Clarke’s curves and ribs.

 

The blonde, taking it as a good sign, tries her luck asking entrance with her tongue which is granted almost immediately.

 

It is evident that Lexa is more than fine with their actions; if the moans and hand now on Clarke’s breast are any indication.

 

Sensing it is the right time, Clarke moves forward, coaxing Lexa onto her back. Once the girl lies on the mattress, Clarke positions herself on top of Lexa between her legs, supporting most of her weight on her arms. _‘Slow, slow’_ she has to remind herself, allowing Lexa to get used to it.

 

Lexa sighs, liking very much the feel of Clarke’s skin and body on top of hers. She takes the opportunity to glide her fingers over Clarke’s back, silently inviting her to start moving.

 

And Clarke doesn’t disappoint as she begins an unhurried and controlled grinding motion.

 

Things are getting pretty hot quickly; Lexa can’t deny that, but there’s still this deep anxiety that prevents her from doing more, so she settles for Clarke being in charge.

 

It is ironic since they find themselves in the same situation they were in the first time they did this; with Clarke taking the initiative. Of course she’s not as demanding like she was that occasion due to Lexa’s episode but fortunately today there’s no need to hurry; nobody is expecting them, there’s no imminent threat; it’s just the two of them in their little world of reconnection.

 

As Clarke begins moving faster, Lexa twines her fingers in the blonde hair; relishing in the reawakening of her senses.

 

Encouraged by Lexa’s caresses, Clarke decides to take the final step in removing the last article of clothing still clinging to them. She doesn’t stop completely, but lowers her hands toward her own panties, that way Lexa will have a clear indication of her intentions.

 

Sure enough Lexa does notice but chooses to be a mute witness to Clarke getting rid of her minuscule underwear. When Clarke makes eye contact with her, Lexa is aware of what’s next, so she facilitates the task by lifting her hips allowing Clarke to remove her briefs. She hisses when Clarke’s finger tips run across her hot flesh but she doesn’t have time to feel embarrassed, since Clarke’s sly jolt tells her the blonde is just as sensitive and receptive; a good boost for her ego. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop her self-consciousness at being completely bare in this new body which still lacks the muscle tone of her previous one.

 

But what she doesn’t know is that Clarke is having a very difficult time containing herself.

 

Clarke swallows the dryness from her throat, thirsty for the girl she’s dying to make into a woman. Wasting no time, Clarke repositions herself on top of Lexa, but now straddling one of her thighs.

 

In doing so both are capable of feeling the wetness of the other, creating a unison moan of pleasure.

 

Clarke’s first instinct is to grind faster and harder but she refrains, remembering to be alert for Lexa. Again she begins slowly, which in theory should make things easier; only now they can feel each other wholly, making it a mind blowing experience. 

 

“Come here,” Lexa pulls Clarke's head down for a kiss in need of intimacy.

 

By now Clarke is too much into it, she devours Lexa’s mouth; never stopping her pace. The hand she’s not using for support wanders down Lexa’s hips, breasts, face; any part of her girl’s anatomy that is within her reach. It only spurts her more when she hears the moans and labored breathing of Lexa. There are a lot of things she could be doing, different positions, other techniques; however, what she needs now, what her body is craving is to be closer to Lexa.

 

Lexa despite being on cloud nine manages to notice how Clarke takes little breaks from her intense grinding; inhales loudly in order to gather herself and then continues. It is quite fascinating to see this woman; who has had many lovers; struggling to keep her cool and if she’s correct, at the very edge of her own release.

 

“Oh baby” Clarke mumbles in complete abandon, now sucking Lexa’s pulse point.

 

A lazy smirk adorns Lexa’s face at the term of endearment she heard several times sixteen years ago under similar circumstances. _‘I doubt anybody can make her feel this way,’_ Lexa reasons _‘no matter how many women she had been with, Clarke desires me the most; I’m the one’._ She concludes smugly. Her cockiness is short lived however. Distracted with her thoughts, she wasn’t paying attention to Clarke’s hand currently nearing her sex. It is too late now, Lexa can only arc her back as Clarke’s fingers graze her most intimate spot.

 

“Is this OK?” Clarke’s protective side rises up, verifying the state of her girlfriend.

 

“Ungh.”

 

If she would’ve been in her right mind, Clarke would’ve laughed at the attempted answer Lexa just gave her –all the answer she needed actually –but there’s no time for that. Clarke focuses on sliding her fingers over Lexa’s swollen opening while checking on her for reactions.

 

“Cla...rke!!” Lexa is losing it by the second at the sweet ministrations of her woman. She rakes her nails along Clarke’s back and shoulders, holding onto her for dear life.

 

Clarke groans in pleasure and pain, determined more than ever to bring Lexa to an orgasm. She looks down at Lexa’s face; eyes closed, head thrown back, lips parted in an o shape, completely at her mercy. _‘Fucking perfect,’_ without any more doubts she finds the girl’s clit with her thump and makes tight circles applying  some pressure while inserting one sole finger carefully as far up as it can go. From there she starts a merciless tempo on Lexa’s wet center.

 

And that’s it for Lexa; she explodes in a current of long waves of ecstasy, muscles contracting in a blissful rhythm. She lets her body be consumed by the inner fire in her soul, contented and secure in Clarke’s arms.

 

The view is to die for, and that’s exactly what Clarke is undergoing at the vision, a tiny joyous death; nevertheless she continues with her thumb in place to draw the last of Lexa’s rapture. 

 

 A minute later with the fog of her climax clearing out, Lexa begins planning how to repay such an amazing favor when she feels the fingers on her being removed. She doesn’t make anything out of it at first, enjoying the small aftershocks that tingle throughout her body. But when she feels Clarke’s knuckles hit her thigh repeatedly and the erratic way she is breathing, Lexa opens her eyes just in time to see Clarke in the throes of her own orgasm. ‘ _Did she …’_ Aware of what just happened, she sighs having nothing to do but admire the magnificent picture of Clarke coming.

 

“Ugh” Clarke, still quivering, lets half her body collapse on top of Lexa, nuzzling into her neck.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa whines an accusation.

 

A throaty chuckle is the blonde’s reply. “Sorry,” she rearranges in such a way that one arm and leg is draped over Lexa. “You were so yummy, I couldn’t stand it,” it’s her charming explanation.

 

“Fine…” Lexa concedes not pleased with the missed opportunity of her being the one making Clarke come.

 

Still panting, Clarke peeps through her disheveled hair at Lexa. “You OK?”

 

The worry in Clarke’s voice brings a smile to Lexa’s lips, her love and care never failing to warm her heart. “Yeah,” she replies gently; her hand brushing over Clarke’s arm onto her chest, quietly relishing the soft breathing in her ear. Lexa is about to tease Clarke about what they could do next when she hears the blonde sniffing, “Clarke?” She questions turning her head to the side, but instead of a response she watches in horror as Clarke’s form begins to shake “oh Clarke.” She immediately leaps up, taking the blonde into her arms.

 

Clarke, enveloped in Lexa’s tight embrace, cant’ hold back anymore the emotions that has consumed her; letting the sobs she tried to contain to go free.

 

Even as disturbed and confused as she is, Lexa keeps holding onto Clarke, giving her time to  release whatever is troubling her.

 

“Please tell me this is not a dream.” Clarke suddenly begins to bawl, staring at Lexa in despair, “tell me you’re gonna stay here with me; don’t leave me please.”

 

It strikes Lexa hard the sight of Clarke so distressed and terrified; understanding completely the reason for her outburst. Not able to stand watching the woman she loves in such a state she takes Clarke’s face in her hands remarking firmly, “I’m here Clarke, I’m real.” Making sure their eyes meet she adds, “I’m not going anywhere” with that promise Lexa pulls Clarke closer to her chest hoping her heartbeat can soothe the blonde.

 

It seems to do the trick, Clarke calms down noticeably after a while.

 

Both silently reminisce about all those years apart and what they went through separately.

 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke speaks in a low voice unexpectedly.

 

Lexa wants to tell her there’s no need to, but Clarke continues.

 

“I just… I never thought I would be with you like this again.”

 

The admission is sincere and heartbreaking; something Lexa can easily relate to.

 

“I know.” Lexa kisses Clarke’s forehead and arranges the two of them so they can lay down properly on the bed. She covers them carefully, never letting go of Clarke.

 

Emotionally and physically drained, they both fall sleep cuddling for the first time; and it feels normal, it feels right.

 

….

 

Lexa regains consciousness a few hours later, with Clarke still in her arms.  She looks out onto the balcony spotting the subtle rays of the sun indicating it’s still early in the morning. She focuses her eyes on Clarke who seems so peaceful in her slumber. Her lips curl up in a sly beam _‘I’m so lucky’_ , she thinks at the notion of them being together.

 

Clarke stirs in her sleep, the sheet covering her slips down to her waist leaving her breasts exposed.

 

Any trace of sleepiness in Lexa disappears on the spot, replaced by a scorched longing that starts in her crotch and spreads rapidly to all her nerve endings. Like it was drawn to it like a magnet, her hand strokes the expanse of Clarke’s flesh over her chest and abs. She notices how muscular and firm Clarke’s body is now, the body of a commander for sure; and the tattoos on her arms and back, they certainly contain a story Lexa is willing to discover. She is no way as fearful or insecure as she was the night before; on the contrary she is resolute to finish what she couldn’t do hours earlier.

 

 _‘It’s my turn’_ with that certainty Lexa discards the covers entirely so she has access to all of Clarke; then she detaches cautiously and propels herself on top of Clarke, spreading the blonde’s legs to accommodate herself between them _. ‘So good,’_ Lexa dips down and places her lips on Clarke’s neck savoring her skin; she does the same to the other side, progressively going lower, paying the same attention to the sternum and chest.

 

Clarke begins twitching unconsciously.

 

Grunting at the naughtiness of her advances, Lexa puts a nipple into her mouth, teasing it with her tongue for awhile and then switching to the other. 

 

That’s how Clarke finally wakes up; with a pleasurable sensation all over her body. She cranes her neck forward still groggy, but as soon as she becomes aware of what Lexa is doing her senses go into overload and more so when her girl descends leaving a trail of kisses that she feels everywhere. _‘Oh my God!!’_ Clarke can already imagine where Lexa is going, and that makes her heart rate skyrocket.

 

Lexa, however, takes her time, planting her hot lips on Clarke’s abs, tasting the salty skin; her hands scratching Clarke’s legs.

 

“Oh yeah,” Clarke blurts out already lost in the sensations.

 

Kissing just above the blonde trimmed curls, Lexa moves her hands up, getting a firm hold on Clarke’s mounds, toying with hard nipples.

 

The stimulation is so good that Clarke can’t resist looking down at Lexa, impatient for her to go where she needs it the most. To her surprise, sparkling green eyes are expecting her already, wide open and suggestive.

 

Lexa smirks devilishly when blue orbs stare back at her and without farther ado she dips her tongue along the length of Clarke’s wet pussy.

 

Clarke tilts her head back, emitting a guttural moan at the contact. She holds onto the sheets below her, needing something to keep her grounded.

 

It is music to Lexa’s ears, the cries escaping from Clarke’s throat. She licks with vigor onto Clarke’s lips and opening, liking very much how the juices keep on flowing.

 

“Fuck baby oh yeah.” Clarke’s hands fly onto Lexa’s head, kneading her scalp.

 

Tasting Clarke once again is transporting Lexa to their first sexual encounter; the same room, the same taste, the same responses. It’s driving her insane in the best possible way; her original idea of prolonging Clarke’s sweet agony is immediately discarded. Clarke’s fingers gripping forcefully onto her head only fuel her lust and she has no other choice than to give in. Lexa guides the tip of her tongue on Clarke’s clit, sucking and licking at it like it was the most delicious dessert she has ever tasted.

 

“Lex-uuuugh” with Lexa’s name on her lips Clarke crashes down into the strongest orgasm of her life. Not even the most skilled lovers she ever had bedded can compare to all the passion, devotion and tenderness Lexa is capable of transmitting with one single stroke. She convulses and moans at the waves of sexual electricity running through her being. It is glorious; it is like she can feel Lexa’s love invading her from deep inside, consuming her entirely; so intensely. Tears of joy roll down her cheeks.

 

She’s not alone in this emotionally charged love making experience.

 

Lexa quickly climbs back up next to Clarke, embracing her and pampering her face with short kisses full of affection. “Ai hod yu in Klark kom Skaikru” she whispers with a broken voice, leaning her forehead on Clarke’s cheek.

 

Hearing the words she had only dreamed of coming from Lexa’s lips, Clarke begins weeping. “I love you too” she blabbers, clinging onto her young love.

 

Both hold onto each other, crying out loud.

 

All that had been broken inside of them for so many years, right at this very moment has been restored; the hole in their souls that accompanied them for so long has been filled.  Here in the arms of one another with their bodies united as one and their love consummated, they find inner peace, they are finally complete.

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sweet Clexa moments. Clarke and Octavia exchange more than just words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so happy about the responses on this chapter! It makes my fanfic writer heart burst. Always thankful for my beta Roxy50 for putting up with the tortuous skype convos lol, my faithful readers and their kind words and the anons who silently enjoy my story :D (Don’t be shy! If you like this fic, leave a short comment; believe me it will make a huge difference for me!) I will do my best to keep my muse alert and continue to write regularly.

 

 

 

Having made love once again, they are now resting on their stomachs, facing each other; lazy smiles plastered on their lips.

 

Clarke closes her eyes at both, being utterly contented and to get a tiny respire from their previous activities. She finds it fascinating how something can feel new and comfortable at the same time; like it was a regular occurrence, just like a continuation of something that was meant to be.

 

Feeling the same level of comfort, Lexa stretches out her hand caressing Clarke’s back and arm, and tracing her fingers over the dark ink. “I like your tattoos,” she comments delicately as to not disrupt the peaceful atmosphere that surrounds them.

 

“You do?” Clarke replies without opening her eyes, merely relishing in the softness of her touch.

 

“Uh huh.”

 

Detecting Lexa is expecting more, Clarke supplies. “Well, I didn’t want to break the tradition by being the only commander without them; but I chose to give them a positive connotation; nothing to do with death or war.”

 

“Oh,” Lexa nods understandingly. She continues tracing the pattern of the first tattoo that caught her attention. “What does this mean?” She finally asks.

 

The one she’s talking about consists of thick branches that expand along Clarke’s left arm, interlaced in a perfect double helix with a string of stars.

 

“Um,” Clarke props up on her elbows, instinctively reaching for the said design; she remains quiet, deep in thought. For a moment Clarke stares at Lexa in awe as if she just realized something, but soon her features return to their natural state and she responds, “The branches represent you.”

 

Lexa’s eyebrows rise in surprise, the markings quickly making sense to her “and the stars represent you; tree clan and sky clan… and we are united.”

 

“Yup.” Clarke confirms somewhat shyly; pushing down the awful memories that come back to her.

 

“That’s... that’s beautiful Clarke.”

 

Clarke shrugs, dismissing the emotions that threaten to ruin the moment.

 

For the time being Lexa pretends not to notice Clarke’s distress, planting a kiss on Clarke’s cheek and scooting closer to take a look at her woman’s back. There she can see small black birds with wings extended, _‘five’_ she counts in her head poking them with a finger.

 

“Those are doves,” Clarke explains “they are the nightbloods that were liberated; I still need to add one more.”

 

At this Lexa beams, liking very much how the awful circles on the back of her previous body that haunted her with guilt for years are transformed into free birds on Clarke’s. “Which one is Esiry?” She just had to ask.

 

The blonde chuckles at the innocent request, “top left” she concedes.

 

“She’s gonna love this,” Lexa murmurs to herself, admiring the dove that symbolizes her new friend.

 

“Oh and this ,” Clarke rolls over on her back to show her right arm to Lexa, “this is for my dad” she points at the circle on her bicep in the form of planet earth with the letters “J” and “G” on it. She adds, “He was an environmental engineer; always worried about people,” Clarke finalizes with a sad smile on her face.

 

“Now I know where you got it from,” Lexa states with sincerity, holding one of Clarke’s hands.

 

“Yeah…” Clarke looks down momentarily, submerged in the recollections of her father. 

 

Lexa doesn’t need an explanation for the different inked designs of bands that surround the contours of Clarke’s right arm, as she already knows they represent the thirteen clans.

 

After a few seconds of silence, Clarke speaks again. “This is weird you know?”

 

“What is?”

 

“I…” Clarke shakes her head. “It never occurred to me that I would be here explaining the meaning of our tattoo to you.”

 

It’s inevitable, a grin erupts on Lexa’s face, “our tattoo” Lexa repeats in a whisper. She then grabs Clarke by the chin to get her to look into her eyes. “There are a lot of things that don’t make any sense Clarke. It’s crazy. Hell I don’t even believe them myself sometimes, but they happened and we are here; so lets just… enjoy the nonsense of it all OK? Cause isn’t love like that? Crazy? Irrational? Surreal?” She says this as she pecks Clarke’s lips.

 

Lexa’s enthusiasm is so raw and contagious that Clarke can’t help but believe her. “You’re right.” She leans in for a proper kiss.

 

It doesn’t last too long though, as it is interrupted by a knock on the door.

 

“Breakfast!” Clarke announces standing up to answer. She takes a robe from the chair to cover her naked body.

 

Lexa follows Clarke’s form with her eyes mesmerized until Clarke gestures for her to cover up too.

 

The blonde waits for Lexa to lift the sheets over her breasts before opening the door.

 

“Wanheda,” Roda , Clarke’s personal servant - who is around sixty years old-, enters the room, pushing a small cart.

 

“Roda” Clarke acknowledges “Did you bring everything I asked for?” She questions in trigedasleng taking a peek at the food the woman prepared.

 

Roda nods absentmindedly; her eyes glued to Lexa.  She stares at the girl with a shy smile of glee and incredulity.

 

Lexa squirms in bed, holding tightly onto the sheets, uncomfortably.

 

“Stop that Roda, you’re gonna scare her away from me.” Clarke chastises jokingly.

 

“Oh of course; my apologies,” the woman blushes aware of her inopportune contemplation. 

 

“It’s OK,” Clarke remarks kindly, “thank you for the food, I’ll see you later.”

 

Roda bows, taking a last glance in Lexa’s direction before departing from the room.

 

“Sorry about that.” Clarke walks toward the bed carrying some of the platters from the cart. “She’s just excited for me.” She places them on the night stand turning back again to bring more things over.

 

Lexa moves closer, immediately sampling the first chunk of fruit her eyes land on.

 

“Hungry?”

 

“Uh huh” Lexa responds, mouth full.

 

Clarke laughs, placing the last of the items near them.

 

“What’s this?” Lexa questions, pointing at a bowl.

 

“Oh, that’s called whipped cream. We use it to make decorations on pastries or cover certain… appetizing stuff.”

 

“Really?” Lexa asks genuinely curious, “how?”

 

A toothy grin of pure wickedness adorns Clarke’s features at the query. “Don’t worry; I’ll show you later.”

 

…

 

It was an eventful weekend for Lexa, practically a captive in Clarke’s bedroom; she can’t even remember how many times they made love. She’s still impressed about all the things she did; things she had never done before - in this or in her other life.

 

Lexa should be tired she knows, after the strenuous activities she underwent the past few days and also the practice session that finished a couple hours ago- but no; on the contrary she feels energized with so much strength that she could run around Polis, or… _‘Ugh! This is ridiculous,’_ Lexa complains at her inability of getting Clarke and what they did out of her mind; she couldn’t even concentrate during her practice, earning Indra’s scolding more than once. _‘You’re a warrior Lexa act like one!’_ She hits hard with her stick at one of the dummies she’s practicing on by herself.  Lexa continues to strike at the wooden shape until she hears someone approaching. She turns her head to check on her visitor but freezes on the spot, when she notices the person in question. _‘Octavia’._

 

Octavia strides toward her in her usual intimidating stance. 

 

Lexa is very nervous; she never thought she would see the day when she would be scared of Octavia of the Sky people. She gulps waiting for Octavia to be closer to her before speaking. “General” she bows her head. “I’m sorry about what happened; I didn’t know she…”

 

“Shhh!” Octavia moves past Lexa to sit down on top of a pile of sacks. “Come here.” She directs by patting on the sacks next to her. 

 

Obediently, Lexa does as she was told. She observes silently as Octavia takes out a bottle and two cups from her bag and serves the liquid.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry about; I’m the one who should be apologizing.” Octavia hands a cup to Lexa who takes it immediately. She exhales loudly, obviously having a difficult time trying to find the right words. “I guess I overreacted that day and I’m… I’m sorry.”  Having said that she takes a large sip from her drink.

 

“It’s OK; I understand” Lexa offers, knowing how hard it must have been for the woman to say something like that. She takes a sip from her own cup too.

 

“You seem to be healing well,” Octavia mentions as she scans Lexa up and down.

 

“Yeah, I’m a warrior; there will be times when I do fall but the important thing is to always get back up, right?” Lexa recites the phrase she heard Octavia deliver on one of her sessions.

 

“Right!!” Octavia chuckles looking down at her feet.

 

They remain quiet in contemplation for a couple of minutes.

 

 “So, how did that happen?” Octavia suddenly asks, attempting to sound nonchalant.

 

Knowing exactly what she’s referring to, Lexa replies the only way she can. “I don’t know. Just… one day I woke up and I knew.”

 

“Huh.” Octavia absorbs the information then adds with trepidation. “And you think it could happen again with… anyone?” Even if she wanted to hide it, the hope in her tone of voice is evident.

 

Lexa sighs deeply, feeling terrible about what she has to say but either way she responds honestly. “I… I really don’t know General; I wish I could tell you differently but… I don’t know.”

 

Octavia closes her eyes, feeling like her heart has been pierced with a sharp sword. Her throat constricts trying to contain the tears she is reluctant to let fall. When she succeeds after a few seconds she tips her cup with Lexa’s, “cheers.” She downs the contents of her cup in one gulp.

 

Unable to do anything else, Lexa drinks from her cup too.

 

When Lexa finishes her drink, Octavia takes the cup away from her. “OK, OK that’s enough. I don’t want Clarke to threaten to slit my throat for getting you drunk.”

 

Lexa nods and rises from her seat. “I better go and have lunch.” She excuses herself sensing Octavia needs time alone.

 

“OK, I’ll probably see you in a couple of days; you better be ready for the regular routine cause I won’t be nice.” Octavia winks, lifting her cup and drinking more of the alcohol.

 

“I’ll see you then, General.” With that Lexa marches off the training field.

 

…

 

Lexa is about to finish her meal when she sees Clarke entering the place. “Hey,” she greets with a huge grin.

 

“Hey.” With a similar smile Clarke sits next to Lexa giving her a soft kiss on the lips, taking advantage the dining hall is empty. “Roda told me you were here; I don’t have much time but I wanted to say hi.”

 

“Hi,” Lexa greets cutely leaning in to peck Clarke’s waiting lips.

 

They giggle like two school girls hiding a secret.

 

“How was your day?” Clarke wants to know what her girl has been up to.

 

“Um.” Lexa tenses, sure Clarke won’t like what she has to say. “I talked to Octavia.”

 

Clarke pulls away abruptly with eyes bulging. “What did she want? Did she threaten you? Did she hurt you?” She questions in fright, patting Lexa’s body. She already knew Octavia had arrived early that morning but she had no idea she would go looking for Lexa first.

 

“Clarke, I’m fine.” Lexa grabs onto Clarke’s wrists carefully. She waits for the blonde to calm down to continue. “She didn’t do anything like that; actually she apologized.”

 

“What?” Clarke leans back in complete shock. “She apologized? To you?”

 

Lexa nods.

 

“Octavia?”

 

“Yes” Lexa rolls her eyes. “I think she was truly regretful Clarke, there’s no need for you to make a big deal out of it.”

 

“A big deal!!” Clarke nostrils flare with fury, “she almost killed you Lexa!”

 

“No she didn’t.”

 

Clarke opens her mouth but closes it immediately; practicing one of those breathing exercises Indra taught her in order to maintain control over her emotions. She doesn’t mind lashing out when it is necessary but she doesn’t want to do it here, not with Lexa present. When she is sure she can speak properly Clarke starts, “we are not gonna argue about this Lexa; you have your opinion and I have mine; I’ll handle this the way I see fit. This is between me and Octavia, OK?” Without intending to, her words sound definitive.  

 

Even if she could have done something about it, Lexa doesn’t want to cross Clarke, especially now that she’s all commanding. “OK” is her simple reply.

 

“I should get back to the throne room” Clarke announces. “I’m still a little behind with my schedule.” She makes a face indicating a clear “you know what I mean” to try and lighten the mood.

 

To her relief it works, if Lexa’s smirk is any indication.

 

“I’ll see you tonight?” Lexa questions flirtatiously, rubbing Clarke’s arms.

 

The answer couldn’t be any other.

 

“You bet.”

 

…

 

At around nine thirty at night, having finished her meetings, Clarke enters Octavia’s room.

 

“Octavia, we …”

 

Octavia stands up from her bed, stumbling in the process.

 

Clarke glares at her. “You’re drunk,” She accuses with disdain.

 

“Pfff yeah!  I mean I don’t start until after tomorrow so I thought why not,” Octavia shrugs, “wanna join me?” She offers an inebriated smile, showing Clarke a bottle.

 

“No thanks.” Clarke responds through gritted teeth.

 

“Oh right, right! You need all your five senses to keep up with your young girlfriend later tonight huh?” Octavia snorts.

 

Clarke clenches her jaw, containing her fast approaching ire. “I was hoping we could talk, but I’m afraid we can’t in the state you’re currently in.”

 

“Oh no, no!” Octavia exclaims “please go ahead, I wouldn’t want to make the great Wanheda wait.” The sarcasm in her tone is evident.

 

And Clarke was about to leave, she was ready to turn around, conscious Octavia is in no condition to have a reasonable conversation; but there was too much anger deep within her, so many things in her head that she couldn’t hold them back anymore. “Why did you do it?” She stomps to the middle of the room. “Why did you do that to her, you almost killed her!” Clarke demands, her voice high.

 

“I wasn’t gonna kill her!” Octavia argues, leaving the bottle on her nightstand.

 

“Did you even see the condition you left her in? Huh? What the fuck is wrong with you!”

 

Octavia runs both her hands over her face, sobering up a bit at her friend’s allegations. “I don’t know, Clarke.”

 

“You don’t know!” Clarke scoffs “bullshit! You’re lots of things but you are not stupid Octavia, you know exactly what you did and why you did it and you’re gonna explain it to me, cause I don’t fucking understand!”

 

“I don’t wanna talk about that right now, alright?”

 

“I don’t fucking care what you want Octavia, just fucking tell me!” Clarke yells, invading Octavia’s personal space causing the brunette to take a step back, “did you want to punish me? Her coming back brought so many memories of things you have been blaming me all these years for, that you just had to take it out on her, to hurt me? Is that it?”

 

Octavia shakes her head avoiding Clarke’s gaze.

 

“Is it because of Lincoln? You know it wasn’t her fault Octavia; it was Pike who did all that!”

 

“Clarke seriously, stop!” Octavia warns.

 

“Or what? What are you gonna do?” Clarke pushes Octavia’s shoulder with one hand, provoking her.

 

“What the…” Octavia slaps Clarke’s hand away, a scowl on her face.

 

“I asked you a question.” Clarke pushes Octavia with both her hands now, sending her flying against the nightstand.

 

Instinctively, Octavia reacts, grabbing Clarke by the collar.

 

That’s all the excuse Clarke needs to unleash her anger towards the brunette. First she drives her elbow down on Octavia’s hands to detach from her grasp; then pulls Octavia by the hair, shoving her forcefully onto the bed. “Answer me!” She straddles Octavia and punches her in the face.

 

Octavia does her best to neutralize Clarke’s attack but it’s in vain; Clarke has lost it.

 

“I said answer me, damn it!”

 

Another jab is delivered to Octavia’s face.

 

“Em pleni!” Indra orders from the open door, having heard the commotion. She sprints to the bed, getting a hold of Clarke, and pulling her off of Octavia.

 

“Coward! If you ever touch her again I’m gonna kill you!” Clarke struggles in Indra’s strong grip.

 

Octavia sits on the edge of the bed, holding the side of her face with one hand. The pain written on her features is more emotional than physical.

 

“Clarke, stop it.” Indra drags Clarke to the exit.

 

Clarke, in a desperate attempt to ease the conflicting emotions in her heart urges, “I don’t wanna hate you Octavia; I need to understand; make me understand!”

 

Grabbing her head with both her hands, Octavia growls in frustration. Then, without even thinking about it, she croaks. “He’s not here!”

 

“What?”

 

Unable to take it anymore Octavia finally explodes, “he’s not here Clarke! Lexa came back but he didn’t!”

 

Both, Indra and Clarke are stunned at the revelation.

 

“Lexa was a cold blooded murderer, an arrogant bitch who only cared about her interests. But here she is now; alive and kicking.” Octavia rises, glaring at Clarke. “Lincoln was a good man, he was always looking to mediate, always helping people; he was a healer for Christ sake!” She throws her arms up in the air exasperated. “But still, he’s gone.” Her voice cracks as she adds “for good.”

 

Indra, having let go of Clarke, takes a step forward. “Octavia…” but the brunette signals for her not to move.

 

“Tell me Clarke, why is she here and not him? Why destiny saw fit to bring her and not Lincoln, huh?” Tears spill down Octavia’s face. “You who seems to like explanations so much, why don’t you explain it to me? Why you get to have her with you, while I’m still here alone; still dead inside?” She questions, clutching her chest.

 

Clarke lifts her chin up; she’s sympathetic to Octavia’s agony, yes; but she’s not willing to forgive her just yet. “I didn’t ask for any of this Octavia, I have no idea… I don’t know.”

 

Octavia nods bitterly, looking at the side “yeah; of course.” She swallows the knot in her throat and discloses, “I just miss him so much… I love him so much.” The ache in her soul is so powerful that her legs give out; but before she could hit the ground, Indra’s arms surround her, keeping her upright. Feeling secure in her mentor’s firm embrace, Octavia erupts in heart wrenching sobs.

 

The vision is tear-jerking; Clarke has to admit it, but it doesn’t lessen the resentment against the other woman completely. She just stares at Octavia not knowing what to do.

 

“Get out of here!!” Indra spats. She didn’t mean to sound harsh, but she just can’t help it. Her protective side is taking over; the girl she considers like a daughter needs her. Inhaling deeply, she makes eye contact with Clarke, hoping not to have to repeat herself.

 

Fortunately, Clarke is done fighting. She spares one last glance at Octavia’s form with a mixture of sorrow and sullenness before leaving the room.

 

…

 

Lexa jolts when the doors of Clarke’s bedroom burst open. “Clarke,” she calls out as soon as she takes in the distraught blonde.

 

Clarke stops abruptly, breathing heavily.

 

“What happened? Are you OK?” Lexa rushes toward Clarke, “your hand!” She exclaims taking in Clarke’s red swelled knuckles.  

 

The blonde lifts her gaze, connecting her eyes with Lexa’s. She gets lost in the green orbs for a short while.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asks, uncertainly.

 

As if she just woke up from a dream, Clarke squints, opening and closing her mouth “you’re…” is all she gets to say before jumping into Lexa’s arms.

 

The movement is so sudden that Lexa almost loses her balance but manages to keep them upright. “It’s OK, I got you” she assures, rubbing Clarke’s back.

 

“I love you, I love you so much,” Clarke mutters desperately in Lexa’s ear; holding onto her tightly.

 

“I love you too.”

 

…

 

Cuddling in bed and considerably more relaxed, Clarke sighs deeply before expressing. “Does that make me selfish?”

 

“Hmm,” Lexa has no idea what Clarke is talking about.

 

“That I’m glad it was you who came back,” Clarke asserts in contemplation. “I mean I love my friends, I would do anything for them but…” she gulps the guilt from her throat before continuing. “If I would’ve been given the choice to bring back Lincoln or you… I would’ve chosen you. Over anyone; always you.”

 

Lexa sighs sympathetically “There’s nothing wrong with that Clarke,” she pulls Clarke closer to her, “It’s human nature you know? Besides it was about time you thought about yourself first.”

 

Clarke allows Lexa’s words to be a consolation even with the guilt deep in her gut.

 

“You’ve sacrificed a lot for them Clarke; for your people. You’ve given them peace and a bright future ahead; I believe you’ve earned your right to be selfish once in a while.”

 

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” Clarke settles comfortably in the bed, letting Lexa spoon her. She still has Octavia’s words roaming in her head and it really affects her, but here in Lexa’s arms, everything looks a little brighter, a little sweeter…

 

“Reshop, heda” Lexa whispers, leaving a kiss in Clarke’s temple.

 

Clarke’s lips quirk into an easy smile at the familiar words. “Goodnight warrior.”

 

… and for now, it is enough. 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby pays a surprise visit. Cute/hot Clexa moments. Octavia and Clarke face to face again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time but many things going on so I hope you still enjoy it! Talking about enjoying; are you enjoying the fic so far? Let me know please!

 

 

 

The next day, very early in the morning, both Lexa and Clarke are getting ready to start their activities.

 

"Relax, you have been here with me; I doubt Indra would make a fuss about you being a few minutes late" Clarke, clad in only bra and panties, reassures from her place near the closet choosing her outfit for the day.

 

Lexa, standing at the side of the bed, buttoning her jacket, scoffs. “Have you been trained by Indra?”

 

Clarke pauses while contemplating, but adds immediately “OK, yeah hurry up.”

 

 Just then Lexa is about to reply with an exasperated “told you” when someone barges through the door.

 

“Hi hon…” Abby’s greeting gets stuck in her throat as soon as she takes in the scene in front of her.

 

“Do-doctor Griffin,” Lexa stutters staring at the older woman in fear. She didn’t notice before- maybe because of her position of power in the past- but now she has to admit Abby’s presence is really strong, almost as strong as Clarke’s; and truth be told, the woman can be extremely daunting.

 

Abby glares at Lexa, scrutinizing her without saying one word.

 

Clarke, having already noticed her mother, lets out a long sigh of annoyance before instructing a petrified Lexa “you better get going; we don’t want Indra to get mad do we?”

 

“Huh?” Lexa spins her head toward Clarke, coming out of her trance, “right” she nervously treads to the door.

 

“I’ll see you later,” Clarke calls out.

 

Lexa nods hesitatingly, switching glances from Clarke to Abby. “Excuse me” she inclines her head slightly at Abby, before walking past her to the exit.

 

Once Lexa is gone Abby turns to face her daughter expecting an explanation, but Clarke remains impassive, continuing to change like she wasn’t even there. “What are you doing? She finally asks disconcertingly.

 

A sarcastic “what do you think I’m doing” crosses Clarke’s mind but refrains from delivering it, answering instead “I don’t know mom, but I’m sure you’re gonna enlighten me.”

 

It is very clear there are lots of things that Abby wants to say, but she finds herself in a state of bewilderment that she only manages to express “She’s a child.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes expecting something along this line from the woman, “she’s not a child mom; she’s a sixteen year old warrior. Besides wasn’t it you who told me that grounders proved to be mature for their age? Even biologically?”

 

Abby huffs not liking how smart ass her daughter is being. “You know what I meant Clarke.”

 

“No I don’t.” Clarke counteracts as she finishes putting on her boots “and frankly I don’t care.”

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“Mom,” Clarke walks over to the desk, collecting some papers. “This is my life, I decide what I do with it and whom to share it with; I don’t need any interference from anyone, OK?”

 

“Clarke,” Abby tries to reason. “I heard the rumors a while ago but I never imagined you…” She stops at the look Clarke is sending her way so she changes her approach. “Have you even checked out this girl’s background, her family? What did she do before coming to Polis?”

 

Clarke sighs deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose “there’s no need to do that; I already know her very well, trust me.”

 

Starting to lose her patience at her daughter’s impassiveness, Abby exclaims. “You’re being irrational Clarke, acting on your impulses; you haven’t thought this through.”

 

“Oh believe me mom I have; I have thought about it more than you can ever imagine; that’s the reason why…”

 

“She’s not Lexa!” Abby suddenly spats unable to contain her concern.

 

Tired of playing nice Clarke reacts, “OK that’s enough; I don’t want to discuss my private life with you. I have things to do so I’m gonna ask you to leave.”

 

“What?!” Abby is really surprised her daughter is practically kicking her out. She shakes her head in disbelief. “What happened to you?”

 

“Nothing has happened to me; actually I was perfectly fine until you showed up here bothering me, so just please leave me alone.”

 

“Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?!” Abby steps forward, challenging Clarke. “Have a little more respect, I’m your mother!”

 

“And I’m the commander of the thirteen clans and you’re in my tower.” Clarke slams the desktop with her left hand.

 

Abby is startled by her daughter's outburst. She saw Clarke doing the same at meetings and small confrontations, but this is the first time that it’s been directed at her. Even if her pride won’t allow her to say it out loud, it has managed to intimidate her.

 

Clarke moves forward, invading Abby’s personal space. Staring at the woman straight into her eyes, she enunciates her next words clearly. “Nobody questions my decisions, nobody tells me what to do. You may be my mother yes, but you’re also my subject.” She points a finger menacingly at her mother’s face, “don’t you ever forget that Doctor Griffin.” Saying that, she breezes past Abby and escapes from her bedroom.

 

Abby remains frozen on the spot, not quite believing what just happened.

 

…

 

Done with lunch and practice a while ago, Lexa is presently packing the clothing she is taking back to her village in just a few days when her basic combat training is over. She is looking forward to be back at home –at least for a couple of weeks- and see her parents and little brother. Lexa is pretty sure they are going to see her relationship with Clarke with kind eyes. Now that they will be able to visit her in Polis, her life will be complete; all the people she loves together. The only down side about it, is she won’t be seeing Clarke for a while; but she has the certainty they are a couple now and this gives her all the consolation and assurance she needs. “OK   that’s it for today.” Lexa puts her knapsack away, deciding to take a quick nap before getting ready to see Clarke, but then remembers the encounter with Doctor Griffin. _‘Will Clarke be able to see me’_ she wonders worriedly. _‘I hope she doesn’t cause her any problems. If there is any Clarke will let me know.’_ With that thought she crawls into bed to get some needed rest.

 

…

 

Standing at the entrance of the throne room, Abby spots Clarke on the balcony talking to Roda. Her jaw clenches as she feels her body surge with anger when the woman extends her hand to caress Clarke’s hair. Before she can duel too much with her rage, Indra notices her.

 

“Doctor Griffin” Indra greets with a small nod “you may come in.”

 

Abby nods back and enters the room with a firm stance.

 

At that moment Clarke walks from the balcony to her throne, waiting for her mother to approach.

 

 “Doctor Griffin” Roda passes by Abby and bows respectfully.

 

“Roda,” Abby replies through gritted teeth watching with disdain as the woman –along with Indra- leave the premises.

 

As soon as Roda and Indra are out of sight, the doors are closed.

 

And that’s when Abby finally faces her daughter. “Did you call for me Wanheda?” Her tone is sarcastic and full of venom.

 

Clarke chuckles. “OK, I deserved that” she concedes clearing her throat. “First I want to apologize to you; I was out of line earlier and I’m sorry.”

 

“I see,” Abby scoffs. “And I’m guessing this sudden regret comes after your other mom asked you to apologize to me?” She mocks, “And of course you always do what she says.”

 

“Jesus Christ!!” Clarke finds herself rolling her eyes once again at Abby. She really doesn’t have the patience to deal with her mother’s jealousy right now, so she ignores the statement and continues. “Anyways, I also want to take advantage of your presence so we can schedule new workshops for the healers here in Polis; if that’s OK with you.”

 

Abby sighs angrily. “Fine” She could never deny her services and knowledge to anyone –not even her insolent daughter.

 

“Good, then lets move to the meeting room, Indra is expecting us.”

 

…

 

Lexa wakes up from her siesta, feeling like reading a bit. As she opens the drawer of the nightstand to retrieve her book, her eyes spot a small knitted bracelet in one of the corners. She picks it up delicately, gulping an unwelcome sense of guilt from her gut. Lexa gazes at it as all sorts of memories come into her mind. Soon afterward she decides to push those sensations aside, putting the bracelet away and forgetting about it for the time being.

 

…

 

Reaching a mutual agreement regarding the dates for the workshops, Clarke and Abby stand up to head to the clinic.

 

“Clarke,” Abby calls before she can cross the threshold.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Abby hesitates still wary about Clarke’s reaction earlier, but as the stubborn woman she is, she proceeds. “I think we should talk.”

 

“About what?”

 

“You know what.” Abby points out a little fearful to mention the actual name of the person in question.

 

At that Clarke’s face hardens “mom.” She stops before she snaps, instead answering as politely as she can. “I’m not discussing my girlfriend with you or anyone; I thought I made myself perfectly clear on that part.”

 

“Your girlfriend?!” Abby counters “but when you…”

 

“We should really get going mom, I’ve got other things to do,” Clarke remarks with what’s left of her endurance.

 

Able to interpret the look Clarke is giving her, Abby gives up for now. “This is not over Clarke,” she warns before exiting the meeting room.

 

“Argh” Clarke grunts throwing her head back, _‘this is going to be a fucking long day.’_

…

 

 _‘She hasn’t sent any messenger, so everything must be fine’_ Lexa concludes, sitting her book aside, and thinking about what to wear before seeing Clarke, when suddenly the object of her affections enters her room. “Clarke!”

 

“Hey,” a tired looking Clarke makes her way to Lexa’s bed.

 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa, surprised in a good way, welcomes Clarke into her arms.

 

Clarke hums happily, already feeling better now that she is with her girl. “I don’t feel like dealing with my mother today; hope you don’t mind me sticking around tonight.”

 

“No, not at all” Lexa holds tightly onto Clarke. “I like that you’re here.”

 

“Good,” Clarke sighs contently.

 

After a good while of peaceful silence, Lexa giggles.

 

“What’s so funny?” Clarke asks intrigued.

 

“Oh well, it’s just the commander of the thirteen clans, the legendary Wanheda is hiding from her mommy in my room,” Lexa starts laughing out loud until Clarke slaps her arm. “Ouch!!” 

 

“I’m not hiding I’m…” Clarke can’t come up with an excuse. “Stop it!” Clarke smacks Lexa once again seeing she is still mocking her.

 

“Make me!” Lexa teases, sticking her tongue out.

 

Clarke gasps at the mischievous dare. Never one to shy away from a challenge, she straddles Lexa, pushing her down onto the mattress. “Oh it’s on!”

 

In a completely unexpected display of strength and flexibility, Lexa rolls them over so she’s the one on top of Clarke, pinning her arms above her head. “Listen to me Clarke of the sky people” she articulates in a tone she’s sure Clarke will identify “you can be all Wanheda you want behind the door, but here in this room…” she holds tight onto Clarkes wrists “… ai laik Heda”

 

Clarke squirms, letting out a growl of pleasure. _‘Oh my fucking God.’_ She never imagined she would enjoy so much to be commanded in bed.

 

Liking this response, Lexa continues with her dominant role. “Was I clear enough?” She gives Clarke a pointed look.

 

“Yes.” The reply comes fast.

 

“Yes what?” Lexa presses her thigh down between Clarke’s legs.

 

“Ugh” Clarke stares at her with already heavy eyes of desire before practically purring “yes… Heda”

 

“Good girl.”

 

…

 

Satiated and in a hot mess of tangled limbs, Clarke notes. “I see you’re already packed for next week. Excited?”

 

“Yes very,” Lexa, resting her head on Clarke’s chest, responds “but I’m gonna miss you.” She pouts nuzzling into her woman’s neck.

 

“Me too.” Clarke kisses Lexa’s forehead, “time flies by baby don’t worry,” she reassures her girl even if she feels a little sad at the prospect of being apart.

 

Lexa hums in agreement. It crosses her mind to ask Clarke to visit her sometime but she doesn’t say anything, thinking that she would probably disrupt Clarke’s busy schedule.

 

Clarke for her part is submerged in her own thoughts, like for example how is it that they are still sort of hiding their relationship from the public eye; even if people already know or suspect something is going on?  She wishes she could wander around Polis holding Lexa’s hand and be affectionate without any reservations or care. Of course, she is Wanheda and could go ahead and do it if she wanted to, but something about it doesn’t feel right, like something is missing. Making a formal announcement doesn’t seem very appropriate either; after all it is her personal life, so she’s left a little lost regarding what to do. _‘I have to find a way to make it right and soon…but how?’_ Coming up with nothing, Clarke yawns letting sleep take over their tired bodies.

 

…

 

 Past midnight, an eager Esiry, with knapsack in hand, strides toward Lexa’s room. She unceremoniously opens the door, dying to know about Lexa’s sexy adventures with the commander but freezes when her eyes land on the bed- and the two bodies in it. She bites her lip hard suppressing the urge to screech like she always does whenever she is excited. But when Clarke begins stirring any traces of exhilaration disappears, morphing into terror. _‘If Wanheda sees me here she is gonna kill me!’_ With evident fear Esiry closes the door carefully and as silently as she can.

 

…

 

Lexa arrives at the training field, walking straight towards Octavia. “General” she greets politely, but when the other brunette acknowledges her, Lexa almost gasps observing the bruises on Octavia’s face.

 

“Lexa,” Octavia starts unfazed “Indra informed me you still need to go slow; I think it will be best if you do legs today, go warm up.”

 

“Ye-yeah of course.” Lexa, still impressed, looks around realizing none of her fellow warriors are remotely as in shock as she is by Octavia’s appearance. Then she spots Esiry at one side of the field “hey!” She shouts excitedly.

 

“Oh hey,” Esiry gives Lexa a warm smile.

 

 They hold arms in greeting.

 

“When did you get back?” Lexa questions genuinely interested.

 

“Last night,” Esiry responds stepping closer to Lexa. “I was going to say hi but you seemed… rather busy.” She smirks giving Lexa a playful nudge.

 

“Huh?”

 

Esiry sighs, knowing how clueless her friend could be. “I’ll explain later.”

 

“OK.” Lexa shrugs, distracted once again by Octavia’s face bruises.

 

Taking notice of where Lexa’s attention is, Esiry offers nonchalantly “she’s been worse.”

 

Just when Lexa is about to ask her to elaborate, she sees Clarke at the other side of the training area.

 

Clarke is standing arms crossed, glaring at Octavia in the distance. 

 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Octavia mutters under her breath when she becomes aware of Clarke’s presence. She looks away, considering something in her head for a second.

 

 _‘What is she doing,’_ Lexa wonders in silence, observing first at Octavia then at the woman she loves, immersed in some sort of power struggle.

 

“Fuck it.” Octavia suddenly exclaims taking her sword out and dashing toward Clarke; her intentions clear as water.

 

_‘What the…’_

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia makes her point. Clexa-sexa and fluff. Some funny moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t been feeling too inspired lately, but I don’t wanna let you guys down, so here it is another short chapter. If you feel like leaving a comment to cheer me up that would be awesome.

 

 

 

 

_‘What the…’_ Clarke can’t believe her eyes _‘is she really…’_ She thinks Octavia must have lost her mind for trying to attack her that way after all that has happened. Instinctively her hand flies back to pull out her sword from its sheath and fight back, but her view is suddenly blocked by the young warriors standing in front of her, effectively shielding her.

 

Octavia’s race comes to an abrupt stop just centimeters away from eighteen swords pointing directly at her face. In the tense silence of the atmosphere, she has the opportunity to observe her apprentices’ faces; the fear in their young eyes, the shaking of their hands as they clutch the grip of their swords with as much strength as they can. Octavia is sure they all know she could easily defeat – and even kill- each and every one of them with a few simple swings of her sword. After all, there are thousands of stories about her combat skills during those terrible times of war; the most famous being the one in which she slaughtered a dozen rebels that doubled her in size -all by herself. Yet Octavia can see their conviction as they stand in position ready to strike. The quietness lasts a few seconds more until a short burst of laughter escapes her throat. “Good!!” she proclaims “Your reaction was fast and your reflexes impeccable; it pleases me to see you’re doing your job as the warriors you are: to protect your commander.”

 

Clarke’s eyebrows rise in surprise and confusion at the words. She’s not alone though; the young warriors look just as confused as her.

 

“It takes courage to confront your enemy but even more courage to oppose your ally when you think they are in the wrong.” Octavia continues, pacing with authority. “As I see it, you are all on the right path to becoming remarkable soldiers for the army very soon; I couldn’t be more proud of you.” Lifting her chin she orders next, “now go back to your practice, we’ve got a hard day ahead.”

 

Still pretty much disconcerted, the teens obey their mentor’s instructions and resume their previous going-ons.

 

Octavia waits for her apprentices to be out of ear shot to address Clarke. “Did you see that? They came to your rescue without even thinking about it, like it was something engraved in their DNA; a second nature. They were willing to die for you Clarke, because you’re their commander, because that’s their duty.” She looks straight in the eyes of her friend before adding. “Guess who taught them that?”

 

Clarke holds Octavia’s gaze firmly, but remains silent.

 

“My job is to teach them just that; to fight for you and with you, no questions asked. And call me arrogant, but I think I’m doing one hell of a job.” Octavia steps closer to Clarke. “I don’t need you to babysit me; I’m doing my thing and I do it well, so why don’t you go and do yours? I’m sure you have lots of things to do.” Having said that, she signals with her hand the way towards the tower.

 

With nothing more to say, Clarke spares one last glance at the brunette and turns around; not before searching with her eyes at Lexa who never moved from her spot. They exchange gazes briefly - a silent promise to talk later- until finally Clarke leaves.

 

Octavia then faces Lexa, who offers a simple nod at her. Octavia’s lips curl up at one side as she responds with the same action.

 

Witnessing the exchange, Esiry now back at Lexa’s side, questions intriguingly “why didn’t you join us?”

 

Lexa just shrugs replying with utmost tranquility, “she wasn’t gonna hurt Clarke.”

 

Esiry opens her mouth wanting to know more but Octavia’s next command forces her to begin her practice and forget about the topic.

 

…

 

Being summoned to the throne room, Octavia enters with no idea what to expect, but attempts to act as cool as she usually does. She chances a glance in Indra’s direction but as expected the woman remains impassive not giving her any hint.

 

“General,” Clarke speaks from her throne, “I have to admit I was really impressed by today’s demonstration at the training field; it was quite the lesson for your trainees … even for me,” she confesses softening her tone a bit.

 

Octavia can’t hide her pride at the acclaim. “Thank you very much for the recognition commander, but as I told you earlier I’m only doing my job.”

 

“I see,” Clarke comments in mock consideration, adding seconds later “your words were very powerful and persuasive; although they seemed … familiar,” she squints for effect.

 

Octavia has to smirk at that “Dumbledore, Harry Potter. I just paraphrased it a bit.”

 

“I knew it!” Clarke exclaims with a smirk of her own.

 

They stare at each other with subtle smiley faces.

 

Indra watches the interaction between Octavia and Clarke and rolls her eyes, “should I leave you two alone?” She remarks with sarcasm, making both women come out of their private communication.  

 

“No um,” Clarke clears her throat, “that will be all for now general; I’ll leave you to your own devices.”

 

“Right!” Octavia shakes her head, “I’ll head back to the army.” She bows slightly before quickly departing.

 

Watching the brunette walking away, Clarke sighs relieved; feeling like a heavy weight has been lifted off her shoulders. They may not be alright yet, but it’s a first step; she’s hopeful things with Octavia will be back to normal soon enough. The younger Blake may be stubborn and always inclined to make poor choices in anger, but she is still her best friend, almost a sister; Clarke can’t imagine her life without Octavia in it. Her internal reflection is abruptly interrupted when she feels Indra’s glare on her, “what?” She feigns ignorance.

 

“Ugh, you sky people are ridiculous!” Indra complains irritated.

 

“No! we- whatever!” Clarke shifts on her throne assuming a more commanding position, evidently dismissing her counselor’s criticism and proceeds instead with the regular schedule “who’s next?”

 

…

 

Just like Clarke imagined, Lexa is already in her room when she arrives that night. She mentally thanks her good luck for the emergency at a nearby village that forced Abby to leave Polis earlier than planned. With that inconvenience out of the way, Clarke’s mind is overtaken by more recent issues. She makes her way to the end of the bed, directing her attention to her girlfriend. “How did you know she wasn’t gonna attack me,” she asks the question that got her thinking since the morning at the training field.

 

Lexa rouses from the bed and walks toward Clarke “because I saw it in her eyes” she hesitates before saying the next words because she knows it could trigger Clarke but ultimately chooses to express it. “I know when she’s determined to hurt someone.”

 

And the admission does ignite something in Clarke. Her hands form fists at her sides; all the progress she made trying to “forgive” Octavia threatens to vanish as she remembers the condition she found Lexa in.

 

Anticipating a negative reaction, Lexa puts her arms around Clarke’s hips suggesting teasingly, “you look tired, how about if you take a hot shower and get rid of today’s burdens… I can join you if you want?” She almost laughs at the instant change in Clarke’s demeanor.

 

“Uh…” All tension disappears from Clarke’s body as her mind is taken over by images of the things they could be doing.

 

“Come,” Lexa steps back stretching her hand out for Clarke to take.

 

Clarke does it and with it she symbolically allows Lexa to take complete control of the situation.

 

Understanding the message Lexa leads them both to the large bathroom attached to Clarke’s room. She leaves Clarke standing near the shower as she turns on the water, searching for the perfect temperature. Once she is done, Lexa moves in front of Clarke, staring into her eyes silently. She waits a little longer but then begins undressing slowly.

 

Even though Clarke had seen Lexa naked before, there’s something special about this occasion, like a first time. Here with Lexa undressing only for her in such a confident way she feels eighteen again, at the mercy of the girl who at this very moment doesn’t look like a teenager at all, but more like the strong woman she fell in love with sixteen years ago. Clarke is so enthralled in her reveries that it takes her a second to realize Lexa is now undressing her. She feels a shiver run down her spine when the brunette brushes against her skin while carefully removing her clothes.

 

When she has her completely bare, Lexa puts Clarke under the shower stream, following immediately after.

 

Clarke exhales letting the warm water wash over her, cleaning her not only physically but emotionally too. She gasps when Lexa embraces her from behind; the skin on skin contact enhancing her senses. Clarke feels so safe in the arms of her lover that she leans her body toward Lexa’s front.

 

It’s quite a nice sensation for Lexa to have Clarke like this, so vulnerable; forgetting all about her rank and responsibilities and just being Lexa’s girlfriend. She knows it must not be easy for her to let go of her power, her authority; but at the same time she’s aware Clarke needs the attention. Lexa starts by leaving a trail of kisses behind Clarke’s neck, shoulders and ears, caressing her curves in the process.

 

The way Lexa is touching her; tenderly, purposely, gets Clarke hot and bothered in no time. She attempts turning around but the firm hold Lexa has on her prevents her from doing so. Instead she blindly reaches for whatever part of Lexa’s body that she can come in contact with.

 

Sensing Clarke’s desperation, Lexa wants to accelerate the process so she pulls Clarke impossibly close to her body, reaching for both her breasts; massaging them in a circular motion while sucking on the side of her neck.

 

Clarke moans as she scratches Lexa’s back holding onto the girl for dear life.

 

Lexa, having Clarke exactly where she wanted, moves a hand down between Clarke’s legs, sliding her finger in already wet lips – not only from water. She moves her digits fast wanting to bring Clarke to a climax as soon as possible. Then just because she can, she leans into the blonde’s ear to whisper sensually in trigedasleng “surrender to me Wanheda; you’re mine.”

 

It should surprise Clarke how her body responds, or worse, obeys at the order; because the next thing she knows, she is orgasming fast and with force. Her body convulses at the strong waves of pleasure pulsating through her muscles; Clarke’s knees buckle under the strain. Luckily for her, strong arms are ready to keep her upright so she relaxes in the embrace, feeling for the first time in her life that nothing could hurt her; and more so when she receives a kiss on her temple and hears the sweet reassuring words of her girl.

 

“I got you.”

 

…

 

As it usually ends their love making sessions, they are both cuddling in bed quietly enjoying each other.

 

Clarke is deep in thought mulling something over in her head, something that has been bothering her since the other day; but right at this moment she believes she has found a solution to her predicament. “So I was thinking…” she starts clearing her throat.

 

“Hmm?” Lexa replies with an already sleepy voice.

 

“Since you’re going to your village I maybe, I uh… could go with you.”

 

Lexa’s head quirks to face Clarke, all drowsiness forgotten “you-you want to go with me… to my village?” She questions doubtfully.

 

“Well, yeah I mean.” Clarke struggles with what she wants to say next but lets the words out anyway. “I- I think it would be appropriate to let your parents know I’m courting you.”

 

Lexa’s jaw drops at the admission, her eyes open wide in shock. “Whoa; wow.” She swallows the sudden nervousness and anticipation from her chest. “You uh- you don’t have to do that Clarke,” even though the idea is thrilling she doesn’t want to show too much eagerness and make Clarke feel obligated.

 

“No, on the contrary I think I do.” Clarke settles on one elbow before explaining. “If I talk to your parents first, everything will be formalized, we will be officially a couple. I’m actually very confident this will be the perfect way for you and I to show ourselves freely to our people, you know? After all I’m the commander; I need to lead by example.” She ends with of a hint of authority.

 

Lexa has never ever felt as loved and respected as she does right now. She never thought Clarke could be this adorable and proper at the same time; and it makes her look ten thousand times hotter than she usually is. Either way she asks tentatively “Are you sure?”

 

“Of course I am.” This time Clarke doesn’t hesitate with her answer “but um…” She cringes with guilt. “I won’t be able to stay more than a day, but at least I…” she doesn’t have time to finish the sentence since her lips are crushed by Lexa’s in a hard kiss.

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you” Lexa covers Clarke’s face with small pecks of adoration.

 

Clarke laughs contently; certain she made the right choice.

 

…

 

“Lexa and Troy will be gone next week; but two villages are sending warriors to test so we’ll see,” Octavia informs Clarke about the young warrior’s status. It wasn’t a regular occurrence to give Clarke this kind of report but since the “Lexa incident” she was warned by Indra that from now on feedback regarding the teens is mandatory.

 

“Sounds great. Did you already check in with the army?” Clarke asks Octavia all business like.

 

“Yeah, no changes with the soldiers; everything is running smoothly as usual.”

 

“Perfect!!” Clarke comments moving on to the next topic in their usual end of the day updates. “We will have Raven here also next week to do a check up on the installations and catch up with the mechanics of each clan; Indra?” She turns to the woman.

 

“They were notified, all of them confirmed. I’ll have everything prepared for their arrival.”

 

Clarke nods her approval. “OK, I guess that will be all for tonight ladies; lets rest up to have a productive day tomorrow.” With that the three of them rise from their seats and walk over to the door of the meeting room.

 

The first one to go is Indra, who as always waits at one side for Clarke to retreat before going her own way. What she doesn’t expect though is to witness something that resembled a comedy.

 

Octavia and Clarke cross the threshold at the same time getting stuck in the doorway.

 

The two women, shoulder to shoulder, look at each other first in alarm then embarrassment, pushing and wiggling in order to free themselves. After a couple of tries they succeed; now one is in front of the other.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

Both let out at the same time with flushed faces.

 

Indra rolls her eyes and groans. “I’m too tired for this, I’m leaving.” She turns, not before warning “and please don’t kill each other.” Saying that she marches to her bedroom grumbling in trigedasleng about the silliness of the sky people.

 

Surrounded by an uncomfortable silence, Octavia decides to break the heavy mood with a shy invitation. “So um; we should uh, have lunch and chat sometime.”

 

Clarke is taken aback by the offering but she quickly recovers to respond, “uh yeah sure we should do that, soon.”

 

“Yeah soon.”

 

They both nod dumbly at each other without saying anything and not knowing how to proceed.

 

That is until Octavia had enough. “I’m not going to hug you!” She announces defensively.

 

“I’m not going to hug you either!” Clarke counteracts just as warily.

 

“Fine!”

 

“Fine!”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

“See ya.”

 

Fortunately they stroll in opposite directions this time, avoiding what would’ve been an awkward – but hilarious- collision.

 

…

 

Lexa, having just ended her conversation with Esiry, sits on her bed taking the opportunity to ponder on the events of the week, before going to Clarke’s bedroom. She is glad Clarke and Octavia seemed to have overcome their impasse and are getting along better lately. Lexa is very aware of how lonely it gets when someone is in a position of power; the last thing she wants is for Clarke to feel that way. She is very happy at the knowledge Clarke has good friends by her side that can listen to her and keep her company in good or difficult times. Lexa gets suddenly giddy when she remembers Clarke and her are traveling to her village in just a few days more, _‘she wants to talk to my parents, it’s so cute.’_ She giggles at how special this gallantry is making her feel. _‘Did Costia feel this way too?’_ She wonders in silence at the memory of herself visiting Costia’s parents to let them know about her intentions with their daughter. A sad smile graces her features at the mental image. “I hope she did,” she whispers with eyes closed, sending a prayer to the spirits for Costia’s soul wherever it is. Lexa takes a deep sigh to collect herself and get ready to see Clarke, but before she actually does anything, a thought strikes her, one that makes her feel uncomfortable, _‘should I tell Clarke?’_ Lexa considers briefly, looking at the drawer on her nightstand. _‘Yeah I should, I will,’_ her words as sure as they may sound, lack certainty. Still with those doubts in mind she exits her room, to meet her woman.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven in da house! The secret is out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a filler chapter, starring the “three amigas” and some Octaven friendship. A little fun before Clarke gets to know the parents and "Lexa’s secret" :o  
> This is the last chapter of the year; I can’t believe it’s been 5 months already! Thanks for tagging along and supporting my crazy idea (especially my biotches OKImafan, BoysWannaBeHer, SailorSayuri, valiumx2 and GonnaBGona. And well Roxy50, you know you are stuck with me sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯)  
> I wish all of you a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) See you next year! :P
> 
> * With any luck, you can expect a new chapter on January 1, 2017. HOHOHO!!

 

 

 

Surprisingly so, Clarke found the time to spend it with Lexa in other places that weren’t in their bedrooms at night. They are currently making out under a tree in their secret garden after sharing a nice romantic picnic. 

 

“I missed this” Clarke murmurs, as she wraps her arms around Lexa’s torso with her face leaning on Lexa’s chest.

 

“Me too” Lexa, on her position straddling Clarke, kisses the blondes forehead. Seeing how relaxed and contended Clarke is, gives Lexa the green light to bring something up, “Clarke?” She tries, tentatively.

 

“Yeah?” The blonde’s muffled voice blows softly on Lexa’s chest.

 

“I uh, I wanted to tell you something.”

 

“Sure.” Clarke looks up, staring at her girl, “what is it?”

 

Lexa gulps as she opens her mouth to expel the news, when the beeping of Clarke’s walkie-talkie   goes off.

 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” Clarke carefully helps Lexa off her and steps away. “Go ahead” she indicates pressing a button.

 

“Heda,” the voice of a man resonates through the device. “As you requested, I am informing you the head of mechanics has just arrived in Polis.”

 

Clarke’s face lights up at the information, “OK. Over” she quickly finishes, anxious to go and see her friend. “Raven is here, we have to go back,” she says to her girlfriend with a smile. She is about to spin around and head up the stairs when Lexa’s hand grabs her arm to stop her.

 

“Wait!” Lexa calls out firmly, waiting until she has Clarke’s full attention before continuing. “How did your guards find you?” She questions with a scowl.

 

“Oh um.” Clarke becomes suddenly nervous, “it’s a walkie-talkie you know? They can communicate with me even if we are far away,” she utters as an excuse.

 

“I know,” Lexa affirms clenching her jaw, “but I also know the range of those apparatus is not too long; which means your guards must be close by.” She studies Clarke’s face, “have they been following us Clarke?”

 

There’s nothing Clarke can do or say, she’s been caught. “Well, kinda yeah; I’m sorry.”

 

“Clarke!” Lexa accuses “do they know about this place? I told you it was our secret spot!”

 

“No of course they don’t!” Clarke hurries to explain. “I gave specific orders for them not to follow me into the woods. These radios are different, Raven made them especially for me, they have a very long range; the guards are far enough away Lexa, trust me.”

 

“It doesn’t matter Clarke, it is still a risk if they are close; they could just be wandering around and come across it.”

 

“They are not that close and besides I do it for your security, I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

 

“Here we go again.” Lexa rolls her eyes irritated. “I told you it's not necessary, I can take care of myself just fine!”

 

“I know but…”

 

“You know what? Forget it, lets just go.” And with that Lexa forgets whatever she was planning to say before.

 

…

 

The way back to the tower in general was a silent one after Clarke finally gave up trying to explain and apologize to Lexa. At least she managed to convince Lexa not to leave her for the rest of the day, which she considered a small victory. As soon as they reached the building Clarke headed straight to the room where her friend would be staying for the remainder of her visit.   

  

“There you are”, Clarke greets from the open door of Raven’s room.  

 

“Commander hottie!” Raven runs to Clarke.

 

Both embrace in a warm tight hug.

 

“I thought you were coming later tonight?” Clarke questions pulling away a bit.

 

“Oh yeah, I finished earlier than planned, you know me,” she shrugs boastfully.

Clarke chuckles, shoving Raven’s shoulder.

 

It is then Raven notices someone behind Clarke. “Holy shit!” She blurts out.

 

“Hi” Lexa greets shyly intimidated by Raven’s reaction.

 

“No fucking way.” Raven approaches the girl slowly, scanning her up and down.

 

Lexa, standing still, sends a nervous glance toward Clarke who just observes the interaction with amusement.

 

“It’s like…” Raven tries to find the right words “it’s you but, not you!” She laughs in complete awe.

 

“Um…” Lexa shakes her head, not sure how to reply to that.

 

“Bitch!”  A voice interrupts.

 

Raven’s attention is drawn to the source of the voice. “Whore!” She yells now going to Octavia and enveloping her in her arms.

 

No matter how many years Lexa has been interacting with sky people, she will never understand how it is they insult each other as a greeting.  

 

“What the hell happened to your face now!” Raven slaps Octavia’s arm as a mock reprimand because of her friend’s keenness for getting into trouble.

 

Octavia, Clarke and Lexa exchange tense glances.

 

“Oh well,” Octavia reacts firsts. “Just a fight with an idiot.”

 

Clarke gives Octavia a warning glare but she only gets a shrug in response.

 

“OK then General; Wanheda” Raven addresses both her friends. “Why don’t you fill me in on what I’m gonna do first?”

 

“Right!” Octavia replies, “sadly you’ll have to settle with me for now cause these two are on a date,” she informs nonchalantly.

 

“Shit your date!” Raven cringes turning to Clarke and Lexa. “I forgot about it, sorry! But don’t mind me go, go we can catch up later,” she signals with her hands.

 

Clarke is about to thank her friend for her understanding when Lexa starts speaking.

 

 “Actually I think I’m gonna go, leave you to it.”

 

“What? No! We talked about this Lexa” Clarke interjects.

 

“Yeah, I mean we can see each other some other time.”

 

 “Uh oh,” Octavia murmurs grimacing.

 

Raven, taking in the change of mood, grabs Octavia by the elbow. “Hey, we will be inside if you need us.” She slowly drags her friend away from the hallway.

Not really paying much mind to the women who left, Clarke continues. “This was supposed to be our day before we go to your village Lexa; you know how hard it is for me to get free time, you can’t just leave me like this.”

 

“Your friend is here Clarke, you haven’t seen her in a while; I think it is only fair you hang out with her and stuff” Lexa justifies crossing her arms defensively.

 

“Is this because of what happened earlier? Are you trying to make me feel bad? Cause if that’s your goal I can tell you it is totally working.”

 

Lexa sighs frustrated, “yes it's about earlier OK?” She admits annoyingly. “I actually need some time alone to take a breather and cool down.”

 

Clarke’s face falls at the admission but she doesn’t want to argue. “Oh, OK.” She gulps and looks down. Then almost pleadingly she requests, “But you’re coming tonight right?”

 

No matter how pissed she is or how much she would like to say no just to punish Clarke, Lexa didn’t have the heart to deny that face, “yeah of course I am.”

 

Satisfied but not entirely happy Clarke agrees reluctantly. “OK.”

 

“OK.” Lexa nods biting her lip. “Talk to you later.” She spares Clarke one glance before quickly departing.

 

Scratching her head in frustration, Clarke joins her friends.

 

…

 

Lexa enters her room and slams the door shut. She paces around finally letting out her anger. _‘Why she has to treat me like a freaking - ugh!’_ She grunts at the irony. _‘OK, I may be in this body but she knows who I am, she knows what I think; there’s no need to keep me in the dark, she could just talk to me!’_ Lexa bangs on her desk _‘if she can easily hide things from me, then who is gonna stop me from doing the same? I mean it’s not even a big deal anyway’_ she reasons with herself. _‘She’s gonna stay only one day; what could go wrong?’_ Making up her mind and feeling less guilty about the whole situation Lexa thinks about something else. _‘I better go out and do something fun to help me calm down before seeing Clarke.’_ With that she marches in search of Esiry who never fails in keeping her entertained.

 

….

 

Raven –unable to help herself- is dutifully checking the electrical connections in Clarke’s room.

 

When her friend is momentarily distracted, Clarke takes the opportunity to make Octavia a proposition. “So O um, there’s something I need to ask you.”

 

“What is it?” Octavia is intrigued by the edginess in Clarke’s voice.

 

“Well, since you accompanied Bellamy when he talked to Myrreh’s parents, I um” Clarke clears her throat, “I thought it was only fitting for you to come with me to Lexa’s village and maybe guide me through it and stuff.” She purposely tried to be vague; but of course her friend is having none of that.

 

“Wait a minute.” Octavia raises a finger, “you want me as your witness and moral support for when you talk to Lexa’s parents?” She quirks her brow at the blonde.

 

 Clarke exhales defeated, “yes Octavia I want you as my companion and witness for… that,” she swirls her hand around not capable of finishing the sentence.

 

“Why the mysterious faces?” Raven intervenes.

 

“Clarke wants me to go with her to ask for Lexa’s hand.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Oh my fucking God!” Clarke covers her face with both her hands, regretting asking Octavia to accompany her. “I’m not doing that; I’m just gonna let them know we are seeing each other out of respect you know? That’s all.”

 

“Aww Clarke you are such a gentle woman,” Raven coos.

 

“So fucking romantic,” Octavia contributes.

 

Clarke groans. “It has nothing to do with romanticism or chivalry, I am simply doing the appropriate thing so my people can see that even the Commander follows traditions and I don’t do as I please.” The explanation looks completely logical in her head.

 

Both brunettes stare at her for a second; then reply at the same time.

 

“Right.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Having just about enough, Clarke spats “you two can both fuck off.” Saying that she spins around giving up on her impossible friends, “now start with the hallways!” She commands Raven, sounding angrier than she really is.

 

Octavia and Raven exchange wicked sneers, something already on their minds.

 

…

 

Around ten that evening Lexa considered it was a good time to check on Clarke. She felt significantly less bitter towards her girlfriend and she was determined to have a good time with her. She quickly makes her way to the tower, reaches the elevator and waits for it to go down.

 

When the elevator door finally opens, there is someone already inside.

 

“he-” Roda’s first instinct was to greet Lexa by her previous title; she shakes her head flustered and with a chuckle she gets it right this time. “Miss Lexa” she offers in trigedasleng with a kind smile.

 

“Roda,” Lexa greets back still a bit shy with the woman’s attention. She moves to the side allowing Roda to step out before entering the elevator.

 

“She’s in the General’s room,” Roda informs Lexa before she has the chance to close the elevator door. “You’ll have an interesting night I’m sure,” Roda giggles shaking the items in her hands.

 

It is then Lexa sees the objects the woman is carrying, ‘crap…’

 

…

 

Lexa approaches Octavia's room cautiously; already hearing the loud laughter and some background music. The door is open so she stands at the threshold and clears her throat to gather the women’s attention.

 

Three heads turn towards the sound coming from the entrance.

 

“Baby!” An over enthusiastic Clarke all but yells, stumbling and knocking over a bottle on her way to reach Lexa.

 

“woah” Lexa is forced back when Clarke jumps into her arms.

 

“wooo!” Octavia and Raven cheer in unison.

 

Clarke hums, clinging onto Lexa’s neck.

 

“Someone’s getting heda tonight!” Raven insinuates wiggling her eyebrows.

 

“But only one-heda,” Octavia adds immediately after.

 

Both women burst into laughter.

 

The blonde becomes a smiley blushing mess; hiding her face in Lexa’s neck.

 

“Um” Lexa glances from Clarke to them, utterly confused. “We uh- we better get going,” she grabs Clarke by the wrist pulling her softly toward the stairs.

 

“Go get her tigress!”

 

“grrr!”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes at the silly innuendos. She internally thanks her parents for creating in her certain reservations regarding alcohol.  The image of the Commander, the General and the Head of Mechanics acting like three careless idiots is enough to reinforce her determination to stay away from those beverages. “C’mon, lets get you to your room.”

 

Of course, Clarke doesn’t help with the process since she stops every five seconds tugging at Lexa’s jacket and kissing her neck and face. They even run into a couple of guards who at watching the scene in front of them turn around in panic.

 

With much difficulty, they finally arrive at Clarke’s bedroom.

 

Lexa opens the door and quickly guides Clarke inside; turning briefly to close it behind her. She yelps when she is abruptly spun around and shoved against the wooden door.

 

“You still mad at me.” Clarke asks in her raspy voice, her face inches away from Lexa’s.

 

“I-uh” Lexa finds Clarke’s tone so sexy and seductive that she almost forgets the strong odor of alcohol on her girl’s breath.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” Clarke continues, her hands at the back of Lexa’s neck caressing tenderly. “I just… I can’t stand the idea of losing you.” She leans her forehead against Lexa’s, with eyes closed.

 

And just like that Lexa melts into the confession. She does want her freedom and her independence; but she can totally understand Clarke’s fear. Lexa has to admit that if the tables were turned she would probably keep Clarke in a crystal bubble away from any danger. So she relents, forgiving Clarke for overprotecting her. Lexa is about to vocalize just that, when a sneaky hand makes its way inside the front of her pants, making her choke on her own saliva.

 

“Mmm; I see you’ve missed me,” Clarke purrs on Lexa’s lips.

 

The abrupt change of mood sends Lexa into a mental spiral but her body responds to the stimuli anyway. Plus the naughty kisses Clarke stole from her on their way here, contributed to Lexa’s quick state of arousal.

 

“I’ve missed you too,” Clarke murmurs running her fingers over Lexa’s entrance, spreading the already present wetness. “Let me show you how much,” she removes her hand for a moment to unfasten Lexa’s belt.

 

“Clarke!”

 

“Shhh,” Clarke shushes pulling Lexa’s pants and underwear down in one motion.

 

The brunette shivers in anticipation, moaning when Clarke sucks on her neck and ear. She brings Clarke’s hips closer to hers, eager for contact.

 

“Impatient much?” Clarke teases with a drunken smirk.

 

Lexa doesn’t have time to reply; she can only groan when Clarke thrusts two fingers inside of her and creates a quick rhythm.

 

Even in her inebriated stupor Clarke is able to capture the details on Lexa’s face; the creases on her forehead, the redness of her cheeks, the O shape of her lips. _‘So fucking beautiful’_ she continues relentlessly until she feels Lexa’s walls tighten around her fingers. One simple curl of her index finger is enough to bring Lexa into a short but intense orgasm. As her young love comes down from her high and listening to her hard breathing, Clarke decides right there and then this is what she wants to witness for the rest of her life. She vows to herself she will do whatever it takes to keep them together until the day she dies; no matter how, no matter what. _‘You will be mine forever Lexa kom trikru, I’ll make sure of that’._

 

…

 

The next morning- and with a tolerable hangover- Raven makes her way to the throne room where the mechanics of the different clans are already expecting her. She stands in front of the doors, making sure she has brought everything she needs for the meeting. Satisfied she lifts her gaze, “hi” Raven grins, ravishing with her eyes at the handsome guard she had some fun with the last time she visited Polis.

 

The tall muscular guard fidgets in place, “Miss Reyes.” He greets with an exaggerated deep voice before opening the door for her.

 

Raven winks at him, loving how nervous she’s making him, and enters the room.

 

The noises and voices suddenly stop as everyone acknowledges the presence of the Head of Mechanics.

 

“Morning everybody, so how about if we start with this.” Raven pronounces with her usual confidence stepping into the middle of it all. When nobody moves and only stares at her in silence she becomes puzzled.

 

Clarke, to the rescue of her forgetful friend, discretely bows her head; hoping Raven gets the message. To her relief, she does.

 

“Oh right, right!” Raven reacts after a second or two. “Wanheda” she bows awkwardly.

 

“Miss Reyes,” Clarke replies with a nod.

 

Just like that, the mechanics resume their previous activities.

 

With a huff, Raven walks the short distance to Clarke’s throne and settles in by her side, “I have the feeling you’re enjoying this too much” she mumbles just loud enough for Clarke to hear.

 

Clarke has to contain a smirk, “just a little.”

 

Raven grunts, “you are going to pay for this,” she threatens with childish irritation. 

 

“What!” Clarke inclines her body towards Raven’s side to whisper, “I was saving your ass. I don’t want them to think Sky people are arrogant and rude.”

 

Raven rolls her eyes. “For real, aren’t we?”

 

Clarke opens her mouth to refute the statement but finds that she can’t; instead she just sighs facing the table where the mechanics are reunited.

 

“Ladies and gentleman; I’m going to ask you to take a seat, the meeting starts now.”

 

…

 

“The jeeps are outside already; just give the order and you’ll be ready to go,” Indra informs an uncharacteristically tense Clarke.

 

“Oh, OK. Thank you uh…” she trails off looking at the woman.

 

“Lexa is already on her way here,” Indra states.

 

“OK.” Clarke nods rapidly, peering for the umpteenth time at her knapsack.

 

“Ready?” Octavia, bag in hand, makes her appearance.

 

“Um yeah, yeah.” Clarke takes a final look around “let’s go.”

 

…

 

At the entrance of the tower an excited Lexa hugs Indra goodbye. “I’ll see you in two weeks,” she assures pulling away.

 

“I’ll be waiting,” Indra replies with a smile.

 

“Don’t worry Clarky, I’ll keep myself busy until your return; just go and have fun,” Raven comments sticking out her tongue.

 

“Right.” Clarke gulps at the unlikeness of the statement, given her apprehension. “I’ll see you around.” She pats Raven’s shoulder; then extends her hand beckoning Lexa to get in the vehicle with her.

 

It’s only Octavia and Raven now. They share a smile of conspiracy as they embrace.

 

“Here it is.” Raven places a modified iphone inside Octavia’s jacket, “fully charged and a spare battery just in case.”

 

“Sweet,” Octavia can’t help remark.

 

“I want everything there!” Raven demands when they separate, pointing at the place the phone lies.

 

Octavia’s flashes a big grin, “Consider it done.”

 

…

 

The four hour drive to Lexa’s village went smoothly.  However during the trip Lexa felt tempted to talk to Clark about “the topic” but Octavia was in the same jeep they were in, which didn't provide much privacy.  She settled for letting it be since Clarke wasn't going to remain in the village for very long. _‘When I get back I will tell her’_ Lexa promised herself.

 

When they finally make it to the big gates at around midnight, the leader of the village is already expecting them; having been alerted by the guard tower.

 

“Wanheda,” he bows. “General” he nods respectfully at Octavia. “My apologies; I wasn’t notified of your visit early enough, otherwise, I would've had something prepared for you.” His regrets sound sincere.

 

“No need to worry about that; this visit is for personal matters and it will be fast. I much prefer to maintain my presence as discreetly as possible,” Clarke orders.

 

“As you wish my Commander.” The man bows once again, “follow me please.” He extends his arm allowing Clarke and her small entourage to enter the village. He then notices Lexa. “Oh, our dear champion!” He reaches for Lexa’s face cradling it.

 

“Chief,” she bows with a sly smile.

 

“We are so proud of you my child, we knew you would not disappoint.”

 

“Thank you sir.”

 

“We’ll make the arrangements for a celebration in a few days so you and your lovely family be ready.” He winks, finally letting go of Lexa.

 

Lexa just chuckles feeling a little coy at the recognition. 

 

The man quickly strides to catch up with Clarke and he immediately asks what she needs for her stay.

 

As Clarke requests a space to assemble her tents and the man gladly indicates the location; someone is descending from the guard tower.

 

Octavia and Lexa stand next to the chief and Clarke, quietly observing how the entourage is performing the task of preparing everything for the night. 

 

“LEXA!”

 

Lexa turns around just in time to witness her worst nightmare unfold _‘oh no…’_

 

A pretty blonde around Lexa’s age comes running and throws herself into Lexa’s arms.

 

“Oh boy…”

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke meets the “in –laws” … and someone else. Lexa does some explaining. Someone drops a bomb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I’m back to start off this year with a new chapter; hope you still like it enough to stick around for what is to come. I have the slight feeling you may not want to miss the next chapter :P. Comment and tell me your thoughts ( I need them to keep my inspiration going and my muse active.)

 

 

 

“Oh boy!” Octavia blurts out not expecting this development of events at all. She actually came with the hopes of having something fun to tell Raven upon her return but this, this was more than she bargained for.  _‘Shit,’_ Octavia remembers someone else. She turns her head to the side and takes a peak at the blonde.

 

Clarke’s eyes are glued to the two teens embracing just a couple steps away. Her jaw is tense and her hands are balled into fists by her sides but other than that she’s not giving anything away; only people who really know her could perceive the real thoughts running through her head.

 

And one of those people is Lexa; who makes the mistake of lifting her gaze toward Clarke, still with the girl clinging onto her neck. She gulps suddenly aware that if Clarke’s eyes could spit fire she would be scorched into ashes at that very moment.

 

“You’re here!” The girl pulls back excitedly, but then like out of a trance she looks to the side “oh, Wanheda!” She bows her head flustered by her distraction. “General” she regards Octavia with a nod. 

 

“Sentinel” Clarke enunciates the words through gritted teeth, eyeing the teen up and down.

 

Octavia nods back, enjoying the expression of sheer terror on Lexa’s face.

 

 “Commander?”

 

The voice of the chief is what breaks the killer glare Clarke is sending the girl as she reluctantly faces him.

 

“Commander, since you and the General are both here I would like to take the opportunity to discuss something before your tents are set up.” He signals for them to move to another area. 

 

His words are lost on Clarke’s ears; her mind is preoccupied with more important things.  Either way she follows him along with Octavia, hoping her friend is paying attention to what the man is saying. She turns one last time, burning with rage inside at the vision of the blonde girl's hands back on Lexa.

 

“What is Wanheda doing here?” The girl questions taking a look at Clarke in the distance; impressed by her presence. 

 

“Uh,” Lexa quickly changes the subject. “What were you doing in the tower Orita?” Even though it was a strategy to divert the attention she is genuinely curious.

 

“Well, I joined as a volunteer sentinel a couple months ago. Without you here I had no one to practice with, you know?” Orita shrugs “now if I go to visit you in Polis we can train together,” she grins holding onto the lapels of Lexa’s jacket.

 

 “Right.” Lexa chuckles tensely.

 

“You’re not wearing your bracelet,” Orita points out inspecting Lexa’s wrist.

 

“Yeah um,” Lexa tries to come up with an excuse and fast, “I forgot sorry. With the excitement of coming home and all it slipped my mind.”

 

“It’s fine; I will have to make a new one for you then.” When Lexa doesn’t say anything back Orita remarks. “But don’t just stand there all quiet! I asked to take my recess now so I could talk to you, so tell me everything champion,” she jokingly punches Lexa’s shoulder.

 

Lexa gawks at Orita not even knowing where to start. 

 

…

 

Fifteen minutes later, Clarke enters her tent with a massive headache; followed shortly after by Lexa.

 

“Clarke, listen…” Lexa begins, only to be cut off.

 

“I believe you forgot to mention you had a girlfriend.” Clarke snarls, opening her bag to retrieve her sleeping clothes.

 

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Lexa clarifies harsher than intended out of desperation. “That’s actually what I’ve been trying to tell you; Orita is my friend, my best friend but…” she hesitates “she seems to have developed feelings for me and I wanted to warn you in case she…” Lexa stops aware that it is a little too late for whatever she was trying to avoid.

 

“Hmm,” Clarke moves to her makeshift bed, turning her back on Lexa to change; evidently not comfortable undressing in front of her. “Are you sure? Cause she acted like you two were really close!” Clarke doesn’t bother to hide her sarcasm.

 

“Ugh!” Lexa rolls her eyes “she’s just a friend Clarke; nothing has happened between us, well…” she swallows before confessing “we have kissed once-twice! But it was because she asked me to and that’s it, I swear!”

 

At that Clarke can’t help turning to face Lexa, giving her one of her infamous ‘are you fucking kidding me’ glares. “Right!” she scoffs.

 

The response gets on Lexa's nerves. “Fuck, I’m telling you the truth!  I haven’t done anything with Orita or anyone; I…” she steps closer to Clarke, speaking in a lower voice this time, “I was saving myself for you Clarke!”

 

Clarke stops what she is doing, momentarily affected by the words. Even without meaning to, her head evokes the memory of that night when they finally reconnected and consummated their love once again. _‘Lexa was so nervous and scared, there’s no way she could have faked that,’_ Clarke reasons through her doubts. Lexa has proven to be nothing but sincere to her and she decides to trust her. Still something bothers her, so she decides to voice her concern.  “OK, if she’s just your friend as you say; why couldn’t you just tell me? Why so much uncertainty, what made it so difficult?”

 

Lexa opens her mouth but realizes she doesn’t know how to answer that question. She searches her mind for something but she finds nothing. Her silence has prolonged enough and she notices Clarke’s frown so she hurries a response that carries only the truth. “I don’t know; I just… couldn’t do it. I don’t know why.”

 

A cold sensation runs down Clarke’s spine at Lexa’s uncertainty; her face contorts in a mixture of fury and pain, but she quickly puts her walls back up masking her emotions. “Well, then I guess you have something to think about for the next two weeks” she replies in a stern tone. “We’ll talk about this later; now go to your parents; they must be very excited to see you.”

 

“OK” Lexa replies with a sigh. And even though she knows it is not the best of moments, she leans in and plasters a lingering kiss on Clarke’s cheek hoping it conveys her regret and love. “I’ll see you after breakfast.”

 

“Yes, see you then.” Clarke doesn’t want to turn and look at Lexa as she knows she would find only hurt and disappointment in her expression. Clarke waits a few seconds until she’s sure Lexa is gone to expel a long exhale and let her body fall on top of the furs. She tries really hard not to allow her insecurities to take over. _‘Lexa already told you what happened, and later you can get into the details and set things straight; now is not the time. You’re going to formalize your relationship with her in front of her family, what better reassurance than that? So just be cool.’_ With a more positive attitude she closes her eyes hoping sleep comes soon.

 

…

 

As it is past midnight Lexa is certain her house is locked up and her parents are already in bed so she knocks, dying to see her family.

  
  
It doesn’t take long to hear someone nearing the front door.

 

“Strikon!” Lexa’s father exclaims at the vision of his daughter. He immediately takes her in his strong arms lifting her off the ground and swirling her around happily.

 

Lexa laughs holding tightly onto the man; used to his display of affection.

 

Hearing the commotion Lexa’s mother approaches curiously “Lex!” she calls out stunned. 

 

The man lets go of Lexa so she can go and embrace her mother.

 

“Mom!” Lexa runs to the woman who squeezes her in her arms.

 

There, in the arms of the woman who gave her this new life, smelling the flowery essence that always accompanied her ever since she could remember, gives Lexa a sense of calmness. The dilemma presented a short while ago is forgotten for the time being; here in her house with her family, everything is just the way it’s supposed to be.

 

“Why didn’t you let us know you were coming?” Her mother pulls back, now with her hands on Lexa’s face, admiring her daughter, like she wants to be sure she is there for real.

 

“It was a surprise.” She grins.

 

“What a surprise,” her father replies with a similar smile. He comes closer putting his arm around her shoulders.

 

“Are you doing OK? How do you feel?” Now the woman turns into full concerned mood, caressing Lexa’s cheeks with her thumbs.

 

“How was the training?” Her father adds.

 

“Yeah I’m fine,” she confirms to her mother. “I’ll tell you everything in the morning, it’s late; besides we don’t want to wake up the snacha huh?” She chuckles.

 

Both her parents shake their heads in terror just remembering the antics of their little boy.

 

“But um… first there’s something we need to discuss before going to bed.” She points in the direction of the table.

 

“Oh OK.” Her mother answers, quickly sitting in the chair next to her husband.

 

“OK.” Lexa takes a seat in front of them and takes a deep breath for courage. “I didn’t come alone; I came with Cla-the Commander. She will be here later, after breakfast to talk to you both.”

 

“Wanheda is here? And she wants to talk to us?”

 

“And the General too,” Lexa complements.

 

“What did you do?!”

 

Lexa glares at her mother. “I didn’t do anything mom,” she looks kind of offended but continues anyway. “She’s here for um personal reasons that she wants to discuss with you.”

 

“Personal reasons?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I-I think she would prefer to give you that information herself.”

 

The older woman gives a quizzical look at her husband who just shrugs having no idea either.

 

“Oh and dad you don’t have to go to work today; the General has already arranged it, you are excused for the rest of the day.”

 

“Really? Alright.”

 

“What am I going to offer them?!” Lexa’s mother suddenly expresses with concern. “I have to start thinking about…”

 

“No need for that mom,” Lexa interrupts the rant. “The commander’s servants will take care of that, they will bring everything we need; don’t worry.”

 

Both Lexa’s parents are intrigued by the visit but choose to wait to find out what all this is about.

 

…

 

Hours later, with full stomachs, the friends are discussing something in Clarke’s tent.

 

“No big words just go straight to the point and from there you can act according to their responses.” Octavia advises Clarke confidently, having already witnessed a similar situation.

 

“OK,” Clarke paces back and forth in her tent revising in her mind the speech she already had prepared, “no big words, got it.”

 

Octavia smirks, just about to make a mocking remark when Lexa enters the tent.

 

“Hey.” She timidly greets not sure how Clarke will receive her.

 

“Hey,” the monosyllable escapes Clarke’s lips as she lifts her gaze.

 

They both stare at each other in silence.

 

“Right!” Octavia claps her hands uncomfortably when neither of them speaks. “I’ll be waiting outside.”

 

Only seconds later and unable to tolerate the awkwardness anymore, Lexa voices “uh, did you sleep well?” The question sounded dumb but she really wants to break the ice with something.

 

“Yeah I did.” It’s Clarke short answer.

 

“OK,” Lexa waits a bit then continues. “I already spoke to my parents, they are expecting you.”

 

“Good! Then we should get going.” Clarke starts walking out trying desperately to escape but Lexa stops her by grabbing her arm.

 

“Clarke, wait.” Lexa looks Clarke straight in the eyes and is pleased to notice they seem soft and not defensive. With a heavy sigh she begins her apology. “Clarke I’m sorry about…”

 

“Shhh,” Clarke waves a hand in front of her “I told you, later.”

 

Lexa nods understandingly, now focusing on another important topic. “I also wanted to thank you for doing this Clarke. You didn’t really have to, after all you’re the Commander, but I want you to know it means a lot to me,” she expresses sincerely.

 

“It’s no big deal.” Clarke shrugs blushing. “I’m just doing the right thing for…”

 

“Your people?”  Lexa’s lip curls to one side; now confident enough to joke about the familiar phrase. “I think we’re past the stage where you could use that as an excuse to justify how much you care about me Clarke.”

 

Clarke feels her face burning with embarrassment. All these years she thought she had gotten away with it but apparently Lexa saw through it the entire time; either way she tries to save her dignity. “Our relationship; I was going to say I’m doing what’s right for our relationship.” She groans barely containing a smile when she sees Lexa sneer.

 

“No, seriously.” Lexa pulls Clarke by the waist toward her body so they are face to face, “you’re making me feel special Clarke, loved; thank you. I’m sure they are gonna love you just as much as I do.” Saying that she closes the distance between their lips and joins them in a soft kiss.

 

If Clarke offered resistance, it only lasted for a second; her fingers are already twining in wavy brown hair.

 

With a hum of approval, Lexa pushes Clarke until her ass hits the edge of a table, forcing her to sit down on it and places herself in between the blonde’s legs.

 

Clarke moans at the contact, deepening the kiss. But as much as she’s enjoying the sexy make out session, she knows they have to stop, otherwise, it will become something else. “Lex-a-we…” she tries but Lexa shushes her by devouring her mouth. _‘Oh God,’_ Clarke has to make use of all her willpower to actually detach from the delicious treatment she is getting. “Lexa please…” she succeeds at creating distance by pulling her face away “we really need to go.”

 

Lexa pouts with a mixture of adorableness and lust.

 

“Later baby, we have time.” The promise reflects not only in Clarke’s words but also in her eyes.

 

And that’s all the convincing Lexa needs. “Yeah, you’re right” she pulls away, helping Clarke onto her feet.

 

Both help each other in looking presentable. They share one last peck before leaving the tent.

 

“Lets go.”

 

…

 

Lexa’s already nervous mother is startled by the knock on the door. She rushes to receive her guests.

 

“Madam.”

 

“Oh um…” the woman gets a bit confused when instead of the Commander and the General; it’s the servants making their way inside her house.

 

Her husband puts little Adam down and stands next to her while the kid watches the servants as they place bowls of fruit, drinks and snacks on the table.

 

When they are done, they quickly leave the house, and that’s when Lexa enters, followed closely by Clarke and Octavia.

 

“Wanheda,” the couple say in unison, bowing at the presence of their Commander. “General.”

 

“Good morning.” Clarke nods firmly trying to loosen up her usual commander stance.

 

“Morning.” Octavia greets, immediately signaling the guards outside to close the door.

 

 Lexa steps toward her parents, in her best hostess stance. She smiles when her little brother comes to her bowing silently at Clarke and Octavia.

 

“Hey,” Clarke waves at him and chuckles when he blushes and looks down.

 

“Like sister, like brother.” Octavia mutters under her breath.

 

Before Clarke has the chance to even react, Lexa’s father speaks.

 

“Please, take a seat.” The man invites, offering a chair; one that Clarke takes promptly. Then he gazes at Octavia.

 

“I’ll stay where I am, thanks.” Octavia remains near the front door.

 

The remainder of the family takes a seat, including Lexa who sits beside Clarke.

 

While everyone is busy, Octavia takes out the concealed cellphone from her jacket and without much hesitation activates the camera and presses the record button.

 

With the uncomfortable silence and the expectant looks, Clarke clears her throat before speaking. “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me on such short notice; you must understand it’s difficult for me to find some spare time so I took this opportunity to accompany Lexa since she already made plans to come here.” 

 

“You have nothing to worry about Commander; it will always be an honor to have you here.” Lexa’s mother offers humbly.

 

“We are at your service Wanheda, for anything” her husband adds obligingly.

 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Clarke concedes with a nervous smile. “I’m sure you want to know why I’m here.” She rearranges herself in the seat glancing at Lexa briefly; the girl nods confidently at her which prompts her to carry on. “I want to start by saying that since Lexa's arrival in Polis many things have happened; some revelations, discoveries and even some hurting.”

 

Both Lexa’s parents pay attention to Clarke’s every word and even though they are utterly puzzled, they never interrupt.

 

“During these past months we’ve been talking, getting to know each other um, deeply.” Clarke turns and offers Lexa a small smile, getting a similar one in return. She wasn’t aware she had been shaking her leg until she feels Lexa’s hand resting on top of her thigh; and the tiny squeeze that follows next works into giving Clarke the last push to let out the news. “And well I thought it would be appropriate to let you know that I-uh-I’m courting Lexa; that we are in a relationship.”

 

 Lexa, a huge grin plastered on her face, watches with amusement her parent’s reaction.

 

Their mouths drop open, the shock evident on their features.

 

“Presh keryon!”

 

“Oh wow!”

 

Clarke can feel her chest tighten; she breaks out in a cold sweat, anxiously awaiting their response.

 

It feels like an eternity but a few seconds of astonishment Lexa’s mother exclaims.

 

“That’s-that’s wonderful!  I’m so very happy for you,” the woman reaches for Lexa’s hand.

 

“Yes this is great news, congratulations.”

 

Clarke lets go of the breath she wasn't aware she was holding in. She turns her head to the side only to be met by Lexa’s wink; it calms her down a lot more, so much so she can’t help showing her gratitude.  “Thank you very much ma’am.”

 

“Jahnisce,” Lexa’s mother kindly corrects with a smile, “call me Jahnisce.”

 

“And I’m Malku,” Lexa’s father adds just as politely.

 

“Right.” Clarke chuckles. “And you can call me Clarke,” she offers in kind.

 

The couple burst out laughing.

 

“No we won’t call you that.”

 

“No way.”

 

Clarke's nose crinkles with confusion; she looks at Lexa for an explanation. 

 

Lexa just shrugs; she silently seems to be saying “that’s not gonna happen; get used to it.”

 

 _‘I’ll have to insist on it in future meetings,’_ Clarke promises to herself letting the now comfortable atmosphere to take over and proceed with a more casual conversation.

 

…

 

A couple hours later with lunch-and Octavia- at the table, they continue to talk animatedly.

 

Lexa is focused on the conversation until Adam tugs at her sleeve. “What?”

 

Adam leans forward to whisper into her ear, “is Wanheda your girl?”

 

The innocent query makes Lexa erupt into a giant beam, “yes she is” she replies with a hushed voice.

 

“Wow.” The boy is in awe “you’re lucky, she’s really pretty.”

 

“I know.” Lexa winks.

 

The siblings giggle conspiratorially.

 

“And besides construction, what else do you do Malku, what do you like?” Clarke follows up with another query.

 

The man is about to reply when Lexa interrupts.

 

“He loves sparring with the soldiers in the village; Dad is really good with the sword, he was my first mentor,” Lexa explains proudly at her father’s ability.

 

“Oh! is that so?” Octavia lifts a brow interested in the information.

 

Clarke faces the man, eager to learn everything related to Lexa’s past. “Were you properly trained or you’re just a natural?”

 

At that Malku’s eyes open wide like a deer caught in the headlights. “Oh um… I’m not a natural; but Lexa is,” he chuckles nervously. “As soon as I discovered her talent I made sure she got the best training to allow it to grow. During her first years I was the most qualified to do the job since uh …” he glances at his wife insecurely but when he receives an encouraging nod he adds “since I once was a warrior.”

 

Lexa’s neck snaps toward her father. “Warrior? You were a warrior?” She makes it sound like a reproach having never heard about it before. As a former heda, hearing about a warrior deserting their duty makes her blood boil.

 

Jahnisce sends a warning glare at Lexa, one that reads “let him explain.”

 

The teen immediately drops the attitude choosing to hear what her father has to say.

 

Octavia and Clarke exchange gazes but say nothing.

 

“Wanheda” Malku starts. “You must believe me when I say I never meant to disrespect your service. I know I should have stayed with my unit and fight in the war and against the rebellion but…” he pauses agitated “… but as soon as the war began I started having dreams, a feeling inside me; the spirits were asking me to leave, to protect my wife and baby. They wouldn’t stop urging me Commander so I…I left; I’m sorry.”

 

Clarke and Lexa’s eyes find each other’s; the explanation making perfect sense to them.

 

Malku looks down ashamed, comforted by his wife who pats his back soothingly.

 

“Go figure.” Octavia words softly, her brows rising.

 

Seeing the man so distraught, Clarke hurries to assure him, “there’s no need to apologize Malku, I understand completely your reasoning.” She considers briefly before finishing “your family is special, you needed to protect them; I probably would have done the same in your situation.” Clarke doesn’t say this out loud but by “special” she was referring to Lexa. By instinct she reaches for Lexa’s hand over the table and interlaces their fingers.

 

 _‘The spirits needed me alive and safe; they wanted me to reunite with Clarke.’_ Lexa holds onto her woman’s hand tightly, once again having the certainty that her destiny was to come back and be with the love of her life; that they are meant to be.

 

…

 

Two hours more of interaction and Clarke decided it was time to part ways.

 

Octavia excuses herself first, allowing Clarke some privacy with the family, choosing to wait outside for her friend.

 

“It was nice to share the table in your house.” Clarke directs her attention to the couple “you have a very lovely family,” Clarke states truthfully scanning the four faces in front of her.

 

“Thank you very much Wanheda,” Jahnisce accepts the compliment with modesty.

 

“Now that you can visit Lexa in Polis, I’ll be happily expecting you all so I can show you a bit more around the city,” Clarke promises the family.

 

“And we can’t wait for the opportunity Commander” Malku bows, this time more relaxed.

 

“Until we meet again.” Clarke nods and walks over to the door with Lexa by her side.

 

“Gimme a moment; I’ll come to your tent as soon as I say goodbye” Lexa informs her girl.

 

“OK, don’t take long” Clarke says staring at Lexa’s lips with desire.

 

Not able to resist and not caring that her parents are barely two meters away, Lexa surprises Clarke with a peck.

 

Clarke blushes feverishly at the action, refusing to look over Lexa’s shoulder as she knows Jahnisce and Malku –and even Adam- saw everything. She opens the door and steps outside still embarrassed.

 

Happy with herself, Lexa sticks her tongue out mischievously “see ya” she chuckles as Clarke walks away shaking her head but with a stupid smile on her face. Lexa closes the door behind her giggling but then sobers up as she wants to clarify something with her father. “Dad I would like to…” a knock at the door interferes with her speech. _‘What did she forget?’_ She opens the door wanting to know what her girlfriend could possibly need.

 

“Hey!” Orita greets cheerfully.

 

“O-Orita!” Lexa attempts to mask her surprise, having forgotten about the girl.

 

“I came by earlier today but the guards wouldn’t let me pass” Orita supplies as she goes inside the house. “What happened? Why was Wanheda here?”

 

“Orita” Lexa gulps, “I think we should talk, privately.”

 

“huh?”

 

“Oh you came just in time!” Malku comments with excitement.

 

“Malku…” Jahnisce warns, taking her husband’s arm, but he’s too distracted to get the message.

 

“Didn’t Lexa tell you? Wanheda came to inform us she’s courting Lexa!”

 

“They are girlfriends!” Adam announces with arms up.

 

Both Lexa and her mother cringe; already imagining the reaction.

 

At the same instant all color drains from Orita’s face; a heavy feeling of dread taking over her. She jerks her head in Lexa’s direction. “Is that true?” She demands, voice trembling.

 

Lexa can’t find her voice; she just shakes her head up and down slowly in silent assent. 

 

Orita gasps, her features twisting in a fast range of emotions that abruptly settle into rage. Without saying one word, she flees from the scene hastily. 

 

“Orita!” Lexa runs after her.

 

“What happened?” Malku asks, completely lost.

 

Jahnisce covers her face with her hands helplessly, “Jok.”

 

…

 

Orita doesn’t stop running until she spots Clarke in the distance. “Wait!” She yells getting the woman’s attention.

 

Clarke stops dead in her tracks, having already memorized the voice. _‘That fucking girl.’_ She and Octavia turn around intrigued at the source of the sound; but the words uttered next take them both aback. 

 

“I challenge you Clarke of the Sky People!”

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected love triangle. Clarke vs Orita. Jealous Clarke, desperate Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all wanted jealous Clarke? Here you have, jealous Clarke in all her hellish glory. Warning: it won’t be pretty. Don’t forget to tell me what you think about this chapter! (and if you want more :P)

 

 

 

“I challenge you Clarke of the Sky people!” Orita proclaims holding a defying posture; aiming her sword in Clarke’s direction.

 

Clarke stares at the girl in the distance with a brow lifted; dumbstruck.

 

Lexa, a couple of meters behind Orita, almost falls down flat on her face as she came to an abrupt stop. She’s frozen in place; mouth agape, eyes wide, not believing what she just heard. 

 

“What a stupid girl!” Octavia mutters under her breath, rolling her eyes. She takes one step forward, reaches for the sword strapped on her back ready to punish the teen’s insolence to her commander but Clarke’s hand on her midsection stops her advances.

 

 “Didn’t you hear what she said?” Clarke remarks with a hint of sarcasm “she challenged Clarke of the Sky people, not Wanheda.” 

 

At that, Octavia gives an annoying grunt and returns to her previous position; waiting for Clarke’s next move on how she will deal with this absurd situation.

 

By now, some of the villagers have already gathered around having been alerted by Orita’s shouting.

 

Clarke takes a few strides forward, never taking her eyes off the girl. Close enough to actually look her directly in the eyes, Clarke stops to think carefully for a moment before making her decision. Leaving aside the mystery she finally speaks, “I accept your challenge.”

 

Loud gasps and murmurs erupt from the crowd.

 

Octavia jerks her head toward Clarke, incredulous.

 

Hearing Orita challenging Clarke had Lexa in a mental spiral, witnessing Clarke accepting the challenge has her almost on the verge of passing out.

 

Having heard the words clearly, Orita lowers her sword, standing at attention.

 

When Octavia fails to say anything, Clarke looks at her expectantly.

 

Octavia sends her an _“are you fucking kidding me”_ glare, hoping for a signal to avoid what follows, but her friend seems obstinately determined so she sighs exasperated before issuing the edict.

 

“Alright then.” Octavia announces loud enough for everyone to hear. “Single combat, warrior against warrior; to the death.”

 

Lexa shakes her head, speechless; refusing to accept what she is witnessing.

 

The crowd observes confusingly the whole exchange; having no idea what provoked such an outrageous –and careless- reaction from the girl.

 

“Clarke of the Sky people,” Octavia declares “since you were the one challenged it’s up to you to set the time and place.”

 

Clarke doesn’t have to think too long to come up with a reply, “here two hours from now.”

 

“Fuck!!” Lexa’s hands fly up to her mouth, _‘it’s happening, it’s really happening.’_

“Sentinel.” Octavia calls out focusing now on the blonde teen, “do you agree to these terms?”

 

Orita nods her head firmly, never tearing her eyes away from Clarke’s; who has been glowering at her the whole time.

 

“Very well,” Octavia obliges, facing now the villagers “you have all been witnesses to this arrangement; the duel will be held right here, in two hours sharp.” Then, because she has no other choice but to do this declaration, she makes a conscious effort not to roll her eyes as she finalizes, “may the best contender win.”  

 

There’s a brief moment of silence, where Clarke and Orita seem to be engrossed in a staring contest; one that ultimately is broken by Clarke herself who turns around and walks away with Octavia by her side.

 

Letting out a long shaky exhale, Orita takes a moment to gather herself before going to the training field in the village. When she spins around she finds Lexa not far behind.

 

At first Lexa doesn’t react; she stays rooted in her spot watching as Orita looks away from her and dashes off. _‘What do I do, what do I do?’_ Lexa switches glances between Clarke and Orita’s retreating figures, she doesn’t know who she should go after first.  At the last minute she opts to follow Orita and try to convince her to drop this ludicrous idea. 

 

…

 

“Are you fucking nuts?!” Octavia yells freely in the privacy of the tent. “What the hell were you thinking Clarke! A challenge? Seriously?!”

 

Clarke doesn’t respond, instead she removes her jacket and goes to her makeshift bed in search of her knapsack. When she retrieves what she was looking for, she glances at Octavia, silently asking her to help with her vest.

 

“Ugh.” Octavia reluctantly walks toward Clarke and immediately immerses herself in the task of unfastening the vest buckles. “She’s just an insolent, impulsive, and hormonal teenager Clarke, I doubt she can even hold a sword properly; you are far beyond her capabilities, you’re gonna fucking mop the floor up with her in five seconds!”

 

At that Clarke chuckles “you’re one to talk.”

 

Octavia pauses momentarily sending her friend a nasty look but refrains from refuting out of pure guilt. Unfastening the last buckle, she advices in a more friendly tone “look Clarke, all I’m saying is that you’re the commander OK? It’s your responsibility to make the wise choice and think before acting; you shouldn’t let your emotions get the best of you.”

 

Throwing the vest on the chair, Clarke faces the brunette with irritation. “You know Octavia? you should seriously consider following your own advice once in awhile” she lets out sarcastically.

 

“Jesus,” Octavia throws her head back in a huff, raising her hands in surrender. “Fine!”  But that doesn’t stop her from commenting. “I still think this is a mistake; there was no need to accept this ridiculous challenge and give that girl so much importance; but it’s up to you.”

 

 “Thank you for your concern Octavia.” Clarke tries not to sound mocking, seeing as her friend is just worried about her; either way she is not particularly feeling nice at the moment. “Now could you please leave me alone so I can concentrate?”

 

Octavia almost laughs at the last word _‘as if you need it’_ she wants to say but the words never leave her mouth not wanting to upset Clarke even more. With a long sigh of defeat she nods and grudgingly leaves the tent.

 

Clarke looks up at the ceiling for a few seconds before closing her eyes, letting out a prolong exhale; her muscles tensing with every passing second.  She is consciously aware that accepting the challenge wasn’t exactly one of the smartest things she has ever done but something intrinsically raw awoke deep inside of her the moment she saw the girl’s face. _‘God, who the fuck does that little bitch think she is?’_ She clenches her jaw, her mind flashing images of Orita hugging Lexa, smiling at Lexa - her Lexa.  _‘If she wants to defy me then that’s exactly what she’s gonna get, defiance.’_ It might be the jealousy talking but Clarke is adamant to ensure no one else dares disrespect her that way ever again.

 

…

 

“Orita!” Lexa calls out catching up with her friend. When the girl doesn’t acknowledge her, Lexa reaches for her arm and spins her around. “Orita wait.”

 

“What!” Orita spats, yanking her arm forcefully from Lexa’s grasp.

 

There are a lot of things Lexa wants to ask, lots of things to say, but watching the pained expression on the young blonde and also her resolve makes her come up with only one question. “Why?”

 

Orita averts her eyes with shame, gathering some courage before facing Lexa again. “I think you already know why.”

 

 Even though they never really talked about the subject specifically, it was painfully obvious they were both aware of Orita’s feelings. 

 

All Lexa does is lower her head, as she is not even sure anymore if she had led Orita on at some point or not, thinking that maybe everything is her fault. She bites her lip impotent and regretful. “You don’t have to do this” she tries with a soft voice. “This is dangerous Orita you could…” Lexa can’t bring herself to finish the sentence.

 

“I know.” Orita rasps, swallowing an unwelcomed knot in her throat. As she looks up, her eyes betray her seudo bravado; making it evident that her decision was a rushed one, never taking the consequences into account.

 

Lexa notices and panics; her mind coming up with possible solutions to the predicament. “You are the challenger Orita perhaps you can go to Cla- the commander and call it off, I’m sure she…”

 

“I can’t do that!” Orita counteracts seemingly offended by the mere suggestion. “I’m Trikru Lexa, we are not cowards, we never give up” she stubbornly states with pride.

 

And Lexa gets it; as the former heda she is, of course understands. Orita won’t quit that much is clear; but Lexa can’t just stand there and do nothing, so she tries again “Orita please…”

 

“Lexa just leave me alone! I need to concentrate so just… leave me alone,” Orita finally demands scared that if she allows the brunette to continue, she may actually convince her not to go through with it.

 

With nothing else to do Lexa doesn’t insist anymore; searching immediately for another option. _‘If she won’t cave maybe Clarke will, I have to talk to her; it might not be too late.’_ Confident she can reason with Clarke, Lexa connects her eyes with the young blonde for a second or two in a silent apology and then leaves to meet with the other woman.

 

…

 

Clarke is stretching when Lexa makes her way inside the tent. She immediately pauses glancing in her direction, but she quickly resumes her activities.

 

Lexa steps closer to Clarke and without preamble she begins speaking. “Please stop this nonsense.”  

 

“She challenged me publicly Lexa; there’s nothing I can do,” Clarke responds without even looking at her.

 

“Yes you can, you are the commander! You can do whatever you want!” Lexa argues, “you can say she is just a disrespectful girl or whatever and call it off; nobody is going to question your decisions.”

 

That much is true. During those sixteen years, Clarke has gained her people’s trust; so much so that even if she made the wrong choice at some point it would only suffice an excuse on her part for them to accept it without question.

 

“Perhaps,” Clarke concedes “but I’m not gonna disregard anyone’s sacrifice; let alone publicly.  If she’s gonna be defeated, better to be on the battlefield with honor, so her sacrifice won’t be in vain.”

 

Lexa lets out a frustrated grunt. “Clarke this is ridiculous!” She wants so badly to recriminate Clarke about her childish attitude and her unjustified jealousy but she is aware it would only enrage her girlfriend more and that wouldn’t help her case.

At Lexa’s exasperation, Clarke ceases from exercising and focuses solely on the brunette. “You care about her I see, you care a lot.”

 

“Of course I care! She’s my best friend!” Lexa all but yells, losing her temper.

 

“I don’t know Lexa,” Clarke invades her personal space, searching her face for something, “it doesn’t seem like it’s only concern for a friend to me.”

 

That makes Lexa reconsider internally. _‘It’s only friendship what motivates me to protect her so passionately, right?’_ She doubts herself a bit _‘maybe I …_ ’ she shakes her head knowing she can’t do that right now; she has to stick with what she knows, of what she is certain of. “There is nothing going on with her Clarke, I’ve already told you that, I’m not in love with Orita, I love you!”

 

Clarke only stares at her, scrutinizing.

 

Lexa gulps, feeling as if Clarke could actually see her soul. And what she utters next almost confirms her theory.

 

“But you like her… you want her.” There is no question in Clarke’s words, it’s a statement. 

 

“I...uh…”  Lexa takes a step back intimidated, trapped. Nevertheless she refuses to admit something she is not even sure herself. “Maybe, I-I don’t know” she relents but when Clarke’s expression morphs into one of pure anger she adds, “but I’m with you Clarke! This is unnecessary; you’re letting your jealousy cloud your judgment.”

 

“My jealousy?!” Clarke chuckles bitterly avoiding Lexa’s eyes. “I’m simply answering the challenge that your little friend issued Lexa, in front of everybody; it’s not my fault if she didn’t really think the consequences through.” Clarke shrugs adding with superiority “besides I’m the commander, I can’t back down.”

 

“But that’s the thing Clarke!” Lexa rebuts “you don’t have to prove anything to anyone, not to her, not to your people. They have already seen your power, your strength; you have taken so many lives but you have forgiven just as many.” She then hastens to Clarke’s side. “You can do the same now too; please Clarke I’m begging you, don’t do this! Show them how grand you can be, show them mercy; you’re more than just a ruthless commander … just… please.”

 

Clarke gives her back to Lexa, lost in thought. So many things roaming her mind, so many emotions pulsating deep within her.

 

Lexa remains quietly in place; anxious and expectant.

 

Finally among the jumbled sensations and doubts, Clarke comes to a conclusion. She slowly turns around; facing Lexa.

 

She is sporting a demeanor Lexa has never seen before, and it’s quite unnerving.

 

Then with a piercing gaze and the iciest tone Clarke has ever used in her life, she enunciates “We are what we are.”

 

Lexa only has enough time to feel a cold shiver down her spine before someone irrupts into the tent.

 

“Lexa!!” Octavia calls tightly. “You have to go, Clarke needs to focus.”

 

After that everything becomes a blurred mess of recollections in Lexa’s brain. She has images of Octavia ushering her out, with Clarke not even bothering to spare her a glance. Lexa also remembers standing a few meters away from the tent, watching helplessly as Orita’s parents arrived at the entrance demanding to speak to the commander, only to be stopped by the guards. Octavia was the one who dealt with them. “She challenged Wanheda publicly, there is nothing you or anyone can do to change it; it’s done.” A moment later the chief of the village also made his appearance, appalled by the occurrence. Some more discussion and begging on the part of Orita’s parents and Octavia later re-emerging from Clarke’s tent with an announcement for the couple. “The commander forbids you to witness the duel; go to your daughter before she confronts her destiny, don’t waste your time here.” she dismissed them.  Lexa witnesses the encounter feeling powerless when Orita’s mother cried in her husband’s arms as they both walked away to meet with their daughter.

 

Lexa is only brought back into the present when, not even knowing how, she is standing in the area chosen as the battlefield. As expected lots of her fellow villagers are already there but unlike any other situation like this, nobody is cheering or chanting for their favorite; they are just murmuring to themselves with concern. She lifts her gaze in time to see Orita approaching in full combat armor, fresh war paint on her eyes; escorted by two guards. With a short involuntary intake of air, Lexa follows with her eyes as Orita takes her tacit established position to wait for the other combatant. For an instant, Lexa contemplates Orita in awe; she has never seen her friend in such an ensemble before, in such a stance; her usual bright and smiley face replaced by a sullen expression of resignation for what is to come. And it tugs at Lexa’s heart; it makes her question if she still could have done more to prevent this, if she is gonna be able to tolerate if…

 

At that moment Clarke makes her appearance flanked by Octavia and two of her personal guards. Unlike Orita, Clarke is free of any combat armor, wearing instead her casual sky clothes - no war paint. Taking her position across from Orita, Clarke looks around at the people that have surrounded them until her eyes land on a young man. “Hey you!” She beckons him to come to her. 

 

Nervously the guy obeys trotting toward her. “Wanheda” he bows when he is near.

 

“Give me your sword” she orders, with a hand extended.

 

He hastily does as he is told removing his sword from the sheath and handing it to her.

 

Clarke gives it a few swings to determine its efficiency. Once she is satisfied with the results she makes a slight gesture with her head; one the young man understands and instantly disappears from the scene. She then locks eyes with Octavia, who moves to the center of the arena raising her hands to gather the people’s attention.

 

When the crowd falls silent Octavia shouts “In single combat, there is but one rule…” she makes a pregnant pause glancing from Clarke to Orita “… someone must die today.” Then, moving a hand up and lowering it sharply like cutting into the air she announces “You may begin.”

 

Lexa clutches at her chest, her heart beating fast with uncertainty and anguish. 

 

Both blondes stride forward, meeting halfway in the middle and facing each other. They move around each other, swords up, studying their movements.

 

The first one to launch is Orita who swings straight at Clarke’s face.

 

 _‘Octavia was wrong; she definitely knows how to handle a sword,’_ Clarke muses in her head. Orita’s strikes are precise and with purpose, Clarke has to give her that.  _‘But of course, I’m sure she trained with Lexa’_ she concludes somewhat annoyed.  She has to admit she’s impressed by the girl’s unexpected ability and that is probably what invites her to let the girl vent for a little while to get rid of the tension running through her veins, limiting herself to deflecting the blows. She can’t help though, a smirk from gracing her lips; mocking, daunting as she ducks and blocks the strikes.

 

“Fuck” Lexa grunts. _‘Clarke what are you doing?!’_ It’s a rhetorical question, she knows exactly what her girlfriend is doing and she doesn’t like it at all.

 

It infuriates Orita to see this woman-not the commander, but the woman who stole what she thought would be hers one day- openly ridiculing her in her own village. _‘And what were you expecting? You challenged one of the best warriors on the planet you branwoda’_ she laments for a second but that doesn’t deter her from fighting with all her might. _‘If your fight is over today, do it like a warrior standing up for what you believe in and who you love.’_

 

Clarke feels the girl giving her all in this duel but everyone who has eyes can see the teen is no competition whatsoever. She is starting to pity her; briefly considering changing her previous plans regarding this combat but just then, Orita’s sleeve slides up her arm, leaving her knitted bracelet in plain sight. _‘That bracelet’_ Clarke squints, her mind evoking a memory.

 

…

 

_With Lexa in the bathroom, Clarke searches for the pills Lexa is supposed to take before they go on their customary walk. She opens Lexa’s nightstand drawer and rummages around, her hand landing on a weird texture that peaks her curiosity. Clarke cranes her neck a bit to inspect the object: a knitted bracelet.  She hums finding it cute that Lexa is into that kind of ornament; but other than that she doesn’t concern herself with the discovery. She leaves the object in its place and continues her search for Lexa’s medication._

…

 

The sudden realization sends a strong surge of rage to Clarke’s chest, one that makes her blood boil. _‘They have matching bracelets, how fucking adorable’_ with that bitter thought Clarke forgets all about pity and wisdom; the only feeling taking over now being jealousy.

 

“Oh no...” Lexa’s eyes grow bigger noticing the switch in Clarke’s mood. _‘No, no please don’t.’_ Her stomach twists just imagining what is about to ensue.

 

Cracking her neck in preparation, Clarke sends a sudden blow of her sword directly into Orita’s chest; one the girl barely has time to deflect.

 

Orita wasn’t so lucky the next time since the subsequent strikes end up swooshing near her head or landing on her sides covering her with scratches. Her opponent is unrelenting in her attack, forcing Orita backwards.

 

With five more swipes of her sword Clarke sends Orita’s weapon flying out of her hands and onto the floor.

 

Lexa holds her breath, she is paralyzed with fear.

 

Not wanting to end the duel just yet, Clarke shoves her own sword into the ground to level the playing field.

 

Out of pure instinct Orita raises her hands up in a defensive position. And a good thing she did because that reaction protected her from Clarke's fists. The blows come one after another repeatedly, overwhelming and exhausting her to the point of not being able to avoid some punches from crashing onto her face.

 

Only when Orita begins to bleed is when Clarke feels satisfied _‘now’_ she says to herself while punching the girl hard in the stomach with her right hand and slamming the back of her left hand straight onto the young blonde’s cheek, sending her flying onto her back to the ground with a loud thud.

 

Dead silence engulfs the arena as everyone watches expectantly the inevitable conclusion of the confrontation.

 

Clarke takes a step back and quickly picks up her sword from where she left it. She contemplates quietly as Orita twists in pain on the floor. Then without any warning whatsoever she strides toward the girl, jumping on top of her with the sword in the air aiming at Orita’s head.

 

Laying there, petrified; the last thing Orita sees before closing her eyes is Clarke’s blade slowly coming toward her face. 

 

Lexa buries her face in her hands, not brave enough to watch the outcome of Clarke’s onslaught; one name ghosting her lips in a desperate gush of breath “Orita.”

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke shows her true colors. Lexa and Clarke have a decisive conversation. Lexa makes a last minute decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Some of you may not like what is going to happen at the end of this chapter so I'm asking a favor from you: when you finish reading, first take a deep breath, stand up, walk a bit, have some tea or watch something nice or funny on tumblr. Then you can come back and leave your comment with a new perspective.  
>  For some reason my muse directed me in that direction and I’m going along with it, but don’t panic remember Clexa are soulmates and nothing or nobody can change that :D **

 

 

 

 

The point of Clarke’s sword aiming at Orita’s skull, suffers a slight change of course at the last second causing the blade to barely graze the girl’s cheek instead; but it’s enough to slice the skin all the way down to the ground.

 

The sound of the point piercing the floor, pairs with the stamping of Clarke’s feet at both sides of Orita’s hips.

 

Orita opens her eyes and gasps loudly, her mind still not completely alert of her surroundings. Little by little it dawns on her where she is and that she is still breathing. A sudden burning sensation on her left cheek catches her attention ‘what …’ she tries turning her head to the side but something prevents her from doing so, something sharp that hurts. Her eyes grow big when her peripheral view takes in the object “the blade… the blade is…” she squeaks in fear, jerking her head to the other side, leaving a trail of blood in its wake. 

 

The exclamations of shock and the commotion make Lexa finally look up and watch the scene before her: Clarke standing menacingly over Orita’s body. _‘Is she …’_ It takes her a moment to adjust her vantage point to realize Orita is alive. _‘She didn’t kill her, she didn’t…’_ Lexa feels dizzy, her legs giving out _‘mochof presh_ keryon’ she utters with relief as she slumps to the floor, with just enough strength to be conscious and able to witness how this situation will end. 

 

With ire still thrumming in her ears Clarke drops on one knee hovering over Orita. She takes the girl by the chin, giving her no other choice but to look at her.

 

Orita doesn’t resist, just stares at her opponent fearfully, chest heaving.

 

“Listen to me; listen to me carefully.” Clarke’s words come through gritted teeth, eyes boring into Orita’s. “Lexa is my woman and only mine; no matter what. So you better stay the fuck away from her or next time I won’t be so clement; do you understand?” She tugs at the girl's chin for emphasis.

 

The words “Lexa” and “mine” trigger something inside Orita, the last of her pride making its appearance. She clenches her jaw and lifts her chin defiantly even though the grip is still on her. 

 

Enraged by the disrespect the girl is showing, Clarke tightens her hold effectively causing pain –if Orita’s wince is any indication. “I said do you understand?”

 

Doing her best to mask her fear and pain Orita manages with a raspy voice “yes.”

 

“Yes what?” Clarke pressures, giving the chin in her hand a firm shake.

 

Consumed by impotence and having no other choice, Orita swallows the tears that threaten to spill from her eyes and replies an unwilling surrender “yes… Wanheda.”

 

Satisfied, Clarke lets go of the girl’s face brusquely, causing the young blonde’s head to hit the ground. She rises slowly, getting a hold of her sword and drawing it swiftly; the metallic sound of the blade echoing throughout the arena. Then hoisting her weapon into the air she exclaims “Ai laik Wanheda!”

 

The crowd falls silent again, intimidated by the display.

 

“I decide who lives and who dies” Clarke proclaims with authority. She quickly glances at her subjects then lowers her gaze back on Orita. “And you,” she points the tip of her sword at her, “Orita of the tree clan will not be dying today.” With that she glares at the girl for a few seconds more before stepping away from her.

 

People remain mesmerized as Clarke approaches the fellow who lent her the sword. She stops in front of him, cleans Orita's blood off the blade with her sleeve and proceeds to hand the weapon back to its owner.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke says in a polite but steady tone. Once the guy takes his sword back coyly, she strides toward Octavia. On her way back she makes eye contact with Lexa who is just now rising to her feet.

 

They hold gazes briefly but Clarke averts her eyes once she reaches her friend.

 

Octavia assists Clarke in putting on her commander’s jacket and attaching her holster. When the blonde is set to go, the two of them begin walking away followed closely by the guards.

 

Only then chatter among the people erupts in full force.  “Wanheda is so merciful,” “I knew she wasn’t gonna do it,” “she just wanted to teach her a lesson,” are some of the comments the villagers voice as they start leaving the arena, shaking their heads or plainly ignoring the girl still on the ground.

 

Lexa stands alone, watching as Orita rolls on her side in obvious pain. She can see - even feel it somehow – that Orita is devastated and utterly humiliated. Lexa wants so badly to run to her and help her up, to console her, to tell her everything will be alright; but she knows that she can’t; not here, not now. It would be seen as disrespectful among her people, once they find out what this confrontation was all about; Clarke – the commander nonetheless- was the rightful winner of the challenge, her place is with her girlfriend, not with “the loser”. But still she can’t find the strength to move away, so she stays and her heart breaks when Orita lowers her head and starts trembling, with sobs she is trying so hard to contain.

 

“Orita!”

 

A woman screams, breaking Lexa’s focus.

 

“Ma fyucha,” Orita’s mother reaches for her daughter and envelops her with her arms.

 

Then the father comes too and wraps his arms around both women.

 

That is when Orita breaks down. There in the safety of her parents embrace, she finally lets her tears fall.

 

And Lexa contains a choke; moved by the scene. But just when she is starting to feel lost, a strong hand rests on her shoulder –one she recognizes without even looking- offering comfort.

 

“You OK, strikon?” Malku asks, softly kneading Lexa’s shoulder with affection.

 

“Now I am,” Lexa whispers with a tight smile.

 

“Lex.” Jahnisce, there too; caresses Lexa’s face lovingly.

 

The teen sighs, leaning her head on her mother’s hand; feeling protected and loved.

 

The three of them watch silently as Orita’s parents help her up and walk her off the field.

 

“I have to talk to her,” Lexa mutters still eying the scene.

 

“Not now strikon” Jahnisce advices, holding now onto Lexa’s arm. “She needs to rest, let her calm down first; you can go to her later.”

 

Reluctantly Lexa accepts, choosing to enjoy her parents company for awhile before going to meet Clarke; an encounter she can’t postpone for long.

 

…

 

 Back in her tent with the adrenaline of the moment gone; Clarke begins to feel the first traces of guilt. She sits heavily on a chair, shoulders slumped.

 

Octavia sits next to her, quiet for a couple minutes then she finally speaks. “Do you feel better now?” The question is oddly free from sarcasm.

 

The same thing can’t be said of Clarke’s come back. “Did you?” Her tone is bitter, still resentful for the memories it brings back, but her body language shows the opposite.

 

The brunette sighs long and deeply, regretful herself because of her past actions. She submerges herself in her own recollections before answering her friend, “no” is the short but definite reply.

 

Clarke lowers her head, knowing nothing will make her feel better after what she did.

 

Octavia pats her shoulder in solidarity and understanding.

 

“Commander?” The voice of the guard breaks into the tense atmosphere of the tent. “The chief is here, he requests a word with you.”

 

“Send him in,” Clarke instructs as she and Octavia stand to receive the man.

 

“Wanheda.” The chief bows as soon as he enters and immediately starts speaking. “Is there anything we can do for you before you go? Something you need?” He offers anxiously.

 

“That won’t be necessary thank you” Clarke declines. “We will be leaving soon; my servants can take care of it.”

 

The chief nods his acceptance and adds submissively, “I also wanted to reiterate my apologies Wanheda, I feel awful that you didn’t have quite the pleasant visit you were expecting because of one of my novice sentinels. I can assure you that we will deal with her insolence and provide the appropriate punishment.”

 

Clarke spins around at his words. “No!” She spats harshly causing the man to flinch with fear. “You’re not touching that girl! She received punishment enough!” Contemplating for a brief moment she continues. “You are gonna give her the necessary time to heal and cool down. Nobody is going to bother her or her family, she must be left in peace… and you’ll make sure of that.” She points her finger at him threateningly.

 

“sh-sha wanheda,” the man cowers, his head down.

 

“General!” Clarke calls.

 

Octavia takes a step forward holding her head up.

 

“I want you to accompany the chief and see firsthand that he follows my orders.”

 

“As you wish my Commander.” Octavia assents and signals the man to follow her out of the tent.

 

Now, completely alone with her thoughts, Clarke paces around the tent wondering what can she do to fix the situation with Lexa. She is regretful yes, she knows she overstepped her own boundaries but still she has this sense of jealousy deep within her that won’t let her be. Clarke runs both hands through her hair, confused, frustrated and remorseful; she tries to clear the fog from her mind so she can come up with solutions to the mess that they created.

 

Ten minutes later, Lexa makes her way inside the tent. She stands just at the entrance, not sure how to begin.

 

Clarke regards her with just one look. “I thought you would be taking care of your little girlfriend,” and here it goes again, the attitude. She doesn’t understand why she can’t stop it but there it is.

 

“She’s not my…” Lexa closes her eyes and exhales, she didn’t come here to fight, so calmer this time, she goes on with what she came to say “I just… I wanted to thank you Clarke for-for not…”

 

“I’m not a cold blooded murderer Lexa.” Clarke cuts her off irritated, “but she had to pay for her disrespect.” She refuses to accept in front of Lexa that she is actually a tad sorry.

 

Lexa doesn’t argue she just nods resigned. “We have to talk” she suddenly says, eager to clarify everything.

 

“Yes, but not here.” Clarke already set on what she wants adds, “we will do it when you get back to Polis.”

 

“Clarke…”

 

“You have to stay here with your family and…” Clarke pauses, throat dry “you need to deal with your … feelings.”

 

“Jok!” Lexa curses, pinching the bridge of her nose.  “I…” her first instinct is to deny everything but she decides against it, for the good of her relationship. “There are no feelings Clarke but in some way, you may be right.” She starts tentatively, “with-with this thing about the challenge and the prospect of losing her I may have discovered that I…”

 

Clarke clenches her jaw, bracing for whatever Lexa is going to confess.

 

Lexa bites her lip nervously and completes her thought. “That I like her… as a woman.” She eyes Clarke, waiting for some sort of response but when there isn’t any, just an expectant look she continues. “I probably have for a while but I failed to notice it because I was determined to meet the love of my life.” Her words are not meant to sound romantic or adulating, simply honest.

 

And Clarke knows it, she knows Lexa well enough to appreciate the truth in her speech, either way she doesn’t feel completely reassured. “I’m glad you are able to admit it to yourself Lexa; but these feelings, these… desires,” Clarke doesn’t bother to hide her disdain at uttering the expression, “can’t just linger in your head without a resolution.”

 

“I don’t need resolution Clarke!” Lexa stubbornly states “I do care for her, as my friend; I thought she was going to die and it caused me pain and sorrow. What did you want me to do?”

 

“On the contrary, I do believe they need resolution.” Clarke faces her with a hard stance as she speaks. “When you go back to Polis, I need you clear of mind and certain of what you want; you are going to be coming back to your village occasionally now and we don’t need any confusion or doubts on your part, do we?”

 

“For the last time Clarke there are no feelings to deal with!” Lexa raises her voice at her inability to make Clarke understand. “I said I like her! I like her as I would like any other girl; like you probably liked other boys or girls in the past.” She moves closer, feeling bolder. “But my heart is yours; I’m in love with you not with her Clarke, why can’t you get it through your head?!”

 

If Lexa’s exasperation did anything to Clarke, she doesn’t show it. She just stares at the girl with stony eyes as she lets out, “for the remaining time that you are here besides spending it with your family; you are going to spend it with Orita too.” Clarke takes a deep breath, hesitating only a second before completing “you are going to be with her.”

 

 Lexa blinks and shakes her head; something is not making any sense to her, “be with her? What do you mean by… being with her?” She glares at Clarke demanding an explanation but it soon dawns on her “wait… are you asking me to…”

 

Clarke gives a steady nod accompanied by a hard look. She doesn’t need to say anything, Lexa gets it.

 

“Oh My God!” The Skypeople’s expression flows naturally from Lexa’s lips at the absurdity of it all “what the hell are you…! Are you aware of what you are…? Have you…” She can’t even complete one sentence; she is stunned to no end. Her hands fly up to her head, she doesn’t even think as she replies “no! I’m not doing that, I’m not…”

 

“Lexa,” Clarke interrupts “she was willing to die for you. She knew she was gonna lose but either way she did it, for you; because she loves you.” When Lexa only shakes her head in response Clarke continues. “That was very brave of her; stupid, but brave nonetheless. It was a love sacrifice and I respect that quality in anybody. I respect someone who is willing to die for someone else.” She keeps to herself to whom Orita reminds her of and goes on. “That is the reason why after careful consideration,” Clarke hesitates again but she swallows her insecurities and finishes her thought, “I think it is only fair to share a part of you with her; she deserves it.”

 

Clarke has never particularly believed any of the grounders spiritual traditions; she respected them but nothing more. That is until Lexa reappeared in her life, because since then all of her beliefs and knowledge have suffered a drastic change that shook her to her very core, to the point that she can’t even tell what is real or what is not, and doesn’t dare to guess, doesn’t want to. Grounders believe that each time you share your body with someone you give them a piece of your soul. She may not be one hundred percent sure this is true but she knows Lexa believes it.

 

Lexa runs both hands over her face, her head throbbing. Refusing to accept the request she expresses “that’s it, I’m coming with you.”

 

 “No you are not” Clarke states. “Your family has been waiting to see you Lexa; your place is here until your vacation time is over.”

 

“My family can wait Clarke; but this can’t” Lexa refutes. “You are evidently being driven by your emotions here. We have to talk and we are going to do it in Polis.”

 

“Are you accusing me of making poor choices? Do you think you know better than me?” Clarke fires, evidently angry.

 

Not one to back down, but cautiously Lexa counters. “No, Clarke of course not but…”

 

“Do I need to remind you I'm your Commander Lexa?” Clarke advances, expecting some sort of objection; when there is none, she keeps going. “I’m the one in charge here, I’m the one who tells everybody what to do and you are staying here in your village as any of your fellow warriors do when their time to go home is due; no special treatment, no preferences. Did I make myself clear?” Clarke didn’t mean to be so harsh or authoritative with her girlfriend, but she didn’t want to have an argument with her about the subject –especially when she herself was unsure of the whole situation – and didn’t want to give Lexa the chance to make her change her mind.

 

Lexa only purses her lips, having the impulse to snap at Clarke but she knows she can’t. “Yes, Commander” is her obedient answer.

 

Pleased with Lexa’s compliance, Clarke turns and paces around before adding something else. “Now, I must concede that I can’t force you to actually…” She can taste bile in her mouth as she tries to finish the sentence “… go through with it; you are the only owner of your body and it’s ultimately your decision.  But as I explained earlier I firmly believe it would be only fair for her and a good chance for you to blow off some steam… or something.” 

 

“Blow off…” Lexa’s brows knit, not familiar with the expression. “Whatever,” she mutters giving up on asking for a meaning. Lexa is fuming inside, not happy at all with the outcome.

 

“You won’t have to worry about any disturbances, I already arranged for her and her family to be left alone and to give them the necessary time to get back to normal.”

 

“Right.” Lexa closes her eyes containing her anger; when she feels she has it under control she starts speaking again. “So that’s it? Is this how it's gonna be our last day together for two weeks?” The reproach comes in a soft but sharp voice.

 

“Yeah, that is exactly how this is gonna be.” Stubborn as always Clarke glares at Lexa, a brow lifted, daring her to defy her.

 

“I…” Lexa swallows. “I don’t get what it is you are trying to do but whatever it is I don’t like it and I don’t share your view,” she makes her point clear.

 

“I already told you what I want you to do Lexa; the rest, it’s up to you.” Having said that, Clarke moves away and begins collecting her stuff.

 

Lexa remains standing still, watching as Clarke picks up her clothes and gear.

 

At her immobility Clarke grows inpatient, “go Lexa” she urges not looking back.

 

“Clarke…”

 

“Just fucking go!” Clarke spats turning around for a second to glare at the girl but quickly returns to packing her things.

 

This is not how Lexa pictured the day going; Orita challenging her girlfriend, almost losing her best friend at the hands of her girlfriend, a hostile goodbye. It all started out so well, with hope, with celebrations and then… this. On the one hand she wishes she could solve this issue right now and kiss Clarke goodbye, like she had previously planned but on the other hand she is pissed at Clarke for her reaction, mad at herself for not doing more; mixed up feelings that only irritate her more and more. At the end her indignation wins over, making her turn around and leave the tent, without a second thought.

 

The slap of the tent flap lets Clarke know that Lexa left. She pauses momentarily, holding tightly onto her vest, wondering if she made the right choice or if it was a big mistake.

 

…

 

Lexa goes first to her house where after a light – and forced- dinner she is allowed to go and talk to Orita. She doesn’t bother to check the girl’s house, since she is pretty sure she wouldn’t be well received there anyway. Lexa goes straight to the place she knows she will find her friend: to the small cave they found years ago in their adventures after school.

 

That cave had been their favorite hideaway since they were kids; a fun place that holds precious memories for both of them: long light conversations about life, games, innocent secrets; a place where Lexa had her first kiss, precisely with Orita. So many sweet remembrances that will be tainted by the condition Lexa undoubtedly will find her friend in.

 

Taking the short cut she knows by heart and stepping carefully along the bumpy passage under the rock formation, sure enough Lexa can see light illuminating the hidden cave. She watches, from the entrance at first, at Orita who is sullenly seated on top of the furs on the floor with her back to Lexa; the image sending  pressure into Lexa’s chest. _‘She looks so miserable, so lost._ ’ Lexa tip toes as to not disturb her friend, but of course, she doesn’t succeed in her attempt to be subtle.

 

“What are you doing here,” Orita barks without having to look behind her, she already knows the only person that it could be. “Do you want Wanheda to have me killed for real this time?” 

 

Lexa sighs at having been caught. She walks slowly toward Orita and sits next to her.  “She would never do that Orita;” she starts softly. “Clarke is a fair woman, a just commander; she would never kill an innocent just like that.”

 

Orita makes a tsk sound but refrains from making any negative remark.

 

“How are you…” Lexa instinctively reaches with her hand for Orita’s shoulder.

 

“Don’t touch me!” Orita pulls her body away from Lexa’s grasp.

 

“Sorry.” Lexa retrieves her hand immediately, looking down.

 

Minutes pass without them saying a word until Orita finally turns to the brunette and utters, “Lexa, just go” she sounds tired and defeated. “Please, leave.”

 

“Orita I…” Lexa faces her, fully intending on protesting but Lexa's words get stuck in her throat when she takes in the fresh bruises on her friend's face and most importantly, the large bandage covering the wound on Orita’s left cheek.

 

Orita looks away ashamed but not willing to break down, “don’t” she warns.

 

Lexa stares at Orita feeling responsible for her bruises, like she caused them herself. “I’m sorry I…” she’s at a loss for words.

 

At Lexa’s passiveness, Orita reproofs “so you went there supposedly to be one of the best warriors in Polis and along the way you landed in the commander’s bed?”

 

“It’s not like that.” It’s Lexa’s frail defense.

 

 “I mean, you always had this obsession with Wanheda, I knew that but I never thought you…” Her expression suddenly hardens as she faces her friend again, “is it consensual Lexa? Did Wanheda force you to be with her?” She questions alarmed.

 

“No Orita, of course not!” Lexa dismisses.

 

“Is it the sex?” Orita ventures next “cause I heard Skypeople are… wild.”

 

Lexa’s brows jump a bit at the observation _‘oh they certainly are’_ she thinks but quickly shakes her head to rid the involuntary memories coming to her; instead she focuses on giving the young blonde an honest answer. “No, I…” she swallows knowing this will come as a blow, “I’m in love with her. I love her.”

 

And it’s obvious, in Orita’s facial expression that the admission indeed hurts. She closes her eyes, containing the intense need to cry with a hard gulp. Soon something else roams inside her mind. Orita opens her mouth, once, twice until she lets out what she is dying to ask. “Lexa?”

 

“Yes?” Lexa watches her expectantly.

 

“Are the rumors true?” 

 

Of the many things Lexa imagined Orita would ask this wasn’t one of them. She exhales, pondering on everything that transpired during the day, the long agonizing fucking day – for all of them. Deciding she doesn’t want to lie to her best friend or keep anymore secrets from her, she makes eye contact with Orita and gives an affirmative nod.

 

Orita holds onto Lexa’s deep gaze for a few seconds and there among the glint she is so familiar with she sees something else, something sparkling in Lexa’s irises that doesn’t need any more confirmation. Orita jerks her face away, unable to hold back the tears that stream down her cheeks. “Jok!” She moves her head from side to side, “I’m so stupid!” Too much is happening at the same time for her and is overwhelming. She attempts to push herself up but Lexa stops her.

 

“Orita no!” Lexa pulls her down by the arm, “please, don’t go.”

 

Too tired to struggle Orita sits back down resigned, nevertheless she has something to say, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice is weak and full of distress.

 

Lexa shrugs, uneasily “I couldn’t… it’s crazy Orita, even for me. I-I was scared, I didn’t think you would believe me.”

 

“Of course I would have believed you; I’m your best friend!” Orita scolds.

 

Lexa is about to apologize but Orita continues.

 

“If you would've told me I would have never made the challenge in the first place! Heda Lexa and Wanheda’s love story is legendary … and true.” She shakes her head with incredulity. “You are the former heda,” she beholds Lexa first with astonishment, then with sadness. “And you came back… for her. How could I interfere with such a sacred love… how?” Orita laments.

 

Lexa extends a hand to place it on Orita’s back and this time there is no resistance.

 

“I can’t compete with a love like that… with a woman like that” Orita chokes “she’s so pretty; she is perfect.”

 

“You are pretty too Orita,” Lexa states sincerely, “beautiful and kind and funny” she rubs Orita’s back soothingly.

 

The girl hiccups turning her head to the side, eying Lexa. Her lips tremble as she mumbles among the sobs she can’t contain any longer. “I’m never going to see you again.”

 

“Shh don’t say that.” Lexa embraces Orita, not liking to see her in this state, “of course we’ll see each other again.”

 

“But Wanheda said…”

 

“Clarke is just jealous and mad right now.” Lexa counteracts caressing Orita’s head on her shoulder. “She knows how important you are to me; she would never do such a thing. We just have to wait awhile until she gets over it.”

 

Orita looks up; boring her tear-filled eyes into Lexa’s as she whispers hopefully, “you promise?”

 

Moved by her friend’s yearning Lexa offers a sly smile, “I promise.” She kisses Orita’s forehead as reassurance.

 

With a deep sigh Orita resumes her previous position on Lexa’s shoulder and basks in the warmth and smell of the brunette. She clings onto her for dear life, never wanting to let go.

 

They remain in each other’s arms for a good while in serene peace.

 

Orita is the one who breaks the tranquil moment, with a declaration that resonates deep within her heart. “I love you.”

 

Lexa tenses up at the confession. She leans back to be able to see her friend properly. It’s not like she didn’t know about her feelings before but to hear it out loud; from Orita’s own lips is a completely different thing. She gapes at her friend’s face in wonderment; up this close, able to notice certain details she hadn’t in the past. Like the delicate contours of Orita’s nose and cheekbones, the plethora of shades in Orita's beautiful hazel eyes, the curve of her soft pink lips. _‘She is gorgeous’_ Lexa admits to herself; incapable of denying how attracted she is to the girl … how she always has been.

 

Orita notices something change in Lexa and she gulps in anticipation; her eyes fixating suddenly on the brunette’s full lips.

 

Cupping Orita’s face in her hands, Lexa slides her thumbs across the girl’s cheeks and wipes at the streaks visible there. _‘You can’t do this,’_ Lexa’s conscious seems to be telling her _‘this is not right, she’s your friend; and also Clarke, what about Clarke?’_ She tries to stop whatever is happening inside of her, fighting her own cravings.

_“She was willing to die for you. She knew she was gonna lose but either way she did it for you; because she loves you. I think it is only fair to share a part of you with her; she deserves it.”_

 

Clarke’s words resonate in Lexa’s head; like pushing her, almost convincing her. But before she can make a decision, Orita does it for her.

 

The young blonde leans forward, taking Lexa’s lips into hers.

 

Lexa is taken aback, but she reciprocates soon enough.

 

The kiss is tender at first, proving and full of doubt; but as Orita moans into her lips, Lexa feels embolden and deepens it.

 

“Lexa,” Orita abruptly pulls away; breathless, dizzy. “What are we…” she fails to finish the sentence as Lexa joins their lips once again. 

 

Orita hums her approval before pulling back; this time with more difficulty. “But Wanheda…” she leans her forehead against Lexa’s trying to get some air into her lungs.

 

“Shh.” Lexa interrupts already clouded by desire. “She knows; she…” she swallows the remains of her guilt while making a request “lets not talk about her please.”

 

Orita opens her mouth to ask what she means but Lexa pushes her down on the furs with her own body, causing the other teen’s breath to hitch.

 

Now on top of Orita, in complete control, Lexa breathes hard enjoying this power and dominant position.

 

“Lexa wh…ugh!” Orita pants when Lexa skillfully parts her legs with her knee, fitting between them. She forgets how to think the moment she feels Lexa’s full weight on her body.

 

“Wow,” Lexa lets out losing herself in the contact. She closes her eyes for a second, basking in this new experience, in this carnal need she never felt before. When she opens her eyes again, she gazes into Orita’s with a devilish smirk that clearly shows her intentions.

 

Orita has time to only gulp, before Lexa’s mouth is devouring hers… and she’s not complaining.

 

For the rest of the night, Lexa succeeds in pushing Clarke to the very back of her mind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Seriously, inhale and exhale; take a break then come back and comment.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa deal –separately-with the aftermath of their actions/decisions. (With a lil help from Octavia, Raven and Jahnisce)
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNING: for the ones who want to skip the parts where Orita is in, they will be separated by ******** from beginning to end. Consider yourselves warned.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa OK… I’m still quite shocked by the responses chapter 20 received. I mean WHAT!! This is just a simple fic, coming from my point of view, my imagination (and my own version); I had no idea the impact it would have on you and I have to admit I’m very flattered, terrified but flattered. Setting that aside I couldn’t help but notice that many of you commented on that chapter for the first time and hmm since you felt so compelled to tell me your opinions so passionately so I’m gonna do the same. Why did you have to wait for me to write something you didn’t like to actually leave a comment? Where are your comments on the chapters you liked? I gotta say that’s really disappointing guys. Me a fic writer, who doesn’t receive any payment, any reward, just your kudos and comments, I actually NEED those encouraging comments for me to go on. If I wrote something you liked, you enjoyed: TELL ME! That’s the only motivation fic writers have to continue writing. This kind of negative attitude (commenting only on chapters you hate) could really demoralize a new writer who is writing with all her/his heart, you could really crush their spirit and cause them not to write anymore, and let me tell you it would be a great loss in the fanfic world. If you hate a chapter, of course you can tell the writer! But make sure first that you already told the writer they did something you liked. Most of you reacted exactly the same way you’re criticizing Lexa for: on your impulses, without thinking about the consequences… so there. I hope you really think twice before doing this to a young/new writer; and remember if you enjoy the fic or any part of it TELL THEM! Now lets move on with this new chapter which I hope will help you understand certain things and clarify others. I’ll be expecting all your (respectful) comments.

 

 

It wasn’t the best of rides back home for Clarke especially after telling Octavia what happened.

 

“You what!” The brunette exclaims not believing her ears, “you gave Lexa a hall pass?!”

 

Clarke grunts, annoyed but doesn’t comment. She is grateful they are alone in the car though, since Octavia decided to drive back herself in search of some privacy.

 

“Why would you do that? She’s fucking sixteen Clarke! She’s totally gonna…”

 

“Octavia!” Clarke raises her voice, one finger up “would you please shut the fuck up and just drive; I don’t wanna talk about it.” Saying that she crosses her arms and leans her head against the car window. She can imagine on her own what is going to happen, she doesn’t need any help with the visuals.

 

Being the little prick she has always been Octavia can’t help mutter under her breath “she’s probably going at it right now.”

 

If it was humanly possible, Clarke’s head certainly would have disengaged from her neck by how abruptly she jerked it in Octavia’s direction. Her eyes are blazing, her nostrils flaring.

 

Words are not needed for Octavia to get the message this time. “Alright, jeez!” She rolls her eyes and directs her hand to turn on the car stereo to fill the uncomfortable silence that will surely follow. She skips the songs one after another until she settles for a soft tune.

 

The easy melody resonates for a good ten seconds, promising some relaxation; that is until the lyrics come into play.

 

_It's over and done_  
_But the heartache lives on inside_  
_And who's the one you're clinging to_  
_Instead of me toni…_

Octavia jolts, letting out a shrill of pure shock when Clarke punches the stereo, effectively muting it.

 

“Jesus fucking Christ Clarke! You almost gave me a heart attack here!”  Octavia accuses holding onto her chest with one hand, while the other is still secured on the steering wheel.

 

“Just. Fucking. Drive.” Clarke warns through gritted teeth, at the verge of exploding.

 

And Octavia, even with her keenest ability for stirring shit away, knows her limits. She huffs pretending to be mad and in complete quietness continues her task.

 

*******

 

Orita, on her back on top of the furs, stares up at the ceiling dumbstruck.

 

Lexa lays next to her, disconcerted now that the moment is gone and reality has hit her hard; yet she doesn’t dare to dwell on it-not now.

 

It’s been ten minutes and Orita hasn’t said a word, Lexa is beginning to get concerned. “Orita?” She whispers so as not to startle the girl. “Are you-are you OK?”

 

“Huh?” Orita cranes her neck toward Lexa, like waking up from a day dream “yeah I…” she articulates shaking her head. “I guess, yeah” she can’t help looking away, feeling self-conscious.

 

“OK,” Lexa bites her lip nervously, feeling more and more uncomfortable with every passing second; she can’t stand it anymore. “It’s uh, it’s late we probably should…” she shuffles a bit to get into a setting position.

 

“No!” Orita calls out in desperation.  “Not yet,” she holds onto Lexa’s midsection. “I told my parents I needed to be alone for a while. Yours know you are with me, right?”

 

“ye-yes they…”

 

“Then there’s no rush, please stay with me… until the sun comes up, please.” Orita leans her head on Lexa’s chest.

 

It’s a very conflicting situation for Lexa, wanting to get out of there at soon as possible, disgusted with herself; but also feeling guilty for entertaining the idea of leaving Orita alone after what just happened between them.  Ultimately, the guilt wins over. She nods rapidly-because she doesn’t trust her voice- and tugs the girl closer to her body to compensate for her current lack of enthusiasm, careful not to grab at any injured area.

 

Orita sighs, nuzzling into Lexa’s neck; engraving in her memory the feeling of Lexa’s skin on her own, the smell of her natural essence, the rhythm of her heartbeat. She knows, feels it in her heart, the moment they stand up, the moment they leave this place… she’s gonna lose Lexa forever.  

 

************

When Clarke and Octavia arrive in Polis, Indra is expecting them at the door of the tower, sporting a facial expression that clearly conveys what she feels.

 

 _‘Great! Her messengers work faster each time, I see.’_ Clarke exhales with irritation at the preaching that she is evidently expecting.

 

“Commander,” Indra bows sending Clarke a look that promises trouble.

 

“Meeting room,” Clarke instructs glancing at Indra and Octavia, making her way inside the tower. 

 

The guards and servants are quickly dismissed by Indra who immediately follows after Clarke and Octavia.

 

The three women stride quickly to the elevator without exchanging a word; at least not until they reach the meeting room.

 

As soon as the door closes, Indra faces Clarke and begins with her reprimanding. “What the hell was that all about?!  You accepting the challenge of a novice sentinel that happens to be Lexa’s little friend, knowing you will humiliate her on the battlefield? And for what? Out of jealousy? Huh?”  She paces furiously in front of the blonde who is uncharacteristically quiet. “You are the commander of the Thirteen Clans Clarke, you don’t have the luxury of losing control of your emotions like that!” Her indignation is evident.

 

Meanwhile Octavia walks slowly to one of the tables in the room, takes an apple from the fruit basket and bites into it; thoroughly enjoying Clarke’s disgruntled expression.

 

“You’re lucky the villagers didn’t know anything; and I’m sure your little display scared them for life so it is safe to say we can count on their discretion once they find out.” Indra shows some traces of relief but it is short lived. “Are you aware what could happen if more people hear about this? Your enemies?”

 

It is certainly humiliating to be scolded like a child, more so being the commander and the great Wanheda who is feared by her people; but Clarke thinks it would be hypocritical to try and refute it when everything Indra is saying is nothing but the truth.

 

“We may be at peace but you are the commander, of course you have enemies!” Indra warns, “you must never forget they are always alert, always searching for an excuse to attack, always searching for your weakness.”

 

Octavia’s eyes open wide at the words uttered from her former mentor, _‘oh crap.’_

 

Clarke’s face, once sporting discomfort, morphs in a second into one of ire. She glares at Indra with a scowl as she questions. “And what's my weakness, Indra?” Clarke takes a step forward, intimidatingly so and completes “care to elaborate?”

 

That’s when Indra becomes aware of what she just said; her usual strong stand wavers for a brief second “I- I was referring to…” she attempts explaining but is cut off mid-sentence.

 

“I know exactly what you were referring to; I know exactly what you think Indra and I’m gonna stop you right there.” Clarke marches straight into the woman’s personal space and in a loud voice she announces; “I saved this world for love, I rebuilt this nation because of that love, you are alive because of my love.” She points a finger at Indra’s face as she yells, “don’t you dare tell me love is a weakness, don’t you ever even think about it when love is the only reason we are all standing here right now!”

 

To say Indra is taken aback by Clarke’s outburst is an understatement. She blinks rapidly to shake the astonishment from her system. “My apologies commander, it won’t happen again” she replies submissively. Then regaining some of her composure she adds, “but I insist you were careless in your actions and I strongly advise you to consider in detail the dangers your behavior could bring to yourself and your people.” 

 

“I’m aware of that.” Clarke drops the attitude a little, taking a step back in thought to finally supply “that’s why, starting tomorrow, we are going to work on a new law that forbids permanently all challenges and duels of any kind.”

 

Indra and Octavia exchange gazes, seemingly considering it a good idea.

 

“Very well;” Indra assents. “I will be convening the scribes first thing tomorrow to have it all prepared before calling a meeting with the clan leaders.”

 

 “Good,” Clarke nods curtly and walks to the door stopping just as she reaches for the door knob. “Now if you excuse me I’m very tired. I don’t want anyone disturbing me in what’s left of the night; is that clear?” She doesn’t wait for a reply, choosing instead to just leave the scene.

 

It crosses Octavia’s mind to go after Clarke but she can tell her friend needs some time alone.  The same can’t be said about herself. “Laters,” she passes by Indra and pats her back leaving the premises too; another destination in mind.

 

Indra is left alone, curiously wondering if something else happened besides what the messengers informed her.

 

…

 

Octavia takes the stairs that lead to Raven’s room, eager to vent about everything that happened during her trip but just as she is nearing the door she sees a sock on the handle. “Damn it Raven!” With her friend clearly busy, Octavia has no choice but to bite her tongue and go to her own room; the gossip will have to wait.

 

…

 

Only after she is safe inside her bedroom, is when Clarke allows herself to panic.

 

 _‘What have I done, what have I done.’_ Clarke paces around her room. _‘I told her to be with her, I told her to… ugh, I’m an idiot.’_ She puts both hands on her head, desperate. More and more bad thoughts invading her mind by the second. _‘What if she decides to stay with her, what if she realizes she wants someone her age…’_ She abruptly spins around looking at the door, _‘maybe It’s not too late, I can send Octavia to bring her back; her family can come too, they all could be here in the morning and…’_ Clarke throws her head back with a loud groan. _‘Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t do that!’_ Frustrated she removes her jacket and throws it down angrily.

 

Giving up on the absurd idea, Clarke moves toward her bed and lays down on her side; once again being bombarded by negative thoughts. _‘What if I’m taking away from her a chance to be a normal girl with a regular life; what if I’m denying her the only opportunity to live to her fullest?’_ She closes her eyes tightly holding onto her pillow. _‘No don’t say that! She came back to life for you, it is your destiny, you are meant to be._ ’ She is having an internal battle _, ‘you vowed not to let anything or anyone split you apart, Lexa is your woman, don’t you ever think about letting her go._ ’

 

Clarke rolls onto her stomach, continuing her inner monologue. _‘This is karma; her being in someone else’s arms is what I deserve. All these years sleeping around trying to fill the void in my soul, trying to satisfy my needs; but if what the grounders say is true all I’ve been doing is giving away pieces of myself to every single lover, wasting my soul like it was nothing; no wonder I felt lonelier every time.’_ She laments bitterly. _‘But she is back; she came back to fill your soul once again, to complete you; no matter what happens she belongs with you. She will be here soon, for you and only you; don’t despair, don’t be afraid. She loves you.’_ Needing a reassurance of her own, Clarke lets out in a soft encouraging whisper “she loves me” with that she sinks her head into her pillow and cries her anxieties away.

 

*********

 Having woken up barely before dawn, Orita and Lexa get dressed, turning their backs on each other; with a sudden modesty that contrasts the boldness and readiness that engulfed them the previous night.

 

Double checking that her friend is set to go Lexa starts speaking. “I um, I think we should talk about uh talk about …this” she stutters.

 

“Yeah we should but um” Orita, getting on her feet, remarks awkwardly “but not now.”

 

“Of course!” Lexa agrees “maybe tonight ...”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea either” Orita interrupts, this time certain.

 

Lexa stares at her, asking silently for Orita to elaborate; and she does.

 

“Lexa I-” Orita runs a hand through her hair nervously. “This is so weird and confusing and… I almost lost my life yesterday because I acted without thinking” she swallows overwhelmed, another detail popping up. “In any case I ended up losing something else in the same fashion.”

 

The comment causes Lexa to blush profusely; she turns away avoiding her friend’s gaze.

 

Orita clears her throat embarrassed at her own admission but quickly gets back on track. “The point is I really need some time to process, to understand; I- I don’t know what to do, what to think.”

 

If she had to be honest with herself, Lexa has to admit she also needs to figure this mess out.  “You’re right we- we need a break,” she concedes timidly.

 

“OK.” Orita nods slowly and takes a step forward but as soon as she does, she stops abruptly and winces as her leg begins to hurt.

 

“Shit!” Lexa jumps to help Orita “I’m sorry, I should’ve been… I didn’t…” she takes her by the hips, to stabilize her.

 

The young blonde glares at Lexa, begging with her eyes for her not to finish that sentence.

 

Lexa understands and offers instead “I’ll help you home, is that alright?”

 

With an exhale of resignation Orita accepts the assistance. She allows Lexa to put an arm around her waist while she supports her weight on Lexa’s shoulder.

 

*******

 

Making sure Orita got safely inside her home and after an uncomfortable farewell, Lexa heads back to her own house. She opens the door, trying not to make much noise so as to wake up her parents. But as soon as she enters the living room, Jahnisce raises from her seat.

 

“How did it go, did you…”

 

Lexa freezes on the spot, eyes bulging, not expecting her mother to be up.

 

Jahnisce looks at her daughter up and down taking in her body language, her appearance “oh… OH” there’s no need for an explanation or words, she knows what happened.

 

Lexa’s face burns with embarrassment at having been caught by her mother; she stares at the floor ashamed.

 

At first Jahnisce also faces away; momentarily shocked by the discovery. Sure, she wasn’t expecting Lexa to be a virgin – especially knowing she and Clarke have a relationship- but to actually acknowledge her little girl has a sexual life is something hard to digest. Soon that small detail is set aside when dread falls upon her at remembering something else. “Lexa, what about Wanheda? What if she finds out!” She questions anxiously. 

 

At that, Lexa –in need of someone- walks to the table and sits next to Jahnisce. “She already knows mom, she…” Lexa hesitates, not sure she should be sharing this with her mother but she really needed to talk to somebody. “She’s the one who told me to do it.”

 

Jahnisce’s brows furrow with confusion; wondering why Clarke would do something like this but she gives up wondering seconds later. “Well, Wanheda is a wise woman, she must have a reason,” she concludes giving Lexa a sympathetic shrug.

 

….

 

“She’s an idiot!” Octavia accuses exasperated as she fills Raven in to the details of the occurrences at the village.

 

“But why…” Raven can’t begin to imagine what motivated her friend to allow something like that to happen.

 

“Raven!” Clarke’s voice irrupts into the conversation. “Did you check the entire tower already?”

 

“uh I…” Raven gets a little apprehensive at Clarke’s authoritative tone. “No, no I still have to um- check the lower floors.”

 

“OK, when you finish that I want you to take a look at the clinic; you need to make sure nothing fails in case they are using equipment.”

 

“Right of course I- I’ll do that.” Raven responds with a gulp.

 

Clarke then acknowledges the other brunette. “We are about to start Octavia, we better get going.”

 

“I’ll be right behind you,” Octavia confirms waiting until Clarke is a few feet ahead of her before taking out the iPhone. “Take a look at it and enjoy it as much as you can, tonight we won’t be laughing much.”

 

“What?” Raven stares at Octavia puzzled.

 

“Operation Wallow.”

 

“huh?”

 

“OCTAVIA!”

 

“Coming!”

 

…

 

After a quick bath Lexa comes back to the table where breakfast is already served.

 

Mother and daughter eat in relative silence for a few minutes until Jahnisce’s curiosity gets the best of her.

 

“I’m guessing you two didn’t talk very much last night?”

 

“Ugh.” Lexa covers her face with her hand still not accustomed to speaking about this with her mother. “Yeah we uh we didn’t.”

 

Jahnisce says nothing, waiting patiently for Lexa to be the one to guide the conversation.

 

Lexa places her fork down on the table, taking a long deep breath before making a query. “Do you think I made a mistake?”

 

“What I think is not important strikon, the real question here is, do you think you made a mistake?”

 

All Lexa can do is move her head up and down in agreement.

 

“But Wanheda allowed it, right?”

 

“Yeah she did but that didn’t mean I… and Orita I shouldn’t have…” Lexa sighs “she was vulnerable and I just took advantage of her I… I don’t know what happened mom; I’m not like that, what’s wrong with me?” She laments, leaning her head on the flat surface on the table.

 

“Oh Lex,” Jahnisce coos threading her fingers through the girl’s hair.

 

“Orita doesn’t even want to see me now” comes Lexa’s muffled voice.

 

“Then just wait, give her time; she will come around; I’m sure she wants to clarify this with you too, just be patient.”

 

And Lexa hopes her mother is right, she hopes it is not too late to fix things with Orita and salvage what is left of their friendship but there is a gnawing feeling in her gut, something nagging in her heart, telling her that this may not end up well. She can only wish that presentiment is wrong.

 

**…**

 

“I can’t believe you let her go and fuck that girl.”

 

“Octavia!” Raven warns, sending her a glare.

 

Clarke swallows the whole contents of her tiny glass in one gulp and pours herself another immediately after. “Shut up Octavia.”

 

“If I were you I would've never let any bitch put her hands on…” Octavia stops just in time, realizing what she was about to say. Before her friends have time to send pity looks at her, she continues “whatever, you’re dumb.” She drinks from her own glass letting the alcohol burn up the unwanted memories. 

 

“Look I know you don’t get it Octavia, but she’s young OK? In this life so far I’m the only one she’s been with, I’m sure she must have been curious to experiment with someone else in her new body and shit. I’m simply giving her the opportunity, a chance to get it out of her system and come back to me with a clear head; no what if’s or regrets you know?” Clarke explains trying to justify her decision.

 

“What a pile of crap.” Octavia rolls her eyes. “If she wanted to experiment as you say why didn't she do it earlier? She had plenty of time before getting to meet you.”

 

“She didn’t ask me anything Octavia, I told her to!” Clarke defends wholeheartedly.

 

“I know and that’s exactly what pisses me off the most!” Octavia slams the table in frustration.

 

“And why do you care!” Clarke leans forward, her hands flat on the wooden surface.

 

“Guys, guys.” Raven intervenes asking for a time out. “Listen, you both need to chill OK.” When she gets her friends attention she proceeds. “We shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves; I mean maybe she hasn’t done anything and probably doesn’t plan to.” She ends optimistically. 

 

Both Octavia and Clarke glower at Raven for a second or two and then quip at the same time.

 

“Yeah right!”

 

“Sure thing.” 

 

Raven grimaces at the sarcastic responses, “that hot huh?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“The bitch.”

 

The three of them chug their drinks down simultaneously.

 

“OK that’s enough,” Clarke announces as she stands up. “We still need to work on that new law, don’t stay too long. See ya tomorrow.” With that she marches out of Octavia’s room.

 

…

 

Just like the other night Clarke goes straight to bed and holds her pillow; wishing sleep to take over her tired and stressed out body.

 

Not five minutes has past when someone enters her bedroom.

 

Clarke already imagines who it can be so she remains silent in her bed without paying much mind to the interloper. Sure enough the mattress sinks behind her and soon, tan arms envelope her waist.

 

“You know she’s being a pain in the ass only because she cares about you, right?” Raven informs once she has found a comfortable position.

 

“I know,” Clarke chuckles. “Sometimes I wish she’d just tell me everything is gonna be alright, give me a damn hug and be done with it.”

 

Raven snorts and lets a prudent amount of time to pass before asking. “Why did you do it?”

 

Trying to convince Raven that her intentions were the same ones she had already mentioned in Octavia’s room would be in vain-Raven is smarter than that. Besides she is so sick and tired of keeping it all to herself, she needs a respite so she relents and confesses with vulnerability.

 

 

“I freaked out. When I saw that girl…I freaked out.” Clarke shivers at the recollection, “she’s young and so fucking…”

 

“Hot,” Raven supplies.

 

“Yeah.” Clarke rolls her eyes and keeps going. “I know it’s silly but I realized she knows Lexa better than I do; even with all the time we spent together; she’s got years ahead of me and I kinda lost it.”

 

“That’s why you kicked the little bitch’s ass, got it.” Raven nods, putting the puzzle together in her head.

 

“It was stupid, I shouldn’t have done it,” Clarke sighs her regrets. “For a minute there I was scared she may choose this girl over me and…”

 

“And you threw her into the blondie’s arms cause you like to play with fire? You wanted them to seal the deal or something?” Raven remarks as this is the part she doesn’t understand.

 

“No!” Clarke refutes loudly. “Lexa loves me, I’m sure of that I just…” She swallows the emotion threatening to pour out of her. “I wanted her to compare. I need her to see for herself that what she feels when she’s with me, she won’t be feeling with anyone else.”

 

Raven remains silent, knowing Clarke has more to say.

 

“She never got to experience that; at least not in a normal way.” When Raven frowns, Clarke elaborates. “I mean the crush on the pretty girl, the desire, the fun of it you know? No    commitments, no strings attached. Costia was her love, not just a girl, her first love nonetheless; one she didn’t even have the time to really enjoy.”

 

“So you wanted her to experience all of this, at the expense of your own pain, while she has all the fun and pleasure?” There’s a hint of judgment in Raven’s tone that doesn’t go unnoticed by Clarke.

 

“It’s not like that!” Clarke defends, “I told you I was scared; I really didn’t know what else to do Raven; I don’t wanna lose her OK?”

 

“I know,” Raven offer sympathetically.

 

Clarke exhales losing herself in her thoughts until Raven adds.

 

“Stop doing this to yourself.”

 

Intrigued, Clarke leans back a bit to look at Raven’s face.

 

The brunette watches her with kind eyes as she pleads, “stop punishing yourself Clarke; you must stop believing you deserve to suffer.”

 

At the statement Clarke tenses, but Raven holds her tight, grounding her, making sure she sees right through her eyes. “Many people died, I know but it’s not your fault Clarke, you didn’t have a choice. You have to let go of all that guilt inside of you and see the new world you’ve created for us, how much you’ve sacrificed for us.”

 

The blonde’s lips begin to tremble; her eyes filling up with tears she tries hard to hold back.

 

“You deserve all the good in the world, you deserve to be happy with your girl; hell she came back from the dead to be with you! What better sign do you need to see it’s time for you to let go of the past and start a new life, with her.”

 

Clarke shakes her head, a tear spilling involuntarily.

 

Raven wipes Clarke’s solitary tear from her cheek as she insists, “you also must stop trying to be tough for us; you’re allowed to cry you know, to vent.” One side of her mouth curls up in a smirk. “Especially regarding chicks.”

 

Clarke chokes on a laugh that soon turns into sobs she no longer wants to conceal.

 

 “Come here.” Raven takes her friend in her arms, conveying without words that she is safe with her, that everything will be OK.

 

*******

 

It is not until the third day that Lexa receives a note from Orita asking her to meet at their special spot.

 

At the designated time Lexa arrives at their place, wanting nothing more than to get things straightened out with her childhood friend.

 

 As soon as Lexa crosses the entrance, Orita stands up facing her with a strong stance.

 

“Uh… how-how are you feeling?” Lexa questions cautiously, sensing the defensiveness in the blonde.

 

“I could be better,” Orita replies with honesty.

 

Following the same line of honesty, Lexa doesn’t waste time and begins, “I-I think we need to talk about what happened the other day.” When Orita only nods, Lexa proceeds. “I want to start by apologizing for-uh my behavior; I guess I let myself go in there; it was a mistake and um it can’t-it can’t happen again,” she ends hoping her words didn’t sound too harsh.

 

“I know.” Orita surprisingly agrees but complements, “although I can’t say I regret it.”

 

The way she says it, the attitude and how she fixes her eyes on her; cause Lexa to feel even guiltier than she already does. “I’m sorry” she lets out instinctively.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for Lexa, I knew what I was getting into, I could have said no.”

 

“But you were…”

 

“I-” Orita seems to be contemplating what she wants to say before actually expelling the exact words. “I love you, OK? I just let my emotions guide me; I took what was presented to me. Last night was something I never imagined I would experience in my life, it was amazing, it was raw, it was… imperfect.” Her eyes shine with awe at her own discovery “it was an eye opener and it made me see I was living in this secure bubble that is our village, dreaming of a future with someone that… evidently didn’t feel the same,” her voice cracks a bit “and who is undoubtedly not meant for me.”

 

Lexa’s throat constricts but she doesn’t dare to interrupt the blonde.

 

“At first I wanted to be mad at you for not telling me about who you really were, but now I see you had your reasons, you had... your goals in mind, your purpose and you went for it until you achieved it… until you got her.” She swallows and carries on. “And I wanna do the same, I want to have a purpose in life, and I wanna follow it, achieve it… you used to be my purpose in life but… you are not for me Lexa.” Orita exhales giving herself courage to finally announce “that’s why I’m leaving.”

 

It is then Lexa takes in the small bag that is sitting to one side. The realization is like a blow to her face. “You’re leaving? What do you mean leaving? Where?”

 

“Wherever the spirits send me.”

 

“For how long?!”

 

“I don’t know; as long as it takes” Orita shrugs.

 

“No! You’re not doing that, it’s dangerous out there Orita.” Lexa steps forward, full of concern.

 

“Yes I am,” Orita states more than sure. “Don’t you understand? I need this, I need to see the world, I need to face my own fears… alone. I was reckless Lexa, I challenged and almost died in the hands of the commander!” She chuckles at her own stupidity. “I have to learn to control my instincts, to deal with the consequences of my actions.”

 

Desperate, Lexa reaches for Orita’s arm “you don’t have to go wandering around to find yourself! Your place is here with your family, what about them, are they OK with this?” She tries to come up with any excuse that would make her friend change her mind.

 

“Ugh!” Orita closes her eyes, willing her bravery not to succumb. “Can’t you see? It doesn’t matter Lexa. I just can’t be here in this place crying over something that can never be; I can’t keep being the naive girl waiting for a fearless warrior to come and save her but most of all… I can’t stand … I can’t be here close to you.”

 

And that is all it takes for Lexa to let go of Orita, the idea of her causing the girl more suffering is enough for her to stop insisting. She stares at her first with astonishment, never expecting to hear something like this; but as the initial shock wears off she takes a step back, her jaw clenching. “If that’s what you desire,” she simply utters trying not to sound too shaky.

 

“Yes, this is what I want.” Orita chances a glance at Lexa before retrieving her bag. She takes a deep breath, turns around and walks slowly to the exit. A second of hesitation when she passes by Lexa, is followed by her leaning into the brunette to plant a soft lingering kiss on her cheek. “Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, ai lukot” she murmurs as a goodbye.

 

The phrase, pronounced in her native language is so intimate and full of sentiment that Lexa can’t fight her emotions anymore. She pulls Orita toward her body and envelops her in the strongest hug they have ever shared.

 

Orita, holds on to her with all her might, her tears spilling on Lexa’s shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Lexa mumbles among sobs. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

“I know you didn’t” Orita consoles adding in the process, “I don’t care who you were in the past or who you’ll become in the future, to me you will always be just Lexa my best friend,” with that she kisses Lexa’s forehead and lets go of her.

 

Lexa watches helplessly as Orita, the girl who was her companion for so many years, step away from her life.

 

********

 

After a long bath to get rid of the exhausting day she spent, Clarke feels considerably better.  Definitely the open talk with Raven the other night worked tremendously in improving her mood. Everything is not as dark as it was some days ago, and it’s certainly liberating.

 

Clarke, having finished drying herself off and dressing, leaves the bathroom to work a bit before going to sleep, but stops dead in her tracks when she spots two brunettes in her bed. “What are you doing here?” She asks warily.

 

“Oh well,” Octavia stands up, walks up to Clarke and leans on her shoulder “we thought we'd come here and cheer you up with our gracious company.”

 

“And…” Raven joins in, “we also thought we could chill with you and have a much needed girl’s night. We got Roda to make ice cream for us, look!” She proudly shows a bowl of the creamy sweet.

 

“Guys.” Clarke sighs in fake frustration “I have work early tomorrow.” She then looks at Octavia “we have work early tomorrow.”

 

“C’mon just for a while!” Raven coaxes. “We can talk shit about Lexa and her teen hormones or trash that hot blondie you beat the crap out of; I even got some background music and stuff. I swear we will leave at a decent hour, what ya say?”

 

“Pleeeeease?” Octavia bats her eyelashes for effect giving a mocking sweet smile.

 

Clarke tries hard to contain her laughter but a snort escapes her, letting the girls know she has been convinced.

 

“Lets get the party started, Griffin!” Raven pulls Clarke by the arm toward the bed.

 

Octavia helps by pushing Clarke and the three of them end up falling on the bed in a fit of laughter.

 

Clarke has never been more grateful for these crazy bitches as she is right now.

 

…

 

Lexa stayed inside the cave by herself for a long while. Could have been hours, she can’t really tell, but eventually she numbly walked away from there. Not knowing exactly when or how, Lexa ends up at home; and of course her mother is there to greet her.

 

“What happened?” Jahnisce questions, worried as soon as Lexa crosses the doorway.

 

Taking a look at her mother, defeated, Lexa mumbles “she’s gone.”

 

“What do you mean, she’s gone?”

 

“Orita, mom; she-she left the village; and it’s my fault. She’s leaving because being near me hurts too much… I hurt her mom. She told me she loved me and I just used her I…” she chokes “and I also hurt Clarke she… I don’t even know if she’s gonna take me back.”

 

“Don’t worry, Wanheda is..” Jahnisce protests but Lexa keeps on speaking.

 

“This is not who I am I- would’ve never…” she closes her eyes and clenches her jaw, remembering she can’t say too much, not in front of her mother. “This is not me; this is beneath me,” she paces around frantically. “I don’t know what to do; I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

 

“Lexa, wait…” Jahnisce reaches out for Lexa but retrieves her hand with a gasp when Lexa lets out a long piercing scream.

 

Lexa holds her head with both hands; breathing heavily, eyes unfocused.

 

Jahnisce takes a step back in fear.

 

Behind a wall, Adam watches the scene petrified, not recognizing his sister.

 

And it’s understandable; the image is one to be afraid of: Lexa now has her arms firmly at her sides, hands formed into fists, chest heaving, looking around like she is plotting something in her mind.

 

“Adam.” Jahnisce calls, “tell your father to come here.” When the kid doesn’t respond she raises her voice, “now!”

 

The boy rushes out of the house and does what he was told.

 

In thirty seconds flat, Malku stumbles through the front door like a maniac. “What, what happened!?” Instead of an answer his best sword is forcefully shoved into his hands.

 

“Go fight with your daughter.”

 

“Wha…” Malku spins his head in Lexa’s direction, only then taking in the state she is in.

 

“Go and fight her… with all your might,” Jahnisce orders with such conviction that Malku has no other choice than to obey.

 

He clenches his jaw and gives a hard nod –very Lexa like - then calls loudly to get the girl’s attention. “Warrior!”

 

Lexa slowly cranes her neck in Malku’s direction, glaring at him.

 

“I will see you at the back.” It’s the only thing he says before striding toward the patio on his property.

 

Automatically Lexa follows without question.

 

Once they are outside, they position themselves so that they face each other, taking their swords out of their sheaths, ready to fight.

 

As he was advised, Malku strikes first with a hard blow that Lexa blocks easily. So he persists and sends one blow after another, applying more force each time.

 

Block and deflect, are the first of Lexa’s actions but she soon has enough of it and proceeds to attack. She moves forward unexpectedly, compelling Malku to step back.

 

The hits grow fast and harder to the point that Malku's arms begin to tire. He finds himself disconcerted at Lexa’s new found strength, having never witnessed her like that before.

 

Lexa moves her sword with innate ability and mechanical movements; her mind possessed by a lot of memories and regrets that intrude her thoughts, creating a mess of anger that builds up into her blows.

 

Even with his brawny structure and his strong stance it becomes too much for Malku. His sword flies out of his hand with one of Lexa’s particularly hard swipes.

 

At the sound of her father’s sword hitting the ground, Lexa comes out of her stupor.

 

Malku is staring at her in awe and a little scared.

 

Lexa then realizes what she did; she confronted her father with most of her potential, the one she always tried to conceal from him, in order to avoid that same look she is getting right now. She wants to apologize and to explain but she is frozen in place, she can’t move, she can’t speak; her head starts to spin with uncertainty and confusion. Lexa‘s sword slips from her hand as she falls to her knees on the floor; and just when she is beginning to lose herself in the chaos of her memories, a familiar voice pulls her back to reality.

 

“Hey, listen, listen to me.” Jahnisce grabs Lexa’s face tightly, pulling it up, forcing their eyes to meet. She waits until Lexa is actually staring back at her to state in the most certain tone she can muster. “You are Leksa kom trikru; daughter of Malku and Jahnisce of trikru, the older sister of Adam; the last champion of the young warrior’s competition and Wanheda’s partner.”  She pauses, making sure Lexa is listening before continuing, “those are the only things you should always remember; those are the things that must remain with you in here.” She gives a soft shake to Lexa’s head for emphasis. “The rest; all the darkness, the anger, the guilt and regret should be eradicated from your mind, they have no place in there anymore. You should only keep the feelings, the emotions, the love and nothing more…  in here” Jahnisce moves her hand to Lexa’s chest, pressing on the place where her heart should be.

 

And something frees in Lexa’s chest at her mother’s words; like a weight from her shoulders leaving her body. Lexa little by little comes to the realization she is living this new life; there is no war to be fought, no people to be saved, no people to be killed. All her problems, all her bad decisions are for her to solve and deal with like a regular girl that is not perfect. But she isn't alone this time, she has a family that loves her, she has Clarke … or at least she hopes she still does.

 

“I’m scared.” The phrase escapes Lexa’s mouth without even thinking about it. She puts her arms around Jahnisce’s waist, burying her face in her mother’s belly.

 

“It’s OK to be scared, baby girl.” Jahnisce purposely uses a skypeople’s term of endearment to calm her daughter down, caressing Lexa’s head soothingly. “I’m here for you, always.”

 

With that symbolic consent Lexa lets go and cries in Jahnisce’s arms like she hasn’t done for quite a while.  There will be time for her to be strong, but for now she allows herself to just be Lexa, the daughter who needs her mom; the girl who fucked up and will work hard to regain her woman’s trust. She allows herself to be only human.

 

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa face to face again. How will it go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my! What a crazy 3 weeks I had! I even got nominated in the Clexa fanfic awards! AND WON! WHAT! I don’t know who nominated me but I want you to know I’m so, so very grateful with you guys! It is very nice to be recognized for this fanfic that I write with all my heart for your entertainment, so thank you!  
> And here I am with a new chapter! This one was very hard to write (given my personal circumstances) but I hope you find it satisfying. As usual I’ll be expecting your comments and suggestions, may we meet again ;)

 

 

 

 

The morning after her breakdown, was the most uncomfortable ever in her house for Lexa. Despite the well intentioned efforts of her father to act like everything was the same, Lexa could feel Malku’s apprehensiveness and hesitancy all the while. Needless to say, the way little Adam was behaving was the worst of all; he was uncharacteristically quiet, throwing sidelong glances at her, but as soon as she stared back he would look away obviously in fear. It broke Lexa’s heart into a million pieces, to see her two favorite men regard her with such reservations, but there was nothing she could do; everything that happened in less than a week was just too much for everybody to handle, she couldn’t bear the thought of adding to the drama by openly confessing her true self. So she waited for her father to leave the house to actually make a move on the easiest one of the two.

 

“I’m going to the sewing room,” Jahnisce announces having finished clearing the table. “You kids will be OK?” The question is followed by a pointed look, having already picked up on the tension between the siblings.

 

 “Of course we will!” Lexa takes the opportunity. “We are going to do some practicing, we haven't done it in a while, what do you say little guy?” She doesn’t care how over excited she sounds or how eager.

 

Adam looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He stares at Lexa and opens his mouth and tries to decline the invitation but nothing comes out; he turns to his mom in hopes she will save him but he only gets a glare in return from the woman, causing the boy to gulp and face his sister once again, this time nodding his acceptance reluctantly.

 

Lexa immediately feels bad because of the kid’s resistance, she considers actually letting him off the hook, but yet again a well put glowering on Jahnisce's face forces the girl to stand up and take the wooden swords off the wall where they always hang. “C’mon,” Lexa urges and Adam follows with resignation.

 

They walk for a good ten minutes, heading in the direction of the woods where they usually train, in complete silence; Lexa not wanting to pressure him and Adam because he really didn’t know what to say. Once they reach their spot, Lexa doesn’t waste any time and hands her brother his sword to begin the sparring session.

 

 As expected he is very insecure in his technique, with fear of lifting his sword, there is nothing at all that appears like the cocky boy that would strike Lexa daringly. She can’t take it anymore, she has to stop “OK,OK; Adam wait, wait a sec.”

 

Adam obediently puts his sword down the way Lexa and his father taught him; he squirms in place expecting Lexa’s next instructions. 

 

With a sigh of remorse Lexa crouches in front of her brother in order to talk to him and it pains her to see him flinch at the proximity. “Adam…” she starts softly. “I’m sorry if I scared you last night; I was very conflicted and sad; I didn’t mean to…”

 

“They say things.” Adam interjects all of a sudden; not able to hold back what was on his mind. He looks at her briefly, feeling he did something wrong by interrupting her but when Lexa only stares at him with kind eyes he continues. “Mom told me not to engage in gossip but-the other kids at school, they talk…things; and I hear. They say…” Adam swallows and with some courage he fixes his eyes on her and asks, tentatively “are you the previous commander?” 

 

The question is certainly surprising, especially coming from her little brother.  She is left speechless for a few seconds but the expectant little face of Adam makes her decide something right then and there.  “Yes, I’m her,” is Lexa's simple straightforward reply.

 

 Adam gasps at the confession; his jaw dropping incredulously. He could question the admission or believe his sister is playing a joke on him, but the truth is what he saw the previous night is confirmation enough. “WOW!!” He gawks at her, up and down, the fear dissipating now transforming into admiration. 

 

Lexa could have lied, but she knew Adam was a smart boy; he would understand. Either way she needs to make sure he gets the gravity of this secret. “Hey buddy, listen. You can’t go around telling this to everyone; not even to mom and dad; at least not yet. This will be our little secret, OK?”

 

“OK.” Adam nods emphatically, his face lighting up at the notion he is being confided in with a hidden truth, one he will treasure forever in his heart.

 

“Good, I knew I could trust you.” Lexa winks and ruffles his hair when she stands up; happy the tension has dissipated, now replaced by awe and excitement. Taking advantage of that she offers with a smirk “want me to teach you some defense tricks; ones only taught to commanders?”

 

There was no force in this world able to hold back Adam’s enthusiasm at such a tempting offer.

 

…

 

It wasn’t a rare occurrence to find Clarke sitting outside at the back of the tower with some of her servants who had made a bonfire and would relax and have something hot to drink. She would sit among them occasionally, listening to their conversations, sometimes intervening and other times just in thought. And the latter is the state she is currently in, sitting quietly with a cup of warm herbal tea in her hands. Clarke watches as one by one retreat for the night, until she is left alone. She stays there for several minutes submerged in her own recollections and what ifs.

 

“What’s troubling you, commander?” Roda asks in trigedasleng as she takes a seat next to Clarke. She briefly scans Clarke’s face before adding sympathetically. “Problems of the heart?”

 

Clarke snorts but says nothing for a couple minutes. After mulling over a thought in her head, she states, “I never had any of those you know?”

 

Roda gives her an inquisitive look.

 

“I had life threatening problems, war problems, survival problems; but no, no problems of the heart.” Clarke shakes her head from side to side in subconscious emphasis. “And I can’t believe I’m saying this but those other problems seem trivial compared to those of the heart.”

 

The other woman chuckles; patting Clarke’s leg in understanding. “Oh the heart; such a small muscle that carries so much power over us. One that makes us do the bravest things, but also the most senseless ones.”

 

Roda speaks with such conviction that Clarke can only observe her with rapt attention.

 

“Sometimes it helps show our true selves; but other times it acts with absolute selfishness that towers over our heads and makes us act like we never had before, like we were someone else.”

 

Clarke runs a hand over her face in frustration, completely identifying with what Roda is saying. She wasn’t feeling like herself when she fought against Orita, or when she told Lexa to act on her desires; at that moment she was feeling more like a stupid jealous girl who didn’t know how to handle the situation and decided on the first thing that occurred to her in a lame attempt to appear to be in control. She felt like she didn’t know how to handle a relationship; and what is worse, she still feels that way. “Yeah, like someone else.” Clarke sighs with bitterness; realizing there is a lot of things she has to figure out regarding the issue; realizing there is a lot of things both –she and Lexa- need to learn when it comes to matters of love.

 

…

 

It was a breath of fresh air for Lexa to let Adam know about her identity, it made her days in the village a little brighter, despite the remaining tension at home. Of course alone at night she would still sulk with her regrets and guilt; but she tried her best to come up with ways to fix her issues with Clarke. The long conversations with her mother also helped a lot in getting a new perspective of everything. All she can do now is wait for the day when she returns to Polis to face her girl once and for all.

 

…

 

Not that she liked to be bossed around but she named Indra her counselor for a reason; that is how Clarke finds herself coming back from her forced horseback ride in order to relax and clear her mind. She has to admit it was actually a good idea since the air on her face and the trotting of the horse alleviated her stress. 

 

Clarke dismounts the animal effortlessly, gets a hold of the reins and proceeds to take it inside the stable.

 

“Wanheda,” the girl in charge of the stable hurries to greet Clarke midway.

 

“Oh hey uh…” Clarke’s nose crinkles in an effort to remember the girl’s name but she fails. “Hi,” she settles for the simple monosyllabic greeting.

 

“Was your ride pleasant?” The young brunette inquires too eagerly, as she takes the reins from Clarke.

 

“Yeah, actually it was,” Clarke confirms with a polite smile.

 

“I’m glad to hear that.” The girl replies in a more seductive tone, stepping closer to the blonde until she is almost face to face with her.

 

The bold movement stuns Clarke to the point she is left speechless and finds herself at the mercy of the girl.

 

“You’ve been so edgy lately, commander.” The brunette reaches for Clarke's cheek with her hand, letting her palm slide delicately. “I would like nothing more than to ease your anxieties away.” Her words are pointed with a glance straight at Clarke’s lips. 

 

The softness of her touch evokes memories in Clarke; memories of what that hand precisely did to her, of them at the very back of the stable losing themselves in the passion. Clarke can feel her body responding to the imagines and the caresses that go progressively lower; she gulps at the unwelcome warmth spreading through her body. She is starting to lose herself in her own cravings, in the events that transpired not so long ago, in the anger, in the resentment… and it is only when the girl is about to reach her breast that Clarke remembers something else- someone else. “Wait!” She grabs the brunette’s wrist firmly, immobilizing her hand.

 

The stable girl halts, startled by the command.

 

Clarke blinks the visions away, calming down her body enough to give a convincing and categorical reply. “I can’t do this. I have a girlfriend.”

 

“Oh I…” The girl, horrified, retracts her hand like it had been burned; her eyes open wide with panic. “I'm so sorry Wanheda I-I didn’t know…”

 

“Shhh, it’s OK.” Clarke takes the girl’s hand and moves it toward her lips to give it a soothing kiss. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not like it was of public domain.”

 

The girl just looks down ashamed.

 

Taking pity on her poor servant, Clarke indulges in some innocent flirting. “We did have good times huh?” She admits with a smirk, eyeing the girl “so don’t worry, everything is good. Anyone you choose as a partner will be lucky to have you.” She gives a final squeeze to the girl’s hand before letting go carefully.

 

A little more reassured but still embarrassed the girl only nods with a timid smile.

 

Clarke winks at her and turns around leaving the stable as nonchalantly as she can, but once she is outside she exhales forcefully, not believing the situation she just got herself out of. _‘Shit that was close,’_ she shakes her head in disbelief. Clarke really doesn’t know whether to be proud for not succumbing to the temptation or to be ashamed for feeling tempted in the first place. Yet another thing to wreck her head about.

 

…

 

The day to go back has finally arrived and Lexa couldn’t be more anxious. She is already at the gates of her village, where two cars are expecting her. She first hugs her father –who started to treat her normally a few days after their fight.

 

“Take care Strikon.” Malku kisses Lexa’s temple. “We will visit you soon.”

 

“I’ll be waiting for you,” Lexa promises detaching from the man with a smile. She then crouches to the same level as Adam, and embraces him tenderly, “don’t forget pal, keep our secret safe,” she whispers in his ear.

 

“Warrior’s word,” Adam whispers back as they pull apart with conspiratorial smirks.

 

Finally, Lexa stands up to bid farewell to her mother.

 

“Come here,” Jahnisce pulls Lexa toward her enveloping the teen in her arms.

 

Lexa inhales her mother’s familiar smell and feels her throat constrict with emotion, “don’t take too long to come and see me, OK?”

 

“No my yongon, we won’t.” Jahnisce holds Lexa tightly for a while, then pulls back at arm’s length to look at her daughter in the eyes. “Now go and get your girl back; do what you gotta do to gain her graces once again, OK?” She squeezes Lexa’s shoulders as a silent encouragement and finally gives her a kiss on the forehead.

 

“I will.” Lexa lets go of her mother with effort, containing the need to cry.

 

Jahnisce is in a similar state, as she watches her daughter walk away.

 

A guard opens the car door in order for Lexa to climb into the vehicle.

 

Once settled in, Lexa turns back to look through the window at her family, still standing in the same place. She offers a half smile as she waves at them.

 

They wave back at her while the cars begin moving away from them.  

 

Lexa’s eyes instinctively take in the guard tower at the entrance, a place where somebody would have been if it wasn’t for…  Lexa shakes her head, rearranging so she is sitting properly, facing the front. _‘Don’t think about that now, that is in the past; your focus must remain on Clarke and only her.’_ She takes a deep breath trying to relax for the rest of the trip; preparing for what is to come.

 

…

 

Lexa made it to Polis around midnight. She rapidly climbs down from the jeep and gets her bag ready to head to the dorms when she spots Clarke at the main doors of the tower. Lexa was surprised to say the least, never imagining her girlfriend would be waiting for her. She inhales and exhales preparing herself for Clarke’s wrath as she approaches her.

 

“Hey.” Clarke is the first to speak; serious, almost authoritative.

 

“Hi” Lexa greets back doing her best not to avert her eyes from Clarke’s.

 

“You!” Clarke calls at one of the guards. “Take that bag and leave it at the dormitories.” She commands, pointing at Lexa’s bag.

 

“Yes Wanheda.” The man extends his hand and waits for Lexa to hand it to him before bowing and leaving the scene.

 

“Lets go.” Clarke directs and begins walking.

 

Lexa follows her obediently.

 

 They reach the elevator in complete silence but once inside Lexa is surprised once again by a question. “Was your trip back OK?”

 

“Uh yeah it –it was, OK.”

 

“Good.”

 

The elevator stops at the top of the tower and Clarke quickly opens the door for them to disembark.  She walks with strong steps, guiding them to her bedroom. Clarke honestly would prefer to have this conversation in another room in the tower; but she wants the most private place in the building and her room happens to be it, so she had no other choice.  

 

When they make it inside, Lexa stands awkwardly near the entrance; her own remorse making it impossible for her to roam around the place like she did in the past.

 

If Clarke notices this, she doesn’t point it out, simply goes and hangs her coat as she speaks in the process. “Do you need anything? Water, something to eat… a shower?”

 

The sarcastic tone Clarke uses on the last part doesn’t go unnoticed by Lexa. She purses her lips, containing the need to retort, choosing her words carefully. “I don’t need a shower Clarke; it’s not like if…” Lexa stops suddenly when Clarke raises a hand.

 

“Spare me please,” Clarke interjects. “I don’t need the details.”

 

Lexa has to actually bite her tongue to avoid from saying anything.

 

“I just need to know if you have everything sorted out.” Clarke elaborates as she serves herself some water. “If I don’t have to worry every time you go visit your family.”

 

It is pretty obvious what Clarke is referring to; but she's in no way going to allow the blonde to change the facts. “You didn’t have anything to worry about in the first place Clarke; I told you already.” She takes a pause to choose her words wisely, “what happened was… a mistake. ONE mistake …” Lexa makes sure to emphasize the word “…that will never be repeated again.”

 

Clarke drinks from her cup as if unaffected, the only evidence of her pent up anger is how tight she is holding the object.

 

“Besides, if me seeing her again is one of your concerns, you can rest assured that’s not gonna happen any time soon. She left.”

 

“Left?” Clarke asks, hating that she is actually interested “where?”

 

 “I don’t know, she wouldn’t say.” Lexa shrugs feigning indifference, “she just said she wanted to find herself or something like that.”

 

Disappearing for awhile with no direction because you need some clearing of the mind is something Clarke can relate to completely. She turns her back momentarily on Lexa, deep in thought. First Orita challenges her not caring that she’s the commander, defying her even when she was defeated and on the floor and now leaving to go God knows where “to find herself”.

 

Brave, stubborn and a little lost.

 

Clarke can’t help noticing the coincidences, _‘of course Lexa would be attracted to someone like that,’_ she chuckles at the irony, turning once again to face her girlfriend. “Well she must have her reasons and I’m sure they are all valid.” She refrains from announcing out loud the “as long as she stays the hell away from you, I don’t care,” on the tip of her tongue.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure they are,” Lexa lets out with a hint of resentment that Clarke is able to detect.

 

“Are you sure I have nothing to worry about?” Clarke insists, placing her cup on the desk, preparing for the serious talk. “Because I can’t help but notice you have strong feelings toward her.”

 

Before Lexa can actually counteract, Clarke adds.

 

“Lets begin with why you didn’t tell me about her existence; I mean she’s your fucking best friend and you failed to mention her?” Clarke comments freely, not hiding her irritation anymore. “I don’t know about you Lexa, but that seems like a very big red flag to me.”

 

Lexa sighs with the knowledge this is the moment of truth. She ventures a bit more inside, searching for a chair so they can talk comfortably.

 

Clarke stands next to her desk, tensely waiting for a reply.

 

“I’ve been thinking about it these past two weeks, why it was so hard for me to tell you.” Lexa begins analyzing again the events in her head. “I really didn’t understand myself at first to be honest but as I told you before you came here I-I like her Clarke,” she admits with a bit of trepidation but they are here to be frank so she doesn’t stop, “I do like her. I didn’t see it before, or perhaps I chose not to as I was so focused on getting to you…to be with you.” She glances in Clarke’s direction. “I was so determined to get to you that I blinded myself with everything that was around me; perhaps if I had paid more attention, done something about it, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

 

“Or perhaps you would’ve been with her,” Clarke voices with resentment “if you had taken notice of your attraction toward her earlier, maybe you would be in a relationship with her, and not with me.”

 

“That is impossible,” Lexa refutes. “I could have never shared my life with anyone else but you Clarke. I didn’t even want to share my body but…” she closes her eyes; regret painting her features.

 

The incomplete sentence works as a confirmation that it actually happened and it hits Clarke hard. Not that she had any doubts, but to hear it from Lexa herself is almost too much to bear. She crosses her arms subconsciously for protection, and to avoid slamming something down out of pure anger.

 

 “I don’t know what happened…” Lexa shakes her head trying really hard to explain what is going through her mind, “it’s like I was someone else, I was there and I just… acted, I- I don’t remember what I was thinking or if I was actually thinking at all.”

 

And Clarke listens, does her best to be the mature one, to be pragmatic; to put aside her pain for one second to scrutinize the situation, “maybe it wasn’t you?”

 

That gets Lexa’s attention, distracting her momentarily from her laments. She watches Clarke intrigued, expecting her to elaborate.

 

“Maybe it wasn’t really you. It was your body,” Clarke walks toward her bed in deep concentration “you know, the teen girl taking possession over your mind; cause whether we like it or not, you are a teenager Lexa with all that it implies” she ends, sitting down on the mattress.  

 

It makes sense, Lexa has to concede, but she doesn’t want to use that as justification for her actions “that could be right, yes. But also … I don’t know; maybe deep inside I was jealous too… and angry for what I saw at Roans banquet I just… how many women have been in your bed Clarke?” She asks without thinking, regretting it immediately. “Sorry, no I… I understand now; you were lost, you didn’t know I was alive… it’s not my right.”

 

“No I…” Clarke is the one now displaying guilt. “I’m sorry I…”

 

“Stop!” Lexa suddenly interjects startling Clarke. “Just stop apologizing… for everybody, for everything.” Lexa grabs her head frustrated, looking down. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.” She swallows the contained emotions. “All I do is keep hurting you.”

 

Clarke never expected to hear those words coming from Lexa’s mouth, not in the past, not now.  She instinctively holds onto the sheets under her hands in need of grounding.

 

“Since day one of my previous life all I did was hurt you; scared you, threaten you…then I betrayed you.”

 

The last words send Clarke into a spiral of horrible reminiscences, ones she pushed to the back of her mind so many years ago but now rushes back forcefully, haunting her. She looks away from Lexa to avoid her from reading her eyes.

 

Lexa ‘s mind is being taken over by the guilt that has been consuming her, not only for those two weeks but far more; it becomes too much, she has to let it all out  “And now that I came back, when everything was supposed to be better, when I was supposed to better I… I fuck it all up by...” she grunts in frustration. “I don’t know how to deal with this Clarke, these… emotions, these compulsions.” Lexa buries her face in her hands. “I’m so confused and lost and-and I’m dragging you in with me, I’m sorry.”

 

Even when she tries hard to contain it, Clarke can feel her eyes begin to water; her lips tremble with all the emotions pouring out of her. But she doesn’t relent; doesn’t let her guard down; that is until Lexa continues.

 

“Bringing you all this suffering once again, it’s not fair to you, you’ve had enough already; that’s why I…” Lexa gathers her inner courage to express exactly what has been torturing her all this time. “I- think it’s best if we …” she doesn’t get to finish as a loud choking sound from Clarke interrupts her. “Clarke?”

 

The scene is unexpected: Clarke, head down, covers her face with her hands attempting to quiet the sobs erupting deep within her.

 

Lexa freezes on the spot, never occurring to her Clarke would react this way; she imagined her being mad, yelling at the top of her lungs, but not like this. Lexa is so caught off guard that she just remains there, watching her girlfriend cry.

 

And Clarke does so for a good while, shaking from the power of the sobs that she finds difficult to conceal.

 

When Lexa finally stands up to go to Clarke and console her, the blonde stops her advances with one hand in the air.

 

“Don’t” Clarke mumbles “I can’t right now I… just …don’t.”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa barely whispers in a lame attempt to argue.

 

Sniffling, and clearing her throat Clarke enunciates in a raspy voice, “I don’t think I can continue this conversation anymore Lexa; not-not now; I want to be left alone, please” she ends, still with her eyes focused on the floor.

 

Lexa would love to insist on staying and comforting her girl but she can understand Clarke’s renounce and she is not about to push for more than what Clarke is willing to offer. So with a heavy heart she turns away and starts heading for the door. She is about to reach for the doorknob when she hears Clarke utter weakly.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“What?” Lexa spins around, puzzled, wondering if she heard correctly. 

 

Clarke takes a deep breath, lifting her gaze to look Lexa straight in the face before complementing. “Thank you; for making me feel again.” She takes a brief pause to gather her thoughts while Lexa gapes at her confused. Willing to get her point across Clarke continues. “For sixteen years I was dead inside; I felt nothing absolutely nothing, I was hollow. And then out of the blue you come back again and I have all this happiness, anger, fear, sadness, jealousy, desire… love.” Clarke rises from her bed and takes slow steps toward Lexa.

 

The brunette gulps petrified as Clarke approaches her.

 

“But of course it had to be you” Clarke chuckles, already face to face with Lexa. “You always made me feel the best and worst things since the moment I met you; so powerless and powerful, so clueless yet certain, so lost … until I found you.” She reaches for Lexa's cheek, caressing it softly. “So thank you Lexa, even though right now I’m so fucking mad at you, and frustrated, and disgusted.” Clarke leans in to nuzzle Lexa’s nose “… at least I’m feeling… and it’s all because of you.”

 

“Oh Clarke,” Lexa grabs Clarke by the hips, pulling her against her body; needing to feel her closeness.

 

“I don’t know how you did it, but I always had a sense of normality with you; among the chaos of the war and constant death threats, I always craved that normality; I even dreamed about it.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yes,” Clarke replies taking Lexa by the collar. “With you I feel whole, I feel complete; safe, I feel home…my love.”

  
  
Lexa’s heart bursts from the intimate confession; she takes Clarke’s face in her hands, getting lost in her essence and feel of her.  

 

“And I want to be normal; I want my “normal” to be with you.” Clarke murmurs ghosting her lips over Lexa’s “I want to be a regular woman who has a regular relationship… a regular girlfriend…” she indulges in Lexa’s proximity for a second before abruptly pulling apart, “a regular girlfriend who I can’t stand right now.”

 

The action causes Lexa to almost loose her balance. Once she gathers her bearings she stares at Clarke with eyes big and jaw dropping, completely thrown off. “wha…”

 

“I can’t stand the idea of you and her; I can’t even look at you right now!” Clarke shakes her head, nostrils flaring. “I know I told you to do it but- but fuck I was stupid and- and you should have known that!”

 

“I…”

 

“I want to hate you alright? I’m furious and I’m jealous and … I need my normal, I need to hate you like a regular girl who is fucking pissed at her girlfriend, OK?”

 

And Lexa stays put with no idea what to do or what to say.

 

“Get out!” Clarke suddenly exclaims startling Lexa.

 

When Lexa fails to move, Clarke takes her by the arm, drags her the few steps toward the exit and unceremoniously opens the door and kicks Lexa out of her room.

…

 

The last thing Lexa hears is Clarke screaming “and we are not breaking up!” before the door slams behind her.  

 

…

 

As soon as she’s alone, Clarke feels her lungs expand, the air flowing easily in them. She has an unexpected sense of relief that causes her to release a short laugh. _‘What the fuck was that?’_ She questions her own sanity. But whatever it was she has never ever felt this ordinary, this at ease, this… alive. _‘Fucking Lexa’_   she curses bringing a hand to her forehead, loving and hating this foreign sensation of belonging, knowing with absolute certainty that an emotion like this can only be provoked by one person: the love of her life.

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have a tough couple days (courtesy of Raven and Octavia)  
> Lexa and Octavia: round 2. Clarke decides to visit a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After all the stress of the previous chapters I think it’s time we all have a lil break and read a chapter that is more fun and with less tension (a chapter that includes Octavia and Raven tends to be like that) As usual I’ll be happily expecting your comments and if you wanna ask me something or chat with me you can find me at tumblr as Moreorlez.

 

 

 

The day started off slowly for Lexa when she was informed there wasn't going to be any training that morning. She is still very confused and conflicted about what happened with Clarke but the one thing she knows for sure is her girlfriend doesn’t want to see her, so all she can do for now is pass the time and patiently wait for their next meeting.

 

Lexa has breakfast in the not too crowded dining hall; she spots a couple of her fellow young warriors and makes small talk with them until they leave. When she finishes a few minutes later she heads to the exit, already making plans for what she is going to do for the rest of the day when suddenly she comes face to face with two high ranking brunettes.

 

“Ge-general; Miss Reyes” Lexa greets the pair at the threshold. 

 

“Warrior.”

 

“Lexa.”

 

After a brief awkward second of silence and a nod of respect, Lexa moves forward with the intention of leaving the room but instead she finds herself stuck in the middle of both women. At first she thinks it is just an embarrassing accident so she wiggles a bit in an attempt to detach their hold on her. But a glance at both women is enough for her to realize what is actually happening.

 

Octavia and Raven are applying pressure to Lexa’s shoulders which prevents the young brunette from advancing.

 

The action transports Lexa back to the years when she attended community school and happened to witness the small groups of Skygirls who used to bully and belittle anyone who dared to cross them. _‘Apparently what Indra said is true, Skypeople never really change.’_ Lexa concludes in frustration. It takes every ounce of restraint for her not to lash out – because she doesn’t want to disrespect their authorities – she only pushes forward trying to free herself from their hold but just at that exact moment when she is pushing with all her strength, both Raven and Octavia move away causing Lexa to almost fall flat on her face.  

 

“Careful.”

 

“Watch out.”

 

Raven and Octavia quip among mocking giggles as they watch Lexa struggling to remain upright.

 

Completely flustered and irritated, Lexa stomps out of the tower sure more than ever this is going to be a very fucked up week.

 

…

 

After walking around the streets of the city to clear her mind, Lexa heads to the training field to rid the tension from her body and to her surprise she finds Esiry already practicing.

 

“Lexa!” The girl puts her spear down on the floor and sprints to greet her friend with the traditional arm holding. “I didn’t know you were back.”

 

“Yeah, I arrived very late last night and this morning you weren’t in your room; I thought you weren’t in Polis.”

 

“No, no; I just need to wake up earlier every day for my training.” Esiry displays a proud smile before complementing. “The general asked me to be her second.”

 

“Oh wow! Congratulations.” Lexa is surprised by the news, and a little jealous to be honest; there is no one more deserving of that position that herself but she knows Octavia would never have chosen her; given her “special” circumstances– or if Clarke will ever allow it.

 

“Thanks; but how about you? How did it go? How did your parents take it?”  Esiry bombards Lexa with her questions.

 

“Um…” and just like that, Lexa is sadly reminded of her misfortunes.

 

“Whoa, what happened?”

 

…

 

Octavia and Raven are talking animatedly during lunch in the dining hall; where they dragged a disgruntled Clarke along with them to keep her distracted.

 

“Where is that pretty servant of yours?” Raven suddenly asks looking around the place.

 

“Who?” Clarke looks at Raven having no idea who she is referring to.

 

“You know, the one who serves the food here.”

 

“Sava?” Octavia supplies knowingly.

 

“Yeah Sava, where is she?”

 

“She’s at the army’s dining hall now” Octavia offers with a smirk, eying Clarke.

 

Raven gets very curious now. “Why is that?”

 

“Well, you see; Clarke didn’t want anyone here to get her into trouble with the girlfriend.” Octavia wiggles her eyebrows snorting when Clarke huffs.

 

“Huh?” Raven stares at them confused “why would she…” it takes her a few seconds to put things together. “Ooh, OK got it.,” she chuckles at Clarke because she is unable to hide her annoyance.

 

“She gives amazing massages” Octavia informs, “but only Clarke gets the special ones.”

 

Clarke had enough of her friends teasing “would you please stop that.”

 

 It was only when the laughter died down that Raven dared to comment. “Maybe you actually need some of those special massages Clarke.”

 

“Or maybe pay a visit to old friends, like…” Octavia leans closer to Clarke “… Niylah?” She nudges Clarke for effect.

 

“I’m not doing that,” Clarke retorts with indignation “don’t you get it? This is not a fucking game of who sleeps with whom; this is a relationship we are talking about, MY relationship. We just need time and space to figure this shit out.” She raises from her seat not without chancing a glare at her friends, “if you think that’s ever gonna solve anything you are nuts; I know exactly what I’m talking about.” Saying that Clarke storms out of the dining hall.

 

“Hmm,” Octavia resumes her eating, adding in the process, “We have to do something.”

 

Raven eyes her with a brow lifted, “what do you have in mind?”

 

…

 

“LEXA!” Esiry yells all of a sudden. “Why would you do that?!!”

 

“I don’t know.” Lexa moves her head from side to side “I just… it just sort of happened.”

 

“Sort of--- ugh.” Esiry rolls her eyes “that was really fucked Lexa, there is no justification whatsoever, I mean who the fuck is Orita! You never even mentioned her in our conversations, jok!” She exhales in frustration, “if I were the commander I would totally break up with you!”

 

“I know, I know!” Lexa slams a box of daggers and knives onto the floor and covers her face with shame and anger.

 

Esiry was about to continue with her rant but notices that Lexa has started sobbing quietly. She tones down the attitude. “Hey” she puts a hand on Lexa’s shoulder.  "It’s not the end of the world OK? You fucked up big time but you can fix it, right?”

 

Still sniffling Lexa verbalizes, “I don’t even recognize myself anymore,” she looks at her friend. “I was the leader of this nation; I always had a solution for everything, I always knew what to do; but now all I do is make stupid decisions and then cry over them later.”

 

“Oh well.” Esiry exhales and slides closer to Lexa. “You’re not the leader of this nation anymore; you’re not the great Heda who has to save the world Lexa. You’re just a young warrior now; maybe you should stop thinking like Heda and be more like the new you?” She offers but then reconsiders “or maybe you should just take the good parts of her; and use it like a perfect balance, you know?"

 

Lexa grunts her discomfort, “that sounds confusing and exhausting Esiry.”

 

“Yeah,” Esiry pats Lexa’s leg in solidarity before enunciating, “welcome to the new world.”

 

…

 

The subsequent morning, having finished their regular early meeting Octavia announces with a hint of arrogance “OK, now if you excuse me I have to go and meet up with my youngsters; I have the feeling it's gonna be an interesting training day.”  Having said that she begins to walk away when Clarke’s voice alerts her.

 

“Octavia!”

 

The brunette halts and sighs deflated; already expecting Clarke to warn her to be careful with Lexa, so she doesn’t bother to turn around to face Clarke. But what she hears next is completely unexpected.

 

Clarke bites her lip hesitantly before advising. “Just… don’t kill her OK?”

 

Octavia cranes her neck slowly in Clarke’s direction, total incredulity on her features. And when she only sees determination in Clarke’s face she replies with a smirk and a mischievous glint in her eyes, “As you wish Wanheda.”

 

…

 

With Octavia gone, Clarke sits on her throne pensive and a little concerned but she doesn’t get too deep into her thoughts when Indra manages to get her attention.

 

“Since everything regarding the law has been settled and the meeting with the clans is not due until next week, I think this is an appropriate time for you to take a few days off and give your mind some rest.”

 

“Ugh” Clarke complains, “I don’t need time off Indra, I’m fine.”

 

Indra glares at Clarke in her very “that’s bullshit” way of hers.

 

“OK, maybe I’m not fine; but I can manage,” Clarke tries to refute unconvincingly. 

 

“I’m sure.” Indra successfully avoids rolling her eyes to counteract “but I strongly believe you need some time to yourself without the burden of your responsibilities as Heda.”

 

“Indra…”

 

“Perhaps you could go to the ark.” When Clarke cringes, Indra offers instead “or maybe you can visit some friends; like Niylah.”

 

“What…” Clarke jerks her head up toward the woman. “Raven and Octavia are the ones who suggested this, right? Oh my god those bitches! I’m gonna…”

 

“Well Clarke they may have put the idea into my head but that doesn’t mean it’s not true; you do need some time off.”

 

“No!” Clarke stands up while refusing the offer. “I am not gonna take any days off, I’m not gonna cave into this whim of theirs, and you shouldn’t either!”

 

Because of Clarke’s stubbornness, Indra takes another approach. “Look at it this way. At least you wouldn’t have to see Lexa for, lets say, a couple of days.”

 

Clarke pauses and mulls over the idea in her head; it does sound tempting to avoid her young lover for at least one or two days. Besides she could catch up with Niylah and relax in the tranquil woods. “I’ll think about it,” she finally offers without any certainty.

 

“That’s all I ask.” Indra smiles knowing this battle is already won.

 

…

 

Lexa hurries to the training field ten minutes earlier than usual, but of course Octavia and Esiry are already there.

 

“Oh look who’s here, the heartbreaker!” Octavia exclaims sarcastically as Lexa approaches.

 

Esiry averts her eyes from the duo not wanting to take part in the awkwardness that will definitely follow.

 

“General.” Lexa shows her respects, but can’t do anything about the hostility directed at her.

 

Octavia takes advantage of Lexa’s passiveness to carry on with her teasing. “I hope you’re back one hundred percent this time, I mean with all the action you surely got in your village, I’m sure you’re feeling strong and energized” she chuckles with a sneer.

 

Lexa clenches her jaw willing herself not to fall into the provocation, but replying with some boldness nonetheless, “I’m ready to face whatever you put my way, General.”

 

“That’s good to hear,” Octavia smirks. “Now, you two go and warm up!” She orders Lexa and Esiry.

 

The two friends stare at each other, promptly doing exactly what they were told to do.

 

…

 

It was almost the end of the training day and just when Lexa thought she was free from the worst of Octavia, the General calls her over.

 

“Lexa, your turn!”

 

The brunette walks toward her mentor, preparing herself for what is to come.

 

“OK,” Octavia assumes her combat position and begins speaking, “since we are gonna be here for a while, we may as well include some small talk.”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes at the comment but gets into combat position anyways.

 

“Right so” Octavia strikes first, her sword clashing with Lexa’s, “I get it OK. You screwing your little friend cause well, I’ve been your age and she’s kinda hot,” she strikes another blow. “What I don’t understand is why did you go through this experimenting stage just when…” she deflects one of Lexa’s strikes “… you and Clarke are already a thing? I mean couldn’t you have done it before? ”

 

To say Lexa’s temper is getting the best of her is an understatement. She throws another blow, one that Octavia blocks with ease.

 

As they exchange more swings and blows, Octavia continues.

 

“Also, you have to learn to keep your big mouth shut.” When one of Lexa’s brows arc, Octavia elaborates, “like you can’t go and tell your girlfriend that you have the hots for your best friend; I mean, what fucked up level of stupidity is that.”

 

That works into setting Lexa off; she grabs her sword with both hands and strikes Octavia with a hard blow that causes the general to wince. “Maybe you should start minding your own business, Sky-” she pauses, giving her head a soft shake, “General.”

 

Octavia, pleasantly surprised by this response, purposely looks for a way to get Lexa worked up even more. “Sorry for you but Clarke is my friend and I can get into her business if I want,” she snorts at her own choice of words “see what I did there?”  Then taking advantage of Lexa’s pent-up exasperation she adds with malice. “And by the way I could really do that you know? Get into her business and all…”

 

Even though Lexa is one hundred percent sure Octavia’s words are only meant to aggravate her, she can’t help react to them. She strides toward her mentor and attacks her with a series of repetitive blows.

 

“There you are!” Octavia laughs, making good use of her deflecting and protection techniques-because in this case, she really needs them. “Is that all you’ve got?”

 

Hearing the phrase, causes a switch in Lexa’s expression, a different glint in her eyes; one that Octavia is able to perceive. Unfortunately that didn’t give her the necessary time to react since Lexa –with her characteristic hard swipe- knocks Octavia’s sword to the ground.

 

The training field becomes silent as all the young warriors have their eyes glued to the two women.

 

Octavia, not letting her guard down, looks around for something she can use instead of her lost sword. She spots a spear resting against a pile of sacks.

 

Lexa follows Octavia’s line of view and immediately advances in order to try and stop Octavia but the short brunette reacts quickly and reaches for the object in a blink of an eye.

 

“Come here” Octavia taunts, swinging the spear skillfully; measuring every step Lexa makes as she walks around her.

 

Suddenly Octavia strikes, but Lexa is ready to deflect the attack; which she does several times as Octavia keeps whacking at her.

 

At some point they find themselves face to face, struggling with their weapons, trying to push each other away.

 

“No offense General.” Lexa says with a bit of effort, applying pressure as Octavia attempts to push her.  “But you’re fighting like a Skybaby.”

 

Now Octavia is the one who flips out.  She growls furiously and in an extraordinary display of ability twists her spear in such a way that it hits Lexa’s hand forcing her to drop her sword.

 

Unarmed, Lexa carefully takes two steps backwards, remembering exactly what Octavia can do with that weapon.

 

As expected Octavia launches against her, the tip of the spear scratching Lexa’s arms and sides. But unlike the last time they found themselves in the same situation, Lexa has no concerns or reservations.

 

At one of Octavia’s particular strikes, Lexa grabs the staff of the weapon and yanks it out of Octavia’s hand; the force of the action sending the spear flying to the ground.

 

“Oh you want it this way huh?” Octavia raises her fists in defensive mode, “lets see if you can do more with your hands than just fuck blondies.”

 

“Argh!” Lexa directs a punch at Octavia’s face but she ducks it effortlessly.

 

Octavia responds in kind, throwing her own jabs and protecting herself from Lexa’s.

 

In just one microsecond of distraction, Lexa clutches Octavia’s fist and spins her around, wrapping her arm around the General’s neck.

 

But of course that position is not enough to keep Octavia immobilized for too long. She bends over, gets a hold of Lexa’s arm and forcefully lifts Lexa into the air.

 

Lexa falls flat on her back with a loud thud, her head hitting the floor. She winces but doesn’t have too much time to complain as Octavia is pressing down on Lexa’s throat with her foot.

 

“Hurts?” Octavia asks sardonically but her fun doesn’t last because Lexa manages to twist her legs and drag the General to the ground.

 

From that point on they become a mass of limbs pulling, scratching and punching each other at every opportunity.

 

The young warriors don’t even dare to move from their spots in fear of missing a single detail of the confrontation.

 

The women roll around several times until Lexa gains the advantage and straddles Octavia’s waist. She reaches for the practice dagger in her belt.

 

“Oh no, you don’t.” Octavia frees her legs, enveloping Lexa’s neck with them.

 

The task of trying to grasp at her dagger becomes difficult for Lexa since strong legs are strangling her. She closes her eyes and concentrates on getting the necessary strength needed to do something. Finally she gets a firm grip of the object and aims the dagger at Octavia’s head.

 

The General grabs Lexa by the wrist with both her hands; the plastic blade almost poking her nose.

 

They stare at each other, breathing heavily, Lexa pressing forward, Octavia pushing to the side; both struggling for dominance.

 

Ultimately it is Octavia who wins the struggle, slamming Lexa’s hand down.

 

Lexa disentangles herself from Octavia’s legs, immediately searching for her weapon.

 

 Octavia rolls over to the other side as fast as she can to avoid Lexa’s come back.

 

Already in her hand, Lexa sinks the dagger centimeters away from Octavia’s head into the dirt as she keeps rolling away. “Damn It.” Lexa has had enough. She jumps on top of Octavia tackling her on the ground.

 

Caught off guard Octavia rotates on her back, elbowing Lexa off her, ready to fight back but she doesn’t even get a chance to see Lexa’s face.

 

The blade of the plastic dagger retracts right in the middle of Octavia’s forehead, spewing out the red substance it contains.

 

A choral gasp is heard in the previously silent practice field.

 

“Dead!!” Lexa states proudly as she watches the red ink slipping down Octavia’s forehead onto her face.

 

Octavia is in shock for a second or two at the unexpected turn of events; but then just like that, her face breaks out into a devilish grin. When Lexa stares at her in confusion, Octavia remarks with utmost pleasure, “you’re dead too.”

 

At that same instant, Lexa feels something cold running down her neck, she looks down and notices a practice dagger is also on her throat, red ink slipping down the front of her chest.

 

“YEAH!!!”

 

“WOO HOO!!!”

 

The young warriors scream, clap, jump; they can’t believe what they just witnessed.

 

And Lexa is just as incredulous as them. She watches dumbfounded as Octavia stands up and offers her hand to help Lexa up. Lexa accepts the gesture with no hesitation.

 

It is only now that Lexa becomes aware that Octavia is no longer the insolent teen she met sixteen years ago – despite her questionable behavior sometimes. Octavia has become one of the best warriors in the nation; capable of matching her abilities, if not probably defeating her – if she is honest with herself - and the realization makes her oddly proud. _‘Who knew the Skygirl would become this courageous leader, this strong woman who could make the sturdiest warriors fear for their lives.’_ Lexa ponders, extending her arm in Octavia’s direction, stating with utmost respect, “It was a great fight, General.”

 

Octavia takes Lexa’s arm and shakes it firmly fixing her eyes on hers, before expelling with certainty. “It’s Octavia for you.”

 

Both warriors smile at each other in silent recognition of their proven equivalence.

 

…

 

Later that day, Raven helps Clarke get ready for her trip to visit Niylah. She carefully chooses the best clothes she can find in Clarke’s closet, convinces her to let her hair hang down loosely and even sprays perfume in well placed spots.

 

“I’m not sleeping with her Raven,” Clarke assures somewhat annoyed.

 

“Yeah.” Raven replies now fixing Clarke’s collar. “You know that; I know that… but Lexa doesn’t.” She lifts her brows in complicity. “Give her a taste of her own medicine; it can’t be that bad, right?”

 

Clarke sighs and scratches the back of her neck nervously. She contemplates, wavers but eventually agrees. “Yeah I guess.”

 

“Good girl!” Raven steps back to admire her work “OK, you’re ready.”

 

At that moment Octavia makes her appearance. “Hi bitches.”

 

Both Raven and Clarke turn towards her and gasp at the state that Octavia is in.

 

All color has drained from Clarke’s face; but before she can even utter a single word Octavia supplies.

 

“She’s fine.” 

 

Clarke’s shoulders visibly relax at the words; she tries to play it cool but it is painfully obvious how much she cares for Lexa.

 

“Where are you going?” Octavia questions, willing to change the mood.

 

“She’s going to visit Niylah” Raven wiggles her eyebrows.

 

“Oh fuck no way!”

 

“I’m not…” Clarke grunts, tired of her friend's scorn. “Whatever, lets go,” she walks out of her room, followed closely by the pair.

 

…

 

“You have nothing to worry about, if something happens I will let you know,” Indra assures just outside the gates of the tower.

 

“OK.” Clarke, already mounted on the horse, nods her acceptance.  “I’ll see you in a couple days.” Saying that she pulls on the reins to get the horse to start trotting.

 

“Take care!”

 

“Have fun!”

 

Raven and Octavia wave Clarke goodbye and giggle when the blonde rolls her eyes and rides away.

 

Exactly thirty seconds after Clarke departs, Indra makes a motion with her head.

 

An entire squad displayed on cars, horseback, and on foot begin to follow Clarke from different angles.

 

“Do you think she’s gonna…?” Octavia lets the question linger in the air.

 

Raven shrugs, honestly having no answer for that query.

 

…

 

Already at a respectful distance and trotting securely on a well-known path; Clarke wonders if this is a good idea after all.

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke reflects on her life in the company of Niylah…and someone else.  
> Lexa learns about Clarke’s whereabouts. She gets advice from an unexpected source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m here again bringing you a chilling chapter that will lead the way to reunite our girls. Thank you to my faithful readers for supporting me and sticking with me through thick and thin! I must let you know that you are my constant encouragement and a very important factor in continuing this fic! And to the new ones WELCOME TO THE TRIP! I know is not rainbows and butterflies but I’m glad you decided to stay and enjoy the story as it is. Don’t forget to leave a comment to make my day brighter and help me work with more passion.  
> Ps. Thank you Roxy50 for being such a patient and awesome beta I really don’t know what I’d do without you!

 

 

 

It’s already dark when Clarke reaches the end of her journey. She halts her horse to admire the group of cottages that now form part of Niylah’s property. It is still hard for Clarke to believe that Niylah’s trading post has also been transformed into a temporary accommodation for travelers; and it fills her with immense joy to have been part of that achievement.  She dismounts her horse and leads it to the large cottage that currently is Niylah’s trading post. With the horse securely tied up she enters the premises, finding a couple looking around.

 

“Wanheda,” the man bows once Clarke has removed her hood.

 

“Commander,” the woman bows too. 

 

“Good evening” Clarke greets, stepping inside. “Carry on with your business, don’t mind me” she pretty much orders.

 

The couple obeys immediately and resumes their previous activities.

 

Seconds later Niylah emerges from the back. “You’re in luck I found…” she looks up making eye contact with Clarke; instantly a smile illuminates her face. “Wanheda.”

 

Clarke acknowledges her by nodding, hiding a grin.

 

Niylah proceeds to finish attending to the travelers while Clarke entertains herself by looking at the different articles on the wall.

 

“To what do I owe the honor of your visit commander?” Niylah teasingly questions a few moments later as she closes the door of the shop.

 

“What? Can’t anyone just come and visit friends anymore?” Clarke asks sarcastically.

 

Niylah shakes her head and chuckles.

 

“And where is Nina?” Clarke asks for good measure.

 

 “She’s sleeping, don’t worry.” Niylah signals for Clarke to follow her into her living quarters.  

 

As customary, Clarke sits at the table silently waiting as Niylah makes tea for the both of them.

 

It doesn’t take long for Niylah to place two cups of the hot liquid in front of each other as she sits down. She quietly waits for Clarke to grab the cup and take a sip of the tea before making an observation. “So, does your long lost love have to come back from the dead for you to pay me a visit?”

 

 Clarke chokes at the unexpected words.

 

Niylah laughs out loud and hands Clarke a napkin.

 

Already cleaned up and trying to save what’s left of her dignity Clarke remarks, “I see rumors travel fast?”

 

“They were rumors until you confirmed them just now.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes embarrassed at her own involuntary admission.

 

“It is her huh?”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke can’t contain the sly smile adorning her face but just as fast as it appeared, it vanishes.

 

The change of expression doesn’t go unnoticed by Niylah “OK… I got a feeling there’s a lot I have missed.”

 

…

 

 Three more cups of tea and a long elaborated explanation on Clarke’s part and Niylah has a good summary of everything that has transpired since Lexa's reappearance.

 

“Wow.” Niylah is genuinely impressed by all she just heard “and what do you have in mind? What are you gonna do?”

 

“Ugh, I don’t know?” Clarke grunts, throwing her head back in frustration. “I just needed to get away, to get a new perspective, to breathe or… whatever.”

 

“OK, OK” Niylah concedes knowing Clarke needs time to figure things out herself. “I think it’s best if you rest now, we can continue tomorrow.” She stands up extending her hand for Clarke to take, “c’mon wanheda I'm taking you to your room.”

 

Clarke takes the hand offered and lets Niylah guide her to the cottage that is always reserved for her on Niylah’s property.

 

...

 

Around noon Indra returns to the tower after checking on the army, when Lexa intercepts her.

 

“Hi,” Lexa waves at the woman.

 

“Lexa!” Indra grins, genuinely happy to see the girl. “How you’ve been doing?”

 

“I’m OK I guess… could be better” Lexa shrugs; sure Indra would get her meaning.

 

“Right.” Indra nods uncomfortably; never one who enjoys discussing someone else's private life. 

 

When Indra doesn’t comment further Lexa starts, trying to sound casual “so… how’s Clarke doing?”

 

Indra kind of expected that question, so the answer comes naturally to her “just like you, she’s coping.”

 

Lexa bites her lip, hesitating to ask her next query “and…do you think she may have some time to talk to me; I promise not to take up too much of her time,” she sounds expectant.

 

“I’m afraid that isn't possible, she’s not currently in Polis.” It is Indra’s simple reply.

 

“What? Where did she go?” Lexa questions, concerned and a little hurt that Clarke failed to notify her about her departure.

 

“She’s taking some time off under my advice.”

 

“She went to Arkadia? For how long?”

 

Indra is not really required to answer that question –to Lexa or anyone else for that matter- but she respects Lexa enough to give her a response. “She’s not in Arkadia; she went to visit a friend.”

 

It sounds odd to Lexa to hear the word friend not involving Arkadia. As far as she is concerned all Clarke’s friends are located there and from what she could gather in prior conversations, Clarke maintains a relationship of respect with her acquaintances, not exactly one of friendship. Lexa is curious. “Who’s this friend of hers?”

 

 Again, Indra can’t find in herself to hide information from Lexa or doesn’t see it as a necessity. “Her name is Niylah of Trikru, she and Clarke have known each other for a long time now, they are still good friends.”

 

“Niylah?” Lexa’s mind becomes messy trying to evoke a memory, the name sounding familiar.

 

Taking notice of this Indra supplies, “she still runs a trading post, if that helps.”

 

And it does help.

 

Lexa’s eyes grow big remembering clearly Roan’s annoyingly mocking face as he elaborated on how he captured Clarke when Lexa went to his chambers to interrogate him. 

 

_“After that all I had to do was to wait for her to come out of her new friend’s tent; and lets just say she did make me wait … a lot.”_

 

At that moment Lexa did not react, never willing to give away anything to her enemies. But she certainly did once she was in the privacy of her bedroom; imagining with bitterness what may have taken place between Clarke and Niylah.

 

“Where is her trading post?” Lexa demands, her face already twisting with anger.

 

“Lexa,” Indra sighs. “I can’t tell you that.”

 

“Where…” Lexa grunts. “You know what? Forget it; I can find it myself.” She spins around, one purpose in mind.

 

“You are not going anywhere warrior!”

 

Indra’s commanding voice stops Lexa’s advances at once.

 

 “You can’t disturb the commander during her mandatory rest.” Indra comes close to Lexa in full authoritative mode. “If you dare, I will have no other choice than to accuse you of insubordination.”

 

Lexa turns around slowly to face the woman. “I need to see her Indra, I need to talk to her.”

 

“And you will,” Indra supplies calmly, “when she returns from her trip.”

 

“No!” Lexa desperately exclaims. “I have to talk to her as soon as possible, before she…” Lexa pauses unable to finish the thought.

 

Taking on a more understanding stance, Indra states “whatever you are thinking Lexa, it's not going to happen.”

 

“How do you even know?!” The desperation in Lexa’s voice is evident. “She’s there alone with that woman and…” she stops when another detail pops up in her mind, “and you are the one who sent her there! You sent her to…”

 

“I sent her there to clear her thoughts and to regain her confidence.”

 

Lexa only stares at her with a frown which prompts Indra to elaborate.

 

“Clarke currently is not in the right frame of mind; she’s full of insecurities and doubts. I can’t allow the commander to question her own judgment; as her counselor it's my job to ensure she’s at her best and I will do whatever I consider pertinent to achieve that goal.”

 

“So you sent her to fuck the trading post girl!?! Is that how you think she will recover her confidence?” Lexa accuses with jealousy.

 

“She’s not going to do that,” Indra insists. “Clarke can be stubborn and can sometimes make rush decisions; but she’s also very smart and good at making the right call. Lately with everything that’s been going on with you she’s lost track of her assurance; she only needs a little push to remember how good of a leader she is; a necessary test that will bring her back to her normal self,” she ends in a definitive attitude.

 

“What are you saying Indra?” Lexa mutters through gritted teeth, the phrasing in Indra’s explanation really getting to her on a personal level. “That Clarke is being weak? That I’m her weakness?... that love is a weakness?”

 

Having already learned the lesson regarding the subject, Indra expresses confidently “no, love is not weakness, it is actually the strongest motivation a human being can have to continue fighting; but it can certainly be a distraction if you don’t know how to handle it. And you and Clarke have found yourselves in some sort of predicament that will only get resolved if you both take some time to think and calm down and then talk; an open and sincere conversation in which you two have to reveal all. Clarke and you may be meant for each other but that doesn’t mean you have to take it easy; to achieve great things you have to fight for it, earn it. I don’t think I have to remind you of that, you know that already.”

 

Lexa wants to fight every single argument Indra just presented but even in her current state of mind she has to admit everything she just said made sense. But it's not enough to ease her insecurities “what if she…”

 

“I have faith in her” Indra emphatically voices, taking hold of Lexa’s shoulder with one hand. “Do you?”

 

The question lingers in Lexa’s head as Indra gives her a gentle squeeze and lets go, leaving her alone with her qualms.

 

…

 

“But you told her to do it.” Niylah reasons as she finishes serving lunch.

 

“I know! And I actually meant it, I swear!” Clarke rebuts from her chair. “I don’t even fu--effing know why I’m so mad really!” she gets momentarily distracted when someone tries to climb up on her lap. “You wanna sit with me?” She looks down at the tiny intruder.

 

“Yes!” Nina -Niylah’s three year old- speaks, already extending her little arms up.

 

“There you go.” Clarke sits the little girl on her lap. She smiles as she watches Nina sampling some of her food; the last topic briefly forgotten. “Next week is her checkup?” She thinks out loud.

 

“Yeah. She’s been doing great though; I don’t think there will be anything new,” Niylah shrugs as she puts her plate on the table.

 

Clarke considers something silently for a few seconds, and then seems to reach an internal consensus. “You should come with me to Polis, it would be safer and you can keep me company on my way back,” she persuades. “You can take the car back the same night after her checkup, if you want.”

 

Niylah eyes Clarke suspiciously but decides to let it pass for the time being. “OK” she agrees, “sounds good.”

 

“Great.” Clarke smiles but looks away, sure that Niylah has seen through her little scheme.

 

After that both carry on eating and discussing other topics.

 

…

 

Still somehow disturbed by Indra’s last remark Lexa goes to the clinic to have her healing wounds checked on; but just two steps inside she comes across Raven, who is busying herself with a medical device.

 

“Miss Reyes”. She greets respectfully yet resentful and cautious. 

 

Raven, having taken notice of Lexa, lets out a long exhale and leaves the electronic device in her hands on the desk to one side. “Hey” she returns the greeting and stands up to get closer to Lexa. “And it’s just Raven,” she clarifies in a friendly tone.

 

Lexa is taken aback by the courtesy but responds in kind “oh OK, Raven.”

 

The other brunette offers a smile, looks around to make sure nobody is listening and starts speaking “you know, about what happened the other day; it’s nothing personal really. Me and Octavia are very protective of Clarke, we care about her and we would give the same treatment to anyone who dares to hurt her, believe me it has nothing to do with you personally.”

 

Hurt; a word that cuts deep into Lexa’s feelings. _“I hurt her and mistrust her, what a great girlfriend I am.” S_ he shakes her head to get out of her inner laments and replies “it’s OK, I understand; you are her friends. I actually feel relieved that Clarke has good friends like you that will always have her back.”

 

Lexa’s admission sounds sincere to Raven “it’s cool; she would do the same for us”. Then feeling confident with Lexa’s good disposition she ventures with some advice. “You know? Clarke is a good hearted woman, a forgiver; she forgave all of us when we didn’t trust her, she forgave Bellamy after going into that stupid killing spree.”

 

The name of the man –one she hadn’t heard of in so long- causes her to harden her face but other than that she doesn’t do much than to listen to the other woman.

 

“She even forgave her mother for basically murdering her dad for Christ sake!” Raven exclaims in disbelief but restates her speech “well, my point is she’s going to forgive you… like she has done many many times before.” She lifts one brow at Lexa who just ducks her head with guilt. “You just have to prove you are worth the effort Lexa; I mean yeah your love kinda defies the limits of life and death but, that doesn’t mean you have to stop giving your best for your relationship.”

 

It’s so infuriating and sad at the same time for Lexa, that even with her previous knowledge and her past life experiences she actually doesn’t know much about fighting for a relationship. _“So much more complicated than war,”_ she contemplates quietly.

 

Noticing the dishearten expression on the young brunette, Raven suggests, “just talk to her, tell her what’s on your mind; do things for her nobody has ever done, romantic shit and stuff” she leans into Lexa’s ear to complement. “She may be the commander but she’s still a woman.”  She pats Lexa’s back.

 

That brings a new sense of hope in Lexa “Thank you Raven” she expresses honestly.

 

“Any time.” Ravens nods, “and remember whatever you do, do it for the both of you” with that she winks and goes back to her work.

 

Oddly enough Lexa doesn’t feel as bad as she was before this conversation and that good sensation fills her with renewed energy to deal with her issues with Clarke.

 

…

 

Nature and the tranquility it brings has always helped Clarke to dissipate whatever is troubling her. She leans against a tree as she enjoys the peacefulness of the area.

 

“There you are.” Niylah makes her appearance, taking a seat next to Clarke.

 

Clarke barely has time to prepare for whatever is to come when the other blonde asks.

 

“Why are you here Clarke?”

 

“Straight to the point.” Clarke chuckles liking very much Niylah’s straightforwardness; but that doesn’t mean she has an answer. “I just… I wanted to…” she sighs “I’m not even sure anymore.”

 

“Hmm,” Niylah hums analyzing the situation. “Did you want revenge?”

 

Clarke closes her eyes and gulps guiltily, but doesn’t dare lie to her friend, “maybe.”

 

“But you changed your mind.” Niylah presses on wanting to get to the bottom of Clarke’s inner concerns.

 

This time Clarke can only nod her affirmation.

 

“You want her to be jealous. That’s why you invited me to come to Polis with you, right?”

 

It is never gonna stop amazing Clarke how easily Niylah can read her, to anticipate her next move. All those years sharing a bed occasionally but most of all, conversing, has proven to be a good way to get to know each other in ways she couldn't have imagined. She feels lucky at the moment, that this woman is her friend and not her enemy; she would certainly be in trouble if that was the case.

 

“I…” Clarke tries to justify herself, to explain but Niylah interrupts her.

 

“You should just talk to her Clarke; go back to her. I do get that you are mad but pushing her away is not gonna help.”

 

“I know.” Clarke concedes with a lack of enthusiasm.

 

“You are a great leader Clarke, the best commander we’ve ever had.” Niylah turns to face the blonde. “You grabbed a hold of this world in your hands, fought for it and saved us; you are a hero, but most of all you are a great human being.”

 

Niylah’s words pierce into Clarke’s soul, but she holds back her emotions; she limits herself to listening to her friend.

 

“The spirits saw the goodness in your heart and decided to give back the love you thought you had lost. I don’t think many people can say that now, can they?” Niylah smiles sympathetically as she cautiously warns, “you don’t wanna go and waste a gift like that huh?”

 

“Never,” Clarke states firmly as she grabs Niylah’s hand, knowing she has indeed been blessed with a gift unheard of, a chance to rebuild her life –a life that doesn't necessarily have to be perfect, but it can be perfect for her, “thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” The kind look on Niylah’s face suddenly morphs into one of mischief which perks Clarke’s attention immediately. “So…” Niylah begins “while I do support your happiness and you getting back together with your girl; I wouldn’t mind giving her a small… reprimand; you know, so she learns not to mess up with the great Wanheda.”

 

Clarke is stupefied for a couple of seconds but then she bursts into laughter at the silliness of the proposition.

 

Oh, she definitely is going to take Niylah’s word for it.

 

…

 

Thanks to Indra, Lexa knows the exact time Clarke is expected back. She nervously paces around the tower, rehearsing in her head the words she wants to say once Clarke is in front of her. She is actually very optimistic now, seeing everything in a different light and more than ready to unveil her heart to her love.

 

A few minutes later, the vehicles that typically accompany Clarke whenever she leaves Polis, stop in front of the doors of the tower.

 

Lexa adjusts her clothes and takes a deep breath and makes sure she looks presentable and assertive for Clarke. She watches as the guards open the door for her and how she steps out of the car. But just when Lexa is about to approach the woman, she notices how Clarke reaches back into the car to apparently retrieve something from inside. _“What is she… a child?”_ Lexa is confused as to why Clarke would be holding a little kid in her arms but her curiosity becomes dreadful when she sees someone else leaving the vehicle too. “Niylah?” is the only thing she manages to mumble as a cold shiver runs down her spine at the vision of Clarke, Niylah and the child together… looking like a very happy family.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa deals with Clarke and her visitors. Lexa vs Niylah. Clarke and Lexa finally talk.

 

 

 

 

It is certainly a slap on the face for Lexa; seeing Clarke guide Niylah to the entrance of the tower while she holds the little girl in one arm; so confident, so proud. She feels a familiar burning in her chest; of jealousy, of rage. A sudden urge to stomp towards Clarke overtakes her; to demand an explanation, to say something but after quick consideration she decides against it. _‘You can’t talk to her in this state Lexa, it’s not right.’_ She concludes, with hands balled into fists at her sides. Lexa observes the scene for a few more seconds until she forces herself out of the stupor; immediately moving away taking advantage of the fact that Clarke didn’t notice her presence. _‘OK you need to calm down.’_ Lexa leans against the wall and takes long deep breaths. _‘It’s not what you are thinking, Clarke would never do that to you, you must trust her.’_ She crouches down willing the bad thoughts to go away.

 

…

 

Clarke exchanges brief salutations with Indra and speedily walks with them to the dining hall wanting Nina to have breakfast as soon as possible.

 

She was so preoccupied in tending to Nina and Niylah for the rest of the meal that it came as a big surprise when minutes later Lexa suddenly appears.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa greets taking a firm stand from across the table. “Ma’am,” she addresses Niylah respectfully.

 

With the momentary shock out of the way Clarke’s expression hardens. “Lexa,” her voice is dry and serious; but a well-aimed kick in the shin forces her to drop the attitude, “hey-hi” she replies more relaxed, sending a sidelong glance in Niylah’s direction. 

 

“Hello Lexa, it’s really an honor to meet you.” Niylah’s words are accompanied by a smile and a look of admiration.

 

Lexa squints with suspicion at the woman’s words, but when she is able to read the honesty in them, she simply nods and accepts the compliment.

 

The brief moment of silent tension that followed the exchange is fortunately interrupted by a servant. “Wanheda,” the girl starts, “do you want the cake to be served now?”

 

“CAKE!” Nina jumps from Clarke’s lap and runs toward the kitchen in the dining hall.

 

“Nina!” Niylah attempts to catch the little girl but it is too late; she can only watch helplessly as her daughter disappears behind the kitchen doors.

 

“You can serve the cake now,” Clarke requests while smirking at the servant.

 

The girl giggles and shakes her head. “I’ll bring her too, don’t worry” she assures both women, heading to the kitchen to do as she was told.

 

“Ugh” Niylah grunts exasperated “I swear it’s the damn skyblood.”

 

Clarke chuckles; always finding it funny when Niylah complains about the other half of Nina’s DNA. Her mirth is abruptly cut off though when she takes in Lexa’s face of intrigue and mild concern. “What?” She questions with a brow lifted, “She’s not mine, I swear” Clarke adds with sarcasm.

 

Niylah snorts and puts a hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter.

 

Lexa sends a death glare at Clarke not liking one bit to be mocked around, but as her girlfriend remains impassive and slightly amused, she moves on with the topic that brought her there in the first place. “Clarke uh…” She eyes Niylah briefly before continuing. “I’m aware you are busy at the moment and I don’t wanna take up too much of your time, I just wanted to know when you would be available.” Lexa pauses, her eyes showing more than her words could, “I really want to talk to you.”

 

There’s no need of another kick under the table for Clarke to soften her guarded stance. “Oh um…” she gulps losing herself in tender green eyes, “I-I want to talk to you too.”

 

Both stare at each other silently.

 

Niylah switches glances from Clarke to Lexa not sure if to smile or roll her eyes at the display.

 

Clarke is the one to break the spell first “so uh… I think tonight we could talk… or something.”

 

“OK, OK” Lexa nods rapidly containing a sly smile. “Then I’ll see you tonight. Ma’am,” taking it as a small victory she marches out but not before paying her respects to both women.

 

As Clarke keeps her eyes glued to the retreating figure of her young girlfriend, Niylah takes the opportunity to make a comment. “I see someone is trying.” 

 

A deep long sigh is the only answer Clarke gives.

 

“I guess it is your turn now,” Niylah offers with a pointed look.

 

There’s no time to expand on the topic for the time being as the servant comes out with dessert in one hand and a very eager kid in the other.

 

However, Clarke keeps the words of her friend very present in her mind for the duration of their meal.

 

…

 

Lexa is forced to visit the clinic yet again as she got a bit carried away during her private training session. What she wasn’t expecting though is to find Niylah at the entrance.

 

Niylah absentmindedly looks up, coming face to face with Lexa. “Oh hello again,” she greets awkwardly.

 

“Hi,” is Lexa’s short reply. She automatically assumes a defensive position, staring at the woman intently, studying her.

 

Not sure how to take Lexa’s scrutiny Niylah attempts to explain in order to ease the tension. “Nina gets fussy when I’m with her; she behaves better when she’s with… Clarke,” she falters at the mention of the name under Lexa’s intense gaze. When Lexa doesn’t respond after a few seconds Niylah blurts out, “you’re not gonna challenge me are you?” She chuckles nervously, “because I’m actually out of practice using the sword; I never was good at combat anyway and besides Clarke is about to rule challenges as illegal… thought you should know that,” she ends half-joking, half serious.

 

“Were you and Clarke in a relationship?” Lexa asks all of a sudden giving the conversation a whole new level of enmity. She is not sure what has gotten into her to ask this but she is not willing to miss the opportunity; she really needs to know… from the source itself.

 

Niylah is certainly a bit concerned about Lexa’s reaction but she is in no way going to allow anyone to intrude in her personal affairs. “Shouldn’t you be asking your girlfriend?” She tries to sound polite but firm.

 

“Yes.” Lexa concedes and counteracts, “but there’s always two sides of a story.”

 

The argument is valid; Niylah has to admit. “Alright then.” That is what prompts her to give an honest reply. "No, me and Clarke have never been in a relationship. It was always just sex; comfort sex so to speak. I’m sure you understand what I’m talking about.”

 

Lexa’s jaw twists like it always does when she is containing her anger, but she doesn’t let it get in the way of her pursuit of information. “I see Clarke has shared more than her body with you.” She manages to make it sound as an accusation.

 

“Yeah well, we are also friends.” Niylah says with tranquility. “Whenever she’s troubled I listen, and she listens to me too; we rely on each other.”

 

_‘Friends,’_ the word comes easily from the woman’s lips but Lexa hears something else behind its meaning; and she can’t help voicing her discovery. “You’re in love with her,” it is an asseveration not a question.

 

Niylah barely conceals a flinch at the affirmation, having been completely caught off guard. Truth be told she never actually pondered about it too much, always avoiding complicating the already ambiguous relationship she maintained with Clarke; but now that it is out in the open she doesn’t see the need to refrain from talking about it. “Would it be too unheard of, if I was?” It’s the straight forward response.

 

Lexa scowls and gulps at the admission.

 

Of course it is not unheard of. Clarke is a beautiful strong woman who is very smart and interesting; actually those are the features that made Lexa fall in love with her in the first place, but that is not her concern right now. What is getting her anxious is the possibility of Clarke having feelings for this woman, “a friend” who she is very close to, one she has shared her darkest thoughts with, her fears and probably her most intimate dreams. This definitely must have united them; created a deep connection she and Clarke are just starting to reach. _‘What if I can’t fix my mistake? What if I can’t provide Clarke with what her heart needs? What if she gets tired of me and goes once again for comfort with Niylah?’_ All of Lexa’s worst fears flash in front of her eyes, but before she can be completely immersed by them Niylah’s voice brings her back to reality.

 

“My feelings for Clarke are not really of any importance here Lexa, what matters is what she feels for you; and she loves you.” Niylah states. “What does it matter if she offered me or other girls her body when you’ve had a hold of her heart and soul for all these years?” Then she rephrases what she said to Clarke a couple of days ago, “If I were you I wouldn’t be wasting my time on things that are not there, but enjoying the spirit’s offering. I’m not an authority on spirituality but I’m pretty certain things as special as this, don’t happen twice.”

 

Even if she hates to admit it Lexa knows everything Niylah said makes sense. How could she dare doubt her destiny? How could she possibly question the opportunity the spirits gave her to rebuild her life along with Clarke? She feels ashamed of herself for even thinking they would bring her back only to take her love away from her. Lexa sets her laments aside and clears her throat to direct some words to the woman in front of her. “I appreciate your forthrightness. I can surely see why Clarke has put her trust in you.” Having said that she extents her arm to Niylah, “I wish you good luck in your endeavors and good health to your child.”

 

Surprised but not numb by the gesture Niylah takes the arm offered in a solid arm shake, giving a sly smile of recognition.

 

Pulling away, Lexa nods respectfully and walks inside the clinic.

 

…

 

Lexa, feeling better with herself after clearing her doubts with Niylah, goes in search of the healer who has been following her recovery. She is looking around in the hallways for this person when a familiar tune in an even more familiar voice catches her attention. Lexa pokes her head into the room where the source of the sound is coming from and stops dead in her tracks at the view in front of her.

 

Clarke sitting on a chair, with Nina on her lap; engrossed in a solemn singing session.

 

…Oso kik raun;

Ogeda, soulou

Ai laik yu gona;

Ai na get raun, you

 

Yumi na teik;

Won sonraun au?

Ai keryon gyon op;

Ai keryon g’ breik au

 

Instinctively, Clarke lifts her gaze, her eyes locking inevitably with Lexa’s.

 

Both stare at each other as Clarke and Nina continue with the chanting. Memories of what transpired sixteen years ago while listening to that same song starts flowing through their minds.

 

How Clarke bowed to Lexa in a promise of unity and submission at the summit in front of the representatives of the twelve clans; and  later how privately Lexa bowed to Clarke in a promise of fealty, of never ever betraying her again; an unspoken commitment of love.

 

Lexa’s throat constricts at the recollection; the promise fresh in her brain. She vows to herself to never forget it again, not even for one second.

 

Almost like if they were interconnected, Clarke also feels emotional remembering the same scene; wondering how it is that she got so lucky to have a second chance to finalize what was left incomplete.

 

The song ends; and Nina bounces excitedly on Clarke’s legs, happy with their accomplishment.

 

It is then that Lexa actually focuses on the child on Clarke’s lap; so small and cute. She seems to like Clarke very much and Clarke looks very comfortable with her. Without even meaning to an image irrupts in her head; one in which Clarke is not holding Nina but another child.

 

Clarke’s brows furrow watching Lexa deep in thought, realizing Lexa’s attention is on Nina. She looks down at the kid then back at Lexa and it suddenly clicks. Clarke’s face flushes profusely very aware of what Lexa has in mind.

 

Lexa shakes her head getting out of her daze and takes in Clarke’s flustered demeanor. There’s no need for words; she knows she has been caught. She can feel the heat on her face, as she makes eye contact with Clarke; both having the same fantasy on their minds.

 

But before they can go deeper into their imagination-and the intimacy it brings- one of the doctors at the clinic makes his appearance.

 

“Sorry for the wait commander; here are the results” he announces showing Clarke the medical tab in his hand.

 

The moment is broken and Clarke’s focus is once again back on Nina’s health while Lexa straightens her posture and decides to continue on her way; not before sending a longing look in Clarke’s direction which is returned with the same sentiment.

 

…

 

“You don’t have to go today you know? You can stay for a couple days more, enjoy the city.” Clarke tries to persuade Niylah to prolong her stay in the city.

 

Niylah chuckles having finished changing an already sleepy and tired Nina. She indeed had a good time there in Clarke’s company.  Once she made sure everything was OK with her little girl, she and Clarke spent the afternoon together talking a little more about Clarke’s romantic life, her plans for the future and her commander duties. Also Nina had a blast running around the streets of Polis seeing the crowded city for a change. But as fun as everything was Niylah had already set her mind in going back to her home that same night after dinner; either way she finds it cute how Clarke is attempting to make her stay. “I know I don’t, but I think it is for the best.” Niylah turns to Clarke and adds arching a brow “you have to meet your girlfriend later today; you don’t want her thinking the wrong way again huh?”

 

“No…” Clarke rolls her eyes in fake annoyance. “But that has nothing to do with your visit, you are my guest; you and Nina can be checking out what else is new in Polis” she finalizes with a pleading face.

 

At the sort of desperation she could sense in Clarke’s voice, Niylah sighs and approaches Clarke; placing her hands on Clarke’s shoulders. “Don’t worry Clarke everything is gonna be alright; you and Lexa are gonna be alright.”

 

Clarke huffs and looks down, knowing she could never fool her friend.

 

“Stop making this harder for the both of you, just go and talk to her and let destiny take its course.”

 

“Alright.” With that Clarke moves closer and embraces Niylah in a tight hug. “Thank you,” she whispers in the other blonde’s ear.

 

“Anytime.” Niylah hugs back just as tightly.

 

Seconds later after they pull apart, Niylah walks over to the bed to pick up Nina as Clarke watches the scene, biting her lip while deep in thought until something rushes out of her mouth without thinking, “I’m sorry.”

 

Niylah stops mid process and gives a long deep sigh; she knows exactly what Clarke is talking about. With a last breath of courage she walks once again over to Clarke’s side. She stands right in front of Clarke who is now sporting a guilty expression.

 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke whispers this time with soft eyes.

 

“Clarke,” Niylah begins, doing her best not to show too much emotion. “I always told you I was going to take what you offered me; I never expected more than that.”

 

“But I…”

 

“Shhh” Niylah shushes, caressing Clarke’s hair. “You don’t owe me anything. I’m a big girl Clarke I always knew what this was all about; besides the spirits had you reserved for someone else,” she shrugs allowing a tiny bit of her disappointment to show “and I can accept that.”

 

Clarke’s lips begin to tremble, angry and sad at herself that she couldn’t reciprocate the love she knew this woman held for her all these years, the love she definitely deserved. She wants to say something but she can’t find the right words to express what she is feeling right now.

 

But Niylah understands. She offers a sad smile that is supposed to work as reassurance as she says in a low voice, “don’t worry about me; I’ll be OK. Me and Nina are going to be OK, as always. You’ve worried about everyone else for so long Clarke, now it’s time for you to worry about yourself.” With that, she leans in and gives Clarke a lingering kiss on her cheek; one both know is meant to be the end of their journey together; a final goodbye.

 

…

 

At Niylah’s request Clarke begrudgingly agreed not to bid her farewell at the gates of the tower in favor of waiting for Lexa in her room. She stands by the window, staring out at the rapidly growing city, lost in her thoughts, reflecting on what happened the past few days and the advice she got from her friend. She was still contemplating when she heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” Clarke invites; already knowing who the visitor is.

 

Lexa enters the room, closes the door behind her and takes a few steps forward. She stops in the middle of the room, her hands crossed in front of her, waiting for Clarke to speak first.

 

When Clarke finally faces Lexa, she is blown away for a second, the situation – and even positions- looking very familiar to her. It wasn’t one of their best moments; she was in a terrible place, her heart broken by Lexa’s betrayal. The memory threatens to fill her with bitterness but she rapidly tries to block it out of her mind _‘it helps no one to dwell on the past.’_ Clarke reminds herself of the same words Lexa told her on that occasion, words that really angered her at that moment but currently couldn’t be more fitting. So she relaxes, forgetting everything that is not pertinent to the present and she begins to speak. “How have you been?”

 

Lexa lets out a long breath, relieved Clarke is showing a good disposition. “I’ve been better” she replies with a small shrug.

 

“I know what you mean,” Clarke responds sincerely as she feels the tension dissipate.

 

Both fall silent as they consider what to say next.

 

The first to break the stillness is Lexa.

 

“I had a conversation with Niylah earlier,” Lexa informs not wanting to hide anything from her girlfriend. 

 

“I know, she told me.” Clarke takes two steps forward, wanting to explain. “She’s only a friend Lexa,” she assures but also admits “she was there for me in difficult times; she will always have a special place in my heart.”

 

“You don’t owe me any explanations Clarke.” Lexa tries to stop her from saying any more regarding the subject.

 

“Yes, yes I do” Clarke states. “I want us to start with a clean slate, to confess to each other what’s on our minds, not to keep secrets.” She gives a sigh of remorse before continuing, “this whole mess started because we kept things from each other; I should have been more open about my struggle and pain while you weren’t here and how I dealt with it, just like you should have told me about your… best friend.” Even though Clarke is more than ready to have a mature conversation and be clear about everything, she can’t help showing the resentment she has at the mention of Orita.

 

It doesn’t go unnoticed by Lexa, the way Clarke mentions the name of her friend and that gives her the necessary nerve to begin her own explanation. “I’m sorry Clarke; for what I did, for letting my desires cloud my judgment, for letting my jealousy to take over in the process.” Lexa does her best not to look away in shame.  “I should have known better, I should’ve had better self-control… I made a terrible mistake, I betrayed you… again,” she shakes her head at her own stupidity, “and that will haunt me forever. I’m so sorry Clarke.”

 

It was good for Clarke to hear the regret in Lexa’s speech; nevertheless she has some regrets of her own. “I pushed you to do it Lexa.”

 

“But I didn’t have to go through with it Clarke!” Lexa refutes, “I let myself go… wasn’t strong enough.”

 

“I basically ordered you to do it, I abused my power,” Clarke utters, abashed at her own behavior.

 

 “Well…”  Lexa looks down at the floor as she adds shyly, “we really have to set some boundaries in that area you know? I mean… sometimes I don’t know when I’m your subject or your girlfriend.”

 

It hits Clarke hard to hear it from Lexa because that is one of the things it has been mortifying her among many other issues. “I know, I’m sorry I just… I sometimes lose control too.”

 

And there they are, two strong women; the previous and current most powerful women on the whole planet; baring themselves, admitting weaknesses and mistakes… admitting they are after all only human.

 

“And what do we do now?” Lexa ventures needing to hear from Clarke what options they have.

 

And Clarke has a suggestion. “I don’t know, maybe we should start again? Try to communicate as much as we can… No more secrets?”

 

“Oh,” Lexa actually likes the idea. “I guess that could work, yeah. There are a lot of things we still need to learn about each other.”

 

It is an undeniable truth that fortunately they still have time to fix.

 

“Yeah we do. We’ll do it in time,” Clarke affirms feeling a lot better at the prospect of them being able to work it out.

 

They stare at each other, not sure what their next move should be. The longing is evident on their faces but neither of them dares to do anything.

 

Finally, Lexa advances toward Clarke, slowly, giving her time to stop Lexa if she wants to. Luckily the blonde never does, so she confidently continues until she is face to face with her woman. “So… I see you tomorrow?” The question is asked quietly, almost like a plea.

 

Clarke gulps at the proximity, her body inevitably reacting to Lexa’s presence and scent that penetrates her nostrils with ease. “O-of course” she lamely replies, her eyes boring into the green orbs that seem to attract her like a magnet.

 

Lexa licks her lips, gazing at Clarke’s, craving to taste them. Seeing no resistance she takes a chance and without more preamble she leans in.

 

Their lips make contact gently, in a soft peck; both sighing at the same time by the sweet connection.

 

Automatically, Clarke parts her lips a little, her need to feel more of Lexa is winning over her resolve.

 

The brunette kisses back, controlling the kiss not to make it too deep, content to go slowly, like they had tacitly agreed.

 

When they part they don’t do it completely, just enough to feel the other’s breath on their lips, forehead to forehead.

 

It takes them a bit more time, but finally they pull away.

 

Taking advantage that Clarke hasn’t move from her spot just yet, Lexa voices what she had been considering the last few hours. “Once I swore fealty to you Clarke, and even though I failed you this time; I promise you now that I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you, to be a better woman. I know I’m gonna fall at times and make more mistakes but with your help I’m sure I can grow; we both can; for our love.” She takes Clarke’s hands in hears as she continues  “I know we can make this work Clarke, thank you for giving me this chance.” She leans once again for a short peck and expels the most truthful words from her heart. “I love you.”

 

Clarke closes her eyes, the corner of her lip lifting out of pure instinct; her soul soaring at the new vow. Not everything is going the way she wanted, not as perfect as she imagined but at least they are here, they are alive and as long as they are breathing she knows they are going to fight to make it work; together, “I love you too. The reply is not only a sentiment but a silent promise to not give up and let destiny take them in the right direction. _‘The spirits will guide us’_ Clarke solemnly repeats in her head because this time, after all they’ve done for her; after doing something as unthinkable as to bring her love back to life, she indeed believes in them.

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa being adorable dorks, working on their reconciliation. The calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m back after a month; just a fucking terrible situation where personal and health issues mix up and make your life living hell *sigh* I’m still not feeling 100% myself but I didn’t want to make you wait anymore for a new chapter. This one is more like a sweet –chill one cause God knows I need some positivity in my life! Next chapter I promise more action and drama with a very unwelcome visitor. I thank you for your patience and for still accompanying me in this fic of mine. I don’t wanna sound whiny but I do need your comments to cheer me up and help me write a lil faster :’( Hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

 

It is fair to say, Clarke woke up in a better mood after the conversation with Lexa the night before. Sure, not everything was magically fixed and in all honesty she doesn’t see them skipping through a field of posies any time soon, but at least there was some progress. Unfortunately though, as the day went on and her duties became overwhelming Clarke began to lose her patience.

 

“This is the second time I had to call you regarding this issue, and quite frankly I’m starting to question your leadership skills chief.” Clarke reprimands with a scowl, holding onto the armrest of her throne.

 

The man in front of her visibly cowers at Clarke’s authoritative tone as he attempts to give an explanation.

 

“My apologies commander, I’m doing my best with these people, but sometimes…”

 

“Enough!” Clarke smacks the hard wood under her hand. “I don’t want to hear any more excuses, I want you to act and take control over the situation.” She demands enraged.

 

Like he had been physically hit, the man flinches and looks down.

 

“Because if you don’t,” Clarke continues “I will be forced to fix it personally; and believe me, you don’t want me to do that.” The warning comes accompanied with a menacing glare.

 

“I-I; uh…” The man’s lips tremble; he stands still, petrified; imagining what Clarke could do to him.

 

“Commander,” a voice announces from the entrance, which breaks the tension in the room.

 

When Clarke looks up at the servant who just called her, the only thing she sees is a large colorful bouquet of flowers.

 

The servant bows to show his respect and he questions. “Where should I put these?”

 

Realizing Clarke is too stunned to respond, Indra directs. “Over there, please.”

 

The servant carefully places the flower arrangement on the designated table.

 

The whole time Clarke follows his movements; never taking her eyes away from the bouquet.

 

With the task done, the servant bows once again and quickly retreats the throne room.

 

It takes a couple of seconds more for Clarke to come out of her daze and focus her attention back onto the chief. She is considerably less angry than she was before, but still resumes with resolve. “Your people elected you for a reason chief, if you fail them now they may ask me to relieve you of your duties and demand a reprimand… and I may have no other choice than to hear their voices.” Saying that she makes a movement with her hand. “You’re dismissed.”

 

“Ye- yes, commander; I thank you for the opportunity; I vow to the spirits I won’t disappoint you this time.” The man hurriedly bows and disappears from Clarke’s presence; in fear that she may change her mind.

 

Once the man is gone, Indra gestures for the guards to leave, which they promptly do, closing the doors behind them.

 

With only her and Indra in the room, Clarke relaxes, leaning against the back of her throne, releasing a long sigh of relief in its wake. Then, she slowly cranes her neck to the side, in the direction of the bouquet. She stares at it silently, knowing full well who the sender is.

 

“They are beautiful.” Indra states the obvious, her eyes also on the flowers.

 

Clarke just nods deeply in thought. 

 

At the silence she is met with, Indra informs. “If you don’t want them, I’ll be happy to take them off your hands.”

 

That certainly gets a reaction from Clarke. She huffs loudly knitting her brows “they are mine” she clearly states, never taking her eyes away from the arrangement.

 

“As you wish,” Indra complies with a smirk of satisfaction on her face.

 

In turn, Clarke's lips quirk to one side in a tiny smile, not fully understanding how such a simple detail could fill her heart with utmost joy.

 

…

 

It’s lunch time, and instead of, well having lunch, Lexa is outside the dining hall waiting for Clarke to arrive. She is guessing if Clarke doesn’t show up she could at least be aware of it since at some point one of the servants may have to take food to her or if Clarke has to go somewhere, it would be easy to see her pass by. So Lexa just patiently waits, knowing she will see her girl one way or another.

 

…

 

With the meetings done for the day, Clarke continues with her agenda which leads her away from the tower. She has barely left the elevator when she spots Lexa sitting near the entrance of the dining hall.

 

“Clarke hey,” Lexa rises at once. 

 

“Oh… Hi,” the blonde greets genuinely surprised.

 

“I-I was waiting for you;” Lexa elaborates shyly. “I thought maybe we could, uh-have lunch together?”

 

“Lunch?” Clarke dumbly repeats nervously. “Well, right now I’m on my way to supervise the market and…” When Lexa’s shoulders sink in disappointment; Clarke hurries to offer. “But you can come with me if you want; I mean we can eat something afterward.”

 

Lexa’s eyes light up at the proposal, “yeah sure sounds awesome.”

 

“Great.” Clarke nods trying not to appear like an over excited school girl with a crush and directs “shall we?” She signals with her head for them to start walking.

 

“Right!” Lexa instantly goes to Clarke’s side.

 

They march together, in silence at first insecure as to what to say; but not uncomfortable; both trying to come up with something to start the conversation.

 

Lexa dares first. “Did you um, did you get my flowers?”

 

Of course that was going to come up, Clarke knew it; but no matter how much she prepared for it, she couldn’t help getting all giddy. “Yes I did.” She attempts to not show her flushed cheeks. “They are beautiful.”

 

“I’m glad you liked them.” Lexa flashes a megawatt smile. “I picked them up myself.”

 

Lexa’s smile is so contagious and sincere that Clarke has no other choice than to offer a smile in return.  A new sense of normalcy envelops Clarke as they engage in small talk which helps make her feel contended.

 

That is until they reached the more crowded spots in Polis.

 

People take notice of their presence and begin to murmur, with their eyes glued to the couple.

 

Clarke obviously acts like she is not bothered at all and continues with her activities as previously planned.

 

On the other hand Lexa is uncomfortable, it bothers her tremendously to be gawked at; something she should be accustomed to but for some reason now that she is with Clarke it annoys her even more.

 

Clarke does her best to finish her duties quickly so they can go eat and avoid the prying eyes and gossip.

 

A while later, as the one in charge of the market explains to Clarke what needs to be done, she sees Lexa a few meters away standing at attention. Right there and then it hits her: Lexa looks more like a guard protecting her commander, not like her girlfriend.

 

Sure, everybody has heard the rumors, everybody speculates about their relationship, but nobody really knows with certainty what’s going on between them; and how could they? Clarke and Lexa have kept-for the most part- their relationship private.

 

 _‘It doesn’t make sense anymore. I went to Lexa’s parents for their blessing and I got it, my mom and everybody I care for knows so… what’s the point?’_ Clarke reasons with herself. _‘I have to do something about it’_. That thought accompanies her until the end of her obligations for the day.

 

When everything had been settled, she and Lexa go to Clarke’s favorite hang out to eat when she is not in the tower.

 

The owner wastes no time in seating Clarke and Lexa in the most private area there- the one reserved for the commander- and hurries to serve them the best they have to offer.

 

 “Is this a sky people’s restaurant?” Lexa questions as she looks around impressed.

 

“Not exactly.” Clarke shrugs, “it lacks the atmosphere but they did their best to replicate it.” When Lexa only nods Clarke asks “you’ve never been to one before I suppose?”

 

“I heard about them in class but I have never seen one until now; I mean not that there was one in the small towns I visited.” She chuckles at the irony.

 

“Well,” Clarke takes the pitcher of water already at the table and serves Lexa before complementing with a smirk. “You better get used to it.”

 

Lexa grins and blushes, reading clearly into Clarke’s insinuation, or better said invitation. But quickly something else comes into her mind. “I would love that but I’m afraid we will always have an audience stalking us,” she laments with a pout.

 

“Oh don’t worry, they won’t,” Clarke assures confidently. “After today, there won’t be any more of that.” 

 

Clarke’s assurance peaks Lexa's curiosity, but before she can ask what she was referring to, the waitress comes with the food, and all of it looks so delicious that Lexa forgets all about the topic.

 

The meal goes surprisingly well; both talking about their days and their plans. Clarke even felt comfortable enough to inform Lexa about the law of forbidding challenges; it was still a sore topic but Lexa did appreciate the trust and also liked the idea.

 

Finally the moment of leaving the restaurant came.

 

After thanking the owner, Clarke and Lexa head for the exit but Clarke stops abruptly when they reach the threshold.

 

Lexa looks at Clarke noticing she has become tense, pensive. Worried she opens her mouth to ask if something was wrong but just then, she feels a hand grabbing hers. _‘Oh jok, is she…’_ She looks down in time to see Clarke interlacing their fingers.

 

“If they are gonna stare and talk; we may as well give them a reason to do it, don’t you think?” Clarke remarks lifting her chin, masking her own apprehension.

 

Feeling Clarke’s fingers on hers causes Lexa’s heart to start pulsating with excitement. She has no words to say but she knows Clarke is expecting some sort of acknowledgment so she gives a slight nod of affirmation, letting Clarke know she is all in.

 

With that reassurance Clarke squeezes Lexa's hand encouragingly before they start walking. 

 

And just as Clarke had anticipated the people they encountered as they passed by did stare at them with surprise, even smiling at them but then they turned around and minded their own business.

 

 Clarke looks to the side and winks at Lexa giving a silent “I told you so” that Lexa gets immediately, which is making her feel even calmer.

 

They continue on their way holding hands.

 

…

 

Upon reaching the tower and not wanting to end the impromptu date just yet, Clarke makes a suggestion. “You want some tea?”

 

“Huh?” Lexa is taken aback by the offering. 

 

“C’mon, follow me.” Clarke pulls at Lexa’s hand and guides her to the back of the tower, where a group of servants are already sitting around the bonfire.

 

“Commander.”

 

“Wanheda.”

 

They bow to Clarke respectfully.

 

Lexa stays put, apprehensive when all the servants become quiet and begin to stare at her.

 

“Hello.” Clarke greets, diverting their attention. “I hope you don’t mind us joining you today.” Then still with Lexa’s hand in hers, she voices casually “by the way this is my girlfriend Lexa.”

 

The introduction is completely unexpected by Lexa; her jaw falls open as she looks to the side, at a very cool and collected Clarke.

 

“Welcome Lexa.”

 

“Nice to meet you.”

 

The servants greet politely.

 

“Oh um… Hi,” Lexa waves at them timidly.

 

With that brief moment of silent tension and before it turns into awkwardness Clarke intervenes. “OK, what are we talking about today?” Saying that, she leads Lexa to seats that are closer to the fire and joins the conversation.

 

It is fascinating for Lexa to see how Clarke interacts with her servants, how she speaks to them, how she makes them feel more than just her subjects, respecting their views and listening carefully to what they have to say. It fills her with immense pride to see the kind of leader Clarke has become. _‘No wonder she is the best commander we’ve ever had,’_ she thinks to herself with a smile.

 

About an hour into the conversation and as night falls upon them, Lexa notices Clarke shivering despite the fire. Instinctively she puts her arm around Clarke’s shoulder bringing her closer to her, to keep her warm.

 

Now it’s Clarke's turn to be taken aback by Lexa’s actions. She chances a quick glance at Lexa’s face, surprised, but quickly carries on chatting; trying to ignore the fact her body is so close to Lexa… and she’s actually enjoying it.

 

Both of them feel so good inside knowing they are finally out as a couple to everyone, no need to hide anymore. The only thing left is to regain the trust between themselves which they are willing to do with patience and love.

 

…

 

To Lexa’s dismay the day ended with a small goodnight kiss on the cheek from Clarke, who of course wasn’t ready yet to give more than that. _‘There goes the patience part,’_ Lexa sighs as she retreats to the dormitories, with a promise of seeing each other the next day.

 

Once she is inside the building she finds it oddly quiet for a week day; either way she takes the stairs that lead up to her room and just as she turns the corner the peacefulness disappears.

 

“There she is!”

 

“Lexa!”

 

“Finally!”

 

In a second, Lexa is surrounded by her peers who bombard her with frantic questions. “What the-” she croaks among the chaos, making eye contact with Esiry.

 

“Sorry,” Esiry mutters with a grimace, right behind the other teens.

 

It doesn't take a genius to know the news of Clarke and Lexa’s relationship has travelled throughout Polis like a chain reaction.

 

“When did it start?!”

 

“Who kissed who first?!”

 

“How is it… you know.”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes and shakes her head, experiencing firsthand the inconveniences of being a teenager in times of peace.

 

…

 

A massive headache; it’s the one Clarke has woken up with just as she remembered the Thirteen Clans will be coming tomorrow for the meeting. The morning is not over yet but she is already at the verge of exploding.

 

“Clarke, you are too tense, you need to relax. Go to your chambers, I’ll send a servant to give you a massage; we can continue this after lunch” Indra advices firmly, making it clear she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

 

“Alright,” Clarke accepts with no argument. Truth be told she feels like a massage at the moment, she really needs to get rid of her tension and have a better semblance when Lexa picks her up for lunch.

 

…

 

Now, sprawled out on the massage table set up in her big bathroom, Clarke enjoys the massage the cute servant is providing. She had never been more grateful about letting her relationship be out in the open, since the girl is refraining from flirting with her –evidently already informed about Clarke’s status- as she usually did.

 

“Is this OK commander?” The girl asks to get confirmation she is applying the exact pressure Clarke wants.

 

“Yes, perfect” comes Clarke's muffled voice.

 

And the massage is indeed so good and soothing that Clarke dozes off in a matter of minutes.

 

…

 

The next time Clarke open her eyes and regains consciousness is to a very nice sensation on her body, too nice if she’s honest with herself. She can feel her skin react to the soft touches up and down her back, and she identifies that reaction with clarity: she is getting turned on. Sure she hasn’t had sex in a while and she is going slowly with Lexa but this is ridiculous. Panic settles in her chest at the mere idea of letting something happen with someone else. ‘ _This is not OK.’_ Clarke immediately tenses and wiggles her body to make the servant stop her movements.

 

“Oh I’m sorry, am I doing it wrong?” A familiar voice expresses with regret.

 

Clarke jerks her neck, finding no one other than Lexa by her side. “Oh for fuck sake Lexa, it’s you.” Clarke sighs relieved that her skin was responding to Lexa’s contact and not the pretty servant’s. _‘Of course my body would recognize those touches’_ she concludes with amazement.

 

“Uh yeah… I told your servant she could go; I hope you don’t mind.” Lexa wants to make sure everything is OK since Clarke’s reaction threw her off a bit.

 

“Yeah, yeah it’s OK.” Clarke dismisses “just let me…” she grabs a towel and covers her breasts before standing up.

 

Already feeling more at ease, Lexa chuckles at her girlfriend's antics, “um Clarke, you’re aware I have seen those before, right?” She purposely ogles Clarke’s covered bosom.

 

“I know.” Clarke replies annoyed and a little embarrassed at Lexa’s ironic tone. “But turns out I don’t want you to see them right now.” With that she reaches for her clothes on the hanger and then faces Lexa, “turn around.”

 

“You’re kidding,” Lexa lets out not knowing if Clarke is joking.

 

“I’m not! Turn around, c’mon!” Clarke commands in all seriousness.

 

“Ugh!” Lexa rolls her eyes at the ridiculousness of her girl but does as she is told nonetheless. That doesn’t stop her from teasing the blonde though “whatever, I have the vision of them engraved in my mind for all eternity.”

 

Clarke has to contain her laughter at that one and counteracts, “well, hold on to your fantasies then; they may be your only companion for a while.” She mocks as she passes Lexa, going in the direction of her bedroom.

 

Lexa can only sigh at Clarke’s resistance; it is torturous but also very exciting. There’s nothing she can do but play along. _‘Patience’_ she reminds herself _‘patience’._

 

…

 

Because of Clarke’s last minute arrangements for the meeting their lunch had to be cut short.

Lexa understood and made her way to the training field, knowing Clarke will find her as soon as she has free time available.

 

…

 

Back in the throne room, Clarke and Indra discuss some details regarding the new law when a guard interrupts their session.

 

“Wanheda,” the man announces, “you have a visitor from the Sky Clan.”

 

“Sky?” Indra wonders “They are not due until tomorrow.”

 

Clarke and Indra exchange intrigued gazes.

 

“Let them pass.” Clarke finally orders. She waits in sober tranquility until she notices the person who is making his way inside the room.

 

“Bellamy!”

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy comes for a chat… that doesn’t go as planned. Lexa vs Bellamy. Clarke makes a point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s another chapter for you! I wanna thank you for comments of encouragement and good health! I’m feeling considerably better now and in a better mood to continue with my fic! I just hope you’re still interested… if so let me know. ;)

 

 

 

“Bellamy,” Clarke calls out surprised to see her friend.

 

Bellamy is about to take a step towards Clarke but stops remembering he is being observed. “Commander,” he bends on one knee, head down but quickly reincorporates, waiting for Clarke’s next instructions.

 

“Leave us,” Clarke commands the guards.

 

They obey, leaving the premises and closing the doors.

 

With them gone, Clarke feels comfortable enough to approach Bellamy. “Hey,” she greets with a smile.

 

“Hey,” Bellamy opens his arms, enveloping Clarke in a tight hug.

 

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asks once they pull apart. “Is everything OK in Arkadia? Myrreh, the kids?” She stares at him genuinely concerned.

 

“They are all fine.” Bellamy assures and continues. “I came early because I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Talk to me?” Clarke is curious now. “About what?”

 

“Um…” Bellamy looks behind them, eying the other woman in the room before requesting, “Can we talk in private.”

 

Indra frowns jutting her chin, already defensive by Bellamy’s affront.

 

Clarke’s brows furrow confused; it takes her a second to figure out what Bellamy may want to discuss. “Oh,” her lips purse as she turns around and walks to her throne.

 

The excitement the reunion had brought suffers a drastic twist, replacing it with emotional tension.

 

Slowly Clarke sits down, taking her time to arrange herself, assuming the commander’s stance before she starts speaking. “Whatever you have to say to me, I will eventually be discussing it with my counselor anyways Bellamy, you may as well save me the time.” She pronounces resolutely, sending a quick glance in Indra’s direction for validation.

 

Indra glares at Bellamy with disdain, raising her brows in defiance.

 

“OK.” Bellamy clears his throat pretending Indra’s glower is not affecting him and proceeds with what he came to say. “So, I heard you have a girlfriend.”

 

And it just happens to be exactly what Clarke thought.

 

“I’m guessing you’re not here to congratulate me.” Clarke states in an ironic manner.

 

Bellamy chuckles humorlessly. “Well I’m happy for you but, I’m also concerned; both me and your mother are.”

 

“Oh, my mom of course.” Clarke rolls her eyes at the expected conclusion. “I appreciate the gesture Bellamy but believe me when I say there’s nothing to worry about; I can take care of myself.” She tries not to sound too harsh or to lose her patience.

 

“I’m sure,” Bellamy insists. “But perhaps there are some details that you may be omitting, cause you know the relationship is new and you’re probably… distracted.”

 

Indra rolls her eyes at Bellamy’s nosiness which she finds annoying and intrusive. It’s beyond her why Clarke puts up with his impudence. She wants so badly to take her sword out and aim the point of the blade at his neck; but knows it’s not her place; she is sure Clarke can deal with him without the intervention of anyone.

 

“Details I may be omitting?” Clarke repeats hardening her face, little by little her temper catching up. “Not that any of this is your concern but I know everything I need to know about her, and that’s frankly quite enough for me.”

 

“Clarke,” Bellamy protests. “You have to admit it has been too fast; many things have happened in a short period of time!”

 

“Oh yeah?” Clarke’s jaw clenches but she still manages to not lose her temper. “And how do you know about these “things” that happened huh?” She interrogates him with a pointed look.

 

The question takes Bellamy aback and it shows. “Uh I… I heard it from people, you know? They gossip and one can’t help but overhear it,” he justifies lamely.

 

“You heard?” Clarke glares at him, “or is it that you were informed?” She accuses.

 

Bellamy opens his mouth to speak but Clarke won’t let him.

 

“Do you think I’m stupid enough to not know that you have informants here in Polis? Did you believe you could fool me?” Truth be told she didn’t really mind his intrusion because she knew his intentions were honorable but as much as she cared for him and let him off the hook many times, her limit stops right where her relationship starts. Clarke will never tolerate anyone messing around with Lexa and her relationship and intents to make it abundantly clear.

 

“I…” he is speechless for a moment but he reboots seconds later. “I did it only to protect you.”

 

“I don’t need your protection Bellamy!” Clarke retorts huffing to calm herself down. “I just need you to be a good friend, be happy for me and leave me to take care of my own life!”

 

“I care about you Clarke and I can’t just watch someone taking advantage of you!” Bellamy stubbornly rebuts. 

 

“Taking…” Clarke shakes her head bewildered. “What the fuck are you even talking about?”

 

“Presh keryon”, Indra mutters under her breath feeling like she is on a live version of what Octavia and Raven love to watch on the screen monitors when they are together, _‘was it a soap opera?_ ’ She briefly recalls but then focuses her attention back to the drama Bellamy has brought them.

 

 “I’m talking about her background Clarke! I mean what did she do before you two met, with whom has she been in contact with? Who have been her mentors?” Bellamy explains like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Have you run an investigation on her previous whereabouts? C’mon Clarke; do you even know what this girl really wants?!”

 

Clarke had refrained from making a sarcastic comment in front of her mother out of respect the last time she visited but she sure as hell is not going to give the same courtesy to Bellamy. “What she wants Bellamy, I give it to her every night and some mornings too if there’s still time; thank you for asking.”

 

Indra has to make a conscious effort to contain her laughter at the expression the Sky man is sporting. 

 

After closing his mouth, coming out of his momentary shock, Bellamy counteracts. “I’m serious Clarke, she came out of the blue; you don’t know anything about this girl.” He gets closer to Clarke, to try to convince her, “you’re putting at risk your position, maybe your own life!”

 

“Oh my God…” Clarke runs a hand thorough her hair, tired of the nonsense. “I can’t do this right now; I’ve got things to do.”

 

“Clarke, listen…” Bellamy pressures. “You’re smarter than this; you can’t blind yourself to just coincidences.”

 

“Bellamy…” Clarke warns, knowing exactly where he is going “seriously just…”

 

“She’s not Lexa?!”

 

Clarke has finally had enough.

 

 “Stop Bellamy just stop!” Clarke abruptly rises; not being able to take her friend’s intrusion in her private life anymore. “I didn’t ask for your opinion, I don’t need your permission; this is none of your business, just leave me the fuck alone!”

 

“But Clarke.” Bellamy moves forward, ready to climb the few steps that lead to the throne.

 

“Don’t!” Indra orders, pointing at Bellamy menacingly.

 

Bellamy freezes in position knowing not to mess with the woman. But just a couple seconds later and focusing back on Clarke he continues speaking. “Clarke…”

 

“That’s enough Bellamy.”

 

A voice calls from the door, causing the three of them to look back.

 

“You heard the commander, you have to go.” Octavia states firmly advancing toward her brother.

 

Bellamy’s first instinct is to embrace his sister but as enthusiastic as he is feeling upon seeing Octavia, he realizes it is not a good time for salutations. Instead he gets back to the discussion. “Stay out of this Octavia.”

 

 

Octavia flares up at the way her brother is dismissing her. “Hey,” she punches Bellamy’s shoulder to get his full attention and in a more commanding tone she instructs, “I’m your fucking General and I’m warning you, leave Wanheda alone.”

 

Bellamy huffs at Octavia’s hostility. “Don’t give me that bullshit.” 

 

That’s all the excuse Octavia needs to set aside the blood ties she has with the man and in its place unleashes the severity of the General of the Commander’s Army.  She swiftly takes out her sword from the sheath and points the tip of the blade onto Bellamy’s neck, enunciating slowly “I said; leave… Wanheda… alone.”

 

The sting of the blade causes Bellamy to let out a short hiss of pain as he backs away. His hand reaches for his neck out of shock; and when he looks down at his palm his shock morphs into a mix of dread and anger at the blood he finds there.

 

Indra’s chest soars with pride at Octavia’s display of dexterity and determination. She feels pleased that her knowledge and skills have fallen into good hands.

 

Clarke only observes in silence the whole exchange; allowing Octavia to do her job.

 

If he had something to say; Bellamy opts to abstain from doing so, swallowing the words with bitterness. He stares at Octavia straight into her eyes, noticing the woman in front of him is not his sister but the highest authority of defense in the whole nation. With nothing else to do, Bellamy chances a glance at Clarke and then walks away from the throne room.

 

…

 

After Esiry –who had been training with Lexa - parted to do some errands, Lexa continued practicing by herself. Minutes later and despite being focused on the task at hand she sensed someone was observing her. Lexa spins around, sword in hand; only to find the least person she imaged to encounter on the training field.

 

“There she is; the new Lexa,” Bellamy sarcastically remarks as he approaches the girl. He stands a couple of meters away from her, observing her with arms crossed, studying her.

 

Lexa’s jaw twists at the vision of the man she has always disliked. She puts her sword down but doesn’t put it away; never one to trust Bellamy, always keeping an eye on him.

 

“I don’t know what people are talking about” Bellamy finally adds, “You look nothing like her,” he judges in all seriousness.

 

Lexa rolls her eyes, not expecting much from him. As he continues to watch her, she becomes annoyed “what do you want, Bellamy of the Sky people?” Lexa doesn’t bother to hide the disdain from her tone.

 

The fact Lexa knows about him doesn’t surprise Bellamy in the least nor does he take it as proof she is actually Lexa; he imagines she learned about him in school, along with all the events that transpired since they arrived on earth. So he answers the question objectively. “I heard so much about you; I just wanted to meet you.”

 

“Meet me?” Lexa sinks her sword into the ground, staring right in Bellamy face “or spy on me?”

 

Since his intentions evidently are out in the open, Bellamy comes clean. “I’m here to protect the best interest of my friend.”

 

Lexa scoffs “please, you’re here because as usual you don’t trust Clarke’s judgment; you’ve always thought you knew better than her, you arrogant Sky man.” She accuses with a sour expression, her chest puffing.

 

“Are you gonna challenge me?” Bellamy taunts with half smile on his lips.

 

Even if she had tried, the snort escaped Lexa without even thinking. “Oh no, no never; I like a good fight this would be too easy.” She looks at Bellamy up and down. “Besides I could never have you as a rival, I’m sure Clarke never even considered you as a choice of a partner. Not in life and not in her bed.”

 

“Oh that’s where you are wrong kid.” Bellamy sports a smug little smirk at the chance to come back. “I’ve been in her bed alright… plenty of times as a matter of fact.”

 

And with that statement, Lexa loses it. “argh nomonjoka!” She pulls her sword out of the ground and launches toward the man. 

 

Bellamy barely has time to react and duck the blow.

 

“Fight me branwoda!” Lexa demands, striking Bellamy with ire.

 

 “I’m not… gonna … fight you.” Bellamy replies as he steps back and dodges the swings directed at him.

 

“Why? You scared?” Lexa gibes putting a momentary stop to her attack, to try and provoke Bellamy. “Or is it that you only feel brave when you have a gun, and shoot it into a group of sleeping people?”

 

That definitely gets a reaction from Bellamy.

 

“You know nothing about me little girl!” Bellamy’s face shows traces of anger and guilt.

 

But Lexa doesn’t stop there. “I know enough to understand how less of a man you are. Following another idiot like sheep to commit atrocities on defenseless people, on sleeping people like a coward; people that were there to protect you!”

 

The words hit Bellamy hard. “Shut the fuck up!” He exclaims among gritted teeth while taking his sword out. 

 

Lexa welcomes the defiance with a sardonic smile. “Why don’t you make me, sissy Sky man?”

 

Bellamy wastes no time in sending a blow toward Lexa, who deflects it with little effort. Soon enough and after just a couple of more strikes, Bellamy realizes Lexa is more skilled than he previously thought.

 

Lexa’s assaults come one after another, occasionally scratching skin, forcing Bellamy backwards.

 

He has no other choice than to put more effort into his own attack, reaching a point where he actually succeeds in hurting Lexa’s hand and in that moment he lifts his sword with force to strike hard. But in the blink of an eye, his sword is knocked out of his hands.

 

“You’re screwed.” Octavia- now right behind him- states, shaking her head and putting her sword back into its scabbard.

 

“What?” Bellamy questions with animosity realizing his sister is the one who interrupted the encounter. “You scared I hurt your little apprentice?”

 

Octavia has to laugh at that. “You wish,” she stands by Lexa’s side. “I just don’t want my little niece and nephew to be orphans; they’re still too young.”

 

Lexa stands proud, sending a condescending glare at Bellamy; who in turn sends a death glare to Octavia.

 

“But well who cares, you’re screwed anyway,” Octavia shrugs disapprovingly. And just as if she had predicted a bad omen, Clarke strides toward them.

 

“What the fuck is this?!” Clarke yells, demanding an explanation from Bellamy. She briefly turns toward Lexa in a silent apology and then continues her rant. “You have no business with my girlfriend Bellamy, are you insane?! Is it fucking genetic?”

 

Octavia gives a long exasperated sigh knowing the last sentence is meant to include her.

 

 “I was just …” Bellamy attempts to explain but is cut off by a fed up Clarke.

 

“You know what? I don’t wanna hear it. You crossed a line here Bellamy; no one messes with my girlfriend, no one messes with my relationship, do you hear me?” Clarke points at him, declaring. “From now on, you will only enter Polis with my consent and always guarded by soldiers of the army.”

 

“You're not serious…” Bellamy expresses in disbelief.

 

“Of fucking course.” Octavia rolls her eyes irritated. “I get kicked out of Polis, relieved of my duties for a month and deprived of my General’s sword but he just gets a scolding and two guards to watch over him … awesome.”

 

Lexa’s brows furrow, analyzing what Octavia is saying.

 

“Octavia, you almost killed her!” Clarke justifies.

 

“I was not going to do that!” Octavia defends herself but soon gives up “whatever, you’ve always had a soft spot for Bellamy.”

 

The last sentence doesn’t sound good in Lexa’s ears.

 

“For Christ sake Octavia, you are a warrior; but Bellamy…” Clarke makes a gesture with her hand, “he would be the one in danger here.”

 

“Hey!” Bellamy protests offended.

 

“So you are protecting him!” Lexa accuses, jealous of how caring Clarke seems to be for the man.

 

“That’s not… Oh my God!” Clarke pinches the bridge of her nose; feeling things are getting ridiculously out of hand.

 

The lack of response from her girlfriend only makes Lexa feel even angrier, but she refuses to make a scene in front of her. “I… I better go.” She opts to leave the training area in peace.

 

“Lexa, wait!” Clarke’s call falls on deaf ears as Lexa stomps away from the training area. Watching helplessly the retreating figure of her girl, she now requests her friend’s attention, “Octavia.”

 

The General waits for the command, assuming automatically her authoritative posture.

 

“You know what to do.” Saying that Clarke storms off the field, not bothering to spare Bellamy a glance.

 

Bellamy refrains from stopping Clarke, sure if he does, he will only be digging his own grave.

 

Both siblings observe silently as Clarke disappears from their view.

 

That is of course until Octavia can’t help to point out. “Told ya, you’re screwed.”

 

…

 

Late that night; unable to sleep, Lexa sits up in her bed deep in thought. She can’t understand why she is so upset by what Bellamy told her. _‘What if they slept together? It happened a long time ago, it shouldn’t bother me like this, I shouldn’t care; ugh_ ’ she groans powerlessly. Truth be told, she has always been resentful of the fact that Clarke seems to care about him more than anybody else –even in her previous life. The idea of them being intimate, of Clarke in the arms of that man infuriates Lexa to no end, more than imagining Clarke with any other girl.  Lexa just can’t understand why Bellamy is so important in Clarke’s life, why she – as Octavia pointed out- has such a soft spot for him; especially knowing the horrible things he has done to her people. She keeps going around the same issue in her head for a while until she hears a knock on the door.

 

“Lexa, can I come in?” Clarke’s hushed voice comes through from behind the door.

 

Lexa exhales loudly. She was aware Clarke would want to talk to her about the incident but she didn’t imagine it would be this soon. “Yes,” she calls with resignation.

 

Clarke makes her way inside slowly, stepping closer to the bed but not imposing her presence; waiting for Lexa to give her some sort of acknowledgment, when she gets it she starts. “I’m sorry about what happened there, he had no right to…”

 

“Now you’re going to apologize for him too?” Lexa spats before she can stop herself.

 

The hostile response causes Clarke to wince, regretting her choice of words. “No of course not, I just think it was my fault, I should have prevented it, I don’t know; have him followed or something.”

 

In her defense, Clarke seems genuinely sorry, not in search of excusing her friend, Lexa can tell; but still there is a nagging sensation in her heart. And apparently it is evident.

 

“Lexa talk to me, what’s wrong.” Clarke can see there is more than Bellamy’s impertinence bothering her girlfriend.

 

Lexa looks to the side, avoiding Clarke’s gaze.

 

“Hey! We promised to be honest with each other; to say what’s on our minds?” Clarke reminds her.

 

That is an argument Lexa can’t argue with. “I just…” She hesitates not sure if she should bring up the topic right now; finally she decides to go for it. “I want to know what you saw in him?”

 

“huh?”

 

“I’m talking about you and him…”

 

“What about me and him? What do you mean?” Clarke is truly confused.

 

With a sigh of annoyance at the necessity to actually say it word by word, Lexa continues. “He told me you and him had slept together… plenty of times.” She ends the sentence with bile in her throat.

 

“He did what?!” Clarke exclaims incredulously. She then turns around running a hand through her hair. “Jesus that asshole,” she mutters under her breath.

 

“So it’s true huh? Lexa concludes with shoulders sunk at Clarke’s silence.

 

“hmm?” Clarke shakes her head to get rid of the images of her murdering Bellamy in different ways. “You wanna know if I slept with him?” She questions, and when she receives a reluctant nod Clarke clears her throat and replies “well, yes I have.”

 

Lexa is not sure if it is the way Clarke chose to answer or if it is the answer per se but she can feel her blood boiling inside of her veins; she can’t stand it, actually she doesn’t want to. “Could you please leave me alone? I don’t feel like talking with you anymore.” She tries to sound respectful but firm. She is so into her own sulking that she misses Clarke’s little smirk.

 

It is quite a surprise, but Clarke never imagined she would enjoy seeing Lexa this jealous. She knows it’s kinda cruel, especially if Bellamy is the one involved of all the people, but man! It is so satisfying. Either way she doesn’t allow herself to enjoy it more than she should - and before Lexa kicks her out- Clarke adds. “We’ve slept together, as in the verb sleep, Lexa!”

 

Lexa’s head snaps up at the comment, hearing clearly but the jealousy not allowing her to understand it fully.

 

Now that she has Lexa’s full attention, Clarke elaborates. “During those years of war we would end up in the most unexpected circumstances and places. Sometimes awake for days, and others with barely time to close an eye; and well usually the accommodations weren’t exactly the most appropriate or the weather not the most clement so, we would be forced to share a bed,” she shrugs dismissively.

 

“But…”

 

 “But I assure you,” Clarke cuts Lexa off before she can make any assumption, “nothing ever happened between us. I have never seen him as a man; he is like a brother to me and nothing more,” she asserts.

 

It is a very compelling explanation, Lexa knows it makes sense; but she just needs to get something off her chest. “I don’t understand”

 

Clarke lifts a brow, to prompt Lexa to continue.

 

“Why is he so important to you after all he has done to my people… to you; I … I don’t get it?”

 

“Oh.” Clarke considers for a second or two, choosing her words carefully before replying. “We were so young when everything happened, I needed someone to rely on; we suddenly became leaders… we’ve gone through a lot together.” She loses herself in her own memories as she speaks. “I know it may sound as if I’m justifying his actions but I understand why he did certain things. We were lost back then; not even knowing what was right or wrong at some moments, crossing so many lines; we needed desperately to hold on to something, we needed guidance, but there wasn’t any,” Clarke swallows her own regrets. “We had to move with what we had, follow our instincts and hope we were doing the right thing. So yeah, I get it.”

 

“And you forgave him that easily? You’re willing to forget all his transgressions just like that?”

 

“No,” Clarke states confidently. “Because I know that behind the joy of living in peace, behind his family and new life... he is still haunted by his actions. I don’t need to punish him every single day for his wrong doings, I don’t need to remind him of the innocent people he killed; his conscious takes care of that just fine; and that will follow him forever.” She ends with a blank stare, putting her arms around herself; keeping to herself the _“like it does with all of us.”_

 

Still not convinced but completely able to relate; Lexa decides to put the topic to rest. She stands up, and does what her heart is telling her to do: comfort her woman.

 

They embrace in the quietness of the room for a long while; each of them with their own ghosts haunting them.

 

“We are here now.” Lexa murmurs some minutes later. “If you survived the worst this world threw at you and I came back from the dead; I think shushing our demons can’t be that hard.”

 

Clarke gives a bittersweet smile at the irony. “We can try” she whispers back, clutching onto Lexa tightly. And at that moment, in the arms of her love; where only the two of them exist she really believes they can do anything.

 

…

 

With a peck goodnight the evening ended for the both of them; but Clarke had other things in store for someone else.

 

…

 

Bellamy’s door slams against the wall startling him awake. Even in his groggy state he is pretty sure who the person is that barged into the room that way.

 

“Stand up!!” Clarke orders once she is inside.

 

“What now?” Bellamy rubs the sleep from his eyes as he rises from the bed. “I already feel like a prisoner here.”

 

Clarke completely disregards what he just said and comes straight to the point. “Why the fuck did you say something like that to her?!”

 

“Oh that,” Bellamy chuckles. “Well, it is the truth, right? I mean I’ve been in your bed many times; she didn’t really ask me to specify in what sense” he shrugs; sarcasm in his tone.

 

The answer is not at all satisfactory to Clarke. “What were you trying to achieve; hmm? Aggravate her? Hurt her?”

 

“I don’t know, but it worked.”

 

The smug attitude he is displaying only works to unnerve Clarke; she wants nothing more than to wallop the damn smirk off his face. “Idiot,” she mutters and strides towards Bellamy.

 

The man is caught off guard by Clarke’s sudden proximity, forcing him to take a step back.

 

“Listen to me you asshole;” Clarke fixes her eyes on Bellamy, intimidatingly so. “If you ever dare put a finger on her again, if you as much as breathe in her direction, I swear on my father’s memory that I will personally take care of you myself.” And just like she did with Octavia, her hand moves close to her gun in a very obvious demonstration of what she is referring to.

 

But Clarke hasn't anything to worry about as Bellamy gets the message loud and clear. He involuntarily gulps, seeing in Clarke’s eyes that the threat is as real as the air they breathe.

 

“Have I made myself clear?” Clarke asks in her characteristic raspy voice, one she reserves for insolent subjects.

 

At the expectant glower he is getting, Bellamy complies clearing his throat “yes; very clear.”

 

“Good.” With that Clarke, in a subconscious way to establish her authority, shoves Bellamy away.

 

Bellamy falls back on the bed, stunned and a bit frighten; having never seen this side of his friend before.

 

Clarke storms out of the room, hoping he has learned his lesson: No one messes around with her or Lexa. She will protect her relationship at all cost, even if she has to go against her own grain.

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa vs Bellamy part 2. Lexa has an unexpected- and uncomfortable- encounter. Clarke must admit a bitter truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! After some struggling with writer’s block I’m here with a new chapter. Hope you don’t mind the slow pace or the filler sensation but I feel some things needed to be explained. Don’t forget to leave comments, you know I’m a sucker for those! And if you have any questions or simply wanna chat find me on Tumblr as Moreorlez. 
> 
> Ps. Can you believe this fic will be a year old this week?! wow I should come up with an idea to celebrate the occasion...

 

 

Since the early morning hours, the different clan leaders and their respective entourages started arriving in Polis; which meant Clarke was for the most part busy… busy enough not to notice what Lexa was up to.

 

…

 

Bellamy is packing his knapsack with the few things he had brought - realizing he wouldn't be staying as long as he imagined – when he senses someone's presence. He turns around cautiously, encountering Lexa leaning against the wall with her arms crossed.

 

“You are aware Clarke will kill me if she sees you here, right?” He states as a sort of warning.

 

“Oh, is that so?” Lexa sneers, “should I call her then?”

 

“Whatever,” Bellamy resumes his packing “say what you have to say and leave before I call the guards.”

 

“I doubt they will come to your rescue,” Lexa shrugs.

 

Giving up on his task and again facing the young brunette Bellamy asks, “so are you gonna kill me now?”

 

“Oh, I want to. I could … it would be so easy.” Lexa confesses unrestrained “but after some thought I decided you must live and endure the consequences of your actions.”

 

Bellamy frowns not liking Lexa’s judgmental tone. “I don’t know what the hell they said to you but you have no idea what you’re talking about; you are a kid, you don’t understand.” He tries to minimize what Lexa is implying.

 

Lexa wants to refute his statement, to say she knows every single detail, to yell at him that she was there; she saw with her own eyes the lifeless bodies of her innocent people on the field, that she cried in silence the atrocity and absurdity of their deaths, that her heart still constricts at the memory of it all. But there’s no point, Lexa doesn’t really want to get into an argument with the man, besides she finds him not worthy of knowing the power of the spirits and the gift they offered to her. She glares at him in silence, her eyes saying more than she ever could.

              

“What is it that you’re looking for?” Bellamy demands, “Clarke’s throne? Her complete trust and devotion?” He shakes his head in disapproval and complements “Well at least those last two you have already so leave me alone.”

 

Once again Lexa finds herself wanting to call out on all of Bellamy’s stupid accusations but ignores it in favor of letting him know what is exactly on her mind. “Clarke may have forgiven you but I haven't, nor has the innocent blood of my people.”

 

“Get the hell out of here” Bellamy suddenly exclaims.

 

Taking notice that she is indeed touching a nerve, Lexa continues. “What? You afraid of admitting your crimes?” She advances toward him provokingly. “Do their innocent faces haunt you at night? Does the weight of their souls hang over your conscious? 

 

“Guards!” Bellamy yells having enough. “GUARDS!”

 

“There's no point!” Lexa remarks with anger. “They are not here to protect you; they are here to protect us from you.”

 

When none of the guards respond to his call, Bellamy runs to the door and swings it open; only to find the guards are gone. He stands at the threshold- with his back to Lexa -grasping the door with frustration, debating whether to leave or just confront the girl; wondering what else she is going to…

 

“I heard that you married a grounder, that you are a father now.”

 

Bellamy tenses at the words, never expecting the girl to mention his family; not having a clue where she is going with this. But it is too late to back down now, so he slowly turns around, facing Lexa; his features hardened.

 

“Tell me Bellamy of the Sky people when you look at your family do you remember the faces of those you killed mercilessly?” Lexa prods stepping closer, almost face to face with him, “is that why you married a grounder in the first place? To find absolution?” 

 

There is no need for Bellamy to say what he is thinking, his expression reveals exactly the mixture of remorse, shame and rage that is inside of him.

 

Pleased that she has him exactly where she wanted, Lexa charges. “Well I hope every time you see them smile and grow older you remember the ones you deprived with those same privileges.  Every time you stare into their eyes I want you to remember the faces of those who died by your hands…”

 

Bellamy gulps, his fists tight against his body in contained fury and impotence; hoping he isn't being too obvious with his emotions. He wants so badly to hush her but, how can he? When everything she is saying hits home; making him question things he never really asked himself before. A storm of thoughts blows through his mind evoking memories he had long buried deep in the corners of his brain.

 

 “… I hope you will always hear their voices inside your head, as they shall never be silent… and if you ever dare to try, have no doubt I will be close by to remind you.” Having said that Lexa pushes past Bellamy, exiting the room but before she completely disappears she cranes her neck to the side giving Bellamy a sidelong glance and mutters. “Don’t you ever forget Sky man, whether you like it or not your wife and kids are grounders, my blood… my people.”

 

It is not until Bellamy hears Lexa’s steps fading away that he closes the door and drags his sudden heavy body to the bed. He sits on the edge of the mattress staring blankly at the wall for several minutes. For a moment there he forgets about his present, his family, his wife; only images of the night he and Pike killed all those grounders flash in front of his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Bellamy mumbles in the emptiness of the room as his head falls onto his hands in desperation, he clutches tightly to it with eyes closed, disgusted and angry with himself. “I’m sorry” he repeats once again with despair in his voice. Finally, tired of keeping it inside he lets the emotion pour out of him – like he did only once before in the arms of Myrreh- and cries out loud.

 

….

 

“The Sky people chancellor Marcus Kane.” The guard announces at the door of the throne room, signaling for the guest to enter.

 

“Commander,” Kane greets on bended knee.

 

Clarke nods at him and then signals to the guard to leave the premises.

 

Kane stands up when he hears the doors close behind him and walks toward the throne.

 

“Marcus,” Clarke descends the steps and meets the man half way.

 

“It’s been a while,” Kane embraces Clarke in a loving hug.

 

After they pull away, Indra comes in and welcome's the man too. “It’s so nice to see you Kane” she extends her arm, a smile on her face.

 

“Hey there, my friend,” Kane responds with the same sentiment. “I must confess I’ve really missed you and our long talks, do you think there’s a way to fix that?”

 

“Hm,” Indra arks a brow in mock consideration “perhaps we can have a drink after the meeting and catch up?” She offers mischievously; using sky people’s terminology.

 

“I would love that” Kane grins in complicity.

 

With their friendly reunion settled Indra politely retreats to her position to give them some privacy.

 

“I heard congratulations are in order,” Kane points out teasingly.

 

Clarke chuckles looking over to the side, blushing; but she recovers quickly. “Um, thanks; and I’m sure you have something to say about the matter,” she remarks defensively.

 

“Well…” Kane purses his lips, “I do have a question if you don’t mind.”

 

Before Clarke has a chance to object, the query Markus presents catches her off guard.

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“Uh.” Clarke blinks the surprise out of herself, confused as to whether he is being serious or not. But when she sees the honest concern in his eyes she feels confident enough to reply. “Yes, I actually am.”

 

“Good,” Kane offers a kind smile; placing a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “That’s all that matters to me.”

 

It is a relief for Clarke to have this kind of support, especially coming from a man who in many ways has been a father figure in her life. She gives Kane a shy smile in gratitude but refrains from making any comment.

 

“So where’s Bellamy?” Kane suddenly asks remembering the man was already in Polis.

 

“Um.” Clarke can’t help the switch in her mood at the mention of her meddlesome friend. “He is in his room, he won’t be taking part in the meeting I’m afraid.”

 

The tone of finality in Clarke’s voice is what causes Kane not to go further with the topic, guessing that something bad must have happened. “Oh well, I will see him later then,” he clears his throat and changes the topic. “I hope you can find some time in your busy schedule to have dinner with me and your mother later tonight.”

 

“Mo-mom is here?!”

 

…

 

“Hey,” Abby knocks on Bellamy’s open door, lifting a brow when she finds him reading a book in bed.

 

“Abby,” Bellamy rapidly adopts a sitting position. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

 

“Yeah, it was a last minute decision,” she shrugs as she walks closer to Bellamy. Then she looks behind her and using a softer tone she enquires, “what’s with all that?”

 

“You don’t wanna know,” Bellamy replies bitterly knowing she is evidently referring to the guards.

 

“What?” Abby gets curious “what happened” she demands.

 

Bellamy releases a long deep sigh, preparing for what he is about to disclose. “Look Abby, I’m just gonna give you a piece of advice,” he leans his body closer to the woman and in all seriousness, he adds, “if you don’t want to get on Clarke’s bad side leave the girl alone.”

 

Abby opens her mouth to question what he is referring to but Bellamy carries on.

 

“Whatever you had planned to do or say to Lexa, just forget it; let her be,” he pauses, lost in thought for a second before finalizing, “cause if you don’t Clarke will make your life a living hell and I can assure you, she means it this time.”

 

She can’t really put a finger on it, but Abby could swear she sees fear in Bellamy’s eyes at the warning; a very rare occurrence, particularly concerning Clarke. And as curious as she is she clearly realizes it is not a good time to interrogate the man. “Alright.” Abby nods with a soft smile of understanding. “I’m gonna leave you to it then.” She takes a few steps back until she reaches the exit, “if you need me I’ll be at the clinic.” With that she leaves Bellamy’s room determined to find out what exactly happened to leave him in that state. 

 

…

 

“It’s just a small cut,” Esiry protests while pressing the open wound on her hand.

 

“I know, but we better have it checked out,” Lexa insists. “Besides, I’m sure Octavia will have something to say if her second doesn’t take care of herself.”

 

“Please…” Esiry whines as they near the door of the clinic as she knows what to expect there.

 

Lexa ignores her pleas and pushes her through the clinic’s entrance.

 

“Nightblood!” The young healer in charge of receiving patients yells as soon as he spots the girls at the door.

 

Two other healers come rushing toward them.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Are you in pain?”

 

Esiry rolls her eyes at the excessive –and unnecessary- attention she’s getting. It’s always been like that and she’s kind of sick of it; one of the disadvantages of being a Nightblood. “I’m fine,” she replies curtly as the healers guide her to one of the rooms in the clinic.

 

Lexa walks behind them not intending on leaving Esiry alone.

 

“Doctor,” the girl healer calls from the threshold “cut on the hand, bleeding has ceased. It’s a Nightblood,” she alerts for good measure.

 

“Oh a Nightblood.” The doctor leaves the pad on which she was typing some data and faces the visitors. “Come here” she directs knowing the protocol and urgency in which she must attend to this special type. 

 

 “Doctor Griffin!” Esiry lets out excitedly.

 

“Hello there, and what’s your…” she looks up to address the girl but also takes notice of someone else. “Lexa” she expels with disbelief.

 

“Do-Doctor Griffin.” Lexa greets with shyness and dread, never expecting to encounter the woman.

 

“Jok.” Esiry murmurs to herself suddenly remembering the connection.

 

Abby shakes the initial surprise from her head and goes back to attending physician mood. “Ok, what do we have here.” She takes Esiry’s hand and inspects it carefully. “It’s a relatively deep cut on the back of the hand, no tendon seems to be compromised; it needs some attention but nothing to be concerned about.” Abby finishes by giving Esiry a reassuring smile. “The healers can take care of it just fine.” She directs the last comment to the couple who brought Esiry in.

 

“Yeah, come with us please,” the guy instructs taking Esiry carefully by the arm.

 

Lexa moves to the side allowing the trio to pass and is about to follow them when she hears Abby’s voice.

 

 “Lexa, may I have a word with you, please?”

 

It makes the teen stop dead in her tracks, a cold shiver running down her spine. The only encouragement she receives before facing the woman alone is Esiry’s silent “good luck” look as she disappears down the hallway. Having no other choice and with a heavy heart Lexa makes her way back to Abby.

 

Abby rearranges herself in the chair and clears her throat, waiting for Lexa to get comfortable before starting. “So, you and Clarke huh?”

 

Lexa fights the urge to squirm in the intimidating presence of the woman in front of her. _‘She just wants to talk there’s nothing wrong, just relax, you can handle it.’_ She succeeds in maintaining a sober exterior as she continues to stay upright, hands behind her back in the middle of the room. “Yes, we are officially dating ma’am” Lexa responds honestly.

 

“Hmm.” Abby nods, in contemplation, “good for you.”

 

“Thank you, Doctor Griffin.” Lexa welcomes the good wishes not bothering to wonder if they are sincere or if there is something else she wants to say. But she doesn’t have to keep guessing.

 

“You know, although I’m aware Clarke is the one with the position of authority and the responsibility for making the relationship official rested on her shoulders; I would’ve appreciated it if you would’ve taken some time to let me know about the seriousness of your involvement.” Abby chastises tactfully adding in the process, “cause she may be the Commander Lexa but at the end of the day she’s still my daughter.”

 

No matter how prepared Lexa felt for the woman’s queries or possible attacks; she wasn’t expecting the statement just presented to her. She has no other choice than to concede, “you’re right Doctor Griffin, I apologize for not informing you personally about the nature of my relationship with Clarke.”

 

 “It’s alright,” Abby seems pleased with the admission, but she is far from done, “and since we’re already here; we may as well get to know each other better.” She manages to make it sound more like a threat than an invitation.

 

“Uh,” Lexa gulps unsure of what to do next. It’s not like she can dismiss the woman like she did with Bellamy or Octavia whenever they attempted to pry into her personal affairs; this is Clarke’s mother we are talking about- probably the only person with the right to question Lexa’s intentions.

 

“Where were you born? What did you do back in your hometown?” Abby asks with interest.

 

Despite her best efforts to reply to the questions with poise, Lexa comes to realize she lacks the same confidence she had when she was Heda - in front of Abby at least. It was so easy to look at the doctor with her chin up and able to turn her back on anyone she pleased; her position of power granted her that boldness. But now she was simply a teenager standing in front of her girlfriend's mother, who evidently was concerned and just wanted information regarding a girl she knows nothing about and pretends to share her life with her daughter. _‘For the holy spirits Lexa, say something!’_ Lexa is trying to force herself to come up with words.

 

“Abby, you are here!”

 

A voice comes from the hallway; breaking into the tension.

 

“Hey,” Abby reluctantly greets the intruder.

 

“General,” Lexa addresses Octavia with relief.

 

“Where’s Esiry, is she alright?” Octavia directs the question to both Lexa and Abby.

 

It only takes a couple of seconds for Abby to guess who she is referring to. “The Nightblood?” When Octavia nods she updates, “I already took a look at her, she’s gonna be fine; she’s currently being tended to by the healers.”

 

“Oh good!” Octavia sighs relieved. “Lexa” she calls out to the teen who stands at attention, “you’ll keep an eye on Esiry for me and make sure she’s well rested. I need to go back to the tower soon and probably won’t be available until tomorrow morning.  Come with me.”

 

“Yes General.” Lexa begins to walk away, turning briefly toward Abby to bid her farewell, “ma’am.”

 

“I’ll see you later!” Octavia waves at Abby before leaving the premises.

 

Once again alone, Abby leans her body on the backrest of the chair with frustration. “Damn it!” She curses her luck and the missed opportunity. _‘I have to know more about this girl, I have to find a way.’_

 

…

 

Outside and already far away from the doctor, Octavia warns. “OK from now on, you better watch your back, try to stay away from Abby as much as possible if you don’t want to be interrogated.”

 

“Wait!!” Lexa stops abruptly, “that was on purpose? Clarke sent you to rescue me from her mother?”

 

“Yes.” Octavia confirms but quickly adds “and before you start whining about how Clarke is being overprotective and shit, believe me you needed the escape; Abby can be a royal pain in the ass when she wants.” The General rolls her eyes reminiscing how stubborn and nosy the woman could be, “besides we don’t really know what she wants from you, so best thing you can do is wait until she’s gone before thinking on going back to the tower”

 

If she had any objections, Lexa doesn’t let it be known, she simply nods; secretly glad she doesn’t have to deal with Clarke’s mother in the near future. “OK.”

 

“Now take me to Esiry, there are some things I need to say to that overexcited second.”

 

…

 

The meeting went smoothly as expected; all clan leaders agreed the new law made complete sense and in a matter of minutes they all approved it and signed the required paperwork.

 

Clarke was relieved the meeting was over, at the same time she dreaded the ending because it meant she was free to meet up with her mother; not that she didn’t miss the woman, but given the circumstances she knew what the topic was going to be about and was quite tired of fighting over the same stuff –especially when it was nobody’s business. She met with Kane and Abby in the dining hall and after the mandatory hugs they sat down and enjoyed a delightful meal.

 

To Clarke’s surprise Abby didn’t mention Lexa during the first part of their conversation which triggered her curiosity. “Octavia told me she saw you with Lexa at the clinic,” she asks with no intentions to hide her apprehension. 

 

“Yes, we were just chatting,” Abby responds with utmost tranquility.

 

Kane glances from mother to daughter, knowing this is not going to end well.

 

“What exactly were you two chatting about?”

 

“What?” Abby questions defensively. “So now I’m not allowed to exchange some words with the girlfriend of my daughter?”

 

“Of course you are,” Clarke retorts. “I was just wondering what you could possibly be discussing with her, I mean you don’t even know each other.”

 

“Well actually that's not my fault” Abby counteracts annoyed. “I see that it is easier for you to go to another town and let your girlfriend´s parents know about your relationship, but it’s too much of a bother for you to tell your own mother anything about your life.”

 

That’s Kane’s cue to flee. “OK, ladies.” He takes a napkin and wipes his mouth off quickly. “I promised Indra to have a drink with her tonight, so if you excuse me.” He stands up willing himself to step out of what was about to come. “See you at the bar later?” He checks in with his wife.

 

“Yeah I’ll be there.”

 

With that confirmation, Kane readily leaves the dining hall.

 

The tense silence that followed the exchange is interrupted by Clarke’s unapologetic regret. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you know sooner, but the last time you saw us together you weren’t exactly supportive.”

 

“And you weren’t exactly very civil about the matter,” Abby stubbornly complains.

 

Clarke throws her head back and grunts in frustration; she just can’t win with her mother. But that doesn’t deter her from justifying her actions. “I was only protecting me and her and our relationship, OK? I know you have your opinions, I know you are worried and that’s fine; I understand I swear I do mom, but this is my life, my future, my happiness.” She subconsciously puts a hand on her heart “you have to let me be; you have to stop acting like you know better than me about my own life. It is actually very simple; you either support me or you keep your opinions to yourself.” Saying that Clarke rises from her seat to take off but not before adding less passionately “I don’t wanna fight with you anymore, so please, please I’m begging you mom just… be happy for me.” She places a kiss on her mother’s forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Abby watches Clarke walk away; considering her daughter’s words; second guessing her plans for the next day.

 

…

 

Lexa and Esiry are playing a card game on Esiry’s bed when a knock on the open door catches their attention.

 

“Am I interrupting,” Clarke asks with a smirk.

 

“Wanheda,” Esiry jumps up from the bed to an upright position.

 

“Hey” Lexa darts toward Clarke giving her a hello peck.

 

Esiry looks away embarrassed at the display of affection, not wanting to disrespect her Commander.

 

 But Clarke doesn’t seem to mind, she beams at her girl but then focuses her attention on the other teen. “I heard you got hurt during practice; how are you feeling?”

 

“Oh, I’m great Commander; it was just a scratch.” Esiry shows her bandaged hand to Clarke.

 

Clarke’s attention is suddenly drawn to the teen’s hand and the black blood stains on the bandages. She is involuntarily transported to the night she tended Lexa’s similar wound after she defeated Roan. She looks to the side, finding Lexa apparently having the same recollection.

 

They lock eyes on one another, with longing and tenderness in their gazes; the memory fresh on their minds bringing a bittersweet sensation to both their hearts.

 

That is until Esiry clears her throat uncomfortably, breaking the spell.

 

“Right uh…” Clarke reacts first. “We should get going, let Esiry rest.”

 

“Sure yeah,” Lexa shakes her head to come to her senses.

 

Esiry barely contains the mock heaving sound she wants to make at how disgustingly in love they look. “see you later,” she finally lets out in Lexa’s direction. “Commander,” she bows her head, watching Clarke and Lexa as they walk away.

 

…

 

Already secure behind Lexa’s door, Clarke ventures. “I hope my mother didn’t give you a hard time earlier at the clinic.” She wants to make sure Abby didn’t cause any trouble.

 

“She just caught me off guard. She didn’t really have time to do anything since Octavia came to my rescue,” she remembers with relief; which brings another topic to the table. “By the way she was very opportune… you’re not having me followed again are you?” Suspicion colors her tone of voice.

 

“Oh no, no of course not!” Clarke hurries to clarify. “I found out she was here thanks to Kane and I evidently assumed she would be at the clinic; so I sent Octavia to check on you cause I couldn’t go myself, you know the meeting.” She hopes her explanation is satisfactory.

 

“Hmm” Lexa pretends to meditate on the response, “alright I believe you.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes at the silliness of her girlfriend.

 

“I love when you get all protective on me,” Lexa confesses with a shy smile.

 

“And I love taking care of you,” Clarke declares sweetly.

 

But the sweetness doesn’t last long.

 

 “I know other ways you can take care of me,” Lexa murmurs seductively; making it sound as an invitation and a challenge at the same time.

 

And Clarke accepts both gladly. She sprints toward Lexa, grabbing the back of her neck forcefully and joining their lips in a hungry kiss.

 

It’s been a while, for both of them, to be so close to each other, devouring their mouths like this. The desire emerges like a fire waiting to be ignited making them lose themselves in their passion.

 

Lexa pulls Clarke against her body by the hips, humming with delight at the proximity.

 

Clarke responds in kind, pinning Lexa against the nearest wall.

 

Their hands roam desperately around contours and hair. It is so good and hot, both enjoying the reactions they get from one another.  

 

Soon Lexa wants more. Her fingers move to the buttons of Clarke’s jacket wishing to get rid of the article as quickly as she can. She gets side tracked at the third button though; the view of Clarke’s cleavage results in her changing her tactics and instead of removing the jacket she grasps Clarke’s breasts with both hands.

 

That makes Clarke moan loudly with pleasure.

 

Encouraged by the response, Lexa moves a hand down, pulling at Clarke’s shirt in search of skin. When she finds it, she groans at the warmth and softness of it, she can’t get enough of it. “Clarke…” she rasps in her lover’s mouth. Her most carnal instincts and teenage hormones take over, guiding her hand south, at Clarke’s belt buckle.

 

But something deep within inside of Clarke cracks at the action. “Wait!” She exclaims putting a hand on top of Lexa’s.

 

“woah wha…”

 

“I’m sorry Lexa I can’t I…” Clarke takes a step back, panicking.

 

“Clarke …” Lexa attempts to reach for Clarke but two hands stop her.

 

“Don’t please!” Clarke verbalizes confused and anxious. “I don’t want… I… I gotta go” without more explanation and not even bothering to look back at Lexa, Clarke runs away from the scene.

 

Lexa remains stunned in place having a very clear idea of what happened to her woman. “Fuck, what have I done!”

 

 


	29. One-year Anniversary Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!! I bet you didn’t expect to see a new chapter so soon huh? lol but don’t get used to it this is a special chapter for a special occasion: AND WE MEET AGAIN IS ONE YEAR OLD!!! Omg I can’t believe I’ve been writing this fic for a year!!! It’s my longest fic to date, it’s a huge deal for me as a fic writer and of course I wanted to celebrate it with you! Mind you this chapter is not really a continuation of the story, it’s basically flashbacks that fill certain gaps regarding what happened in the past; it may not be perfect or exactly what you expected but I really wanted to share this with all of you. You can either accept it as AWMA canon or simply as a fun loose chapter; it’s completely up to you but there’s only one thing certain here; this is a present.  
> A present for those readers who have stuck with the story from the very beginning through thick and thin, supporting me with their comments and patience (you are my bitches foreva), also for the ones who read the fic in one go and got hooked (lol you cray cray) and for those silent readers that like my fic but are too shy to say a word (c’mon you guys its time! I need some love.)  
> I’m happy that thanks to this story I earned not only faithful readers but also good friends and that’s one of the most satisfying things of this hobby of mine (I don’t mind the number incrising though so if you feel like chatting go to tumblr and find me as Moreorlez.)  
> Anyways this chapter is my thank you for accompanying me all this year and making me feel I’m doing something good (especially you Roxy50 for making this fic understandable; without you this wouldn’t be possible.)  
> Hope you all like and enjoy my gift. (Next chapter we continue with the story.) Don’t forget to let me know what ya think!

 

 

 

**15 years ago**

 

They really don’t know how it all began.

 

After Clarke stopped the bombs from exploding, effectively saving the world; ended the war that ensued because of the flame and then persuaded Roan and other hesitant clan leaders to join her cause, she gained the respect -and fear- of the grounders. From there it wasn’t that hard to convince them to change their former way of choosing a commander and adopting a more democratic attitude. As expected they unanimously designated Clarke as their next commander and of course she accepted the honor.

 

Unfortunately, a large number of Ice Nation people didn’t like the idea of someone from the sky clan -a filthy foreigner- taking power and most importantly changing their traditions.

 

Unofficially for several months Clarke had taken control but in order to respect Lexa’s legacy she agreed to perform an ascension ceremony.

 

And precisely that was the day the rebels chose to start their revolution, irrupting into the ceremony, with only one as their intended target.

 

“They are after Clarke” Octavia yells, removing her sword from the sheath and running to protect her friend.

 

Bellamy -rifle in hand- follows right behind her.

 

“You have to come with us,” Octavia warns Clarke.

 

Clarke looks around the chaos for a possible way out, “there!” She points toward a relatively free passage.

 

The three of them successfully scurry from the now messy and crowded throne room.

 

“Stop!” Octavia guides them behind a wall. “They are blocking the stairs, we need back up!” And just as if she had summoned the help, Indra appears from the other side, followed by warriors who also are protecting Abby and Kane.

 

“Clarke!” Abby holds her daughter’s face with both her hands.

 

“Mom!” Clarke takes her mother’s hand and gives it a kiss. “If I stay here I will only put everyone in danger; they are after me… I need to go.”

 

“Yes, you must and you have to do it fast while we still can hold them back,” Indra advices.

 

“We are going with her; you stay here and try to distract them.” Octavia indicates.

 

Indra nods firmly staring at her apprentice.

 

Silent “take care”, “good luck”, “I’m so proud of you” are communicated in both warriors’ sights.

 

At the eminent separation Abby, envelopes Clarke in a tight hug containing her tears.

 

“May we meet again,” Clarke pulls away and with a final glance at her mother, Indra and Kane; she prepares for the escape.

 

Indra gives her warriors the signal to get ready. “Now!”

 

They charge against the Ice Nation warriors by the stairs, giving Clarke, Octavia and Bellamy enough space and time to get out.

 

…

 

Jahnisce watches with a huge grin on her face how beautiful eleven-month-old Lexa takes her first clumsy steps. “You’re doing great my little one,” she encourages her child's efforts.

 

Lexa extends her tiny arms and reaches for her mother’s legs, screeching triumphantly at the achievement and holding onto them tightly.

 

“Very good my baby.” Jahnisce beams, caressing her daughter’s hair. That is until she hears the flap of the tent slap open.

 

A very perturbed Malku breathes heavily, standing at the entrance.

 

“Malku, what’s going on?” Jahnisce asks concerned.

 

“The rebels, they attacked the city… they almost killed Wanheda.”

 

Jahnisce gasps, her hands flying to her mouth in shock.

 

At that same instant, Lexa’s tiny lips form a pout and begin to tremble; her little heart constricting with feelings she doesn’t understand. Confused and overwhelmed she erupts into loud wails. 

 

“Hey,” Jahnisce takes Lexa in her arms and holds her tight against her chest.

 

“This is going to get ugly Jahnisce,” Malku ventures with fear. “I can’t keep ignoring the spirits, they are warning me about the dangers of the rebellion;” he swallows making a hard decision. “We have to find a safe place, we have to leave now.”

 

“OK, yes lets go.” Still with baby Lexa crying in her arms, Jahnisce helps her husband in gathering the necessary articles they will need for their journey.

 

They part in a hurry, no more than fifteen minutes later to an unknown destination.

 

…

**A week later**

 

“I’ll check the area you two wait here,” Bellamy instructs as he goes deeper into the woods.

 

Clarke and Octavia sit under a tree, trying to get some rest after long hours of walking. It hasn’t been easy for the three of them to find secure places to hide while being pursued. They never seemed to catch a break as the rebels were coming out of nowhere in the most unexpected moments. Today of course wasn’t any different; their short break was interrupted by the sound of a sword in the distance. Both Octavia and Clarke dash toward the source of the sounds.

 

…

 

Bellamy didn’t see it coming. One second he was stepping carefully among the trees and the next his rifle was unexpectedly snatched from his hands. He spins around reaching for his gun but his belt has been cut off and has fallen onto the ground. “Fuck,” he attempts to reach it again, but a hard slap on his face disorients him, forcing him backwards.

 

“What is a Sky man doing fighting for the rebels?” A woman with war paint on her face, arms covered in tattoos, questions with disdain.

 

“I’m not- ugh,” Bellamy’s reply is cut off by the woman's sword scratching him on the arm.

 

“Hush traitor Sky man,” the woman spats, striking again.

 

Bellamy barely avoids the blows coming in his direction, the sword whooshing toward his face more times that he can count, occasionally slamming against the trees or scratching his skin. Desperate and taking an opportunity, he manages to punch the woman in the face.

 

…Bad idea.

 

Infuriated and with her nose dripping blood the woman holds Bellamy by his hair and slams his head against a tree trunk.

 

The impact is so strong that Bellamy bounces against the trunk and falls on his back onto the ground. From then on, he only feels the woman kicking him in the stomach, face and arms when he weakly attempts to protect himself.

 

Bellamy is at the verge of losing consciousness when the woman lifts her sword, aims it at his chest and pronounces solemnly “Yu gonplei ste odon.”

 

“STOP!” Octavia yells before the woman has a chance to sink the sword down into Bellamy.

 

The woman jerks her head in Octavia’s direction, annoyed by the interruption, but all the attitude she may have had drops at the vision of the girl a few meters away, “Skairipa!”

 

“Oh my God!” Clarke exclaims behind Octavia, when she spots Bellamy’s form on the ground. “What did you do!” She sprints toward her friend to check on his condition.

 

“Wanheda!” The woman takes a few steps back, confused and shocked by the presence of the two women. “Do you know him?” She questions Octavia.

 

“He’s my brother,” Comes Octavia’s reply through gritted teeth.

 

“Presh keryon!” The woman exclaims, her blood running cold. “I had no idea….” she looks at Octavia with genuine regret. “Wanheda…” she falls to her knees in front of Clarke. “I apologize for my wrong doing, I didn’t know…”

 

Clarke glares at her briefly before continuing to check on Bellamy.

 

“What’s your name?” Octavia asks as she approaches the woman.

 

“I’m Myrreh,” the woman supplies. “I’m in charge of protecting this area from the rebels and keeping them away from my village.”

 

“He is severely wounded,” Clarke informs Octavia with dread. “He needs immediate attention; he won’t be able to continue.”

 

“I can take him to my village,” Myrreh offers as a solution. “We have a healer there.”

 

“OK,” Octavia nods and then turns to Clarke, “we can stay there for a few days and…”

 

“No,” Clarke declines. “I can’t risk these people’s lives; the rebels may burn the village down if they find out I’m there.”

 

“Then what do we do?” Octavia inquires not sure what Clarke is suggesting.

 

After quick consideration Clarke declares “you’re going to take care of him and I…” she gulps with resignation “I will carry on alone.”

 

“No fucking way,” Octavia argues. “I’m not leaving you by yourself, it’s too dangerous.”

 

“I know but…”” Clarke chances a glance in Myrreh’s direction and drags Octavia by the shoulder to get her to move away. With some distance created she whispers, “we can’t leave him alone with them in this condition; he’s not exactly a grounder’s favorite.”

 

 “Ugh, Clarke,” Octavia wants to refute but knows her friend is right.

 

“When he’s better you two go back to Polis and help Indra fight the rebels.” She puts a hand on Octavia’s shoulder, “I’ll find a way to let you know where I am.”

 

“But…”

 

“Hey,” Clarke gives Octavia a reassuring squeeze, “I’m gonna be fine.”

 

There’s nothing left to do and Octavia has no other choice than to accept it. She leans forward enveloping Clarke in her arms. “Take care,” she murmurs softly before pulling away.

 

“I will,” Clarke offers a sly smile, “you too.” Her eyes lie then on Bellamy’s form, sad expression on her features. “You better take good care of my friends, warrior,” she suddenly redirects her attention to Myrreh and points at her menacingly. “Your life depends on their safety.”

 

“Ye-yes Wanheda, as you wish” Myrreh, head down, promises with undeniable honesty.

 

With that assurance and determined to continue on her own, Clarke turns around and disappears into the woods.

 

…

 

Secured inside a cave, Jahnisce cuddles a strangely edgy Lexa. She had always been a well behaved baby so she doesn’t understand this abrupt change.

 

“It’s the charged atmosphere,” Malku had told her earlier. “As soon as this is over and we settle down again in one place, she’s gonna be back to normal, don’t worry.”

 

Jahnisce chooses to believe that is the only reason her little girl has been so restless. “My little one you have to sleep, OK?” She coos, giving Lexa a kiss on her forehead.

 

Lexa closes her eyes finding comfort in her mother’s arms and relaxing a bit when she hears the soft voice of Jahnisce singing her a lullaby.

 

…

 

The desert; was the only place Clarke knew of for sure that could give her some advantage toward her enemies since it would be easier to notice them in the distance. The problem is her water supply ran out the day before and has no idea where or when she could get more.

 

Clarke drags her exhausted and thirsty body across the hot sand of the desert. She can’t remain upright anymore; she lets her body fall near a dune, hoping it can conceal her for a while at least. _'I    just need a few minutes; gather some strength, and then I can continue,’_ Clarke attempts to convince herself. Unfortunately for her, she is more tired than she originally thought and in a matter of seconds she falls into a deep sleep.

 

…

 

A splash of water on her face wakes Clarke up from her slumber.

 

“Wanheda.” A woman calls out in a loud voice, “wake up! They are near and we need to get you out of here!”

 

Still unsettled Clarke looks around “what-what…” she stares at the woman in the face for a second but then her attention is drawn to the canteen in the woman’s hands. “Water,” she exclaims yanking the object from the woman’s grasp and drinking the liquid for dear life.

 

“Hurry up my child, we have to leave soon.”

 

Satisfied and more alert of the urgency of her situation Clarke sighs deeply and gives the woman back her canteen.

 

“This way, I have the perfect spot for you to hide; come!” The woman signals with her head wasting no time.

 

“Wait!” Clarke grabs the woman’s arm to stop her. When the woman stares at her expectantly she asks, “What’s your name?”

 

“I’m Roda” the middle aged woman replies.

 

 Clarke nods in greeting “thank you, Roda” she adds earnestly.

 

“It is an honor, Wanheda” Roda bows her head respectfully.

 

With acknowledgments exchanged, both women stride to a more secluded place. 

 

…

**3 years later.**

 

It seemed like yesterday for Clarke when she finally arrived back to Polis with a large group of nomads and a plan; that along with Octavia and Indra’s tremendous advances they could finally defeat the rebellion… for a while. They had to fight for nearly three years the constant invasions of these –mostly – Ice Nation rebels, who refused to accept the already ascended Clarke. Those were terrible moments of uncertainty that delayed the progress Clarke had started to work on.

 

Finally, it was all over when Octavia and the Army in a well prepared strategy captured the heads of the movement. Octavia’s victory was so categorical and impressive that it earned her the title of General of the Commander’s Army; handed over by Indra herself.

 

Now, after the official ceremony Clarke observes with a smile on her face how the different clan leaders congratulate and pay respect to their brand new General; followed closely by Indra who looks like a very proud mother bragging about her kid.

 

Nonetheless, as the celebrations came to a close; Octavia fulfills her new duties by informing Clarke about the results of her severe interrogations.

 

“They finally caved in; I know what they are after.”

 

“What do you mean you know? They wanna kill me,” Clarke states like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Um yeah that and…” Octavia pauses to choose the right words but decides there is no other way to say it than just the way it is, “they want the Flame, Clarke.”

 

The mention of the Flame is enough to put Clarke into a defensive mood. “Well then, we have to make sure it remains safe and hidden, as it has been for the past 4 years, right?” She tensely lets out.

 

Octavia opens and closes her mouth hesitating, not sure how to present the next subject.

 

Luckily for her, Indra makes a signal with her hand letting her know she will be the one to bring the news.

 

“Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be enough anymore; with the Flame present as a symbol of power, the rebels will be coming back if not today maybe in later years; but the threat will be a constant during your term.” Indra advances closer to Clarke and carries on. “We had the chance to talk about this subject with the clan leaders and we all came to the same conclusion regarding a final solution to this predicament.”

 

Clarke's face twists with contained anger. “And what solution is that?” She grumbles, already guessing what the answer will be.

 

Indra makes brief eye contact with Octavia, gives a long exhale, and replies firmly, “we must destroy the Flame.”

 

“NO!” Clarke rises from her throne at once. “We’re not touching the Flame, don’t you dare even mention it,” she yells distressed.

 

“Clarke, listen to me; people’s lives are at stake here; the rebels won’t leave us alone, we won’t have peace until the Flame is gone,” Octavia tries to reason.

 

“Shut up!”

 

“We understand how important it is to you,” Indra persuades, “we don’t want to deprive you of what is the only thing you consider you have of Lexa.” She steps right next to Clarke and takes her hand in hers, “don’t you think Lexa would want to save her people? If she knew it was in her power, what do you think she would do?”

 

Clarke shakes her head, tears falling down her cheeks.

 

“Clarke,” Octavia moves closer to her friend. “Don’t be afraid, she’s not going anywhere; her spirit is not only in that chip, she’s here too,” she presses on Clarke’s heart. “Don’t you wanna give Lexa the last opportunity she has to do something for her people? For us?” Octavia adds as a final convincing.

 

“No, no please no” Clarke begs in vain, as she knows what the right thing to do is. “I can’t do it, don’t ask me to do that please no.” 

 

Both Indra and Octavia embrace and console Clarke in what they know is the most difficult decision of her life.

 

…

 

Days later, before dawn, at the back of the tower and in the presence of the thirteen clan leaders, the destruction of the Flame takes place.

 

An evidently brokenhearted Clarke comes slowly to the center, holding onto for dear life a small metal box; one that carries the precious chip.

 

Indra allows some seconds to pass, then she gestures for Clarke to hand it over to the warrior in charge of destroying the Flame.

 

Ceremoniously and with the utmost care, Clarke opens the box and removes the chip. She stares at it with bloodshot eyes and in a moment of weakness she closes her hand, treasuring the object inside her closed palm.

 

Abby, Kane, Raven and Octavia observe the scene with sorrow.

 

Bellamy comes to her side, and nods at her sympathetically, letting her know it is time.

 

Reluctantly and with lips trembling, Clarke gives up the chip to the warrior.

 

…

 

Four year old Lexa sleeps peacefully in the comfort of her new home enveloped in warm furs.  The previous day was an eventful one for her; she attended her first day at what could be called preschool, a new education system Sky people are trying to impose all over the nation. As expected Lexa felt shy at the beginning but at least she made a new friend, a cute blonde girl that she immediately got along with. In all it was a good experience and she couldn’t wait for the next time.

 

…

 

The man takes the chip in his hand and places it cautiously on top of a cut trunk. He then grabs a sledge hammer and waits for the signal.

 

Clarke's body begins to tremble, her legs become weak; her eyes fill with unshed tears.

 

“It’s OK, I got you.” Bellamy puts his arms around Clarke to keep her upright.

 

In what seems an eternity, Indra finally pronounces, “Proceed.”

 

Clarke presses Bellamy’s arm forcefully, sinking her nails in, her teeth chattering.

 

The man nods, lifts the sledge hammer into the air and in one swift move he lets it fall directly onto the Flame.

 

The cracking sound, as it echoes throughout the area, seems to break something inside of Clarke too.

 

“NOOOOOO!”

 

….

 

With a loud gasp Lexa awakes from her deep sleep.

 

…

 

A second blow on the chip for good measure, makes Clarke fall to the ground, emitting a heart wrenching cry.

 

“Oh my god!” Abby turns her face away, tears in her eyes, unable to witness her daughter in so much pain.

 

Kane embraces her, feeling very moved himself.

 

…

 

Covered in sweat, Lexa remains still in her bed; images crossing her mind at a fast speed; images that had been popping in her thoughts from time to time but that didn’t make any sense to her.

 

Until now.

 

…

 

“No baby please… please don’t leave me,” Clarke mumbles in a quiet whisper, lying on the ground.

 

The warrior and the clan leaders exit the scene one by one, giving their Commander privacy to mourn her lost.

 

…

 

Thoughts that Lexa had imagined were random begin to organize piece by piece in her brain, developing a story, becoming memories. 

 

…

 

Clarke crawls until she reaches the trunk, extends her hand and grabs the pieces of the broken Flame and clutches them in her palm. “I’m sorry baby I’m sorry,” she rasps among tears, the little parts of the chip cutting into her skin, drawing blood. “I love you” are her last coherent words before she succumbs to bawls of agony.  

 

…

 

Lexa starts to recognize everything, to remember; but some things stand out more than others.  “May we meet again,” “Life is about more than just surviving,” “I don’t want the next Commander I want you,” “I’ll always be with you.”

 

And it’s the last phrase that brings Lexa back, and with her a name; a name that will give sense to Lexa’s young life, will be the purpose of her coming back… a name on her lips that will certainly be her motivation and her future.

 

Lexa opens her eyes, seeing clearly now; whispering solemnly like it was a prayer that had been waiting years to be pronounced.

 

 “Clarke…”

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa: close but far away. Abby finds out something…what will she do with the info? Lexa reflects on her life(s) and makes a decision; while Clarke makes a radical one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers! First of all i wanna start by saying I’m very happy for the response the anniversary chapter got; I wasn’t expecting such a good predisposition! Not only did I get awesome feedback but I also received the most beautiful comment on my fic writer history (you know who you are! Check at the end of this note for more info exclusively for you :P) I wanna thank all of you for your comments, I know I may sound cheesy and risk repeating myself, but your kind words mean a lot to me and are actually necessary for me to feel encouraged to continue; you know life sometimes is not exactly benevolent and that influences my mood and my writing. That’s why having your responses are very important in reminding me there are people out there who care about my story and enjoy my writing, so please, don’t hesitate in leaving a few words for this fic writer, believe me when I say it makes all the difference in my world.  
> Now, on the current chapter; I know it’s not exactly a great one but it was necessary to clear up some issues and focus entirely on our girls and their situation. Either way, I hope you enjoy it and once again thank you for your constant support. Till the next chapter. 
> 
> P.s. OMG you! You have no idea what your comment did for me! I really wanna give you a proper thank you and a long reply; I am hoping you will give me your email so we can communicate in private. (And from now on you will be obligated to leave a comment on the remaining chapters :P) I’ll be expecting your 2 comments (about the chapter cause I really wanna hear what you have to say and your contact info) cya soon ;)

 

 

 

 

“So, you couldn’t get a hard on huh?”

 

Raven chokes on her drink at Octavia’s choice of words. She coughs and giggles; awkwardly cleaning her nose and mouth; but Clarke’s glare causes her to stop immediately. “Sorry.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, irritated; sometimes she wonders why she even bothers with these girls; but the thing is, since Lexa came back, she feels less and less like hiding her emotions hence the annoying yet compulsory need to share with her friends. “It’s not that,” she spats. “I … panicked, my mind started to imagine things and …” she gulps the unpleasant feeling and finalizes. “I just couldn’t.”

 

“Hmm.” Octavia swallows a bite of her sandwich, considering something before speaking. “Sounds like you haven’t forgiven Lexa yet.” When Clarke attempts to refute she stops her by waving a finger in the air. “I mean deep inside.” her blonde friend sighs and looks down so she carries on. “And I think that’s alright Clarke; maybe you just need some time to think about it, get it off your chest or something; but…” Octavia takes a pregnant pause for effect and compliments “whatever you decide, remember to discuss it with your girlfriend, talk it out!”

 

“Wow.” Raven stares at Octavia dumbfounded, “that was actually some pretty good advice there.” Next, she adopts a mocking accusatory scowl and declares “who are you and what have you done with Octavia?!”

 

“Fuck you!” Octavia throws a crumb at Raven who snorts and deflects the object.

 

“No seriously, Clarke.” Raven clears her throat and adds “she’s right; you have to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Remember this whole mess started because there was a lack of communication between the both of you. You must tell her what is on your mind.”

 

“I know.” Clarke regrets saying those words as soon as they leave her mouth; she seems to be saying it a lot lately when confronted with certain truths, either way she isn't so willing to cave in that easily, “but I need to find the right words to tell her, I have to think about it.” She justifies unconvincingly.

 

“Yeah well; do it soon,” Octavia warns sipping on her drink.

 

Clarke’s shoulders sank as she considers what her next move with Lexa will be; scared of the possible repercussions of her outburst. This dilemma of hers will definitely need more than just a conversation.

 

…

 

Lexa sits under a tree in the tranquility of the secret spot Clarke and her share. She ponders the incident of the previous night and all that will come with it. She sighs deeply, lamenting her naivety –or stupidity - believing everything was fine, that Clarke had forgiven her completely and they could move on like nothing happened. _‘How is it that everything is out of control in this life, in this body;’_ she wonders anxiously. _‘Why did I do it! Why I felt I couldn’t stop myself… why I felt I didn’t want to’_ Lexa admits to herself with shame; yet with a certain relief. Despite having most of the memories and overall the same persona she can also feel the difference between her previous life and her current one. In the past, she was raised under the most severe circumstances and with one purpose only: to save her people; regardless of her own feelings or considerations. Now that burden is gone and she feels it, and it is so liberating that she even allows herself not to think sometimes, which leads her to fuck things up. _‘I can’t just let my Heda side go; she’s my ground, my self-control,'_ Lexa debates with herself. _‘I can’t stop being her, I AM HER!’ T_ hen she suddenly remembers Esiry’s advice not so long ago _“… Maybe you should just take the good parts of her; and use it like a perfect balance…”_ also, the words of her mother come to mind _“... You should only keep the feelings, the emotions, and the love and nothing more…”_

 

Those phrases help Lexa realize she can enjoy this new life as a free girl, she can make mistakes –and probably will continue to do so- but she must learn to deal with them; amend them and work harder on being a better person. But, to do so she had to correct her wrong doings, all of them… from the very beginning. _‘Lexa in my mind, commander in the heart.’_   She murmurs to herself, stands up, determined to find her girlfriend and face their issues once and for all.

 

…

 

Abby just couldn’t help herself; she had to find out more about her daughter’s girlfriend. She honestly didn’t believe she was being intrusive or nosy; she simply needed to know this girl’s intentions concerning Clarke and if they were honorable.

 

Getting the information from Clarke herself was not an option, neither was Octavia since she and Lexa are warriors and there was the code of silence they maintained. So that left her with the next best choice.

 

“Hello Raven.” Abby greets nonchalantly.

 

“Abby, hey!” A busy Raven greets back, immediately returning to her task of reviewing the reports the mechanics in Polis gave her.

 

The older woman grabs a chair and sits next to Raven, quiet for a minute, contemplating her approach until she finally starts. “So Raven, I’m curious about something and I hope you can help me…”

 

“hmm?”

 

Taking advantage of Raven’s distraction she ventures, “You see, I was wondering what you know about this Lexa girl?”

 

Raven pauses for a second or two, processing who was asking and why; based on that she decides to play it cool and not give up Lexa’s identity. “I really don't know her that well; she’s a regular girl I guess,” she shrugs.

 

“A regular girl…” Abby nods lifting a brow, prompting Raven to elaborate.

 

“Yeah you know,” Raven continues speaking casually “hanging out with Clarke, going to practice, screwing it up once in a while…” She freezes, realizing what she just disclosed; she can only hope Abby didn’t…

 

“Screwing it up? What exactly was it that she screwed up?”

 

…

 

Lexa strides toward the throne room determined to set a time to have that conversation with Clarke - despite Octavia’s warning of avoiding the tower until Abby was gone. She knows her blonde girl is going to be busy, nevertheless she wants assurance from her that they will talk later in the day.

 

As expected, Clarke is in a meeting, bidding farewells to a clan leader.

 

“I wish you a safe trip back to the forest, may we meet again,” Clarke directs the words at the older woman in front of her.

 

“Thank you very much Commander, may we meet again.” The woman bows, “Counselor” she pays respects to Indra too before departing the room.

 

That is when Lexa and Clarke make eye contact from across the room.

 

“I’ll ask the guards to close the doors,” Indra suggests.

 

“No!” Clarke commands her to stop.

 

Indra quirks a brow suspiciously.

 

“Just gimme a sec.” Clarke rises from her throne and walks toward her girlfriend.

 

Lexa is nervous, waiting for Clarke to come closer.

 

Clarke gestures for the guards to move away, which they do promptly. “Hey,” she greets serenely once the guards are out of ear shot. “Is there something wrong? I’m kinda busy here.”

 

“Uh…” Lexa stares at Clarke confused at her apparent calmness; she decides to get straight to the point. “Yeah, I um, wanted to talk about what happened last night; you…”

 

And just like her mother, Clarke couldn’t help herself.

 

“Oh yeah” Clarke interrupts “sorry about that; I was so stressed out with the meetings and my mom’s visit that I just snapped.”

 

“But…” Lexa is at a loss for words, not understanding what is going on. The night before Clarke seemed to be very upset and with a reason, Lexa could tell; but now she is acting like nothing happened.

 

“Commander; the Shallow Valley Chief is here,” a guard announces suddenly, taking a few steps back once he is finished.

 

“OK, I’ll let you know when he can come in,” Clarke directs then faces Lexa again. “I’m sorry I have to…” she points in the direction of the hallway.

 

Lexa shakes her head, alert. “But Clarke we have to talk.”

 

“Yeah of course, later.” Clarke waves her hand dismissively.

 

“When?” Lexa questions but Clarke is already turning around.

 

“Later,” Clarke mouths making a gesture with her fingers as she walks away.

 

 All Lexa can do is stand at the threshold and watch Clarke take a seat on her throne while the clan leader is being summoned into the room.

 

…

 

“She cheated on Clarke?!” Abby exclaims outraged.

 

“Well, not exactly,” Raven nervously attempts to explain what she had been told about the incident. “Technically yes, but Clarke told her to, so…” she stops abruptly, aware she is only making matters worse.

 

“Clarke did what?”

 

“Abby please don’t…

 

Abby can’t listen anymore, she is fuming. “Not only did she come into Clarke’s life wanting God knows what but has the nerve to laugh in her face.” She shakes her head to make sense of what she just heard. “That is enough, I’m gonna give this girl a piece of my mind right now.” With that she spins around, determined to find Lexa.

 

“Abigail Griffin stop right there!”

 

The older woman halts at the unexpected command; she slowly turns toward Raven; almost daring her to finish whatever she was saying.

 

Raven doesn’t know where she got the boldness to confront the woman -especially considering how much she respects her – but she is sure as hell not going to stop now. “I don’t know what it is that you’re about to say to Lexa but, and this is coming from the appreciation I have for you,” she points at herself for emphasis before issuing the warning, “you’re gonna get yourself kicked out of Polis or far worse, from Clarke’s life.”

 

“I’m her mother” Abby protests.

 

“Believe me Abby, Clarke won’t care.”

 

The same feeling of dread and tension that surrounded Bellamy’s room takes over Abby’s senses; she even can see it in Raven’s body language; the wariness, the certainty.

 

“Stay away from Lexa, don’t get involved in Clarke’s life.”

 

And if it wasn’t enough, what Raven adds next is like a smack across Abby’s face. 

 

“She has forgiven you so many times Abby, even regarding Jake; I don’t think she will let this one pass.” Then resembling a sentence from a jury Raven utters lastly “don’t try your luck this time; that is if you don’t wanna lose your daughter forever.” Saying that, Raven lowers her gaze onto the table and continues her work.

 

Affected by what was said; Abby leaves Raven’s room, with only half of the attitude she portrayed when she arrived.

 

…

 

Making use of a short break between meetings, Clarke sits on her throne, deep in thought, wondering why she can’t confront Lexa about her insecurities, why she can’t just explain to her how she feels and what this whole Orita thing meant to her. It should be easy, Lexa is her girlfriend after all, but for some reason, there is something stopping her, something bothering her. _‘Is this how Lexa felt when she was the Commander? Unable to express her feelings? Scared of opening up and fearing to show she is incapable of controlling her emotions? Not wanting to show weaknesses?’_ Now Clarke begins to understand the Grounders point of view when it came to the meaning of the word “weakness”; Lexa’s inner battle with her conscious; the woman versus the leader. _‘Does this perk come with the position?’_ Clarke ironizes bitterly. She is slowly coming to realize that the severity in which life has treated her has contributed to hardening not only her features but also her soul. She can only imagine what Lexa went through in those times; trying to explain her feelings to Clarke of all people. _'Fuck how do I make it easier, what do I do?’_

 

“About what?” Indra questions from her position at Clarke’s right.

 

Clarke jumps at Indra’s sudden question; she didn’t realize she was speaking to herself. “Uh… nothing I was just… thinking.”

 

“mmm” Indra of course doesn’t buy the explanation, nonetheless she won’t push for more info, instead she puts her title into practice offering some advice. “Well then, whatever it is that is troubling you I recommend you solve it as the Commander, because evidently you can’t by simply being Clarke.”

 

 _‘Like the Commander?’_ Clarke reflects on the words for a brief moment, but doesn’t have much time to grasp them completely as another clan leader is announced at the door.

 

…

 

With all her commitments finished for the day Clarke gets ready to wrap up for the night when she gets a last-minute visitor.

 

“Clarke,” Bellamy calls from the entrance, “can I come in?”

 

Indra and her personal guards were already dismissed so this was a personal matter she had to deal with on her own.

 

“Yeah” she confirms, sending a glance to the guards that are following Bellamy “close the doors and wait outside.”

 

Though reluctantly, they do what they are told.

 

“What is it?” Clarke asks with hostility. 

 

Already expecting this reaction from Clarke, Bellamy starts without any fuss. “As you may know we are leaving tomorrow morning and I didn’t want to without um, apologizing.” He clears his throat finding it a bit hard to actually let the words out but does it anyways. “I’m sorry for interfering in your life; I should have known that whatever is going on in your relationship is between you and … her and that you’re more that capable of dealing with it without anyone’s interference. I assure you that from now on I will not be meddling in your private affairs.” He promised wholeheartedly.

 

But Bellamy doesn’t receive the response he was expecting.

 

“Oh wow, thank you very much Bellamy; I really appreciate you finally admitting the obvious.” Clarke sarcastically remarks, one hand on her chest in mock emotion. “You have no idea how relieved I am you’re finally gonna mind your own business and leave me alone.”

 

Letting out a big exasperated sigh Bellamy continues. “I know I’m not the easiest person to be around Clarke, and I understand I crossed a line by talking to her behind your back; it’s just that I care about you, I don’t want you to get hurt.” Before Clarke can interject he carries on, “yeah I know you can handle it, I was wrong, I get it OK? I just…” Bellamy scratches the back of his head, feeling uncomfortable. “I don’t like this, I don’t like you and I being like… this.” He nervously moves his hands signaling at one another, “you’re one of the most important people in my life Clarke I … I’m sorry.”

 

Watching Bellamy this vulnerable is not a frequent occurrence, she can count on one hand the number of times she has seen him this helpless and regretful; she also can tell that he is being totally honest and truly sorry. Problem is she is not ready to forgive him just yet. “I don’t like it either.” Clarke concedes but quickly adds, “but I don’t think I can forget about this just like that; I need time,” she warns firmly. “I think it's best we take our time and think about it; maybe in the future we can talk and retake our friendship.” 

 

Clarke’s tone of finality gives Bellamy the answer he needs, and he has no other choice than to accept it. “It’s OK, I understand,” he admits, head down. “I guess I’ll see you then?” His voice holds a hint of hope in it.

 

“Yeah, see you later.” With a little nod of her head, Clarke makes it clear that is the only goodbye he is going to get from her.

 

Deflated and a resigned Bellamy, bows his head and makes his way out of the throne room.

 

…

 

Abby, after much consideration, decided to take Raven’s advice and let the Lexa situation rest, scared of risking her already volatile relationship with Clarke. To avoid temptation she settles for leaving along with her people early in the morning, which brings her here, to Clarke’s bedroom.

 

“Honey.” She calls out behind the door. “It’s me.”

 

“Come in!” Clarke calls, having recognized her mother's voice.

 

Abby cracks open the door but doesn’t enter the room. “Hey,” she waits for Clarke to look at her before speaking. “I know you must be tired but I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out for a drink with me?”

 

“What?” Clarke chuckles, “a drink?” She is genuinely surprised; her mother never invited her out for a drink before; let alone in such a casual and friendly manner.

 

“Yeah why not?” Abby shrugs, “we can talk for a bit, a proper farewell if you must; as you know I’m leaving with Marcus in a few hours.”

 

“Talk?” Clarke can’t help but be suspicious of her mother's invitation. 

 

“Yes, talk; about whatever you want.” Abby raises her hands in surrender.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes at her mother’s antics. “Fine… let’s go.” She walks toward her mother with a soft smile on her face.

 

Interlacing arms, both mother and daughter head out for the only bar in Polis.

 

…

 

“Later” never had a more ambiguous meaning for Lexa, she didn’t know when “later” would be and she honestly was getting extremely anxious. She didn’t want to appear to be desperate but she was; that is why she is currently heading for the tower -against her better judgment- to meet up with Clarke.

 

Lexa is just a few meters away when she notices Clarke and her mother coming out of the building, talking animatedly. She stays put, not knowing if they noticed her or not.

 

Abby looks to the side and suddenly becomes distracted when she locks eyes with Lexa. She stops abruptly, forcing Clarke to do the same.

 

“Wha-” Clarke faces in the direction that her mother is looking and encounters no other than her girlfriend. She tenses up on the spot.

 

And her mother notices…

 

All Abby’s self-control vacillates at the vision of the girl who betrayed her child. She wants so badly to head straight at Lexa and ask her for an explanation of her unacceptable behavior; she is making a conscious physical effort not to move from that spot. At the same moment Bellamy and Raven’s warnings return to her. That’s all the reminder she needs for not acting on her impulses. That doesn’t stop her though from shooting imaginary daggers at Lexa unashamedly.

 

The message comes across just fine as Lexa immediately gets the reason for the doctor’s animosity. She gulps, uncertain of what the older woman’s next move will be.

 

Soon Clarke is aware that Abby is glaring; and comes to the realization she must have heard something. _‘No please, I can’t handle this right now,’_ she laments internally.

 

Sensing her daughter’s distress Abby looks away from Lexa; instead she holds onto Clarke’s arm tightly and offers steadily “you’re mine tonight, OK?”

 

The soft reassurance of her mother, works in calming Clarke down. “Yes, all yours,” she nods with a sly smile at her mom but then focuses on her girlfriend, to communicate something silently. She gestures with her head, making it clear she would remain with her mother for the rest of the night.

 

Lexa nods understandingly, without saying a word. She can only watch helplessly as both women continue on their way; among the now vacated streets of Polis. 

 

…

 

The next morning, shortly after waving goodbye to her mother; Clarke finishes putting on her combat armor. The light conversation with her mother –one she doesn’t remember having in a long while – and her unexpected support along with Indra’s  voice still echoing in her head had contributed in Clarke making a radical decision.

 

“…whatever it is that is troubling you I recommend you solve it as the Commander…” and that is exactly what she is planning on doing.

 

When Indra comes in with the schedule for the day, Clarke instructs. “You will take control of the meetings for a couple of hours; I’ll be at the training field.”

 

“As you wish.” Indra has no problem with the command.

 

With her mind set, Clarke goes to the indicated destination.

 

…

 

The day started early for the young warriors as Octavia wanted to catch up on the days she lost without her apprentices.

 

She is observing their warming session when she notices Clarke coming onto the field. “Commander.” She salutes with a smirk, “what a surprise, I wasn’t expecting you today.”

 

But Clarke doesn’t have time for formalities. “Take your warriors and include them in with the army practice for today, I need this field for me and Lexa,” she orders assertively.

 

“For you and Lexa?” Octavia is puzzled for a second “what are you…” but she connects the dots quick enough “whoa, there!” She lifts a finger, “you’re not telling me you’re gonna…”

 

“What?” Clarke spats “Didn’t you tell me yesterday to get it off my chest?” She reminds the General in all seriousness.

 

“That’s not what I meant!”  Octavia whispers alarmed.

 

Clarke only huffs, as she looks for her girlfriend. “Lexa!” She calls resolutely, “come here!”

 

Lexa obediently trots toward Clarke.

 

“Oh my God Clarke have you lost your mind, you can’t do this!”

 

“Yes I can and, I am.” The blonde informs “and you better get going.”

 

“Hey!” Lexa greets innocently. “Are you free from the meetings?” She questions hopefully. “I know I’m in the middle of my practice session but if Octavia doesn’t mind we can go and…”

 

 “Take out your sword and get ready; we are going to duel right now.”

 

“We are what?!”

 

“Jesus fucking Christ!!”

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke confront each other… in more ways than one. Indra enlightens Octavia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers! Do you still remember me? Ok, I’m not gonna try and justify myself for my almost 3 months absence, nor am I going to apologize for it; I’ll just say I’ve been distracted in the best of ways and I’m not even sorry for it lol. But the good news is I’m back and I’ll work hard on trying to get back to my regular routine of posting a new chapter every 2 or 3 weeks. This attempt of getting back on track may be hard at the beginning so I hope I can count on your comments and words of encouragement to let me know you are still interested in what comes next. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter; thank you all for still being here. 
> 
> Ps: btw this week is my B-day so this chapter may as well be a gift for myself lol Happy B-day to all Scorpios around ^ ^

 

 

 

 “Jesus fucking Christ!!” Octavia throws her arms up in the air in frustration.

 

“Are you… are you serious?” Lexa asks worriedly.

 

“As a heart attack,” Clarke states resolutely. She turns her head toward Octavia silently indicating what she wants her to do.

 

Octavia rolls her eyes in reaction to her friends' stubbornness. “Warriors!” She addresses her apprentices, “to the army field. Now!”

 

The young warriors dutifully march in the direction of the army training field, except for Esiry who gets closer to the other three women waiting for Octavia.

 

“Clarke what are you doing?” Lexa doesn’t understand what has come over Clarke to do something like this.

 

“Something very, very stupid,” Octavia interjects annoyed.

 

Clarke glares at Octavia for a few seconds then replies to Lexa “what do you think? We are going to fix things, c’mon ,” she points to the spot she has chosen for their combat.

 

It doesn’t take long for Esiry to figure out what is going on… and it frightens her.

 

“Seriously Clarke, just stop.” Octavia protests and gets even more irritated. “This is ridiculous.”

 

“What?” Clarke chuckles, “do you wanna be her champion or something?” She comments sarcastically. “Cause I’m totally up for it.”

 

That does it for Lexa.

 

“No one fights for me!” Lexa exclaims defiantly, taking a step forward.

 

“Now we are talking,” Clarke smirks and walks over to the spot she chose.

 

Octavia pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration, finding herself out of words.

 

“Wait a second!” Lexa speaks this time, using a tone just as authoritative as Clarke’s.

 

It gets Clarke's attention.

 

The blonde immediately halts and cranes her neck to the side with a raised brow. 

 

Making sure Clarke is listening to her, Lexa says “since you’re so adamant on this nonsense, I wanna know something.” She lifts her chin and asks challengingly, “Who am I fighting with, the Commander of the thirteen clans or Clarke?” She subconsciously pronounces her girlfriend's name harshly on the last syllable, like she used to in her previous life.

 

“That’s actually a very interesting question.” Octavia crosses her arms and stares at Clarke waiting for her reply. “Who’s she fighting with huh?”

 

Clarke sneers; liking very much Lexa’s contained aggressiveness. She doesn’t say a thing; she just removes the commander pauldron from her left shoulder and hands it to Octavia.

 

No need for words, all of them understand the meaning of the action.

 

With that formality out of the way, Lexa removes the sword from its scabbard and gives it a few swings to demonstrate her abilities. “I’m gonna be fighting my foolish girlfriend then, perfect!” She adds mockingly; walking to their impromptu battle zone.

 

 

Octavia exhales loudly,  shakes her head and faces Esiry. “We better go plangona, this is a lover’s quarrel.”

 

“But…” Esiry attempts to refute while looking at the couple.

 

Sensing her friend’s concern, Lexa gives Esiry a slight nod, assuring her that everything will be fine.

 

Responding with the same gesture but still unconvinced; Esiry is forced by Octavia to leave the training area.

 

Now face to face, both lovers glare at each other, portraying their best intimidating faces; for now they are no longer girlfriends but foes.

 

“No Sky people weapons?” Lexa points at Clarke’s belt.

 

“Hey! I would never use them on you!” Clarke feels offended by Lexa’s insinuation. She lets an exasperated sigh escape her when Lexa stares at her expectantly. “That was low” Clarke mumbles begrudgingly, as she places the offending items on the ground.

 

“Are we still talking about your weapons?” Lexa remarks sardonically.

 

Clarke chooses to ignore the blatant recrimination, getting back in position.

 

They waste no time in starting the duel. Both circle each other with swords in their hands; studying their movements.

 

At some point Lexa realizes Clarke has no intention of striking first so she decides to make the first move.

 

The blow is soft but firm, enough to make a point; but of course Clarke is ready to deflect it with ease.

 

“I know there’s more where that one came from” Clarke teases. 

 

“Too bad for you I’m not an inexperienced girl you can beat the crap out of huh?” Lexa counteracts simply using Clarke’s same irony.

 

But Clarke doesn’t fall easily into provocation “well, that girl is not so inexperienced now… thanks to you,” she accompanies the words with a sharp strike that contains evidence of jealousy.

 

Lexa understands clearly what Clarke is implying and she is not about to remain silent about the topic. “May I remind you, you were the one who told me to do it” she protects herself and hits back, striking also with her words “actually you commanded me to.”

 

“And you were so very willing to comply, right?” Clarke pushes Lexa’s sword aside with her own.

 

The sarcasm gets on Lexa's nerves. Her jaw twists before she counteracts “well, at least I didn’t sleep with every girl in my village and surrounding vicinities.”

 

The accusation hits Clarke like a ton of bricks. Truth is she never cared about what other people thought about her and her actions, especially regarding her personal life; but now that Lexa is the one judging her, it really affects her more than she ever imagined. Clarke could feel her face redden and burn with shame and anger at herself; her mind instantly coming up with a justification. “I thought you were dead!” She shouts, momentarily forgetting about the fight. “I was lonely and lost Lexa, what did you want me to do? To remain celibate for the rest of my life?”

 

“Celibate!” Lexa scoffs “nobody asked you to be celibate; but did you really have to sleep with half of Polis?”

 

“Fuck you Lexa!” Clarke barks feeling affronted “you have no idea what I went through!”

 

“And you think it was easy for me?” Lexa retorts irritated. “I had to wait twelve years for you Clarke! Twelve years in which I was fully conscious of you and our history!” She continues, also letting her guard down. “Don’t you think I wanted to run to you as soon as I knew who I was?”

 

“But you still had hope!” Clarke interrupts upset, “I had nothing!”

 

“Yes I had hope; but I also had patience!” Lexa adds with conviction “and love.”

 

“And I didn’t?” Clarke snaps back. “Do you think I forgot about it?”

 

“That’s not what I…” Lexa grunts, calming herself so as not to lose her point. “What I meant is that it has been difficult for the both of us yes, but our love is what kept us both alive, don’t you see?”

 

There’s a brief moment where a flash of tenderness crosses Clarke’s features, but soon disappears when other memories invade her mind. “I don’t know Lexa, as far as I’m concerned I’ve been the only one keeping myself alive,” she holds onto her sword tighter as she enumerates each point. “Like when you sent your men to kill me just fresh off my ship, or when I had to navigate through acid fog, reapers, giant mutated gorillas and weird diseases…” Clarke takes a pregnant pause as her face twists with disdain to finally complement “or maybe when you left me and my people to die at Mount Weather.”

 

Now it’s Lexa’s turn to be caught off guard by the recrimination. She swallows at the unwanted memories. “Clarke…” she starts, insecure. “You know I did it for my…”

 

“For your people, yeah.” Clarke looks Lexa up and down. “I thought that was my excuse.”

 

Lexa has to consciously stop herself from rolling her eyes at that; and even though she is certain Clarke knows her reasoning she wants to explain. “My hands were tied Clarke! It was you or my people! I know it must have seemed heartless and inconsiderate at the time, now I get it but you must understand that I was the commander back then, I had to think like one, act like one! It was just me deciding the best option for my people, it wasn't personal.” Her hand subconsciously places itself on her chest as she finishes “but you have to know Clarke, it pained me to do that, I felt like my heart was being ripped in two.”

 

“I bet!!” Clarke clenches her jaw, “but excuse me if it’s kinda hard to believe when you just simply walked away once you had your ass secured.”

 

“I had no choice Clarke, we made a deal; I gave them my word!”

 

“So your word was worth more than the life of the woman you loved?!” Clarke spats having heard enough. “You had many other choices Lexa, you could have stayed, you could have played along! You could have said whatever you wanted to them but ultimately you should have turned your back on them and fight along with me!”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa’s head moves from side to side, inadvertently emphasizing “I was the commander; I had to honor my word.”

 

“Don’t give me that bullshit about honor and your word;” Clarke glares at her “cause your word is worth shit if you choose the easiest way out, if you choose to walk away from a fight… from me.”

 

 If Lexa had any comeback, at that precise moment it completely vanishes from her head; she just remains rooted in place, speechless.

 

There was a time when she was one hundred percent certain the decision she made was the right one for her people; that her heart and feelings were a secondary matter that shouldn’t interfere in her choices. But now, living in a peaceful world, having the time to reevaluate her options, she is not sure anymore; now that she already tasted the love that was denied to her in her previous life, what ifs invade her thoughts. Wasn’t her love for Clarke worth the risk of betraying a verbal agreement? Her honor? Conflict is being created deep inside of her, questioning her own beliefs; making all the previous foundations of her formation as a commander crumble at the feet of her love for Clarke.

 

“I would never have done that to you” Clarke whispers in a raspy and pained voice.

 

The words bring Lexa back to reality. There’s something on Clarke’s face, in her eyes, her expression, that makes Lexa believe what her girlfriend is saying, and that causes her chest to become heavy which prevents her from speaking.

 

Unfortunately, Clarke doesn’t take it as a good sign. “You have nothing to say? Hm?!” She yells reproaching “are you even sorry? Did you even care?”

 

Lexa’s gaze falls onto Clarke as her mouth opens and closes; she’s caught up in her own storm unable to form a coherent dialogue.

 

The lack of response infuriates Clarke who lifts her sword from its resting position. “OK then, if you don’t want to talk, we don’t have to talk.”

 

“What?” Lexa barely has time to finish the one word question when she witnesses Clarke darting toward her with sword in the air. On pure warrior instinct she rapidly takes her own sword and blocks the sudden and strong hit. She doesn’t have the opportunity to say anything else as Clarke delivers blow after blow. The dexterity Clarke is displaying is remarkable. At this point Lexa's arms are starting to hurt; she’s doing her very best not to lose control, not to respond like she could under other circumstances; but her girlfriend is making it difficult for her.

 

“Is this all you have huh?” Clarke taunts “the former Commander of the thirteen clans is tiptoeing around a Sky woman?” She chuckles “never thought I'd see the day.”

 

The provocation is causing something to burst deep within Lexa, a flow of emotion threatening to spillover like a fountain. Even though she tries hard to keep it at bay, to just protect herself and not strike back, Clarke’s incessant jabs awakens something inside her. “Clarke stop…” she warns, pleading in a last attempt to avoid her temper from overflowing.

 

“Or what? What are you gonna do?”

 

Lexa can’t take the pressure anymore; she is desperate, deflecting and ducking the attacks almost on autopilot; she feels at the verge of something not good and at that exact second, Clarke forcefully strikes her sword against hers, almost knocking the object out of her grasp.

 

And that is the final straw.

 

Lexa’s whole demeanor switches, hardening her features. A familiar sense of strength engulfs her suddenly, empowering her as she holds onto the sword really tight with both hands, her lips curled into a scowl that says more than words ever could.

 

Brief seconds of silence pass where piercing blue eyes fix onto furious green.

 

A sudden battle scream emanates from the deepest core of Lexa’s being, startling Clarke. 

 

Clarke immediately takes a step back and gets ready; and luckily she does because the next thing she feels is how abruptly Lexa pushes her sword to the side and begins a series of jabs.

 

The same feeling that took over Lexa the day she fought with her father is now taking over again. She strikes mercilessly and unrelentingly, letting her energy consume her.

 

But Clarke won’t relinquish; she makes use of her skills to get back at her girlfriend with all the same passion and strength she can muster. She’s very aware Lexa is exactly where she wants her to be, nonetheless what she wasn’t expecting is this side of her girlfriend, wild almost possessed. Clarke must admit it’s kinda frightening even for her, but she doesn’t let that detail distract her from trying to stay at the same level as Lexa.

 

Unfortunately for her, not even the training she endured at the hands of Indra and her own personal experiences are enough to defeat this new combative Lexa.

 

Advancing confidently, forcing Clarke backwards, Lexa launches with no reservation, heavy breaths escaping her. Despite the stamina and with all the mixed emotions and thoughts overwhelming her, Lexa decides to put an end to the encounter. She gives a final blunt swing straight at the center of Clarke’s sword, effectively propelling it out of the blonde’s hands. Next, just like she did with the ice nation man in the tower, she kicks Clarke in the middle of her chest, sending her to the floor with a loud thud.

 

“Shit.” Clarke groans, squirming on the ground evidently in pain.

 

The mournful sound brings Lexa out of her current state, making her realize what she had done. She looks at Clarke alarmingly, her first instinct is to reach for her girlfriend but she refrains, clenching her hands in frustration; her eyes instantly filling with unshed tears.

 

“Is this what you wanted?” Lexa demands stepping closer; her voice cracking at the end. “Is this what you wanted? Do you feel better now?” She bores her eyes on Clarke’s form on the floor, her chest heaving.

 

…

 

With her apprentices settled in and already training, Octavia heads for the arsenal to get some items; finding Indra doing her regular checkup.

 

Indra makes eye contact with her and nods as a salutation, but just when she’s about to look away and get back to her tasks, she notices Octavia is glaring at her.

 

The younger warrior crosses her arms with a glower on her face, before issuing her query. “Do you know what Clarke is currently doing?”

 

“Um…” Indra blinks clueless.

 

“She challenged Lexa to a battle.” Octavia lets out evidently annoyed.

 

“Oh!” Indra seems more amused than surprised.

 

“Did you know she was going to do this?” Octavia questions almost as an accusation. 

 

“I had a vague idea,” Indra informs and elaborates. “I advised her to deal with her personal issues as the commander, as a grounder. That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind but since both of them are warriors, I don’t see the problem.”

 

“Jesus, Indra that’s fucked up,” Octavia utters in incredulity.

 

“Whatever she needs to clear the fog in her head.” Indra shrugs.

 

Shaking her head in disapproval Octavia comments. “You know that is ridiculous, right?”

 

Indra’s head jerks in Octavia’s direction at the statement; she gives her former second a nasty look before asking in a serious tone, “Are you calling my traditions ridiculous?”

 

“uh um, that’s not what I meant.” Octavia tries to explain a bit nervously, “they are a couple you know? There are other ways to deal with it without them trying to fucking kill each other; I think it was a terrible decision for Clarke to do. ”

 

“What would you prefer her to do?” Indra points out with animosity. “Grab a bottle of alcohol and drown her sorrows in it? Or perhaps whining her misfortunes to Raven?”

 

Octavia detects the sarcasm in Indra’s voice immediately and knows those words are meant for her. She clenches her jaw but doesn’t reply.

 

Not really paying attention to Octavia’s reaction, Indra continues. “She’s the Commander; she needs to be centered and assertive. If a little combat can fix whatever is troubling her well then that’s exactly what she must do.” Then something else comes to her mind and she doesn’t hesitate into voicing it. “Didn’t you do the same not so long ago?”

 

“It was different,” Octavia justifies.

 

“Why is that? Cause you did it in a moment of blind rage disregarding the consequences, while Clarke is doing it having considered what she wants as the outcome in a controlled and thoughtful manner?”

 

And with that Octavia is left with no argument. She grunts considering what Indra just said to her. _‘Could that be really it?_ ’ She wonders in silence _‘could Clarke have seriously planned something like that?’_

_…_

 

Having waited a few seconds to gather her bearings, Clarke slowly rises up from the ground, letting out small moans of pain in the process.

 

Lexa gulps and stays alert, preparing for whatever response her girlfriend may have.

 

Clarke briefly stretches out her body to help alleviate the tension in her aching muscles. Once she becomes more comfortable she nonchalantly straightens out her clothes, and runs her hands over herself to remove the dirt collected on them. Clarke then closes her eyes and takes a long deep breath and exhales slowly, with a semblance of relaxation.  It’s only when she notices Lexa’s inpatient and guarded demeanor that she begins to speak in a very calm and collected way “as a matter of fact yes, I do feel better; how about you?”

 

That’s when it hits her.

 

Despite still being angry with Clarke for making her fight and sensing traces of edginess still running through her veins, Lexa has to admit she is actually feeling less… conflicted. Her hand moves to her chest as she notices the heavy weight that ached within her a few minutes ago is gone and the negative thoughts that were in full mode in her mind have basically disappeared. She stares at Clarke, and becomes aware of the satisfied expression on her face. _‘Damn you Clarke.’_ Lexa rolls her eyes realizing now what the blonde had in mind the whole time. _‘Did she really challenge and taunt me just so we could have the chance of venting?_ ’ She chuckles to herself. _‘Of course she did.’_

 

Sometimes she forgets that Clarke has never been one to win a battle with force or conflict, but with resourcefulness and wit.

 

They actually weren’t getting anywhere with their heavy emotions and feelings, they couldn’t even manage to talk properly because of the tense atmosphere that surrounded them. So the first step in order to move forward was to let it all out, relieve their hearts and minds. How? As the warriors they are; by a physical confrontation where they could burn off steam and lash out at each other in a neutral environment. After that, with their psyches refreshed, they could think about talking; and that’s exactly what Clarke just helped to accomplish. _‘Clarke oh Clarke always wise beyond your years’,_ Lexa contemplates how proud she is of her woman. _‘A great commander indeed’._

 

The understanding on Lexa’s features seems to be evident and Clarke believes there’s no need to push for a reply to her question. Instead she takes it as a sign to carry on with what’s next for them. “Tonight we talk. I’ll be waiting for you on the throne room balcony; I’ll see you later.”  Having said that she picks up her sword, places it behind her back and marches toward the tower, confident their “communication block” has been broken.

 

Lexa sighs feeling both relieved and scared; being fully aware this is the beginning of them trying to fix their issues.

 

This time hopefully, once and for all.

 

 

 

 


End file.
